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flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

My name is Iris, and I have a little two and a half month old daughter. I'm going to start with our birth story, and do an introduction tomorrow. We had a planned homebirth, with just my DBF, a midwife, and her assistant attending. It went beautifully, and I'm completely thrilled with the experience that we had.

I had been feeling like the baby was going to come at any time. My due date had passed, and I was ready for labor! Then, I came down with a nasty, nasty, cold. I was miserable. The labor that I had envisioned, the one where I was strong, happy, and focused, seemed like an impossibility. I had actually started to wake up in the morning, thankful that I hadn’t gone into labor in my state. On January 26th, after four days of being yucky sick, I gave in and took some extra strength Tylenol. My fever finally came down. DBF had an important awards ceremony to go to that night, and I decided to stay home to rest up and get well. Plus, there was no way I’d have been able to dress my gigantic belly appropriately for the black tie event! Biggrin

I was 41 weeks and one day pregnant, and feeling better than I had in days! I had been having strong BH contractions for about a month, but now, they started to get stronger. DBF came home at around eleven. I told him I was having stronger contractions than I had ever had, and got into the shower. I spent a long time sitting in the tub, with the removable shower head on my back and tummy. We went to bed, but I had a hard time sleeping, because of the contractions that were coming every ten minutes or so. I was able to doze a little in between, but had a hard time getting comfortable, so I got out of bed. DBF found me a few hours later, sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, wrapped in a blanket. He lied on the couch, watching me. He told me later, that at that point, he KNEW that I was going into labor. I tried to have him go back to bed, to get as much sleep as he could, but he wanted to be with me.

Once DBF dozed off at about 7 in the morning, I sat on the rocking chair in the baby’s room, and called my mom. I told her I was having a lot of contractions, but that they weren’t painful, just distracting. She said, “Oh, they may not ever get painful. My second labor was just like that, until the very last few contractions, where they got strong, and I pushed her out.” She suggested I call my midwife, to give her a heads up. (It must be said here that my mom’s second birth was UC. She had planned on having her husband and a midwife attend, but they didn’t get there in time. She gave birth alone on her bathroom floor! Go Mom!)

I called the MW, and she said it should be a while, yet, and to give her a call when I noticed a “marked difference” in the strength of my contractions. I convinced DBF (who of course wasn’t sleeping—he was too scared to leave me needing him) to go for a walk with me. He thought I was crazy, but he agreed. He dressed me in one of his coats, and we took a nice, quiet, morning walk through the neighborhood.

I took another shower, and DBF went to bed. I tried to sit on my birthing ball, but hated the way it felt to have all of that pressure on my bottom. I found a semi-comfortable position on the floor in front of the couch, with my head on the seat. I managed to sleep between contractions, which were getting stronger and stronger, for the next few hours.

I noticed that there was a little bit of blood on the towel under me, (I was still undressed from taking a shower.) and got very excited. Now I had PROOF that something was happening. I realized that I hadn’t eaten since the evening before. I drank some orange juice, and as much chicken broth as I could, though I didn’t feel hungry at all. I also downloaded the new Iron and Wine album, because I realized at this time that I HAD TO have it. Smile

My memory gets quite hazy at this point. I know that I spent the next few hours moving around our apartment, when I was feeling like I needed to labor in a different position. I know that whenever DBF broke eye-contact with me when I was having a contraction, I felt like I was going to lose control.

I spent some time on the toilet, with DBF on my birth ball in front of me. I didn’t have a lot of words in me. Whenever DBF would move away from me, I would bat his hands, and tell him, “Shut up. Shut up,” making him look into my eyes. He was so calm, and it made me feel so good. At one point, I realized that my eyes were getting googlie, and rolling around a little, but I held onto his eyes, and was able to stable them.

DBF sat on a chair in front of the sink while I sat on the floor next to him. We were listening to our new album, and I was telling him every time I had a contraction, so he could time them. They started to come on top of each other, starting over again right after the one before had peaked. We were still in denial about my being in labor!

