Books!

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alwayssmile's picture
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Books!

What parenting books have you read?

Did you love it? Did you find it useful? Or did you hate it? Why?

alwayssmile's picture
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I have The Baby Book by Sears and use it to reference. Not as much now, but it was used frequently those first 6 months. Kept me from being paranoid mommy. I own The Discipline Book, but haven't had a chance to read it yet.
I have read Unconditional Parenting and really liked it. It's more of a thought and form of parenting versus "what to do." I'm looking forward to reading more by Alfie Kohn. I've heard a lot of AP parents love him.
I'm currently reading Playful Parenting and really like it so far. It does give examples throughout which you don't get much of in UP.
I've also read NuturShock and found it eye opening. It got me to think past mainstream parenting practices.

I started reading Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems and quickly decided it was NOT for me at all. Someone recommended it to me and I've since decided that person is not AP despite whatever she thinks. In one of the first chapters the author recommends stopping BFing. How the hell that's positive I do not know. I had a few other issues too in it. Pretty sure I'd hate it after reading UP. It's in storage right now and I'm debating what to do with it. I don't really want to give it away to anyone. lol

The only sleep related book that doesn't bother me is The No Cry Sleep Solution. It got me to really think about what I do to encourage good sleep with a good sleep environment while remembering what is truly normal for sleep (half of 2 year olds get up at least once at night). I like that it's not anti cosleeping. I really liked the reminder in the book to give kids time to adjust to changes. While I know many APers are against sleep training of any form, but when you're at the end of your rope I think this is a good place to turn (it saved our family sanity).

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What a cool thread! I just googled NurtureShock, which I'd never heard of, and I'm going to put it on hold through the library now!

I know I talked about this on the BW board, but Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff clicked best for us. One of my all-time favorite books.

I enjoyed Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson. I'm a huge fan of Nina Planck (author of Real Food for Mother and Baby...a must-read for anyone into whole/ancient foods) and got the recommendation for Magda Gerber from her. I don't like what Gerber has to say about sleep, but I enjoyed her thoughts on discipline, particularly.

I tried reading The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp...and put it down. I think he has some valuable things to say about infant care, but the writing was so dumbed-down/condescending I couldn't deal. Personal opinion!

I also read excerpts from Train Up a Child by Michael & Debbie Pearl while I was at my parent's home a few weeks ago. I knew I'd be really bothered by it - I decided to read it because my Mom was a huge fan when we were young and she mentioned to me that it was recently cited as evidence in a child abuse case (wish I had linkies but I don't, I'm sorry!) The book recommends corporal punishment beginning VERY young - I found it horrifying. I couldn't get far.

Other than Dr. Sears, thats all I can think of for now. Oh, fun fact: I went to college with, shared a dorm with and had the same major as Elizabeth Pantley's eldest daughter!

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"sweetsriracha" wrote:

I also read excerpts from Train Up a Child by Michael & Debbie Pearl while I was at my parent's home a few weeks ago. I knew I'd be really bothered by it - I decided to read it because my Mom was a huge fan when we were young and she mentioned to me that it was recently cited as evidence in a child abuse case (wish I had linkies but I don't, I'm sorry!) The book recommends corporal punishment beginning VERY young - I found it horrifying. I couldn't get far.

I've heard about this! A girl on DS's BB mentioned this which got me researching it.
One of many articles!: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2016875109_hana28m.html

Incredibly sad and horrified doesn't even begin to cover my emotions!

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I cried when I read Dr. Sears' The Fussy Baby Book - it felt like it'd been written about Sam. I also really like The Highly Sensitive Child and Raising Your Spirited Child. Both of my kids are sort of highly sensitive and spirited, but in different ways.

I really like The Discipline Solution and some other book about discipline by Pantley - I can't remember the name right now. How cool to know her daughter so well Smile

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"alwayssmile" wrote:

I've heard about this! A girl on DS's BB mentioned this which got me researching it.
One of many articles!: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2016875109_hana28m.html

Incredibly sad and horrified doesn't even begin to cover my emotions!

Wow, what a well-written (heart-wrenching) article - TFS!!!!

