Cheezy title, I know. My sweet little Miley Kay is already 7 weeks and 3 days old and I am just now starting her journal! It's been on my list of things to get done, but with a baby in the house very few items get checked off the to-do list.
I've kept a few notes on her since her birth, so I will begin with those and then move forward from there.
Tuesday, Sept 11, 2007
We got home yesterday afternoon around 3:30. I got NO sleep overnight at the hospital. My rear end was hurting pretty bad and tylenol3 wasn't doing anything for it, and the nurse wouldn't give me anything stronger until she talked to the doc, which wouldn't be until the morning. PLUS, hospitals are just not comfortable to sleep in, know what I mean? So I dosed up on percoset and took a two hour nap yesterday evening and felt MUCH better (well, other than my ass, LOL!)
Our first night went smoothly, the complete opposite of my experience with Mackenzie (THANK GOD). I think Miley fed three or four times or so from 7pm to midnight, then settled in until 3 am. She fed and gave us two really nasty poopy diapers, then was back out around 4. She slept until about 8am. Very successful first night. I know it won't be this easy every night, but I can only hope. She actually sleeps in her bassinet, which thrills me to death. Mackenzie would not let us put her down for very long and never did sleep in the bassinet. She slept in her car seat or swing when not being held by one of us.
I was so worried about how I would feel about her once she was born, whether I would fall in love with her right away like I did her sister. Well I am totally besotted. She's so beautiful, and I love nursing her. So far so good, but today is just our first full day home. My dh went to work today, but mom is here with me. My milk came in today, or is in the process of coming in because my boobs are getting heavier by the minute. So far no engorgement problems, but stay tuned.
Big sis Mackenzie is a little nerve-wracking, wanting to hold her and touch her constantly. I know the novelty will wear off soon, I just hope REAL soon. The dog (Lucy) is pacing all over the house and gets all wound up when Miley cries or makes any noise at all. Ken says we won't need a baby monitor, between Mackenzie and Lucy we will know every time she makes a sound!
Wed, Sept 12, 2007
Miley seems to have a good long spell of "awake" time at night. Last night she was awake from about 9pm to around midnight, nursing every half hr or so, then slept until about 3:30. It's funny because in my belly she was always really active and kicking around pretty good at around 9 pm until I went to bed. She's been sleeping in her bassinet, and Ken, sweet dh that he is, has been getting up and bringing her to me. It certainly makes it much easier to go back to sleep. Well, not to mention the percosets help, lol. BTW, I was able to go all day without one yesterday, then took one before bedtime. Hiney is feeling better. I haven't been brave enough to weigh myself yet, but my legs look back to normal, no swelling. I had forgotten what my ankles looked like! My belly is still swollen a little, so I may hold off until a week pp to weigh just so I don't make myself cry!
I think Miley pooped about 6 or 7 times yesterday! I don't know if I should be worried or not.
Thu, Sept 13, 2007
My god I must've forgotten how much they poop!! I did some reading and found that babies are in great shape if they're having this many poopy diapers. We're also going thru the diapers like they're kleenex. It's been a regular thing for Miley to go thru at least 2 during a feeding "session". Her sessions go like this: boob, burp, lay her down, poooooop (so noisy!), change diaper, cry for more boob, burp, pooop (and sometimes one more poooop), and so on until she goes back to sleep. At least the poop faces and explosive noises are entertaining, lol. Ken and I laughed our butts off Tues night at the faces she was making.
My boobs are definitely full, but not too sore. I'm still taking 800 mgs ibuprofen though, so that may be helping. It's been uncomfortable to sleep. I was looking forward to sleeping on my stomach again, but I guess not with rocks for boobs. I'm definitely feeling so much better, and not nearly as frazzled as I thought I would be like last time. Thank god for welbutrin. I may even venture out of the house today. I'm getting stir-crazy already. I can't remember the last time I watched so much tv. I did finally step onto the scale this morning. I've dropped about 20 lbs, which is more than I expected. So 40 to go, lol! I'd like to start walking again soon, but I'm still a little too sore just yet. Maybe in a couple more days I could venture out for a quick stroll.
