Calgary_Mama
08-04-2007, 10:12 AM
*****UPDATED AT THE BOTTOM IN RED*****
So, I posted earlier that DH and I are going to TTC this month... I wonder though if stress will affect whether or not we're able to conceive?
I'm going through a tad of a stressful time at the moment. DD#1 is biologically not my husbands. I had her from a previous relationship. Well, for years, her bio "sperm donor" (I will NOT refer to him as dad!) wanted nothing to do with her. I tried and tried to have him involved in her life, to no avail. To I finally stopped trying. Well now... now that she is 8 years old... suddenly he wants in. He found me on Facebook, and emailed me... well then from that he found out my married name, and began calling me... DH talked to him on the phone the other night to find out what he wants, and he wants "a relationship with my daughter" he said. Well, naturally, mama bear is coming out in me like you wouldn't believe. I gave him chance after chance, trying and trying to contact, via email, home phone and cell phone. He blames his parents for him not getting back to me, saying that he never got messages, but, I emailed and called his cell also... so it just doesn't sit right with me. He has seen her 6 times in her life! 6 FRIGGING TIMES! She's 8 years old! He saw her when she was one week old, twice when she was 6 months old and three when she was 3! Only ONE of those times did he come to see her! All the other times, I had to be the one to make the effort. The last time he saw her, he flew to BC to see her, to spend Labor Day weekend with us... and that was the last time I heard from him... until now... that was 5 years ago in Sept! Well, now he's been married for 4 years, and all of a sudden, HE wants a relationship with my daughter, who HAS a dad now, and I'm supposed to just say 'okay sure here you go, screw up my daughters head again... now that she's FINALLY forgotten who the heck you are, you want to just in and mess with her head again, now that she'd NEVER forget who you are if you come in now....' He told DH that if we didn't figure something out between us, that he would take us to court!
Now, all I can think about is DH's comment he said to me when we were dating/engaged "its a good thing that Emma's father has no contact, because if he did it would never work". Is he going to leave me if this happens??? I'm very secure with my relationship, but Ijust remembered that comment the other day, and now I'll be honest, I'm a bit worried. DH has been "Dad" to Emma for over 3 years now, that is what she knows. Why does he want to come in and mess with her head now? I just feel very helpless. He wants to meet in person to "discuss" this situation. Well, what's to discuss?? He's told us that if we don't go along with his wishes that he'll take us to court???
AND to make matters worse, we've already submitted an application for DH to legally adopt Emma, and I've put in an affidavit to dispense with the consent & service of bio father (not get his consent and not have to serve him). The application is already at the court house... I put it in down there over 3 weeks ago!
I'm feeling totally helpless, but I don't want to stress myself out because we're going to TTC soon!! Anyone faced this??? ANY advice would be awesome!
Thanks ladies!
So, I spoke to the lady down at the courthouse regarding our adoption application... and it turns out that she hadn't filed it yet, so I have to go down and change my affidavit, to state that he has contacted me. I am going down today to swear my affidavit is true. It was either that or I'd have to try and get his consent for the application... and I personally don't see why I should have to do that, becuase he's not a guardian and never has been, we were never married... we dated for all of 3 months when I got pregnant and he bolted immediately... why should someone like that have ANY say on anything regarding her life! Hey its only my opinion though ;) Wish me luck today ladies! and PLEASE pray that she files it like right away so I don't have to deal anymore with this. and please pray that the judge will read my affidavit and approve the adoption order.
So, I posted earlier that DH and I are going to TTC this month... I wonder though if stress will affect whether or not we're able to conceive?
I'm going through a tad of a stressful time at the moment. DD#1 is biologically not my husbands. I had her from a previous relationship. Well, for years, her bio "sperm donor" (I will NOT refer to him as dad!) wanted nothing to do with her. I tried and tried to have him involved in her life, to no avail. To I finally stopped trying. Well now... now that she is 8 years old... suddenly he wants in. He found me on Facebook, and emailed me... well then from that he found out my married name, and began calling me... DH talked to him on the phone the other night to find out what he wants, and he wants "a relationship with my daughter" he said. Well, naturally, mama bear is coming out in me like you wouldn't believe. I gave him chance after chance, trying and trying to contact, via email, home phone and cell phone. He blames his parents for him not getting back to me, saying that he never got messages, but, I emailed and called his cell also... so it just doesn't sit right with me. He has seen her 6 times in her life! 6 FRIGGING TIMES! She's 8 years old! He saw her when she was one week old, twice when she was 6 months old and three when she was 3! Only ONE of those times did he come to see her! All the other times, I had to be the one to make the effort. The last time he saw her, he flew to BC to see her, to spend Labor Day weekend with us... and that was the last time I heard from him... until now... that was 5 years ago in Sept! Well, now he's been married for 4 years, and all of a sudden, HE wants a relationship with my daughter, who HAS a dad now, and I'm supposed to just say 'okay sure here you go, screw up my daughters head again... now that she's FINALLY forgotten who the heck you are, you want to just in and mess with her head again, now that she'd NEVER forget who you are if you come in now....' He told DH that if we didn't figure something out between us, that he would take us to court!
Now, all I can think about is DH's comment he said to me when we were dating/engaged "its a good thing that Emma's father has no contact, because if he did it would never work". Is he going to leave me if this happens??? I'm very secure with my relationship, but Ijust remembered that comment the other day, and now I'll be honest, I'm a bit worried. DH has been "Dad" to Emma for over 3 years now, that is what she knows. Why does he want to come in and mess with her head now? I just feel very helpless. He wants to meet in person to "discuss" this situation. Well, what's to discuss?? He's told us that if we don't go along with his wishes that he'll take us to court???
AND to make matters worse, we've already submitted an application for DH to legally adopt Emma, and I've put in an affidavit to dispense with the consent & service of bio father (not get his consent and not have to serve him). The application is already at the court house... I put it in down there over 3 weeks ago!
I'm feeling totally helpless, but I don't want to stress myself out because we're going to TTC soon!! Anyone faced this??? ANY advice would be awesome!
Thanks ladies!
So, I spoke to the lady down at the courthouse regarding our adoption application... and it turns out that she hadn't filed it yet, so I have to go down and change my affidavit, to state that he has contacted me. I am going down today to swear my affidavit is true. It was either that or I'd have to try and get his consent for the application... and I personally don't see why I should have to do that, becuase he's not a guardian and never has been, we were never married... we dated for all of 3 months when I got pregnant and he bolted immediately... why should someone like that have ANY say on anything regarding her life! Hey its only my opinion though ;) Wish me luck today ladies! and PLEASE pray that she files it like right away so I don't have to deal anymore with this. and please pray that the judge will read my affidavit and approve the adoption order.