*Sigh* Pity Party Ahead

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browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515
*Sigh* Pity Party Ahead

(M/C ment)

Kind of having a bit of a down-and-out day... I was on the April board before and still check in often to see how the other ladies have been doing, seeing their tickers made me realize that I would have been 20 weeks today. I feel like I've put a lot of pressure on myself this cycle and have probably created a lot of unnecessary TTC related stresses because I feel so desperate to conceive again since my m/c in September.

Our timing was pretty good this cycle despite DH being inconveniently out of town, so I'm just hoping that the next week passes quickly so I can have a real answer instead of trying to compare how I feel now vs. how I felt when I got pregnant the first time.

As badly as I want to get pregnant ASAP, I'm also terrified that something will go wrong again. I hate to be such a downer, but I needed to vent! I'm hoping to check in here more and hopefully I'll get to stay and get to know you all better!

bellablu81's picture
Joined: 06/22/09
Posts: 209

Hugs, and pity parties are fully allowed. I've been having one of my own for awhile. I haven't had a loss, but from what I've heard it can make it really scary the next time you get pregnant with all the what-ifs. All I can say is let yourself feel whatever you need to feel, but be kind to yourself. We're here for you.

Joined: 10/03/11
Posts: 168

Vent all you need.

smsturner's picture
Joined: 05/11/09
Posts: 1303

Oh that has to be so hard to see those other ladies moving on... I can't imagine. I'm so sorry honey. You are totally allowed to pity yourself as much as you need. Just be sure to get help if you feel it's moving past healthy, normal grief into a real depression.

Good luck to you. And big hugs!

Carolyn B's picture
Joined: 01/18/10
Posts: 460

I totally agree! Vent all you need! ((BIGHUGS)) Sometimes it just helps to get it out and talk about it.

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2440

Big hugs Jessica! I hope you don't mind my posting, but I just wanted to say that you're in my thoughts and I hope you get a BFP really soon!

isisgoddess_1's picture
Joined: 03/29/08
Posts: 1220

Vent all you need. We are here for you. I hope this is your month. Hugs.

Clarkton's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 1972

Jessica, I'm sorry you had a down day. I know how much of a roller coaster you have been on with this whole process. I have everything crossed for you that this cycle is a success with a healthy sticky little bean. :bigarmhug:

shadow_grey's picture
Joined: 05/03/12
Posts: 581

:bigarmhug: I'm right there with you. I had the EDD for my March loss earlier this month and the board for my August loss (march 2013) have all been finding out genders. Plus AF arrived so I have to start over with a new cycle. Sigh

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

Thanks everyone, it has just been one of those weeks. I'm grateful for pg.org and all of you, I don't have many people IRL that I feel comfortable talking to about this, especially the woe-is-me part. I do have a friend who had a m/c a couple of weeks after my D&C, but we had totally different experiences at different stages. While we're sharing a similar grief, I still feel like we're on different pages.

Right after the m/c, I kept making these 'goals', and it started out as hoping I'd get pregnant by the time my EDD would have been in April, but then that turned into Christmas which turned into right freakin' now. I feel like a jerk because I feel like we're racing to have the first grandchild/great-grandchild on both sides. By the end of January, there will be 4 of us on DH's side all TTC and the thought of someone else getting to announce their pregnancy first makes me panic!! How irrational is that!?

Im also getting really sick of people asking if I'm pregnant yet (we just got married in September), it's a jab every time someone asks.

So glad it's the weekend, I have to go into work for a couple of hours, but I can't wait to come back home and plant myself on the couch!

**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230

Im sorry its been a rough week. I can completely sympathize! TTC in general can be stressful and when you ttc after a loss it is just this crazy amount of pressure to concieve again that it drives you crazy. Venting is good vent away! Nothing you are feeling is irrational either this is tough stuff and you are totally allowed to feel however you feel without getting down on yourself about it. Big hugs!!

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3015

You know I'm right there with you. Anytime you want to vent I'll listen. I've had a lot of people asking "so, when are you having the next one?" because ours are all 20 months apart (and LO is 19 months now) and I've gotten to the point where, if I know the person, I just tell them about the m/c. I'm tired of smiling and trying to avoid the question. Yeah, it makes some of them uncomfortable (they asked!), but a lot have also told me about their own losses. It's really too bad that the social message is to hush up about m/c. I feel better when I don't have to hide it.
And good luck. I really hope you're pregnant this cycle (and me, too) and that we can both have healthy, uneventful pregnancies.