Fri, Sept 14, 2007
It's been a little rough for Mackenzie to adjust to her new sister. She wants to touch and hold the baby all the time, and I've caught her trying to wake her up. I can understand this, because Miley is like a "new toy" to her and she wants to play with her sister. But of course this means that we are constantly getting on to her to leave Miley alone, let her sleep, don't bounce her around so much, etc. Add that to the fact that everybody asks about the baby, and ooh's and aah's over every little move Miley makes, and Mackenzie is no longer in the spotlight. Mackenzie cried to me last night that she is afraid that we'll like Miley more than her, and that no one asks about her anymore, and she wishes it would go back to the way it was before Miley, and on and on. Of course I'm a hormonal mess right now anyway (I burst into tears last night when Ken pointed out that I forgot to buy cheese at the store, wtf??), and I feel incredibly guilty that I am enjoying this baby so much more than I did my first one. Ken has tried to spend more one-on-one time with her, but it's been hard for me to do that so far. I know nothing will fix it but time and patience.
Other than my daughter drama, life is going pretty smoothly. She gave me a 4 1/2 hour stretch last night, woohoo! And my rear is "almost" back to normal...I can at least live with it, lol.
Sun, Sept 16, 2007
Up until last night, Miley has been really good at night, only getting up once between midnight and 7 or 8 am. But last night, I had to feed her every hour from about 10 pm to 3 am. She then finally slept a little, until 7. I came this close to breaking out the formula. It's so weird, but all during the pregnancy I kept telling myself, just get thru the first few weeks breastfeeding, then you can switch to formula. But I have really enjoyed feeding her. I never would've guessed it. In fact, I'm dreading it when I go back to work and she has to be weaned (or at least partially weaned...I guess I could still bf at night). I'm bored as hell at home, but I don't want to go back to work either. I don't want anyone holding my baby but me, lol! I want to cry just thinking about it. Heck, I have cried when I think about it. My six week follow-up is October 25 and I will have to go back pretty quickly after that since disability won't pay once I'm cleared by the doc.
I got out for a couple hours this afternoon to buy groceries, too. I feel almost back to normal, and it's only been a week. I even miss sex, GASP!! Last time the thought of anyone touching me made my skin crawl. The weight is coming off too. I've dropped 25 also! Yes! I need to start exercising this week.
Miley's first dr appt is tomorrow.
Wed, Sept 19, 2007
Last night was a bit rocky. Miley was pretty restless all night. I'm guessing she didn't take too well to chicken curry, which is what I made for dinner. She's been more restful today, so I was able to sneak in a nap. Her dr's appt on Monday went fine, other than the dr was running about an hour behind (what else is new). Oh, and Miley peed all over me and the floor in the exam room. They had me take her diaper off to have her weighed, and when that cold air hit her little bottom, she let it fly, LOL! She weighed 8lb 8oz!
Something the doctor suggested to me yesterday was to start sometime this week giving Miley one bottle of formula a day so that she would get used to the taste. Well here it is two days later and I still haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I can't believe that I am reluctant to give up even one breastfeeding a day. This so totally opposite of how I thought I would feel. Even in the hospital when they brought her to me for the first feeding, I was thinking that I couldn't wait until she was on formula. Now I hate the thought of giving her something that doesn't come from me. But I have to go back to work and I don't think I could keep up pumping at work.
Today is my 9th wedding anniversary. We aren't doing anything special for it, at least not today. Usually he and I try to sneak away for a night alone, but I don't think the timing is quite right this year. My mom also left to go home today. It's been awesome having her here, not just for her help, but for her company. I've been by myself (well, with Miley!) all day and I'm already climbing the walls. I've made myself a list of little projects I'd like to get done while I'm off, so maybe that'll help keep me occupied.
