Time magazine's cover story on attachment parenting

22 posts / 0 new
Last post
alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483
Time magazine's cover story on attachment parenting

This is the current issue out now!

http://lightbox.time.com/2012/05/10/parenting/?iid=lb-gal-viewagn#1

You can't read everything online without a subscription sadly (and expectedly). I'm hoping to find a copy once DS wakes up because I'm curious. I'm hoping it's not as extreme and sensational as I'm afraid it's going to be!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I'm annoyed that the full article isn't freely available online. All the press this cover is getting is highly critical. I'm not sure if this sort of press helps or hurts those of us who choose to BF beyond the one year mark. I feel like its great to get press but this is sensationalizing the topic and perhaps putting a spot light on it as just another "out there, wacko" movement.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

I got the TIME issue on the iPad today. The article itself is 3/4ths about Dr. Sears and his life. Absolutely nothing shocking or controversial at all like the cover photo makes you believe. There's mention of the Continuum Concept being the roots of AP. It does mention briefly that some moms feel traumatized for not being able to do everything in the Sears' baby book about AP. Honestly I own the book and have read it and it doesn't come across to me as an all or nothing in the least bit. They did include in the article that Sears' basically states to do the best you can and stick with your instincts, not that you have to do everything or your child will be suffer. Kinda feel there was a bit of an 'all or nothing' stance about AP in the article, which in practice I'm sure we all know people who are AP who don't do everything perfectly in the AP manner.
And despite the photo there's just mention of how AP is about extended breastfeeding (and babywearing and cosleeping and no CIO).

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

I actually had NO clue how many people find attachment parenting 'weird' before this article was blowing up everywhere! Everyone I know among my friends and family who has nursed a baby went on for a couple of years or so until the baby stopped or they wanted to wean. I feel like the oddball who would like to apply more of Dr Sears' techniques in my daily life but do what I can -- breastfeeding twins is killing me off so I'll push through to 6 months and reassess, carrying them both is too much for my back so I use a stroller when I'm alone but we like slings. I wasn't able to read the article, but you're right, the book definitely isn't an all-or-nothing deal. I still fail to see how any of the points are weird!

sweetsriracha's picture
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 1318

I also don't have a subscription to time, but I read the interview with the lovely lady on the cover.

It all seems very reasonable, She was breastfed until 6 (!) and remembers it as a warm, pleasant experience. She wants her son to choose when he is done. She seems to be a stay-at-home Mama, so it isn't causing her distress. I'm in the same boat,though Laszlo started self-weaning a few months back (common for chronic low-supply mamas). Laszlo can choose when he wants to sleep alone, though he's already made a decision on the BFeeding front. Not so weird, IMHO.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

I have to say, I'm also surprised by the amount of mother's I have heard say they find Dr. Sears and AP to be anti-woman, oppressive, etc... When I found The Baby Book it was like coming home! In it I found myself reading about all of these things that I already was, or planned on doing, and it all just made so much sense! And if there was stuff I didn't agree with, or knew I wouldn't be able to manage... I just moved past it! Honestly didn't give it a second thought.

I didn't read the article, but I saw a clip of the author of the piece talk about the piece, and one thing that I was annoyed with what that she was clearly saying that there are 3 tenets of AP- BFing, BWing and co-sleeping. That just isn't true- there are, is it 7 or 8? And I think the one that all critics of AP LOVE to ignore is the last one- Maintain balance in family life- which is ALL about maintaining balance between work/home, kids/spouse, etc... I hear so much ignorant ranting about how AP parents just live according to/dictated by their kids, etc, never putting anything else first... and it just gets so old. And the working mother thing... FFS, The Baby Book has a whole chapter devoted to working mothers and how you can be a great AP parent even if you choose to work....because although being home with your kids might make it easier to follow some of the AP guidelines, it is not a requirement for APing... for that matter, nothing is. Anyway...

I'm really sick of people bagging on AP, or on people who CAN identify as AP parents. Did I pick up a Dr. Sears book and say to myself, "I SHALL FOLLOW THIS TO THE LETTER OF THE LAW!"??? No... who does that?? I found myself being drawn to being close to my infant, to co-sleeping, loved the idea of baby-wearing and found strollers mostly annoying as heck (and in certain situations, useful)...and I always felt that my child deserved respect for being a person with real needs, even if she was only a few days old and only had one way to communicate them (crying). So AP fit ME, not the other way around.

