Feeling so depressed

[combatcutie]

Well, I need to have a little pity party for myself. I know that many of you are going through so many worse things than I am, but I am just so depressed and upset right now.

I just feel like giving up completely with this TTC stuff. I don't think this is ever going to happen for me. I have my 17 year old niece's baby shower next weekend and my friend is in labor right now. Neither one of them really deserve to have a baby and weren't trying. Not to mention, neither one are stable in their lives. It just sucks to watch. I'm happy for anyone that has a baby, but I am so jealous right now.

Sorry for the vent

[Jackie_78]

Dawn,
I know how you feel. We completely indulge in this crap of charting and temping and actually paying attention to CM and when to BD, to just keep track of what our bodies are doing -- while other people accidentally "oops", poof and they are PG. WTH.
I know you must be feeling down, especially w/ the shower coming up and your undeserving friend in labor at the moment. But, you need to remember that you are very lucky because you are seeing a specialist now and they will help to get you on the RIGHT track of pregnancy. If it is the surgery first, then that's okay. That's correcting you and increasing your chances of fertility. I have this feeling all the time that you will be one of the soon popping up with a BFP. You guys are working so hard and so deserving. Please don't give up hope. You have time and you are moving in the right direction now.
Big Hugs to you!

[Beertje]

((((((((((((((Huggles)))))))))))))))) Ditto what Jackie said. Your time will come. Please don't lose hope!

[coulditbe]

I was feeling exactly that way yesterday, still a little today too. I started to spot yesterday and I am just waiting for the full flow to begin. I felt like we did everything we could this time and timed everything just right and it still didn't work. I was telling DH that I am worried it will never happen for us.

I just called the dr to see what else we can be doing and they can't get me in to see him until August 14th! By then, I will have already taken the same dose for another cycle and will be about to O. I am so frustrated that I feel like I am going to waste another cycle. She said that she would call me if there are any cancellations and will bump me in as soon as she can. Then she says "I know this is hard. Just remember it is a process and can take time. In the end, you will have a beautiful baby and it will all be worth it." I about burst into tears on the phone.

I also was with 4 friends yesterday with 10 kids between them. One mom has three that were all "surprises." I swear to God, they would have sex once in a month and she would get pg! Anyway, I was fine while there seeing all the kids running around, but came home and got really sad. Why is it so hard for some of us?

Point of all that is you are not alone! We all have those days. Don't give up. The time will come for all of us. :bigarmhug:

[combatcutie]

Thanks ladies. I don't mean to complain because I know so many others are going through the same thing, if not worse. It's just so hard to watch others having babies left and right.

Then to make things worse, my girlfriend only wanted to talk to me to help calm her down. The nurse wouldn't let her on the phone, so I didn't get to talk to her. It's just a really emotional day for me and I'm so upset I wish I could go home

[sunflowersNC]

I was feeling exactly that way yesterday, still a little today too. I started to spot yesterday and I am just waiting for the full flow to begin. I felt like we did everything we could this time and timed everything just right and it still didn't work. I was telling DH that I am worried it will never happen for us.

Wow - yesterday must've been the downer day for everyone - cuz I was the same way! A little better today - ready to move on with AF on the way.... trying to relax.

I keep praying we'll all have our day of glorious BFPs!!! In God's time, a time and purpose for everything.

[flemt1]

I'm so sorry your feeling down. It is hard when everyone else seems to be having babies without any issues and without even trying. I wish there was something I could say, but just know that we're all here for you.

[GabesMom]

oh my god - i pretty much posted the same thing earlier. i know exactly how you feel. i just kind of think of it as since we try so much harder - our babies (when the finally come) will be so much cuter, smarter and better than theirs! i know it's really immature but don't we need to get some pay off?!?

