It is finally hitting - 38wk appt, sweep, emotions, etc

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jaimelr's picture
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It is finally hitting - 38wk appt, sweep, emotions, etc

Ok I am starting to crack. Maybe I cracked last time and I don't remember it? This is really happening - and possibly soon!!!!!
Had an ultrasound and non-stress-test today. Both were fine. Baby is approx 7lb 1oz. Everything is good. (I have PIH so my doctor wanted to be sure we were ok to wait for things to happen or if she needed to nudge things along).
Then had doctor appt where she checked me (last check was 2 weeks ago and I was 2-3cm and 40% effaced). This time I am 4-5cm and 50% and my cervix is quite ripe. (My mom (a maternity nurse from another city) said that she is surprised that my body has not yet started labour with 4-5 cm and that if things don't happen by Monday (39 weeks) she would expect the doctor might rupture my membranes to get things moving - because of the PIH). So she did a sweep to try and encourage things along which did result in cramping / contractions all afternoon and early evening - but they seem to have died down now maybe. (Last pregnancy she did a couple sweeps - the first time resulted in a couple hours of very distinct contractions wherease this time it was kind of a continuous wave of cramping). (I have never found the "sweep" to be that big of a deal - for anyone who is afraid of it, but know other people have said it is quite uncomfy for them).
Anyway - all of this is making it sink in now that this is really happening and maybe soon! I am a pretty relaxed roll-with-it kind of person and had a great delivery last time so I was feeling ok about everything this morning - but now I am realizing that I maybe had a little bit too much hanging on the unrealistic expectation that I would likely make it 1-2 more weeks and be able to do this and that (my to-do list is small and relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things). DH spent all morning with DS and I at the medical appointments at the hospital and then at a park and then came home while DS napped so I could go to my doctor's appt and run a couple errands - so I only got 30 minutes of down time between waking up at 7am and 3pm when DS woke up from nap). So then DH went boating with friends and said he would be back around 5 but was not back until 645 which got under my skin. So once he was home
I went to the grocery store (b/c I realized I was out of diapers for DS) on which trip I had a little cry / meltdown and got some french fries, ice cream, a slurpee, and 4 candies - splurge! Then got home and felt better but as I was making dinner (while DH bathed and put DS to bed) and DH came to chat (after DS was in bed) he asked how I was feeling about things / if I was feeling ready (I think he could tell I was tired and looked like crap (all makeup rubbed off in previous car-cry) and that I was being kind of quiet ... and I just started crying again. I told him I am tired (true) and that no I wasn't really feeling ready (I know that we are ready (hospital bags packed, arrangements for DS made, etc) but I am realizing now that this is really happening and that I am not really ready). His immediate reaction was to focus on the fear around childbirth and pain - but, unless I am lying to myself, I feel that the bigger fear is just around this entire adjustment from 1 toddler to 1 toddler plus infant! I work outside of the home so I know I am contributing to the household and DH works shift works so I don't get any time off from either paid work or weekend / evening parenting (I am not complaining) but I have felt ever since DS was born that I have not been contributing the way I want to with yard and house projects etc! And now it is going to get worse and the clock is going to restart! Add to that that DH often feels very hard done by when he has to do childcare on his days off (he does anywhere from 0-3 days of childcare each week - normally 1 day) but I NEVER have had a day off from child care on my day off from work. He gets to go out for hours boating and the equivalent for me is going on family outings somewhere or swim dates with other moms/kids.
Anyway - it just feels like it is all bubbling up in a hormone induced mess! On the one hand I just want it to be here so we can move forward but on the other I fear the impending change. (Last time I was afraid of the labour etc because it was such an unknown - this time I fear the other changes that are coming).
Oh yeah - and compared to many of you have I nothing to complain about and am feeling like quite a princess now that I have typed all of this. My husband is not deployed overseas, I am on 54 weeks off from work and get some amount of pay while staying home and if I need help I do have friends in town and family who are willing to come and see us.
Hope everyone else is doing well and not having any crazy moments.
Sigh.
I plan to wake up tomorrow and start fresh and have a great day with DS - including some time to rest so I don't get so frazzled by end of day tomorrow. Unless I go into labour tonight - in which case all bets are off.

PianomanTran02's picture
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I hope you can get some relaxation. It's really getting to that point for a lot of us I think. Lets all take one gigantic breath.

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
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I agree - try to get at least SOME "me" time... tell your DH it's time to take DS for an evening so you can pamper yourself! You will do great with 2 - it will be an adjustment, but you'll be fantastic at it! Biggrin Oh, but you are not alone... I feel the hormonal breakdown coming - every day I'm closer, believe me!

momW's picture
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(((((HUGS))))) momma! 1 to 2 is an adjustment, 2 to 3 is an adjustment and I'm figuring 3 to 4 is an adjustment. With anything else in life though, you will do fine, you'll make the necessary changes and keep moving on. We just don't give ourselves enough credit as mothers especially, we're so very talented at adjusting to changes and trucking on. You'll do great, I actually have no doubt about that!!!

Military Mom's picture
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I agree... we are all getting to the end and things are def getting to me... I am so ready to be done with work right now for sure and then things at home are - on the cover not too bad but inside I am irritated as hell LOL... I know its probably just me thats why I am trying to keep myself or at least my mouth on wraps Wink Hopefully things start to fall into place and things wont be as crazy