At one o’clock, I couldn’t sit on the floor any longer, so I moved to the floor in front of the fireplace. I laid down with a few pillows to prop up my belly. I got a REALLY strong contraction at that point, and started moaning, and saying DBF’s name. I said “Oh God, oh God…..!” as I felt a gush of water. I was scared I’d stain the carpet! I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom, but halfway there, I yelled, “I’m gonna throw up!” DBF tried to assure me that I wasn’t—He knows how much it scares me. I threw the bathroom rug out of my way, so I could crouch in front of the toilet without making a mess on it. I slammed the door shut for privacy, :rolleyes: and in between retches, told him to call our midwife. He’s telling her my water broke, and I’m yelling, “And she’s throwing up! Tell her I’m throwing up!” As soon as I finished emptying my stomach, I had to go #2! As I’m going to the bathroom, DBF is asking me through the door, “She wants to know if you feel any pressure on your bottom!” I had to have a laugh at that, and said something pretty crude in response.

Here's a pic of me just a few seconds before my water broke. Notice the crease on my forehead? That's from leaning against that chair for so long.


I came out of the bathroom, and got onto the phone. I realized that I was having a very nice break from contractions. As we talked, I started pacing very quickly, and my midwife asked me, “Are you having a contraction right now? I’ll wait.” I realized at that point that I was, so I put the phone down, and got onto my hands and knees on the floor. I said, “Oh ****. Nothing is making this better.”

At that point, I realized that I actually was going to have a baby that day.

Our midwife came over, and found us in the bathroom. She had me go into my bedroom so she could do a VE. I got onto my side, and made her wait for a few minutes, before I said, “You know what? It’s (the pain, that is) not going to get any better. Just do it.” She checked, and she said I was dilated to four centimeters. A mother ****ing four!! She saw the face I made at that, and laughed.

I labored on the bed for a few minutes, but I didn’t like that, so we got up to go back to the bathroom. As I got up, I caught the eyes of my midwife, who was sitting on my floor. I realized that I must look like a wild animal, naked and panting, with my hair loose and in my face and crazy. I marveled for a little bit about how little I cared about that.

I was laboring on the toilet when the MW came in, and told me she was going to go home (she lives about five minutes away from us). She must have seen on my face what I was feeling when she said that. She took DBF’s spot on the birth ball and had a little talk with me. She told me that all I had to do was open up. I was doing it fine so far; I just had to open up more. “Listen. It’s not ever going to get unbearable.” In my head, I thought. “That is total bullshit!! It’s almost unbearable right now. And I’m going to open up MORE??” Her leaving meant, to me, that I was going to be in labor FOREVER.

In hindsight, I realize that I was in transition as she was talking to me on the birthing ball in my bathroom.

I couldn’t stay where I was any longer, so we went back into the bedroom. I was in the fetal position on the bed for a bit, before I started to lose control. I was grunting, and tensing my body! After a few contractions like that, I decided that I NEEDED to stay relaxed, so I got into the bath. It took a lot of readjusting on DBF’s part before the water was comfortable enough for me. I lay curled up in the bath for about twenty minutes, contracting and holding back pushes before I realized- DUH!, I WAS PUSHING!!

The midwife came right over. She checked me, though I really didn’t want her to. I just didn’t have the voice to say no. I almost kicked her off of me as she was doing the exam. She announced very calmly that she felt the baby’s head. Her head?? :eek: She showed me on her knuckles how far in the baby was. Not far at all! Yes!

We moved to the bedroom, but not before grabbing a towel for my hair! I hate having wet hair all over the place when I’m in bed. On the way to my bedroom, I was saying, “Tell me where to go!” I didn’t want to have to move once I got there. She tried to explain that I should do whatever feels best for me, but I didn’t know. I tried to get on my hands and knees, but my belly got in the way. She suggested I get on my side, and hold a leg up. The midwife’s assistant got there as I started to push, and rushed to get things in order. Between pushes I was telling her where she could get a hat for the baby, where she could find olive oil, etc.

What really surprised me was that I had to learn how to push. I was trying to push from the front only, and close off the back. Nope. It really is just like you’re pooping, and I was very strongly reminded of that by my midwife. Biggrin I was getting a little scared, and I said so. I felt like if I really gave all of my force, like she was telling me to, that I would tear right open, or my intestines would come out. So for the next twenty minutes or so, I pushed with all of my force, but was only concentrating about half of it into my bottom. The rest was coming out of my mouth, and into my upper body.

The assistant finally got everything together, and sat down in front of my legs at the edge of the bed. She saw what I was doing, and she reprimanded me! She sternly said my name, and told me to STOP using my voice. I laughed- She made me feel like a naughty child!

