Tacky? Or am I just being selfish?

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Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922
Tacky? Or am I just being selfish?

Okay, so the ladies at my office are having a "baby celebration" pot luck for me at work. They first asked me if they could throw me a baby shower, but then someone put up a stink asking why they were throwing a shower for a second child (actually it's my 4th, but whatever - it's been 9 years since I had a baby and it's my first boy!!). So hence, the "baby celebration". Whatever - I didn't ask for it - they offered it, and I just said that sure, I would love it. So anyway, they're throwing a non-shower for me so that we don't "offend" anyone. *eyeroll* :rolleyes: (Okay, an aside, here. if you have a problem with a baby shower for a non-first child, then DON'T EFFING COME! WHY ruin the fun??? Anyway, just had to get that off of my chest!)

Well, anyway, so they finally gave me the date. August 9th. 1 WEEK BEFORE MY FREAKING DUE DATE. I just want to tell them to forget it. I mean, I feel like they are being idiots about the whole thing anyway, and I think scheduling something for me 7 days before my due date is just plain rude.

Am I being selfish, here?? Or is this truly as tacky and rude as I feel it is??

Joined: 04/23/07
Posts: 624

I think it is very rude for them to schedule it only 1 week before. That is crazy to me! Do you feel comofrtable asking them to do it at least 2-3 weeks before to give you a little more time? If so, I would do that. That will be awful if you have the baby early and cannot even make the party in the first place.

And as far as them having issues with it not being your first child...then they certainly don't have to go if they have a problem with it. Like you said, its been a LONG time since you had a baby...and this baby is also the opposite gender of anything you have had so its all new stuff you need.

I had a baby shower thrown for me when I had my first baby, which was a boy. Then I had a girl next, and someone threw a shower for me since I needed girl things. I think getting a second shower thrown for you if you haven't had a child in years and got rid of most everything is completely legitimate...and I especially think having a shower thrown for you if you are having another gender is completely valid also.

Now I have a cousin who had a girl less than 2 years ago...this is their first baby, they are young and obviously planning on having more kids...well, she is having another girl this month and her family threw her another shower. I think that is weird. She still has all the girl stuff from her first daughter, its all new and cute and I think it is silly for them to throw her another shower when she is having another girl...but to each their own.

But I think your completely valid in your feelings, and don't feel bad to vent to us. I think you shouldn't try to have them cancel it though cause having anything where you can get some help with items and things you will need for this baby is helpful. But maybe see if they can move it up a week.

PianomanTran02's picture
Joined: 08/16/08
Posts: 401

I'm with Kimia! A week before is cutting it close. Plus it has been a while. We threw a shower for my cousin when she had her second baby...10 years after the first! Yes they were both boys, but she had nothing left over from the first baby. Were you planning on working that long even? If you had planned on working that long they may have thought it OK since you'd still be around...still makes little sense to me, just trying to rationalize why they might wait so long.

I had a few friends ask if I would like them to throw me a shower for this baby and I turned them down just because I saved everything from Kaden knowing we planned on having more kids. I said if they really wanted to help somehow save the money and I'll call them when I need a hand! Instead they've offered to cook meals for the first week or so, or run to the store for me, or just get Kaden out so I can rest. They all have kids his age, so he'll love it. One if going to babysit both kids one evening so DH and I can go out to dinner for our anniversary (which is the 2nd).

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

It might be a cute idea to have your water break at an event a week before your due date! Hehehe.
Love the idea of each one making a meal for you and babysitting! Now that is fabulous!

My guess is that they just didn't think how you will be feeling 1 week prior to delivery. I suspect not in a very partyish mood! Ask if they can move the date so that you are still feeling up to going. (anywhere!) If they think that won't work, suggest the prepared meal idea and have someone deliver them all at once to your freezer (labelled)!

HorseMomma's picture
Joined: 06/29/04
Posts: 858

YOU ARE NOT SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!
First...who would complain about a baby shower and not want you to have one...I can't believe someone would pitch a fit about you having a baby shower...If they don't like it...then DON"T COME...lol (like you said!) A holes.
I agree...I wouldn't want one a week before either...

Joined: 07/09/11
Posts: 798

My co-workers are also having a baby shower for me one week before my due date! I'm not really looking at it as rude since there's no obligation for them to even throw one for me... The only reason they're cutting it so close is because everyone is taking vacation the weeks before and everyone would like to be able to attend; so, this is the best date they could come up with! If you're not comfortable with having it that close, though, then I would definitely say something!

jaimelr's picture
Joined: 01/09/10
Posts: 217

My office was thoughtful enough to ask what date I preferred. I preferred before my due date (until I saw the pictures of just how big I am!) whereas I think the attendees often prefer after so they can see the baby (but juggling b/fing, naps, etc....not my prefernce). So I agree it would have been nice if they had asked you for your preference. But I also keep telling anyone who is planning anything with me from here on out that I do not promise to call them or cancel if things start to happen - I will just no-show on them. They have to realize that they are not going to be my priority when the big moment arrives.

As for people not thinking a baby shower is appropriate for a non-first baby - that is crazy to me! But maybe I just don't get the purpose of a baby shower. I thought it was to celebrate the baby coming - not a consumer driven opportunity to spend lots of money on someone. We were asked what we needed for baby #2 and since DS is only 2years old we have almost everything we need - so we kept the baby shower guest list small and said 6 month+ pink girly clothes and left it at that. I don't care if people don't buy us anything! But the shower was a nice brunch with my 6 co-workers where we had a nice visit... and yes, we opened some gifts! Strange to me that baby showers are only apparently for first babies. I LOVE the idea of meal cooking and babysitting!!!!!!!

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922

Thanks, ladies... it's nice to know that I am not being selfish. I kind of felt like I was being an ungrateful biatch yesterday, even though I didn't voice any of it at work.

Honestly, I'm going to just leave it as is. If I'm gone by the time the "celebration" happens, they'll just have the pot luck anyway and have a regular day, rather than a baby celebration.

I honestly doubt I'll get anything in the way of gifts - the person who is organizing it was very careful NOT to mention where I was registered... (whatever)...

Anyway, I guess I'll just be thankful that enough people cared to at least offer and acknowledge the new baby and my new family. Smile

sarahsunshine's picture
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1462

I think it's thoughtful that they are doing something. My office has never done anything - oh, my boss gave me some stuff when he was cleaning out his garage (stroller, swing), but DS was 6+ months old by then!

Anyhow, personally, I would just leave it, appreciate having something different planned for that day, and if I can't make it, have a good excuse (ever heard of prodromal labour? - had it for WEEKS with DD). In any case, a potluck is pretty low key, so I wouldn't sweat it.

As for baby showers, I've never been into them much myself ( and never had one really). I figure that lots of people enjoy looking at cute baby things and will buy them for friends whether there's a shower or not if that's what they want to do! If you NEED things, that's a different matter. But I've found so little to be absolutely necessary that I'd rather not have a shower where people fee obliged to give you THINGS.

Oh, and I only ever use a couple baby outfits at a time... so having a million is more a problem in terms of taking up space.

But that's just me!