I just have to vent here for a minute. Thanksgiving was great but also hard because of all the babies! My wonderful 10 month old niece is here and we've been visiting and playing with her constantly. The moment they walked in the door from their long trip she reached for me and wouldn't let anyone else hold her. Every time they tried she laid her head on my shoulder and looked away from them. It was the sweetest thing. Today we went to DH's hometown for Thanksgiving with the family and his aunt's youngest is there. He just turned a year. He's such a doll! And they were all playing and having the best time and all I could do is watch them and wish and hope that we could be next. Of course since we're the ONLY couple in the entire family not to have children yet everyone brings it up at every family gathering. They aren't mean about it or anything and it never bothered me before but now that we're trying and I want it so bad I never know what to say and it always upsets me.
On top of all of this, I am about to go insane because of how I've been feeling, or not feeling even. I have no Clomid side effect really. I have had way more cm which I've noticed in the past months so that could be a Clomid side effect. Last month though I had it all. I was nauseated to the point of gagging especially in the mornings. There were days I thought I wouldn't be able to go to work and it would pass. I was peeing all the time. I was tired, etc etc. Oh and the boobs were KILLING me! This time I haven't really had that. I actually had it all month until about 4-5 days after I ovulated. Then the symptoms pretty much stopped and I started feeling pretty normal. Days 8-10 I noticed what looked like spotting a time or two when I wiped. It was weird looking because it almost looked like dark pee but my pee was clear...and it wasn't there every time I went to the bathroom either. It had a brownish tint to it. That happened a few times over those three days. Today I was so tired I couldn't stand it. I fell asleep in the car on the way to DH's family's house. I staggered all over after I woke up and got out of the car. Took forever to wake up enough to be coherent. Everyone kept asking if I was alright. They said I just looked so tired. I could barely function by the time dinner was over. I barely stayed awake for the ride home and it's not that far. Went to my MIL's house after that and almost fell asleep on the couch. Right before I wrote this I was just sitting here talking to DH and I could barely open my eyes back up when I blinked them. WTH? This is not normal for me at all. Tomorrow I'll be 12DPO and I really want to test. I'm so terrified though. The thought of not being pregnant again is almost more than I can stand. When I think of doing another round of Clomid and dealing with the hot flashes and the painful ovulation and getting my hopes up so high all over again, I feel like I'm just going to break down.
If anyone was able to read this far I'm really impressed because this was terribly long, but I'd appreciate any advice or opinions. Does this sound like it could be pregnancy? I'm sure it could be the stupid Clomid too. I'll hate it more than ever if it ends up being this different month to month. Oh also today had a period of time where I have very sharp and intense pains on my left side. It wasn't my ovary and honestly freaked me out for a while. I was scared something not good was happening but then it stopped. Never felt anything like that before. Ugh! I need to be knocked out until this process is over!