After that, I was able to push more efficiently. I was breathing and pushing whenever the urge came to me, probably two or three times per contraction- None of that count to ten, breaking blood vessels in your face pushing that you see in movies. At one point, she had me reach and feel the baby’s head, and I shrieked and laughed. It was so squishy! Not what I had expected at all! A few times, I got her head almost out, but then it would pop back in. The feeling of her little body popping through my pelvis was quite a bizarre feeling, and it made me laugh and scream every time.

At one point, I was getting very tired, and I saw, in my head, all of the liquid that I had let go of earlier, and I thought. “I don’t have any fuel! I can’t do this!!” And to be honest, I really wanted to give up. If I was doing anything other than giving life to my child, I WOULD HAVE given up.

Some warm olive oil and one quick ring of fire later, her head was out! I remember the midwife’s assistant saying “Just push through the pain!” as she was crowning, which, to me, weren’t the most encouraging words. “Push through”?? More like “push into”!

Then, her little body turned, and then I pushed out her shoulders! Oh sweet relief!, As her body slipped out with a big gush of water. I lay there for a moment before the midwife said, “Reach down and pick up your baby!” And I picked up her warm, wet, squiggly body and held her close. She smelled just like her father. I looked up at him, and I saw his face, so clearly that I will never ever forget it. He had tears shining down the sides of his nose, and he kissed me.

Baby had little fists, and was waving them around as she looked me in the eyes and said “Ha ha. Ha ha.” Little laughing noises! I held her as the cord stopped pulsating, and DBF made the cut. She made a little gasp, and I watched as her skin immediately started to pink up. She fed as the placenta was birthed. It actually felt good coming out after the baby—no bones! Biggrin

As the baby was getting dressed, “Oh, do you two have a name for her?”

DBF and I looked at each other.


DBF took the baby, and the midwife’s assistant and I made our way to the bathroom. She tried to have me urinate, but I had somehow forgotten how to. I got into the shower, and held my belly close for a while. It was so wiggly and empty! The assistant dried me off, and put me into those sexy mesh panties, and tucked me into bed.

We all ate falafel together around our bed, as we watched the sun go down over the neighborhood through our window.

Little Paisley was born on January 27th, at 4:50 pm, after less than four hours of active labor, and fifty minutes of pushing. She was 7lb 4oz, and 20 ¼” long.

And here she is!


flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

DBF and I met a little more than a year ago. I know, we moved very quickly. I would say, "when you know you know," but with us, that wasn't exactly the case. Biggrin

Well, HE knew, I didn't. I took a little longer. We had been dating for about two months when we got pregnant. He was ready for it, but I was a little reserved, still. I was 24, and livin it up! He was 37, and really wanting to settle and have a family.

Obviously, I came around. Smile Now, I am happier than I ever have been. DBF is wonderful, just an amazing person. He wants nothing more than to take care of us. I had a bit of a struggle with that in the beginning, to be honest. I've always been independent, and I have to admit, I was pretty untrusting of the male species. I've just never seen, in real-life, a couple that has actually lasted, and stayed happy.

Well, there was a little peak into my disfunction, eh?

DBF was born in Tehran, Iran. His family split up, and he was bounced around between family members from the time he was three years old. His cousin, who was ten years old, fell in love with him. He was almost like a son to her, and she wanted to keep him. She and her mother were moving back to the states soon, and she asked if she could take DBF with. It ended up being decided by the family that he would go live in Los Angeles with his Ame (Aunt) and his cousin. Though, his Ame only brought him so that her daughter would be happy. Eventually, he was adopted by Ame, and his cousin became his sister. We love his cousin, and I'll probably be talking about her a lot. So, when I say SIL, that's who I mean. Is that confusing? :/

He came here when he was eight, not speaking a word of English. He was put in school, and found Judo, a Japanese martial art. Judo became the consuming activity in his life. He trained and trained, and competed and competed, and traveled around the world, all through college. He made it to the Olympic trials in 2000, but didn't make it, by a hair. At that point, he was thirty, and he decided that that would be the end of the road for his Judo career. He still practices and coaches, but he doesn't compete.

He moved back to LA, and started shooting television shows. He got his master's degree in Cinematography, and now he, well, he shoots more television. Smile Ultimately, he would like to do more narrative projects. For now, he's doing what he knows he can do to make money easily to take care of his family. So, he's got some frustration with his work right now, but I think he'll get where he wants to be soon.