I think the article sums it up well - abuse is abuse, and it isn't fair to blame the Pearls. Although I'm not sure that I buy Michael Pearl's statement that the methods used by the families were diametrically opposed - I personally am not sure that I see how his method of sitting on a child until they stop struggling is any gentler than locking them in a closet. Sigh. Sorry to drag the thread down... I'm really glad I read parts of the book now. I'm also curious to skim through Gary Ezzo's Babywise if I ever get a chance, because I'm curious based on what some of my IRL AP friends have thought.

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I thought about this topic after a post on a military wives forum I'm a member on. A girl asked about parenting books and I told her to keep in mind that I AP and I will give *my* opinions of the books I've read. A few others ladies posted about how great their sleep training books were and such. I've never read anything other than NCSS, because I know the others don't jive with my thinking. But now I'm wondering if I should flip through them at the library or get used copies to read through. Maybe it would help me to know what exactly I'm against other than CIO. One wife did mention that she read in one of the books (Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child maybe?) that BWing (which we all know I'm BIG on) leads to less sleep and kids don't get restorative sleep when being worn.... so it's bad for them to nap on you. I feel that is a bunch of BS personally, but makes me want to read the book so I can know how to better present the other side of the argument.

Plus I'm always looking for more books to read. Blum 3

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I have so little time for reading parenting books. Sigh. I've read Nurture Shock & Playful Parenting. Nuture Shock was great. DH even read it and keeps quoting it. He's all about books with references to actual scientific studies. Playful Parenting was interesting but its mostly about parenting older kids so I've not been able to put much of it to use. It has helped to remind me that acting silly is a great distraction tool. I also think the guy who wrote it is just using therapy as an excuse to play with kids all day and get paid the big bucks. Wink I need the Cliffs Notes for all these other books!

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The Baby Book was kind of my bible from a certain point of pregnancy until DD was about 4 mos. I still reference it occasionally, but like PP said, it kept me from being paranoid, AND made me feel SO GOOD about so many parenting choices that were coming naturally to me!

Also by Sears I have and have read The Baby Sleep Book (liked it a lot). I also have, but have not read The Discipline Book. I also have The Portable Pediatrician and The Vaccine Book (read most of that actually). Needless to say, I am a big Sears fan! Smile

I have read the No-Cry Sleep Solution, and plan to maybe use some of the methods earlier with our next newborn (If I remember correctly, I think a lot of what she recommends is similar to what Sears recommends in The Baby Sleep Book)...but I actually didn't find that it helped me that much when I read it when DD was like 8 mos or something.

I have LOVED The Wonder Weeks as a tool. It was recommended to me by someone from my birth board. It goes through and shows you the scientifically proven times when a child is going through developmental changes, and shows how and when it is likely to affect their behavior. He doesn't tell you what to do about it necessarily, but, he warns you what's coming, how to support the development and gives you a light at the end of the tunnel. I found reading that book really helped me get through those times when it felt like, "what happened to my baby, and is she ever going to be the same again!?!?" Like, in a way, it kept me away from other baby-training books because I knew things would change soon enough. Smile

I read a book while pregnant called The Art of Conscious Parenting, and it was mostly more about pregnancy, I think (that is what I got from it anyway...).

I just picked up a book called How NOT to F*** Them Up by Oliver James. I'm not very far into it at all...like still in chap 1, and I'm not at all sure I will agree with much of it, but, I think it might be an interesting read.

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"sweetsriracha" wrote:

I'm also curious to skim through Gary Ezzo's Babywise if I ever get a chance, because I'm curious based on what some of my IRL AP friends have thought.

:lurk:
I have read Babywise, my beautician loaned it to me when my Mum was telling her how my DS was not sleeping through. Early in the book it made some comment that enraged me, but I kept reading because I thought my beautician had views (she always struck me as being on the fairly crunchy side and very natural everything friendly) that were similar to mine and that there must be something really good in there. I didn't like it, but did read the whole thing. I took nothing from it other than to avoid it and find somethign else. I've read a number of books, mostly on sleep and taken bits and pieces, tried things and eventually he had found his groove, he still doesn't STTN and is co sleeping bcause I need sleep working full time but we get there.

