I had these grandiose ideas that I was going to get a job. A full-time, daytime job. Tim and I talked and decided we'd hire a nanny for Nick because we didn't want to do daycare. So I was on my way to an interview, saw a bulletin board with a baby and his mom on it and started crying! I came home, and even though I was excited about the job, something didn't feel right. I just kept feeling sad and stressed out. Then it hit me - I am not ready to leave Nick. Not even for 5 or 6 hours a day (Tim and I had decided to stagger our work times so he'd only be with a nanny for that long)! I don't know why it took me that long to figure out. I love being home with him. I love watching him grow, learn new stuff, and be himself. I love being the one who gets to see all his exciting new things first, and I love that I'm the one who comforts him when he's sad. I do miss working though, so I've decided that until I can find a good nighttime job, I'm going to volunteer at night at our local domestic violence crisis line. That way, Tim can watch Nick when I need him to and I'm not tied down to any set number of hours. AND I get my baby-break!
I've been to the dentist yesterday and today for a deep cleaning. UGH!!!! It really sucks! I hate the dentist. I have to go back in the near future to get some cavities filled and possibly a root canal. Well, that's what happens when you don't go to the dentist for 7 years! I decided I had to get over my fear and go because I didn't want to pass on my irrational phobia to Nick. He needs to see that the dentist is not scary!
I've also been talking to Tim more about the adoption, and I was telling him that maybe we should wait to even get started until October. I want Nick to have time to be the baby for a while. I know that will only extend the process another 3-4 months, so maybe I'm just being silly. I think the developmental leap from 2 to 3 is so big that it will make a difference. I want him to be able to verbalize if he feels sad or bad about the changes that his little sister will cause, you know? I just worry about my little sweetie. I think he'll be about 28 months old when we bring her home if we start around his first birthday. Tim thinks 24 months is good enough. We'll see how we feel as we get into the summer months!
Soon I'm going to go shopping for some new clothes for Nicky. He has so many clothes, but almost none of them are clothes that Tim and I bought him. This bothers me for some reason! I want him to mainly wear clothes that we picked out. Isn't that strange?? I must be the only mom who feels that way - most people are glad when their kids get free clothes!
I went through something similar after I had my oldest ds, it's so hard to try and find that balance. I think it's wonderful that your wanting to volunteer at a domestic violence center!
Oye the dentist, I hear ya loud n' clear I hadn't gone in about 12 yrs b/c of my fear, finally went & spent a good 3 months in there getting my poor teeth fixed LOL Thankfully just lots of fillings n' such.
And, for what it's worth I dn't think your strange lol Your a mama!
OMG! I have an ongoing hate relationship with my teeth! I got really messed up growing up in Poland and going to this butcher dentist... and not having fluorinated water was also a factor... but I keep getting my fillings and root canals- it just sucks!
I also stress out majorly before I go, the only thing that helps, is my nice Indian lady dentist who is so sweet!!! She is so loving and gentle that I wouldn't do it without her. She kind of looks like you too, it helps to have nice associations lol....
I can understand how you wouldn't want to go to work. I feel that way, even if i'm gone for a few hours on a fieldtrip for one of the older kiddos. I miss my babies.
Yeah, the guilt of bringing another baby home...It happens each time. That will be an adjustment every time, no matter what age.
You guys are so sweet! And OMG Chims, 12 years?? Holy moly, I thought 7 was bad. Asha, I know, I went to a butcher dentist too and that's why I never went back! It's so cool that you like your new dentist (and aww about the nice associations! ). I like my new hygienist, haven't yet spent time with my dentist. I am so nervous about possible root canals - how painful was your recovery?? They told me they're going to sedate me for the actual procedure, so at least that's something!
I found a really cool volunteer opportunity! It's as a Service Unit Director for the Girl Scouts in my area. It comes with a lot of responsibility (which is what I was looking for, I need my brain to be stimulated!), and the lady who will "hire" me was enthused about meeting with me. It's neat because I would get to hire their volunteer team, approve girl programs, and do a lot of generally neat things if I get hired. And of course, being a volunteer means flexibility! I am also going to a meeting on Tuesday for the domestic violence council. Since both of these things sounds so interesting to me, I'm going to see which will fit my schedule better. I feel really good about my decision not to work yet!