What gets me about this article and this kind of press is that 1) it's totally sensational (who breastfeeds like that? No one!) and 2) it very carefully chooses which aspects of AP to focus on and which to completely ignore which gives a very false sense of the whole thing in the end.

Sorry... this topic has pissed me off in recent days, because there are a lot of people around, especially arrogant women on these boards, who just think they can talk down about anyone who can identify as being AP- or God-forbid, someone said identifying with ANY parenting label, clearly means you're insecure. Oh right, ok. I'm a little riled.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Thanks for proving my point by quoting me directly- but on another board. Cross posting - especially while calling names - is frowned upon. I'm sorry if you take my confidence to be arrogance, but if you'd like to directly quote me and call me names I'd encourage you to at least have the integrity to do it on the original board. Thanks. If little labels and boxes make you feel happy and secure bully for you, that's wonderful. I find it curious that my opinion on another board and not about you so riled you, makes me wonder why, if you are in fact so secure, you care in the least? I'm fine with you calling me whatever you like, I'd just encourage you to have the respect to quote and name call me directly to my face instead of slinking off to another board to do so in the future. Thank you!

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

Melissa, I've seen the way you argue, and I know I don't stand a chance against you (not because you're right, but because you are indeed very good at debating/argueing/twisting words), so I have no intention of getting into it with you.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

I hope to raise kids confident enough to speak up when they are being called names. I guess that's that's the best I can expect from you in the form of an apology, so I accept it. It's a shame that a woman confident I n her own opinion is still threatening to strangers in 2012. I hope it's better for our daughters.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

I'm not apologizing to you any more than you are apologizing to me for the demeaning things you said about AP parents/parents who can identify as AP parents. This is not the debate board, so let's not get into it here.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

You should apologize for lurking on a board intended for debate - personalizing and internalizing it- and then calling ME names on another public board on a public site. Because it's cowardly AND because it's against site rules.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

I mentioned that there were arrogant women on these boards. You labeled/judged pretty much the entire AP population as insecure and pathetic. Like I said, I don't feel a need to apologize.

I haven't posted on the debate board in quite some time, and I will continue not to. Thanks.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Meh- either way, after reading "for me for my daughter" my feelings were very very validated. I hope somehow someday that cycle breaks! Forget about the apology and continue lurking and getting angry where you please. I'm glad you are enjoying my blog Smile

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

"Potter75" wrote:

Meh- either way, after reading "for me for my daughter" my feelings were very very validated. I hope somehow someday that cycle breaks! Forget about the apology and continue lurking and getting angry where you please. I'm glad you are enjoying my blog Smile

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. I really have no idea what a blog about my struggles with my disordered eating that I haven't written on in more than a year have anything to do with attachment parenting...but thanks for bringing that up here.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Potter, I'd appreciate you staying off the AP board. We're a close group of women. There haven't been any arguments or debates on this board for quite a long time and we'd like to keep it that way. We've tried our hardest to maintain a welcoming presence on this board for anyone who practices any part of AP and wants guidance.

The discussion on the debate board points out that most people really don't truly understand AP. Many seem to understand AP as a way of parenting where you never leave your child and that they're always with you 100% of the time. Which I find interesting since as much as I love babywearing, DS has never been on me, beside me, etc 24/7. Also I find it interesting that people are simply not informed enough so they think that a working mom can't be AP. We obviously know different on this board since there are working moms! I know Erin has said before that it's been a great way to reconnect after a long day apart. However, at the same time I can't fault anyone who doesn't naturally follow AP for not knowing more about it. If I found myself wanting to parent more traditional according to main stream American standards I probably wouldn't have done a single bit of reading into AP practices and would have instead been drawn to resources to help me do what I wanted to do.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

THats awesome alwayssmile! and when I quote you and call you names on any other board I welcome your presence there as well Smile That is the freedom that public boards afford. Unless, of course, you know something I don't know. I don't work outside the home (even part time, like the member you are defending, and with the 100% support of my partner UNLIKE the member you are defending).....so I'm not quite sure what you are talking about. I am quite well versed in what AP is, and in what it is NOT, so I feel free to speak my opinion with educated abandon. AP Is NOT telling ones partner that they will work when they have children then declaring that they will not. AP is NOT bed sharing when one partner is against it. AP is NOT ignoring a partners need for adult time alone. AP is NOT ignoring a partners role in parenting an infant. AP Is NOT creating codependency in a need for unfulfilled love. AP is NOT creating eating issues in children.