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When I was pg with my DD an old friend of mine suggested Babywise as the only thing that saved her life. I had it on a list of books to buy...but, then I think somehow I ended up hearing more about it, and figured out it wouldn't be up my alley after all. I don't know any AP inclined parents that have read it and used it.

Interestingly, my SIL (an Australian) didn't know "Babywise" but just knew the "E.A.S.Y." method- Eat time, Awake time, Sleep time, You time. She did do that with my nephew, and he's done alright, but, he doesn't sleep through or anything. She was always super big on not ever letting him nurse to sleep though- but he's also only 10 mos and she's dropped him to like 2 feeds a day, and only solids otherwise. Scheduling was really important to her sanity.

Interestingly, the other book I'm reading right now- that one "How NOT to F*** Them Up" puts mothers in three groups- the Hugger (basically an AP mom), the Organizer (a trainer) and the Fleximom (someone in the middle). He puts the basic difference down to one thing- Huggers believe that a baby changes everything, and are ok with putting the baby first in most cases, while Organizers believe Mother knows best, and that baby must conform as soon as possible to adult life (it's ok for mom's to try to regain their former life asap after baby shows up). Fleximoms are somewhere in the middle. Anyway... it's kind of a big generalization, but it sort of makes sense to me... and when I look at my friends whom I tend to really disagree with on parenting things, when it comes down to it, this is the difference between us!

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That's interesting about the categories! Having different parental viewpoints definitely affects my friendship with some of my mom friends. I'm fine with others doing what they want as long as it's not actually harming the child, but I still refrain from parenting conversations with them (I'm actually not a big fan of disagreements lol). But some just can't help but bring it up and yeah, we're going to disagree big time!

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"alwayssmile" wrote:

That's interesting about the categories! Having different parental viewpoints definitely affects my friendship with some of my mom friends. I'm fine with others doing what they want as long as it's not actually harming the child, but I still refrain from parenting conversations with them (I'm actually not a big fan of disagreements lol). But some just can't help but bring it up and yeah, we're going to disagree big time!

Yeah, I think the truth is, moms tend to talk about their kids, and stuff like that in general... so when you don't agree with someone... it can make for quiet time together!

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I'm a little befuddled exactly HOW people who prevent their newborns from nursing to sleep manage that feat. The classifications of hugger/organizer/fleximoms make a lot of sense, because I'm all about not fighting nature (like the sleep hormones produced by sucking). How neat to find a book that recognizes different styles!

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I just started Unconditional Parenting. I'll let you know what I think when I finish it. So .... next year.

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"TiggersMommy" wrote:

I just started Unconditional Parenting. I'll let you know what I think when I finish it. So .... next year.

SmileROFL At least you're honest. Smile

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Per some recommendations (thanks to Jackie and a few other AP moms), I finally have Nuture Shock, Unconditional Parenting and Tears and Tantrums. I read the first chapter in U.P. last night and it made me want to read more, so that is good. I also skipped to the chapter in N.S. about teenagers and I was riveted!!! My sister has a 16 year old and I even sent her a pic of part of the text. I look forward to reading the rest of the book. I'll have to come back when I've actually finished one of these. I, like Erin, can take a while to finish a book. Hopefully I will be more on top of it with these since I feel like I need some of this info .... well, yesterday.

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"NatalieL" wrote:

I cried when I read Dr. Sears' The Fussy Baby Book - it felt like it'd been written about Sam. I also really like The Highly Sensitive Child and Raising Your Spirited Child. Both of my kids are sort of highly sensitive and spirited, but in different ways.

I really like The Discipline Solution and some other book about discipline by Pantley - I can't remember the name right now. How cool to know her daughter so well Smile

I'm really "late" to this thread. I have read Raising your Spirited Child and thought it quite valuable for my son. I'm now finding my daughter is also spirited, but in a very different way. Was it worth it to read The Highly Sensitive Child in addition? Just curious.

I've also read the Happiest Toddler on the Block. Not sure how I feel about the book overall, but did find some useful tips in it.