Are you planning to Circ??

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Sweet Pea Twins's picture
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Are you planning to Circ??

So those of you having boys - are you planning to circumcise your baby?? I am so torn. I really don't want to, but DH is adamant. He is really stuck on the old ideas that it's cleaner, it's more sanitary, blah, blah, blah. He also wants the baby to look like him, so there is no questions.

But I think it's completely unnecessary and think there are no benefits of circ-ing. I think it's a cultural practice that has no medical benefits and actually causes harm...

*sigh* I don't know how I'm going to win this one, though... Sad

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No I'm not planning to. I still haven't really discussed this with DH but he's pretty easy to convince when it's something I'm adamant about so I'm not worried. Our other DS is circ'd. When we had him it was just something we did because we didn't know any better. I can't undo the past but I can think about my decisions going forward and this is a decision I feel very cemented in.

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would you like some links to articles and information about why one shouldn't circ? maybe reading it will convince your DH.

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Sure - I think I can use all the help I can get...

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Nope! DS isn't and this baby won't either (if it's a boy).

With my first pregnancy, my DH told me that if the baby was a boy he had to be done - I told him "well too bad because I won't sign the consent form" and sent him a TON of information on circ'ing... he was mildly upset for a bit, but he got over it.
Once our DS was born DH could care less if he was circ'd or not. They're not standing around comparing their penis'! Now DH is all in favour of not circ'ing.

There is NO medical reason to do it. It's purely cosmetic. I wouldn't circ my girls I'm sure not about to circ my boys!

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We are not having a boy but if we where, we would (we had already discussed it in the event of a boy). While I also have personal reasons for my choice, my DHs family is Jewish so there is that. I can absolutely understand why others would opt not to but in our case, we would.

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http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/ & there's tons of links inside this one.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/pregnancy-childbirth/whether-or-not-circumcise ---Love me some Dr. Sears Smile

I know I have more but I've got grouchy kids right now. I'll get back to ya Smile

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I'm actually glad that you brought this up. I was very torn. I circ'ed DS1 because I didn't know any better. Now I have seen quite a bit of men who say later in life the regret being circ'ed. I was torn though because with DS1 and DH being done, I don't want DS2 to feel like the odd man out.

I'm still kinda torn because I don't want either son to think I did something for one and not the other. I mean it would be easy to explain to DS2 why I changed my mind and didn't but then I think about how that might make DS1 feel.

HALP!

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We will be. In the end, even after reading all the research and talking to the pediatrician and men on both sides (with and without) I didn't have any strong feelings either way. DH was very adamant about having DS1 done, and is the same with DS2. In the end, I don't have a penis so who am I to say. DH has one and has the feelings about it. DH's oldest brother was born back in Vietnam and he wasn't circ'ed and wishes he had been! When he had a son the first thing he did was make they decision for his son to have it done.

In the end to each his own and what works best for you.

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"Sweet Pea Twins" wrote:

So those of you having boys - are you planning to circumcise your baby?? I am so torn. I really don't want to, but DH is adamant. He is really stuck on the old ideas that it's cleaner, it's more sanitary, blah, blah, blah. He also wants the baby to look like him, so there is no questions.

But I think it's completely unnecessary and think there are no benefits of circ-ing. I think it's a cultural practice that has no medical benefits and actually causes harm...

*sigh* I don't know how I'm going to win this one, though... Sad

Exactly! I've read too many horror stories, some even ending in death, about this topic and there's no medical reason it has to be done. DH doesn't care either way; so, we've decided we won't be going ahead with it.

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"siandra" wrote:

I was torn though because with DS1 and DH being done, I don't want DS2 to feel like the odd man out.

my older brother is circ'd but my younger brother isn't. It has never been an issue.

"PianomanTran02" wrote:

In the end, I don't have a penis so who am I to say. DH has one and has the feelings about it

I'd argue that DH has no say either because he has no foreskin, so how would he know? I think you both have equal say.

To me: it's not MY body, so who am I to make the decision to have a cosmetically permanent alteration to that body?

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Yes.
DS was also circed.

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"siandra" wrote:

I'm actually glad that you brought this up. I was very torn. I circ'ed DS1 because I didn't know any better. Now I have seen quite a bit of men who say later in life the regret being circ'ed. I was torn though because with DS1 and DH being done, I don't want DS2 to feel like the odd man out.

I'm still kinda torn because I don't want either son to think I did something for one and not the other. I mean it would be easy to explain to DS2 why I changed my mind and didn't but then I think about how that might make DS1 feel.

HALP!