IF you would like to discuss how never leaving ones baby hurts ones marriage or if one parent having different opinions which are not respected are not in line with AP then you may want to take it up with other members of your tightly wound community. I can't speak to that as it does not pertain to me, just to what I read. Otherwise, I'd appreciate you not telling me what boards to stay on or off of. If AP has a good voice, it has a bad one too.........and just because I don't have just one nursing wearable cloth diapering child does not mean that I don't have a voice to share on AP. I have three kids who I could AP the blinkie off of you if I played that game, but I'm a grown up, so I don't have to......the proof is in the pudding. I don't have to come here and whine about how they hit me and disrespect me and how my marriage is on the rocks and whatnot.

When you start to adapt AP to a family, and if you can and do, do it well, then you tell me what board to stick to, honey.

sweetsriracha's picture
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 1318

Okay, so in the welcome thread, the following is stated:

The Attachment parenting board is:

* A place to share your trials and errors as a parent;
* A forum to support parents;
* A place to learn about each other and explore the beliefs of attachment parenting .

The Attachment parenting board is not:

* A debate board. While we sometimes engage in healthy debates, we ask to be respectful of our members.
* A place to sit in judgment on people of different beliefs.

I'd like to add that AP isn't a competition. I'm probably sort of an AP failure if it were- I sold my cloth diapers because we don't have a washing machine in our home and we're only nursing at night (by my son's choice). I'm here though because I'm interested in engaging in thoughtful, supportive discussions about attachment parenting with other thoughtful, kind Mamas who hang out here. Debates belong on the debate board.

I'm sure Mara and Jackie would agree that discussing ways AP practices have affected our lives - even negatively - are absolutely welcome. Threads about navigating conflict with spouses and family over AP would also be welcomed in the context of supportive discussion. Hyperbole and name-calling aren't.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Thank you. I agree that it was disrespectful (and against site rules) for Mara to take what I said on the debate board (in the spirit of debate) drag it here, quote me, and declare me an "arrogant woman". I do wish Missy had gotten involved a while ago, to have saved this garbage that has ensued.

Again, the only thing that drew me here (I haven't posted here in years, since having just one small child, and gaining the confidence to realize that I had outgrown a need for a label for my parenting)...........was being quoted and called names for sharing my legitimate opinion by Mara.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Back to the original topic, Dr. Sears' response to the Time article: https://www.facebook.com/notes/ask-dr-sears/dr-bills-comments-regarding-time-magazine/386851014687448

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

Oh I hadn't seen that response. Thanks for sharing it.

MissyJ's picture
Joined: 01/31/02
Posts: 3218

Hi all,

First, let me reiterate Jasmine's reminder. This board is a SUPPORT BOARD. Those that are seeking a debate may do so on the debate board as it is NOT allowed here. This is also not a place for the personal attacks/digs. Those are in violation of our Community Guidelines and Terms of Use and will not be tolerated.

********************

We do discourage members from dragging discussions from one board to another. In this matter, given how viral this topic has been within the news media, blogs, posts onsite and off, and all the comment sections of each, I understand that there are passionate views that are going to be expressed... from both sides of the topic. The nature of this board is such that it is a place to discuss and yes, likely vent about your feelings on the portrayal of attachment parenting by others (again, meant in general and referencing things from on and offsite.) I do caution everyone on ALL sides though to feel free to express your frustration but work to avoid the very type of "blanket statements" that you loathe directed from the "other side."

Something important that has struck me in reading through the various discussions, debates, news stories, etc. is that there does seem to remain a bias in the news coverage which, I believe, is why TIME supposedly took on this topic in the first place. I'd love to have some of you drop by our blog "Did TIME Magazine's Breastfeeding Cover Go Too Far?" and add your comments!! We're also looking for more ideas of what you would like to see included in our articles on Attachment Parenting. Let us hear from you!

I have shared this thought with others today but love the fact that our main mission here at Pregnancy.org is centered on empowering and encouraging one another in our journeys to and through parenthood! Thank you all for continuing that focus! Smile

~Missy (missyj@pregnancy.org)

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483