I'm still a bundle of emotions. I bawled this morning when my mom left. I just got a delivery of roses from Ken for our anniversary and burst into tears right in front of the delivery lady. Jeez. Well at least I am aware that it's hormones. So far the postpartum depression has held off. I really think the welbutrin has made a huge difference. Thank God!!
Sat, Sept 22, 2007
I just can't get motivated during the day. Man, I feel like superwoman if I get the floor swept, lol! I have managed to make dinner a couple times this week, woohoo! Seriously, I've been trying to cut myself some slack and just try to nap while she's down. It's hard because I can't quite get over the feeling that I'm sitting around doing nothing while my hubs toils away at work, kwim? Not to mention the monotony of doing the same thing over and over every day. I guess I'm getting a little stir crazy. On the other hand, I'm about to go nuts thinking that I will have to go back to work in just over 4 weeks. My baby is too little! I don't want to wean her! And I sure as hell don't want anyone else getting to enjoy my baby grow up. Aw jeez I'm gonna sit here and cry (like that's a new phenomenon). But there's just no way we would survive without my income.
On the big sis front, things are going much better. Hubs had to have a "come to Jesus" talk with her (that's what he calls laying down the law, lol) after his mom told us how Mackenzie was being rude and not doing what she was told while at her house. That was three days ago and things seem to be better.
I just joined weight watchers online. They're doing a one-week free trial. I'm trying the core plan. We'll see how this goes! I've got 33 lbs to lose to get back to my pre-pg weight. God, that's alot. Does nursing count as exercise?
Tue, Sept 25, 2007
Miley must be on a growth spurt because she is eating ALOT. She will feed three or four times during her awake periods, at least once every 30 mins. Ken gave Miley her first bottle of formula last Saturday, and has been giving her one or two bottles a day since. She seems to like it pretty well, but it still hurts my feelings to have her eating it, lol!
Man, last night we had some serious poop entertainment at my house. Ken took Miley to her room to change her diaper. Before he could get a diaper on her, she pooped on the fresh diaper, her blanket and the changing pad cover. So, he picks her up to get the poopy cover off the changing pad, and she proceeded to poop down the front of her dresser, all over the carpet, and on his shirt. We are both cracking up at this point because really, all you can do is laugh! So I take over the changing of the baby while he does some clean up. Well, mommy was not to be left out of the fun. Before I could get another diaper on her Miley let loose again all over the now-coverless changing pad, and it went EVERYWHERE, including all over her pacifier that was sitting on the dresser. Needless to say, the changing pad will never be the same again, and the paci went in the trash. Okay, so we are totally busting a gut by this time, including Mackenzie who is beyond grossed out. So I tried once again to get Miley cleaned up and diapered and.....she peed on me and all over her onsie. SIGH. I swear it was like watching a Three Stooges movie. A total of 4 diapers bit the dust in this little poop episode, three of which never even made it onto her body! So Miley went in the tub and Ken broke out the cleaning supplies. BTW, we JUST put new carpet in the girls' rooms two months ago. Thank GOD Ken insisted on getting a dark, multi-colored carpet!
As far as my weight goes, I'm at 166 as of today. I'm doing great during the day, but at night I just want to munch! I'm trying the core plan, and I went grocery shopping yesterday and got all sorts of veggies and fruits and NO JUNK, so hopefully that will help me stick to it a little better. Ken wants to lose about 20 lbs himself so he's not complaining (YET).
Oh, and one more quick TMI thought. I am still bleeding, and I am SO ready for it to stop. It makes me feel gross! Beyond that, everything seems back to normal. I really don't remember how long it lasted after Mackenzie, but reading up on it on the internet it seems that it can last anywhere from 10 days to 6 weeks. Wow, that really narrows it down, huh?
Well, Miley just drifted off to sleep so I'm gonna jump in the shower while I can.