[Keedah]

I know how you feel. I am sitting here at work waiting for my aunt flo to start this weekend and I just want to cry. I know others are worse of then me but I feel for everyone on this site that is so desperately trying to concieve. This month they upped my dosage of clomid to 100 mg. I have Crohn's Disease so I have to be very careful what medication is subscibed to me. I have a 6 year old daughter and I have not had a flare up due to Crohn's in 2 years. I know I am very fortunate but everytime I get a glimmer of hope that I am pg the hope gets taken away. So I know what having a pitty party feels like I am having one of my own. Good luck to all of you! Keep your dreams alive and your hopes afloat....
Keedah

[eugene610]

I know exactly how you feel and I am getting frustated at times even after the 2nd cycle. All my close girlfriends are pregnant or giving birth this year. Seems so easy for them to get pregnant but for us we have to do so much more. It's unfair. And the whole TTC process is so stressed... especially have to keep track of temperature everyday or when to BD during the few days that I get ovulation cramps so badly.

[cindyloowho]

Your feelings are understandable. There are 2 girls in my (very small) church who recently found out they were pregnant. Well to make matters worse, one of the other members has the couples stand up and she announces they're having a baby! This lady knows I had a miscarriage and I know she meant well, but it was just heartbreaking. But I am happy for the pregnant girls at the same time.

[rxplatt]

I know how you feel... I have been having a pitty party myself this week. Don't ever feel bad about how you feel you have every right to be sad, frustrated and even angry. All of our personal circumstances are different but we all feel the pain of TTC, of longing for a baby and not yet being blessed with one. I know what you mean about the people around you being PG... a few months back they hired a girl where I work that was really young and accidentally pregnant and a smoker to boot and if that wasn't bad enough her due date was my EDD of the baby I lost last fall. Everyday I had to look at her an know that I would be as far along as she was and that I would be taking so much better care of myself... It is so hard when you are in the midst of TTC and you see all the undeserving parents in the world. I pray that you will get your miracle soon!!!

[pckimmy29]

You guys have got me tearing up right now... :grouphug:
I'm so sorry that we all have to feel like this. It's not fair and it's made even harder by seeing what feels like "everyone else" having babies.
I am just thankful that I have a place like this to come to w/ these feelings. Read my post at "Comforting Words".....
We'll get there...ALL of us,....and yes, GabesMom...our will be smarter, cuter and better...and they'll be wishing their baby-makers weren't old and wore out!!!LOL

[Mom23kgirls+C]

Awww, I hope each and everyone of you gets their BFP ASAP!!!!

Its hard to be humble and happy at the same time....
No one expects you to be perfect, jealousy is normal- and completely understandable. It doesnt make you anything but...HUMAN....

(((((((HUGS))))))))

[combatcutie]

Wow...and I thought yesterday I felt bad. Well, today I feel even worse. I didn't go down to see my friend yesterday because she was too tired, so we will be venturing there today. Plus, I have to go buy a gift for her and the baby shower for next week. So, needless to say that I am an emotional wreck right now. I'm sitting here crying and I can't stop. I'm honestly happy for them, but I have to ask, why couldn't this have been me??? :( :cry: :cry: :cry:

[pckimmy29]

I'm sorry Combatcutie...I wsh it was you too,...and, me, of course...
It will be ....SOON. I know you're nervous about the surgery, but it may be "just what the doctor ordered" and end the ttc battle!
GL and we're thinking of you!
Muddle through this baby shower adn the next one WILL BE YOURS!!!

[ahamill]

Combatcutie-do something nice for yourself today! Go get a manicure or something or whatever makes you happy. I hope you feel better soon!

[jeepgrl]

I am so sorry that today is even worse. Try to stay strong. I know it is easier said than done. Vent all you need on here. :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:

[regdahl]

:bighug: I know nothing is promised to any of us, but I do hope each and every one of us on here gets that BFP we have been working toward for so long! Dawn, I'm sorry you're having such a rough week. I hope things start to look up for you and you find the strength to continue ttc. I know i've said this before on here, but I tell it to myself all the time - we won't achieve success by quitting. GL and we're here if you need us!

[combatcutie]

Thank you ladies. It's nice to know that I can come here for support and you all understand what I'm going through. Well, we went to see my friend and the baby is in NICU because he was a month early and his temp wouldn't stay up. Well, when I went in, I just lost it. I felt horrible for what she is going through, especially after she said "Say hello to your Aunt Dawn." I tried not to let her see me with tears in my eyes, but let me tell you just how hard that really was. I want to be strong for her since I'm the one she looks up to, but it was hard. I really hope and pray everyday that we all get our little miracles soon.