My DH and my DS are circ'd, like I said above, it just wasn't a decision I put much thought into and neither did DH when we had DS. I've heard from many women who have 1 circ'd son and others un-circ'd and it's only a problem if YOU let it be a problem. I formula fed one kid and bf'd the rest of mine, I had different information when I had different kids. Not that this is the exact same situation but it's the same sort of thing, I got more information and changed my mind about what I was comfortable doing. I really am not worried at all about having one son circ'd and one not. I'll explain it just like I said above, I got more information and changed the way I felt about it, end of story. It just is what it is Smile

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That's good to know that there are those who have had an experience with one done and one not. Makes me feel a bit better about it.

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"siandra" wrote:

That's good to know that there are those who have had an experience with one done and one not. Makes me feel a bit better about it.

I'm sure you've found this too but I've found with my kids things are only a big deal if I let them be a big deal. If I'm meh about something they are too, if I get flustered about something they pick up on it like a bunch of vultures Smile

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We haven't circ'd either of ours and won't circ any future sons either. It's not worth the pain and risk for a surgery that is strongly recommend against by every medical organization. Also, the foreskin has a purpose, so to remove it for no reason at all is entirely counter-intuitive to me.

Best article I've read: http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/
Article I wrote on the subject: http://hippiehousewife.blogspot.ca/2008/09/circumcision.html

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No! with DS1, I was not well versed on the subject and ultimately left it up to DH, he isn't circ'd and didn't want DS1 to be. I'm glad because when I started getting more pro-active about it I read too many horror stories, DS2 is not done and neither will this one if it's a boy. I read this in an article and it still sticks in my mind "A baby only needs to lose 1 ounce of blood to hemorrhage, and just 2.3 ounces to die" http://www.circinfosite.com/45.html

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Ugh, the debate is a big one between DH and I. I sent him to read all kinds of information I found online, and then he, of course, sent me links to the opposing view, etc. In the end, I read through the hugely long and researched AAP position statement about circumcision which gives the pros and cons to both sides of the argument - taking into consideration studies from both sides, etc. What's hard is that each side of the debate has some well-researched stances, but the truth is that no matter what you choose to do, boys who are circumcised and those who are not, both have about an equally miniscule chance of having major complications due to their foreskin or lack thereof. Little things like uncircumcised boys have a 4-10 times greater chance of developing a UTI in the first year a life (the time when UTIs are most common), but even with those increased chances, intact boys still have a LESS THAN 1% chance of developing a UTI. There are studies that show that men who are intact have a greater incidence of sexual dysfunction than circed men. There is anecdotal evidence that shows that intact men have greater sensitivity and sexual pleasure, but they have no way of actually measuring that. There are studies that show that circumcision can decrease the chances of contracting HIV or other STDs by more than 50%, and decreases the occurrence of penile cancer by more than 30%.

I mean, the numbers are all staggering and start to run into each other... and then there are totally conflicting studies for both sides.

I guess my point is that I really am starting to see that it really is a personal decision because no matter your position, you can always find information to support it and disprove it.

In the end, I gave this one to DH. I figure that since he's the one with the penis, I'll give in to him this time. But I'm using that as ammunition. ROFL I told him that since I am allowing him to circ our son, that I wanted him to allow me to hire a doula and to agree to meet with a couple to help me find the right one. I also asked for his full support in having a natural birth this time around... he agreed because he didn't have much choice. LOL

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We likely will. DH and DS are both done. I am on 50/50 medically on the issue but did feel a lot of regret at having done it with DS mostly because I did not educate myself at all and was not prepared for the experience. DS was done by a neonatologist , they used a freezing injection and he seemed entirely unbothered by the procedure. He was tender during diaper changes for about 3-5 days afterwards. But I just didn't really realize that that skin was so attached and that it was really really really being surgically removed - I don't know what I thought. I cried all day when I got home with DS and then I was upset for about 3 days more. It was so red and inflamed looking. I was glad that I was in the room to see the procedure because if you are going to have it done to them then the least you can do is watch it be done. This was my "mama bear" moment where I really realized that I was responsible for this person and that I needed to make a lot of decisions for him and love him and protect him, etc. To anyone thinking about doing it for the first time I suggest doing some research first so you know what the procedure is and are prepared. I may seem like a wimp to have been so bothered by I but I really was. So that makes me seem extra crazy to be open to it with #2 if it is a boy. But DH is super adamant. So I we do it then DH is taking him for the procedure and I will provide the after love. But DH also has to do 3 days of diaper changes after wards as well.
Apparently DH was just kind of taken away and automatically done back in the 70's. Strange / annoying that one great grandparents decision a million years ago can instil a family tradition on all subsequent children in that family.
Good luck making your decision. I am he first to admit that my experience and yet our willingness to consider doing it again makes no sense.