I was born in Seattle, on our family's living room couch! My mother gave birth to her first in a hospital, and since then, swore them off. She had her next at home, accidentally unassisted. She had me, unassisted, at home. By the time my younger brother came along, we were (legal) migrant workers, living in a truck. So, that's where he came out! Unassisted, again, if you hadn't guessed. Biggrin

Woopsies, baby's awake! More to come, soon.

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

After about five days of not napping at all during the day, my little one has finally gotten into the groove of sleeping again. I was getting a little worried, because I could see that she was sleepy, and it was making her cranky. But right now she's sleeping with her hands above her head, and one leg kicked out, like she's dancing, Persian style. Smile

We went out to do some errands today, and she was so content, just sitting in her stroller, looking at me, and smiling when I talked to her. I find that I do that a lot; talk to her like she's a grown person. I'll tell her where we're going, what we're doing, what I see. Sometimes strangers look at me like I'm crazy. They're silly.

I'm on a search for jeans that don't fall off my newly scrawny ass. I had (have?) an obsession with denim, and have a closet full of really expensive jeans that I cannot wear. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back up to my prepreg weight when I'm finished BFing, but I hope so, for my jeans' sake.

But I'll keep the big boobies, please.

Tomorrow is DBF's "Anything I Want" day. I think it's great that we've turned our birthdays into that. So much less stressful. Basically I just have to do whatever he wants for the whole day.

For my "Anything I Want" day a few weeks ago, I forced him to change his voicemail message, saying that he wouldn't return any calls until the next day. He changed all the diapers (he'll do that anyhow, though Smile ), he watched the baby in the waiting area while I got a pedicure, we walked around, window shopping, and he was not allowed to say anything negative, the whole day. We had sushi on an outdoor patio. Then we bought a little cake and some champagne, and got dressed up and had cake in our apartment. Our neighbors stopped by and shared with us, and took some pictures. Then we fell asleep on the floor in front of Dances With Wolves, ha ha. No DTD for me. Maybe next year.

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

We're just hanging out today. DBF has been having a lot of time off lately, so we are just playing with the babe, and doing a few errands. One downside to having a home birth, is that we have to prove to the government that we actually have a child. Getting her birth certificate and a social security number have proven to be one big pain in the ass.

A funny thing happened, though, at the office where we got her birth certificate. We put on our forms that we were not married. The woman that filed our paperwork was from Egypt. She saw DBF's name on the certificate, and actually came out to talk to us. She said she would put that we were married on our forms, because she was looking out for us. "You're middle eastern, you need to be married. You're getting married, right? I'll just say that you are, if you promise me that you will get married."

DBF promised her that we would get married. What a way to propose, eh?

A woman asked me last night if the feeling of surrealness (is that actually a word....?) has worn off yet. I had to think a moment, and told her no. The more I thought, the more I realized that the whole experience of having this child, has been so surreal. Intense, and moving, and wonderful. Calming. I had a postpartum euphoria that lasted for days after giving birth. It still hasn't completely faded. I do get tired, and irritable once in a while when I'm hungry, but all in all, I feel wonderful. How could I not? I get to watch my little child grow and learn every day!

PK is starting to make so much noise! She's squawking all the time now! And she makes these sighs when she smiles-- adorable. She's laughing a lot, too. Well, not a full out laugh; more like a smile, with force behind it. Biggrin

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

I talked about Paisley's birth with DBF last night as we were eating dinner. He was telling me about when I went into the shower after I gave birth. He wandered around the house with her in his arms, whispering to her. She was looking at him the whole time, not breaking eye contact, not even blinking. As he told me about this, his chocolatey eyes got teary, and I couldn't help but get watery myself. He said he would never ever forget being alone with her for that thirty minutes.

I begged for him to let me watch her birth video. He had been avoiding it for a long time. It was hard for him, during the labor,to see me working so hard, and not being able to do anything about it. He likes to fix things for me, and when he can't, it's very frustrating for him.

I was thinking that fifty minutes was quite a long time to be pushing. But, after looking at the video, I see that I was only actually pushing for about a fifth of that time. The rest of that was me resting, and talking a little with the others in the room. DBF was awesome, rubbing my hair, and feeding me sips of water. We even kissed a few times, which I don't remember at all. I think it was him giving me reassurance, and reminding me that he was there. I wimpered once, before a push, "I have one coming, but I'm scared I'm not strong enough!"

