Conundrum. :( help please :(

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Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859
Conundrum. :( help please :(

MIL has asked about dates so she can throw me a baby shower.
I would love a baby shower but..... There are people in my area who I don't class as friends.
They are the other halves of my other halves friends.
Since ttc both m and I have been excluded from things with these people because we didn't have a child.
Even being babysitter for one couple and having a great connection to the kids didn't get us an invite to a child's birthday party where all the group was hanging out.
There is one of the girls who was a friend but then I overheard her saying some rather nasty things about me and my then infertility so I def don't want her there.
2 girls I would ask. One I see here and there socially and the other sporadically pops a baby book in.
The others have done nothing wrong, I just don't class them as friends.
I have more contact with you guys!! We say hi when we bump into each other.
They all socialise together regularly. Which I have never been included in.
My problem is... If I only invited the 2 and didn't the others.. Would that cause more problems for m with the husbands.
Surely as they don't invite me snywhere they wouldn't have a problem with me not inviting them?
Or should I suck it up... Invite them and put my thick skin on when they leave knowing I will be picked apart!
The group have a pack mentality where they attack the one who's not there.
Of should I just avoid having a baby shower?

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Hard decision hun. Personally I would probably just suck it up and invite them - be the bigger person kind of thing. There were people I despised that gave me baby gifts and came to the shower when I had Robbie. We waited to have a shower after he was born as I was constantly being admitted with the gallstones.


Clarkton's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 1972

That is tough! I think you should do what you feel most comfortable and happiest doing. If these people are going to talk behind your back anyway then let them talk about how they weren't invited. You should enjoy your shower! Just invite who you want to spend time with. Smile

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

Why not have an informal baby shower? That's what I want to have (eventually one day). I'm not friends with many girls, mostly guys, so I plan to have more of a "baby shower for DH and I at the same time, men and women included". Would this sort of help alleviate the issue?

Or...have an online baby shower with all of us! Get a Skype party going!

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

There were a lot of people at work that I didn't want at my baby shower, but they expressed interest in going. So, I casually mentioned that I was having one, when it was and where it was a few weeks before.

They forgot ALL about it by the time it actually rolled around, but they couldn't get mad because I had informally invited them.

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Thanks girls Smile
Rachel.... Not a bad idea!!! Need to set Skype up!!
How cool would that be!!!!!

I had a chat with m about it all... The chat with mil is still to happen. Maybe when we go out to get the rest of the baby stuff... But I guess at the end of the day these people don't invite me to their 'things' so logically they shouldn't be offended if I don't invite them ... Right?
I mean after all I only see them if they are doing a shop and I an working... So...
I think I'll just leave it at my actual friends and family rather than who are supposed to be in the 'in crowd'
Not going to invite people who I either can't stand or don't really know just for social standing!!
I think.... Decision is made lol

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

I say do what makes you feel more comfortable, but if it was me "uhh he!! NO".

After excluding you and M because you were childless and then hearing nasty words being said about your infertility.... why would you want them there celebrating this gift you have both waited for for so long?? Forget their feelings, you do not want such a happy occasion spoilt by worrying what they might be saying or thinking.

Haha sorry for going on but this twists my melons!


mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

I had better get a virtual invite missy! LOL! Love you!

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

:lurk: Maybe by you making the first move (the olive branch, so to speak) it will help your relationship with these couples. It's better to be friends with your other half's other halves in the long run.

And if they turn out to be catty, at least they'll have given you presents at your shower!

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

I have tried to reach out. And yet I remain excluded from their lives unless they want something.
One girl who I severely dislike used to be what I thought was a good friend. She was treated badly by the others and myself and m persuaded the others that she and her oh were lovely.
They wouldn't even open the front door to her. When she became pregnant they all were all over her and she dropped me and bad mouthed me to everyone. Things she would say to me about people she then told them I had said about them.
So no... No olive branch.
And ultimately if they don't want me at their functions then they won't want to come to mine. So it's all good.
If we are all out together then I am polite. And I go as m's fianc?. Not as their friend Smile