babycarazynorlie
09-01-2007, 12:50 PM
Well, for the last week I've been in Kansas visiting my family. Today is my last day before I go home. Today is also the day I see Brandon (the guy who knocked me up and placed lindsey with me) and his family. I haven't seen them since I before I got married. I'm feeling a little nervous, a little anxious, and a lot scared! I'm scared because after the adoption was done, he and I became very close. I even started to fall for him. He didn't and doesn't reciprocate the those feelings. Hence the reason I met, fell in love with, and married my husband, then moved to the other side of the country! I'm all most "sick to my stomach" scared to see him. His mom and dad are fine, but HIM?!?! It's taken me a 3 years to get over all that crap with him. What if I see him and it all comes back? Then I have to go home to my husband tomorrow and deal with all of it in silence. Which is another thing! My DH doesn't know I'm going to see them today. He is very sensitive to this topic and I don't mean in a good way. He get's very paranoid and jealous even though there is really nothing to get worried about. I mean even if I do see Brandon and all those feelings come back, I'm smart enough to know not to do anything about it. I love my DH and I would NEVER do anything to mess up our relationship.
SO now you're probably sitting there reading this and wondering why I'm even bothering to go see Brandon and his parents. Well, I guess because of who they are and what they represent in my past. If that makes any sense at all. It's like an old photograph or a special song. They just have sentimental value. That's the best way I know how to describe it. Which I guess is why in my mind I'm not doing anything wrong. Only I sort of am because I'm not telling my husband (who is NOT understanding of this at all) I'm doing it. Can we say COMPLICATED!! Uhhh yeah. So there it is. That's my plan for my last day in Kansas. I'll let you know how it works out for me! LOL!!
***HUGS***
Michelle
SO now you're probably sitting there reading this and wondering why I'm even bothering to go see Brandon and his parents. Well, I guess because of who they are and what they represent in my past. If that makes any sense at all. It's like an old photograph or a special song. They just have sentimental value. That's the best way I know how to describe it. Which I guess is why in my mind I'm not doing anything wrong. Only I sort of am because I'm not telling my husband (who is NOT understanding of this at all) I'm doing it. Can we say COMPLICATED!! Uhhh yeah. So there it is. That's my plan for my last day in Kansas. I'll let you know how it works out for me! LOL!!
***HUGS***
Michelle