The whole thing was so fascinating for me to watch. Not only because it helped me to fill in the blanks in my memory. It was just incredible, seeing the power that my body has. Giving birth was so healing for me.

To watch it happen all over again, just really pounds into my head how truly amazing women are.

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

DBF has this cute nickname for the little pooper. He calls her goozoo. He speaks to her in Farsi all the time, so I had no idea what it meant. I just thought it was a cute nonsense word. But the other day, they were playing together on the floor. She kept on farting! I still am not a grown up yet, obviously, cause I think her little poots are hilarious!

Everytime she would push out a little baby fart, DBF would say. "Gooz!"

(baby fart) "Gooz!!"

(giggles, baby smiles)

(baby fart) "Gooz!"

(More giggles)

I say, "Wait, you call her Goozoo, and you're saying, 'gooz'...."

Goozoo means little fart?

"Yeah, you know, little farter. It's cute. Farts are cute."

"You don't think MY farts are cute."

"........Sure I do." (quickly breaking eye contact)


I suppose I can't be mad. I call her Little Pooper, or sometimes for short, The Pooper.

But, really, my farts aren't cute? I'm not pregnant anymore. They can't be so bad, right?

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

Whew. I had a rough time gettign little PK down tonight. She was so cranky tired, I tried to nurse her to sleep. As soon as she fell asleep and I'd get the boobie out of her mouth, she'd flail her arms and wake up. This happened about three times before I decided to try the "daddy move" aka, walking aroun with her over the shoulder, burping style. No go. I strapped her to me, and paced for an hour. No go. I tried to leave her in her bed, looking at the stars (we have one of those glowing lady bugs) but she was only content for ten minutes or so before she started fussing. Man, she was fighting it. I finally got her down by lying with her and nursing. Three hours after her normal bedtime.

Then I realize that I didn't even eat anything today. Well, hardly anything. Cereal with strawberries, then a blended coffee and chocolate muffin. Ugh! Caffeine. That was probably it. I never drink anything with caffiene in it. It makes me so I'm not hungry for food. And since I'm BFing, I really need to have more calories. And I'm sure that's why The Pooper had such a hard time going down tonight.

If there's any hope for me fitting into my old jeans again, I gotta stay away from the caffiene.

I'm quite lucky, though. For the past month, she has STTN. This past week, she'll even sleep for ten hours in a row! So, she'll go to bed at nine or so, then wake up for an early morning feed. I pull her into bed with us, and she'll sleep another three hours or so with us.

My little girl is getting so vocal. I love it! She's just constantly cooing and squawking, and making faces and laughing noises. Sometimes I'll catch her making noises at something, and I'll say hi to her. She'll look at me and smile so big, and her little limbs will get into it, and she just looks so happy she can barely contain herself! Awwwww......

I never thought I would find someone who sneezes like me, but I did! PK sneezes over and over again, rapid fire! Ha! Ha! She sneezes so much that her little legs kick out, and her hands ball into little fists. So funny!

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

Yikes! I have four friends coming in from out of town tonight. Our apartment is a mess, and I've gotta get to that, but not before I catch up on!

And tomorrow, DBF has decied that we should entertain, so....... we have thirteen people coming over. Thirteen people! And we have to feed them! Most of them will be Persian, and he thinks we should serve them Persian food. Me, the American, trying to impress some Iranians with my Persian cooking. Yeah..... I guess we'll have to see how that goes.

And we live in an apartment. It's not too tiny, but, come on, it's not the sprawling mansion that I would love to entertain in. We don't even have thirteen places for people to sit in.

I really hate entertaining. DBF says it's good for me to do things that I'm uncomfortable with. That's so him, to say something like that. I told him that that is the reason why I'm so much of a calmer person than he is. I don't put myself into situations that stress me out. He feels like we NEED to put ourselves where we're uncomfortable, to overcome it.

You can really tell that he was a professional athlete sometimes. Ha! Ha!

So, here we are, spending the weekend, "bettering myself."

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

What a weekend!

My friends were stopping by on a road trip, which ultimately ended up with them coming over at about ten thirty on saturday, and not leaving till pretty late. It was good to see them, even though they barely got to see the pooper.

DBF and I ended up having a really big fight that night. We NEVER fight. It was exhausting, and I think we both felt really bad about it.

And, despite my complaining, I had lot of fun on Sunday. We cooked a ton of food, and we ate all afternoon and evening. DBF's cousins came, and were sooooo cute with the baby.

