41 weeks and (despite what my ticker says) 3 days aka 10 days overdue. I wish wish WISH I could tell you girls some happy update news but all I've got are dark clouds over here.
Ive been contracting, cramping and having on again off again blood show basically since my 40 week appointment which means I have been SUPER uncomfortable. It feels like I have been in labor limbo stuck in 1st/2nd gear for 10 days and it is really taking a toll on me in every way possible. Physically, I hurt SO BAD. The tendinitis in my wrists is so bad that in the morning I can barely hold a door knob or grasp a blanket and my sciatic nerve is basically locked into a painful and crippling spot until I have been up and about for a few hours so I am doing this weird hunched over walk that Im sure looks super sexy. Couple that with the exhaustion of start and stop again contractions and you get my immense frustration with labor pains that just won't stick! As a result, I find myself falling asleep periodically through the day, literally unable to hold my eyes open because my body has been in this labor suspension work out. I swear, my body just finally has to shut down. And as much as I hate to say it, the worst part is that things are finally taking a toll on DH and I. He's had 10 days of me in pain, 10 days of me breaking down crying when it becomes too much and 10 days of wanting this baby to come out so bad. So now we are both frustrated with each other and ourselves. I feel like there is this growing grumpy distance between us and Im so aware that now is still when I need him most and especially once labor really gets going. Yet the more I worry over DH and I, and try to think of ways to resolve that distance, the more I think I end up creating. UHG!!!
And, because that just wasnt enough crummy stuff...
Yesterday I went in for my 41 week appointment. I am 2 cm dilated, no change in effacement (so about 30%) and my cervix is good and soft. Babys HR was 152 and my weight and all that jazz remain good. Then we did the NST (Non Stress Test), where they monitor the babys heart rate and movement for about 20 minutes. I tell you, baby would NOT move around. She gave me three little kicks of annoyance and then nothing. So my midwife pumped me full of sugary juice and all that did was make me VERY nauseous and jittery. *sigh* I am really trying not to stress about this but it is hard. My midwife said as long as baby is kicking at home, she isn't worried. But I have to tell you, she didn't look not worried to me. She mentioned that during the 3 times baby did kick, her HR dipped a bit. Not what I want to hear. So today I go for an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels and then my MW wants to try to NST again. Im so so so anxious that we will have the same issue and what then? Does that mean something is wrong? I don't know. I asked my MW and she just said "Don't worry, she'll move around". Uhg. I love you but I really would have liked an actual answer this time. And as for the ultrasound, im sure everything will go fine but of course because I am feeling so mary sunshine these days, this voice in my head keeps saying it won't be. That my fluid levels will be low and something is wrong and *breathes* Im so worked up I dreamt last night that my baby was a little bird and I accidentally smooshed her
If baby has not come by Sunday, I will be induced. Plain and simple. That will 42 weeks and the end of the road. If she is not here Thursday, my midwife is scheduling the induction appointment in case I need it. So today I need to write out a list for the "just in case hospital trip" regarding what I want and don't want (ie dont cut the cord till its done pulsing, no pacifiers, keep the placenta, all that stuff). Ive pretty much resigned myself to the Sunday delivery at this point because if I dont have something solid to focus on, Im going to lose it. DH is pushing me to take castor oil this week as a last ditch effort and while my MW is also supportive of its use, I just cant bring myself to. I know it can kick start labor in a pretty aggressive way and I just dont like that plan. But at the same time, is the pitocin going to be any better? Plus if I end up in the hospital I know Im going to end up playing the pitocin/epidural game and I also know my chances for a C secion go way up. Soooo...yeah...my brain hurts with juggling worries right now and Im sure that is doing NOTHING to help labor.
So again, sorry I don't have much positive news. I guess I do have one little happy note and that is that my MW says she thinks the baby is 7-8lbs which is BLISSFULLY better than the 10lbs I was fearing. With her being so late and honestly with DH and I both having been bigger babies, I was sure I was going to be in for it with this little girl. Now lets just hope she is not all sneaky and tucked in back just making herself look small!
Will update again after my u/s today. Please send me good vibes because I'm in short supply over here. In the meantime Im going to try and relax and let go of some worry and eat lots of protein before my NST in hopes of that getting her moving.
*hugs to all the mommies!*
Well yesterday I had my ultrasound and second NST, and I am happy to report both went very well. Baby has a good amount of fluid around her so no worries there and she was much more active for the NST which gave me some much needed relief. I really appreciate all the feedback and boy did I need it. I was feeling so discouraged and it was taking a serious toll on me. But DH and I are both feeling better after yesterdays good report.
My MW is planning to schedule my "just-in-case" induction for Sunday and like I said, it helps knowing that no matter what there is an end in sight. In the meantime she has started me on a regimen of homeopathic supplements (cimicifuga and caulophyllum) to take today and Saturday and we are all keeping our fingers and toes crossed. Its crazy now having to go into a sudden mental gear shift and start writing out a hospital plan. There is so much I havent researched or thought about since I was so sure we would be going with the birth center. SweetPea, your list really helped remind me of some things I would have otherwise forgotten to write down so thank you very much for that!
I don't know what route we will end up having to go but I keep reminding myself that as long as baby gets here healthy then I have done my job. Im learning I have to let go of my preconceived expectations because labor/delivery doesn't care what nice neat tidy little plans you have laid out. In general though I am feeling much better than I was before.
Im honestly less concerned about the medication intervention as I am about having to L&D on my back which I was so so so against. The whole hospital scene just unnerves me because all I think about are bright lights, beeping machines, nurses coming in and out and feeling like I am basically some specimen with my legs in the air. But again SweetPea, your list helped remind me that I CAN make certain requests and if I have to, insist on many things. I know I am going to have to put on my big girl pants and not let myself get pushed around and DH is all revved up to be my advocate.
If you don't hear from me again before Sunday, hopefully I will be updating next week from the other side of this crazy ride!