Sun, Sept 30, 2007
Yesterday, we DTD!!!! And everything still works!!! I'm so relieved!!! Okay, sorry, major TMI, I know. I'm still spotting, but it's been 4 wks since dtd so dh wasn't too picky about it, thank GOD. It didn't hurt, surprisingly, but I didn't have any tears. Last time I had three or four stitches and it was pretty uncomfortable the first time (I waited until six weeks).
Mon, Oct 1, 2007
Miley has been eating like a pig! I bet she weighs ten pounds by now! Nights have been pretty good as well. Thankfully she usually does all her cluster feeding during the day. She tops off about 11:30 or 12, then gets up around 3 and again around 6 or 7. DH has been giving her a bottle of formula at her 3am feeding, so I get about six or seven hours of sleep in a row, wooohooo!!!! Last Thursday night (well, early Fri morning actually) was a little rough. She was up every hour until 5 am, and Ken was already getting really frustrated with her by 2am. I got up with her at that point, and kept feeding her and feeding her. I was totally exhausted. I just had a complete breakdown at about 3:30. I just sat there rocking and feeding Miley and cried. I think I scared the shit out of Ken because he immediately got up and made me go back to bed. He asked me why I had gotten up in the first place and I told him it was because I could hear him getting pissed at Miley and I didn't want him to lose it. I don't think he realized he was doing it. I just kept thinking about how I would get so pissed with Mackenzie in the middle of the night, to the point where I just wanted to throw her (NOT THAT I WOULD HAVE). Ken worked nights when Mackenzie was first born, so I had night duty completely alone. But most of Mackenzie's nights were like that, whereas Miley has only had a couple of rocky nights. Anyway, I digress. I'm very lucky so far with Miley. She's much more laid back than Mackenzie was (and still is, lol). My mom says it's because I'm more laid back this time around. Maybe, whatever, but I'm hoping it stays this way.
Well today starts my fourth week home. I am so sick of daytime TV, and I can't seem to get anything done beyond the normal chores of laundry, floors and dinner. SIGH. I need to go thru my maternity clothes (some of which I'm still wearing, UGH) and get them on ebay.
Well, I hear my Piglet beginning to squeal, so I must go!
Sat, Oct 6, 2007
Miley is 4 weeks tomorrow....can you freakin' believe it?!? We're doing pretty good. I did have a meltdown yesterday afternoon. Miley would NOT take a nap!! She was up from about noon until 6pm with only 10 min catnaps here and there. I was losing my mind! I'm also slowly letting my milk go and giving her a bottle. I'm still pumping a few ounces a day to mix with formula, but probably not for too much longer. I hate to give it up but I'm supposed to go back to work in just a couple weeks. I wish I would win the lottery or something so I could stay home with her, lol! I can barely stand the thought of my baby being raised by someone else. I don't want her to forget who her mommy is.
Fri, Oct 12, 2007
I've had both the girls at the doctor's office this week. Miley went Tuesday. She's had a stuffy nose and the dr said to let them check her out since she's still so young. Her lungs and ears are just fine, she just has a little cold. Then yesterday, Mackenzie got up with a sore throat, and since strep throat is going around school right now, I took her in to have a strep test done. Negative, thank god, but she's got an upper respiratory infection (um, basically a cold). Mackenzie was also out of school on Wednesday because we had a county-wide power outage that forced her school to close for the day. Our power came back on fairly quick, but alot of the county was out for several hours. So with all the craziness here, this is the first time I've been on the 'puter in two or three days.
Miley gave us a five-hour sleep a couple nights ago, from about 11pm to 4am. BUT, the little turkey wouldn't go back to sleep after the 4am feed! But she's eating about every 3-4 hrs at night. Oh, and at the doc's on Tues, she was weighed...10lb 10oz! Can you believe the little piglet I gave birth to?!?
My mom and dad are back up for a visit. They came in today and will stay thru the weekend. Mom and I are taking the girls to a local fall festival tomorrow. This will be my first time having Miley out at something like this. I'm not looking forward to driving a stroller again.