[pckimmy29]

I hope the next few days get better for you, Dawn. I know it's hard...it's ok to be sad,...just don't let it drown your HOPE!
(((HUGS)))

[sotolisa]

I know exactly how you feel. My fiance's cousin just turned 19 and has 2 little girls one just turned 2 in july and one turnes 3 months tomorrow. My fiance is so attached to the oldest little girl if he doesn't see her for a couple of hours he misses her so much more than me I think. We take so much care of both of them we love them and wish they were ours. There mother doesn't hardly pay any attention to them she bounces from home to home and is in a abusive marriage with the father of the babies. Its crazy how this world works. 1 of my friends had a baby boy yesterday night I went 2 see him today and I held him he was so darling. I got to thinking if I would've had my baby she would be going on 6 months already I would be loving motherhood.

[combatcutie]

I just wish God would give me the chance to prove to him that I would be a good mother. It's so not fair that some women have a problem TTC.

[sotolisa]

Yup, I totally understand its always the good women that have too work hard for what they want .and sometimes not even get it. Like me. I'm out this is my last cycle good luck to you. Hope you catch that eggie(s)

[pckimmy29]

It's like my dh said the other day when I was yelling about how much infertility sucks...he said "life isn't fair and on top of that...it's very ironic. By that, I mean that it's ironic that the very thing you fear the most and would HURT the most, is the very thing you'll probably end up being cursed with and have to face."
I know those aren't the most encouraging words, but it is the reality of life. Him saying that actually really helped me,...It helped to realize it's NOT fair that we have to go through this. It helped me to realize that this hurts him as much as it hurts me AND that I can't base my whole worth as a human being on being able to conceive a child. I am more than that...and if this fails to work and we try everything possible to conceive and end up not being parents, we still have each other and I'm STILL a beautiful person,...mommy or not!
I am not ready to give up yet,...but if the time ever comes,...it's important for me to know those things.
In some small way, I hope this helps you like it helped me!
GL and I'm here for you however I can be.

[ahamill]

Very well said, Kimmy! You are right and it sounds like we all have supportive DH's helping us manage in all of this.
I have to know that one day we will all be mommies but I DO know that no matter what, we will always be wonderful STRONG women!!
Heads up, ladies, heads up!

[MAJH]

I am sorry everyone, including myself, has not had the best week. My friend who just found out she is pregnant keeps telling me to hurry up and try really hard this month so we can be pregnant at the same time. I'm thinking SH*%, I don't even ovulate, until I start ovulating, it's virtually impossible!!!

[combatcutie]

I am sorry everyone, including myself, has not had the best week. My friend who just found out she is pregnant keeps telling me to hurry up and try really hard this month so we can be pregnant at the same time. I'm thinking SH*%, I don't even ovulate, until I start ovulating, it's virtually impossible!!!

Oh, don't you just love when your friends say this to you?? I had 3 of them say it to me and I was like yeah, it's that damn easy. Maybe for those who's bodies function, but not for many of us

[polishgoddess]

every time i turn around someone else is preg..first it was my sister and then my best friend and now my dh's best friend..i mean who is next...MEMEMEME that is who i want to be next...lol

[Meggerz]

I understand your frustration and sadness. After I m/c I could not go to walmart w/o crying and the 16yr old neighbors daughter was very pg at the time and about a week after I lost my baby she had hers and the flower delivery and the mail delivery people kept mistaken my house for hers. So I would come home to IT's a boy flowers and envelopes with congrats on them. It took a long time to overcome. Now I look and it still hurts a bit but I have come to realize I do not want their baby or their lives, I want my baby and my life and if that means a harder road then so be it I will be a tuffer person. So turn that frown upside down we all understand.

[combatcutie]

Meggerz, you have a great look on this. I try to stay positive, but it is so hard. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love my hubby and he loves me. The only thing I want to give him is a baby and I can't do that. Hopefully the surgery will help.

Keep your chins high ladies. We will get to that BFP sooner or later