I loved watching his cousin Sara, especially. There she was, this beautiful foreign woman in a nice dress, rolling on the floor, kissing the baby, and pretending to eat "Paisley Kabob!" She had everyone laughing so hard, as she was loving our baby into big fits of giggles.

Poor girl- every moment I wasn't feeding her, she was gettign smothered with attention. But she was laughing the whole time, and our guests really seemed to be loving it, so I didn't have the heart to take her away for a nap. So, needless to say, as soon as our guests left, we had an overtired baby on our hands.

DBF took lots of pictures, so I'll be sure to post some soon.

This morning we got a call from one of his childhood friends. She grew up across the street from him with her brothers and mother. One of the brothers was killed. So, we went to her house to comfort them.

My goodness, that was mildly awkward for me. I grew up in a very "hide your feelings" family, so to see people I barely know, mourning so openly, made me pretty uncomfortable. I think it's wonderful, though, really, to let people know how you actually feel, instead of pretending you don't fel anything.

But, they don't really speak a lot of English, and I don't speak a lot of Farsi. So, I felt horrible, just sitting with them as they're wailing, and feeling like a voyeur. DBF's friend had to go make arrangements at the funeral home, and needed DBF with her for moral support. So PK and I had to stay behind, and keep the parents of the brother from killing each other.

Poor man, he's walking around the house sobbing, and the woman, is sitting and rocking and staring into space. I am sitting awkwardly, hoping that I could miraculously know what to say, and the language to speak it in. All I can think of is to try to feed her, but she won't eat.

I ended up just sitting with her and the baby quietly on the couch, until help arrived. I think it made her really sad to look at the baby.... Her youngest had just died. She told her that she loved her, and played with her toes.

I really wish I knew what to do in situations like that.

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

Last night my wonderful DBF gave me flowers. No reason, just cause he loves me. Smile He put on the card: "To the best mother EVER!" His timing was perfect. I was very nuch in need of something to make me feel better. My perfectly even-tempered golden child has been a raging fussbudget for the past few days. I can't figure out why. She's not especially gassy, and I don't think I've been eating anything different. She has gone from her usual sleep ten hours, eat, sleep another three, to 5-5-2, 5-5, or 6-2.

Maybe she's over-tired?? Growth spurt? I really can't say.

It's so hard to try to comfort someone who can't tell you what's wrong. I got frustrated with her for incessantly crying, which, in turn, made me feel totally guilty.

In other news, my hair is starting to fall out. I've been waiting for it. My hair is quite long and thick, and my neck is hurting from carrying all of this around. It comes out in big handfuls in the shower. Poor baby, though, I always find my long hairs wrapped around her little sweaty fingers!

Oh, and I officially cannot wear ANY of my old jeans. I didn't think getting dressed could be any harder than while pregnant, but I was wrong. :crybaby:

The weather is beautiful and HOT here in Southern California. Old Grumps McGee here and I are gonna take a walk now, to see if we can't find some sort of magical "baby calm" tree or something, to help us have a better night than last.

flowerpot's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

My little girl is laughing so much! I love love LOVE to hear her giggle. And I especially love to feel her little body when she laughs, and feel her breath on my cheek.

I took SIL's son to Judo practice today. It started as DBF's trying to stay close with her sons, and ended up with me taking little jake every monday all the way to Santa Monica. But in all honesty, I like going, cause the owners' wives just loooooove little PK.

And the weather's been so freaking hot, we all sat outside today, playing with the poo. There is another mom who has a three week old, so it was baby central this evening. I kissed my baby, and she squealed with laughter. I did it again, and she laughed and snorted! She had all of us laughing and laughing as she was getting loud kisses to her little butt chin and neck.

Not only did my daughter inherit my rapid-fire eight-in-a-row sneezes, but she also caught my laugh-snorts. Not exactly my favorite personal traits, but how can they not be adorable on a three month old?

Oh, speaking of, it was Paisley's three month birthday yesterday! Yahoo My mom sent us a sweater that she knitted. So pretty! I just hope that she'll be able to wear it before she gets too big. I'll just have to save it for when we get too cold in air conditioned businesses, I guess.

I'd like to post some pictures, but I somehow cannot figure out how to make photobucket work for me anymore.

A movie that I did effects makeup for was written up in a really big magazine. My name is in it and everything! It's a huge accomplishment. But, it's a bit bittersweet, as I'm not working anymore. So, people see that I'm in it, and ask me about it, and how my career's going, blah blah, blah.......

