Scared & need advice

[betty1977]

Hello all

I am new here and am hoping you can help me as I can't really discuss this with many people.

I have been with my partner for years now and we have both always said we want a family. Last year he really started talking about it and saying why not start trying. I freaked out and was suddenly very scared. I really want children and love the whole idea about having a baby but it the actual pregnancy that scares me. What if i can't cope, what if i do something to hurt the baby? All the big questions keeping coming into my head.

I thought one day I would wake up and think, yes, I want this soooo much but I can't get passed the scared thing. Is this normal, am I not a maternal person? I love children and everyone says I would be a brilliant Mum and they are surprised I don't have tons of them already.

I turned 30 this year and am worried I will never feel ready or by the time I do it will be too late.

Please advice me, i have tried to talk with my other half but he thinks i am blowing everything out of proportion.

Thanks. Betty x

[BabyHopes1214]

Hi Betty, I think it's very normal to have fears about pregnancy!! You are definitely not alone. Since it sounds like you are worried about the actual pregnancy itself, maybe you could make an appointment with your doctor for a general physical/check-up, and tell your doctor that you are thinking of getting pregnant. S/he could advise you on what to do before getting pregnant (e.g. taking prenatal vitamin), and could give you more information about what to do/not do during pregnancy. It might be reassuring for you to get a "go ahead" from your doctor. Also you could make an appointment with a midwife to discuss pregnancy/childbirth and your specific fears and concerns; a midwife would be able to give you lots of good information about pregnancy.

My husband and I are still just thinking about having kids, and I've never been pregnant... so I'm trying to read as much about pregnancy as possible right now, which helps me feel like I'm getting ready. Maybe you're like me, and it helps you to feel as informed as possible? I feel like I want to know as much as possible in advance, so that I have an idea of what to expect. So maybe reading some books about pregnancy would help you feel more informed, and might make you feel less worried about it.

I'm sure that some of the other ladies on this board, who have been pregnant before, might be able to share their specific pregnancy thoughts/experiences with you too.

Anyways, good luck!!! I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

[betty1977]

Thanks BabyHopes1214

That sounds like good advice to me. I think I will make an appointment today to see my GP who is a really nice man and see what he says. And..I think a trip to the library might be a good idea too.

I had an honest chat with my other half this morning (never a good idea when you are getting ready for work in a rush :confused:) and that helped.

If I fell pregnant by accident I would be over the moon as I wouldn't have to make the decision then, it would just be happening and I would have to get on with it. I think years of being safe and careful makes it hard to suddenly just come off the pill.

If anyone has been through this and can share their experience I would be grateful to hear from them. :)

[Mrs.CinCanada]

[QUOTE=betty1977;1092370]Hello all


I have been with my partner for years now and we have both always said we want a family. Last year he really started talking about it and saying why not start trying. I freaked out and was suddenly very scared. I really want children and love the whole idea about having a baby but it the actual pregnancy that scares me. What if i can't cope, what if i do something to hurt the baby? All the big questions keeping coming into my head.

First of all, 30 isn't old! (I'm 30 years old too and not TTC yet.)

It is completely natural to feel scared. It's something you haven't experienced before and your body will change so much! And those little babes are so well protected in utero, the chances you have of hurting them are very slim! Think about all the work they go through just to be born! There's no way you can hurt them!

Coming off the pill was pretty scary for me too. It has taken some time, and I'm still getting used to the non-regular periods. In fact, that drives me crazy, but I digress... DH and I have learned to deal with stuff, and we agreed that if something were to "happen" while off the pill, it was meant to be and we'd accept it with loving arms. We just made sure we were ready to accept an "oops" before we decided to stop the pill.

[betty1977]

Thanks Mrs.CinCanada.

Its good to know I am not alone. I am off to see my doctor for advice and also to check I am well and in good condition etc.:) I only have a months left of the pill so think I will come off then and like you said, see what fate brings my way.

Thanks again.

x x x

[BabyHopes1214]

Good luck Betty!! Keep us posted! :)

[scjl]

OH GOD i know how you feel! My DH was not into kids and as soon as we got married he wanted to start TTC. Then me who always wanted to have kids young freaked out!! I couldn't list all the things that scare me about the whole thing and most of those reasons seem selfish, scared about how my body will change, getting no sleep, being totally reliant on hubby for money, being ioslated (i live far away from friends and family), not knowing how to look after a baby, it might get sick, the list goes on.

But i still want kids and don't think waiting will prepare me any more so i have been taking folic acid for 6 months while i was thinking and now ive just come of the pill (that freaked me out as well been on it for 10 years) and am planning to TTC in november/ december when i have had a few pill free periods! Post a thread if you want to chat via e-mail

:D

[Crickette78]

I know how you feel. I'm going to 30 soon and we aren't planning to TTC until I'll be 31 or 32, So don't feel old. Please don't lol

[betty1977]

Wow scjl, that sounds just like me. That is so good to know that I am not the only one in this position. I would love to chat more via e-mail. I am on holiday from Saturday (yippeee) so wont be near a computer for a week but it would be good to talk with someone in the same boat.

My e-mail address is mail@katepage.co.uk

Thanks everyone else, this is a very friendly forum and I am learning tons of stuff. :D

[XplatinumXpixeyX]

Betty you sound just like me when I first joined this board. Only difference is I'm not scared of the pregnancy it self, I'm scared of after that when the baby is born and ready to grow up and be a person. I had allot of Issues in my life that I was just worried that I was going to screw up some how. All I want is a family and someone to say that is the result from me. When I was younger I never wanted to me a Mom. High School was a big time where I was not thinking about kids at all. Even when me and my Boyfriend first met, we talked about it but we weren't ready so it never happened. I'm 23 now and I'm still not ready, but I know when the time is right I will know and my body will let me. So all in all, don't be scared and you have plenty of support here from all of the wonderful ladies.