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uncircumcised boys have a 4-10 times greater chance of developing a UTI in the first year a life (the time when UTIs are most common), but even with those increased chances, intact boys still have a LESS THAN 1% chance of developing a UTI.

By removing the labia girls have decreased chance of getting UTI's (and yeast infections), but most people would be appalled at the thought of putting a baby girl through that surgery.

There are studies that show that circumcision can decrease the chances of contracting HIV or other STDs by more than 50%

Orrrrrr we can teach our sons safe sex?! LOL!

it really is a personal decision

My big problem with this is that by making this decision you are, in turn, taking this personal decision away from the person who's body you are modifying! Does he not get a say in whether he gets to keep his foreskin or not? He doesn't get a say in all those nerve ending you're removing? He doesn't get a say whether he has cosmetic surgery?

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"azin_may" wrote:

By removing the labia girls have decreased chance of getting UTI's (and yeast infections), but most people would be appalled at the thought of putting a baby girl through that surgery.

I agree - that's why I put in there the point about the chance of UTI for an infant boy is less than 1% regardless of the state of their foreskin. You're arguing against data that's anti-circ! LOL

"azin_may" wrote:

Orrrrrr we can teach our sons safe sex?! LOL!

I agree with you here, too - that was my first thought upon reading that data.

"azin_may" wrote:

My big problem with this is that by making this decision you are, in turn, taking this personal decision away from the person who's body you are modifying! Does he not get a say in whether he gets to keep his foreskin or not? He doesn't get a say in all those nerve ending you're removing? He doesn't get a say whether he has cosmetic surgery?

Hey, I'm not encouraging anyone to circ... all I was doing was laying out some of the things that really stuck out to me in all of the research I did of relatively unbiased data. I still am not excited about circ-ing, and I'm on the same side as you and agree with almost everything you said, but unfortunately I also have a husband who has as much say in this baby stuff as I do. I've decided to pick my battles, and since he feels just as strongly about his side as I do mine, one of us has to give in and allow the other to get their wishes. The reasons he came up with for doing the procedure are just as strongly emphasized in research as the reasons I have for not wanting to do it. I want to act in my baby's best interest, and so does he. We're both equally concerned about his welfare. I did what I set out to do which was educate both of us - and no matter your stance, there is data, as well as stories and research from men who are both intact and circ-ed that backs up the other side.

No matter the decision we made, one of us was not going to be entirely happy. And just because you and I believe that it is a choice that shouldn't necessarily be made for the child before they can agree or disagree to it, doesn't mean that my child will be unhappy with the result. I, personally, have never met a circumcised man who was unhappy that he was circumcised. And then I've never met an intact man who was unhappy he was intact. I know they're out there. But I think the incidence is small enough that the truth is that most of the time boys will accept however they grew up.

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I totally feel like I'm hanging out on the debate board... ROFL

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"Sweet Pea Twins" wrote:

I totally feel like I'm hanging out on the debate board... ROFL

nahhh! This thread is nothing. I've seen some circ threads get preeeeetty nasty! LOL!

But I agree with you. The best we can do is research the #@!* out of things and hope we're doing the right thing in our child's favour.

I just have such a hard time with this one because routine circumcision is not supported by any medical organization and the person who is having the (unnecessary) surgery gets zero say.
I'm not about to tattoo my baby because my husband has tattoos, or pierce my daughter's belly button because I have a belly ring, or have my son get his appendix out because my husband had his done... KWIM?

I also don't understand the "my husband has a penis so he has more say" argument. Yes, he has a penis, but that doesn't make him the all-knowing penis whisperer! LOL! I have boobs, but that doesn't mean I can go around telling other women they can or can't get implants/reduction based on my breast experience.

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"azin_may" wrote:

nahhh! This thread is nothing. I've seen some circ threads get preeeeetty nasty! LOL!

I know!! When I was active on here years ago, I saw some of those debates... yikes! LOL

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You know, I'm not really passionate about the circ debate but after seeing the change it had on my son I felt like a terrible terrible person after. He was born a very very happy laid back baby. Those first two days with him were just blissful and then after he went in to get circ'd I swear he cried unconsolably and angrily for weeks after that. He then ended up being a very grouchy baby for about 6 months and I just can't help but think back to those first 2 days with him and how calm and loving he seemed and how angry he was after he got circ'd. I can't prove that's what did it but even DH mentioned the change and for DH to notice anything like that it must not have just been me. This is just my anecdotal story and the main reason I just couldn't do it to another son ever again!

It's not exactly something I can get passionate about because I do see this as one of those things that's going to be hard for society to change it's views on. Seems like even after we have evidence to suggest we're doing stuff the wrong way it takes years for the social outlook to change on it (see breastfeeding!!!!) but I do feel passionate enough to have an opinion one way on it.