Tue, Oct 23, 2007
Miley is definitely keeping me busy. She's been having alot more awake time during the day, so I have to squeeze in laundry and dinner and such in the short little naps she takes. She's evidently hit a growth spurt because she did nothing but eat. all. day. long. She hasn't napped more than a couple hours total, and all her sleep was in little 20 min chunks. BUT, on the good side, she slept six hrs in a row last night! Woohoo!
My postpartum checkup is this Thursday. My boss has already called me asking when I'm coming back. I still don't know when. I have to go back, but I really want to just stay home and do the SAHM gig for a few more months. SIGH. I'm on the fence about work. I love watching my baby girl grow up, but I feel like I accomplish next to nothing. And I do miss adult contact. Just this morning I begged dh to play hookie and stay home with me, lol! But he has a meeting this morning and can't. SIGH. I would love to do part time, but I'm almost scared to ask about it at work. I will probably end up going back to work next week, but I am trying not to think about it too much. I've given myself until after my dr's appt before I make myself think about it, lol.
Mon, Oct 29, 2007
I'm back to work, and I'm pretty pissed about it. I had my 6wk appt last Thu, and afterwards I stopped by my work to give my boss my release to come back to work (dated Oct 26, the next day) and to talk with him about when I would be back. Well, he was not at work, so I left my dr's release on his desk and told his secretary I'd call him the next morning and that I was planning on returning on Wed 10/31. My boss called me Fri morning all kind of pissy because my release form said I could come back to work that day and I wasn't there. I told him about stopping by to talk with him the day before, and that I would be back on Wed. He said, no, you need to be back on Monday. I also asked him about coming in at 9 am (instead of 7:30) for a few weeks until Miley and the rest of us got used to the new morning routine. He said, well that might be okay for a day or two but you need to be here at 7:30. I was PISSED. What a dick! I cried and fumed all day Friday and most of the weekend. He, of course, is not here today either. He's on vacation. And my co-workers have all said he's been nothing but an asshole to everybody. Even his secretary, who btw is a preacher and holier-than-thou and wouldn't say a cross word about the devil himself, said he's a jerk. So, Ken took off work today, and tomorrow Miley goes to my mother in law's house for the whole day. I just want to cry as I type this! It's like something primal in me that wants to scream, She's MY baby!! Intellectually I know everything will be just fine, but my heart aches at the thought of missing even the littlest moment. I don't remember feeling this way with Mackenzie, but then again she was almost 7 months old before I went back to work full time. I was THIS close to quitting my job today, but I can't. We could possibly get by without my pay (um, if we sold a bunch of stuff and ate beans and rice and shopped exclusively at goodwill, lol), but the insurance is what we can't afford to be without.
And can I admit to you something REALLY scarey?? I think I would seriously consider having one more if I could stay at home. I finally understand why some people keep having more babies. This time around has been so much better than the first time. If the first time had been more like this, we'd probably have had the second alot sooner!
Tue, Oct 30, 2007
Yesterday went okay. I was pretty busy at work so I didn't have to think about it too much. I will tell you one benefit to being away from your baby all day...You are so excited to see them when you get home! Usually, after dealing with her all day, I am more than ready to hand off the baby when Ken gets home from work. Yesterday I couldn't wait to get home and put her in my arms. See?? I'm looking on the bright side!
I think I embarrassed my doctor at my pp apt last Thursday, lol! He said, have you had sex yet? I said yes. He said, how was it? I said, It was great! He said, that's not what I meant. I meant did it hurt? LOL! I've been pleasantly surprised that I still have some sort of a sex drive. Last time I couldn't even begin to think about sex. I think it was a couple years or more before I really started enjoying it again. We've been using condoms, which SUCK, but hopefully there will be no surprises for us. I'm having an iud inserted on 11/14, which I'm pretty nervous about.