Why do women try and scare each other??? **VENT**

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1316
Why do women try and scare each other??? **VENT**

I don't understand why women tell each other horror stories about labour/delivery/infants.



"My labour was 10,000 hours and my epidural didn't work so I felt everything, then I had an episiotomy to my belly button and then I tore on top of it, then I hemorrhaged and needed an emergency c-section, then baby wouldn't latch/I didn't produce milk/I've had mastitis since conception, and baby didn't sleep EVER - awake all.the.time. and he's now 8years old and he still wakes up every 1-2 hours because he's had colic/been teething since he was a zygote"


... really?!?! Did that ALL really happen to you? And if it did, why are you telling a new mom this? She's scared already about what's about to happen - this isn't helping her! There is nothing wonderful or encouraging you could tell her instead? No HELPFUL words of advice like "read this book it helped prepare me for contractions" or "this DVD showed a realistic birth - not what you see on TV shows/movies" or "you can do this! You were built for this!"



I just don't understand the scare tactics. Who is that helping? No one - especially not the new mom who you just scared the life out of!

PianomanTran02's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 2 weeks ago
Joined: 08/16/08
Posts: 401

Isn't it such a comfort? NOT! I was horrified before having DS by the time my labor began. I seriously expected the worst thing ever to be happening. Were there ups and down? Duh, but overall things were fine. I think they tell their stories to horrify the newbies just to make themselves feel better. Ignore them, that's what I say anyways.

momW's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

sorry but....:ROFL:

And yes, it is so frustrating to hear. But what frustrates me even more is when they add in the phrase "Well, my dr would/wouldn't let me......" Really?? So, he showed up at your house the morning of your induction/due date/c-section or wahtever and dragged you to the hospital with armed guards holding guns to your head?! It actually makes me very stabby towards the dr's more so than the moms though.

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922

I'm with her I-m so happyROFL

I laughed out loud at your rant... I totally understand. I always tell peopel to just hang on and enjoy the ride, rather than telling horror stories. And I guess personally, I don't really HAVE any horror stories, anyway! LOL

gardenbug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

I had it pretty easy compared to many...but all the stories made me believe I had hours (if not DAYS!) to go before my son actually arrived...which was about an hour and a half after I arrived in the hospital. So I think the stories were a hindrance, that somebody in that hospital could have told me things were happening fast and my baby would arrive really soon rather than having me think this was only the beginning. I was doing early level breathing patterns when I was in fact in transition. Oh well, big deal. He's 40 now!

Offline
Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 01/09/12
Posts: 110

It is really frustrating!! People should be quiet and not speak when they don't have anything encouraging to say to a pregnant woman! I hate it when people make excuses for me to eat, " the baby is hungry" or "you have to eat more, you are eating for two". It drives me nuts!!!! I am hungry... not the baby!!!!! *end of rant*

Don't pay any attention to what other people tell you. I had a horrible experience (due to the nurses and doctors) when I had my daughter but I definitely DO NOT share that story with pregnant women.... ha ha! You will be fine!

momW's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

"jsmad" wrote:

It is really frustrating!! People should be quiet and not speak when they don't have anything encouraging to say to a pregnant woman! I hate it when people make excuses for me to eat, " the baby is hungry" or "you have to eat more, you are eating for two". It drives me nuts!!!! I am hungry... not the baby!!!!! *end of rant*

haha!!!! That is one of my personal favorites as well!!!

Or the snidely said "Oh, let me guess, the baby wants that ice cream? (said with an eye roll)" NO, I DO DAMM!T, just like you're eating an ice cream right here at the ice cream shoppe where we're sitting. I came here for ice cream same as you!!! True story that just happened to me last week when our local scrumptious ice cream shop opened for the summer season.

Offline
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 07/09/11
Posts: 798

I do my best to just ignore these comments and have been trying not to think about labour and delivery and beyond, yet... haha

Offline
Last seen: 2 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1316

I was pretty good ignoring them with #1, and when people say this stuff to me now I say "yeah yeah yeah..." and move on.

I was at a baby shower earlier this week and heard all these comments come flying out at the mom-to-be. After the shower I said "forget all that. It's never how they say it is!" Even though my words were probably too little, too late.. i felt better having said SOMETHING.

So frustrating.

mrs.doolittle's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

:lurk: Not sure why women are compelled to tell this "big fish" stories as if they'll receive a medal. When I was pg with my DS I ignored everyone except my sister. She gave me the best advice which was to remember that the discomfort of contractions won't kill you; it's a sign of something healthy. I repeated that to myself during my natural birth and, honestly, labor wasn't bad!

Allie01979's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 10/10/07
Posts: 4706

A-freakin'-men sista!!!

I heard all those horror stories with Aidan, and yes I believed them. I didn't come from a wicked awesome birthy family like yours Al, so I was scared sh*tless. I'm so glad I met you guys IRL though because it really taught me how to handle situations like that and how to encourage a FTM when everyone else is scaring the living poop outta her.

My big beef is with women who can't support the feeding choices another mother makes. I don't care if you choose to BF, FF or both, but don't tell a new mom or mom to be, "oh don't even try to BF, it's a struggle, just give them formula and they'll sleep through the night" or the opposite "well you HAVE to BF or you'll kill your baby, formula is poison don't you know?" just STFU and let mama make her decision and support her from there.

Sweet Pea Twins's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 09/08/09
Posts: 922

"Allie01979" wrote:

My big beef is with women who can't support the feeding choices another mother makes. I don't care if you choose to BF, FF or both, but don't tell a new mom or mom to be, "oh don't even try to BF, it's a struggle, just give them formula and they'll sleep through the night" or the opposite "well you HAVE to BF or you'll kill your baby, formula is poison don't you know?" just STFU and let mama make her decision and support her from there.

HEAR HEAR!! :clappy: :clappy:

ngrue's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/28/11
Posts: 70

The negativity and bad personal stories are actually a pet peeve of my husbands more than me, although I find it annoying as well. I get particularly annoyed (and yet motivated at the same time) when I get the "Good Luck!" statements to breast feeding, cloth diapering, and having natural childbirth. Can't wait to do all three with a smile on my face while thinking, "Suck it people, I CAN do it" Smile