I am getting excited to meet the baby but I am super nervous and scared as well. I know I have been through it before and I probably shouldn't be this freaked out but, labor is probably the most terrifying event in the world to me. Hubby made me pack my hospital bag or else I would never have done it myself. I guess subconciously I feel that if I pack one, it means that I am accepting the fact that labor is impending (which it is anyways - but I can't resign myself to that fact). So there is a change of clothes sitting in a bag on top of our dresser. That's all that I put into it. I was pitching such a mopey, whiney fit about putting things into the bag that he basically said, "well, just put something in there, and we'll call it a day". Heh, I know I am a pain in the butt sometimes. I just can't stop thinking about the horrors of labor. I have nightmares about it - literally. I wake up in sweats over it. I wish I could just go under and when I wake up I would be holding the baby - none of the pain, humiliation, strangers poking my bits, anything that could possibly be excreted from my body doing so... ooooh >.<
What keeps running through my head: 'Dang it Eve! I didn't eat the stupid apple - you did!'
I totally understand how you are feeling! Have you thought of writing up a labor plan, and then solely for yourself writing up (or just thinking) the dream labor and the horror labor. What are the things you can control, what are the things you can ask the hospital to do differently, and what are the things you are willing to overlook to get that cute squishy baby. Will staying out of the hospital as long as possible while you are in labor ease some of the fears?
I'm feeling totally the same way...I want the baby out, but I don't want to go through labour to do it.
Kristin - Mom to 3 little boys and one baby girl
Oh girl I hear ya! I will never ever forget that feeling of complete dread wash over me as they wheeled me back to the OR. I literally thought "if there was only some other way..." But I knew I just had to do it. I always felt like it was maybe just the surgery I was scared if, until I realized recently I'm feeling that same dread all over again, and it doesn't matter if it's a vbac or a c/s-I'm terrified of the process either way. (I think I posted before that I had an absolutely horrible c/s experience, and I am so nervous the same things will happen again. I got cut open twice because they left something inside of me, my spinal wore off by the second time they cut me open, and I had no pain management left in me by the time I made it back to my hospital room HOURS after my c/a began...and then they brought us the wrong baby the next morning.) but here's the thing I dwell on--in the end, I was OK and my baby was OK, so I choose to look to that outcome and just pray for the process of getting to it.
I just keep telling myself: our bodies were created for this, and YOUR body specifically was created to delivery YOUR baby specifically. We can do this!!
...oddly enough, know what I'm dreading the most? Having to go to the bathroom for the first time after delivering. Seriously was not prepared for that horror last time! LOL!