It would be wonderful, and get me tons of recognition to help my career, but...... Daaaah well. I'm much happier doing what I'm doing now.

Am I even making sense anymore? It's quite late. I'm feeling pretty zombieish at the moment.

ETA: I think it's super cute that my mom remembers all of PK's monthly birthdays.

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

My little girl has started sleeping through the night again! Whew! She's not quite back up to her ten hours, yet, but six-seven in a row is good for me!

I have a real-life pregnant friend! You have no idea how much this means to me. I've been feeling really..... isolated. It seems that since I've gotten pregnant, my friends in this city have fallen of the face of the earth. Just goes to show the type of people I was hanging out with to begin with, I suppose.

Anyhow, I when I first moved to LA, I went to school for special effects, and made a friend there. We didn't stay close after graduation, because she lives an hour away, and didn't drive, because she didn't know how to drive in the US. But we always liked each other. She recently contacted me on myspace, and we hung out last weekend. I was so happy, I was going to cry!

She's due to have her little boy early next month. She met Paisley, and got to hold her. DBF took the cutest picture of them together. She and PK are staring at each other, and PK's tiny hand is rubbing my friend's big mama belly. Biggrin

We're going to her baby shower on Saturday. How fun is shopping for a little baby?? I never did it for mine, cause our shower pretty much took care of everything that we needed. So, needless to say, DBF and I found tons of cute stuff, and bought almost as much for PK as we did for the new little boy.

Still, though, girl stuff is so much more fun than boy stuff. Smile

I still can't get photobucket to work for me. I would love to be posting tons of pics.

Bath time.

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

Well, thank goodness, the little one has started sleeping through the night again. It's been consistent for the past two weeks, so I think (hope!) it's going to stick.

Mother's day was great. Nothing special, really, just breakfast and errands. PK needed to eat as soon as we got to the restaurant, so I fed her, then got to drink champagne for breakfast. DBF held her the whole time, even though she fell asleep almost immediately. He loves cuddling with her. It's so cute. I actually got a little weepy watching them, to be honest.

Then we ended up having to kill some time at the mall, so we visited Tiffany's. Just to look. I think it's cute that he wants me to look at engagement rings and practically pick one out, but emphasize to me constantly that he "hasn't asked me yet."

And now, I've gotten a bit of the wedding bug. I've heard that every girl has planned their wedding since they were a little girl, but I was never one of those people. But now that it's actually becoming a reality for me, I can't stop looking at sparkly diamond rings. It makes me feel a little materialistic, to be honest.

My little girl has this new thing, where she pokes out her little tongue. She does it as she makes noises, or when she's saying hi to me, or when she's just sitting there, content. Sometimes she sticks her fingers in her mouth and grabs it. Sometimes, I'll stick my tongue out back at her, and we'll do it back and forth, like a little conversation. I wonder if that's a sign that she's teething?

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

After our bad night last night, I'm really agonizing over our decision not to use a pacifier.

I never wanted to use one, because I see them getting over used all the time, and it makes me sad. I would hate to find myself using it to keep her quiet, rather than helping her to fix what is wrong. Plus, my daughter is so beautiful, why would I want to cover up her pretty mouth with a piece of plastic? And, I figure if she learns to suck on her thumb/fingers there's nothing for her to drop on the ground at a grocery store, or be forgotten at home, or that I'd have to wake up and put back into her mouth in the middle of the night.

With that being said, my little pooper HAS NOT learned to suck on her fingers. At night, I just nurse her back to sleep, and we've never had a problem. But now that her tummy's getting bigger, and she goes for longer periods without eating, that's not always an option.

Last night, though, DBF came home and woke her up. Not a big deal, she sometimes will rouse a little, then put herself back to sleep. But DBF made it happy playtime, and she woke up fully, smiling and wanting to play. Long story short, I ended up staying up with her till five in the morning. Then we finally fell asleep on the floor in her room (the one that never gets used.)

She's never done that! Is my problem that I'm not letting her learn to fall asleep on her own? Or does she really have a need to suck that I'm not fulfilling for her?

You can tell that I'm running on just an hour or two of sleep, can't you?

Should I get her a paci, or no?

In other news, our cloth diaper stash is almost complete! I'm just waiting for seven more to come in the mail, and then I won't have to do diaper loads every day! And I can completely stop using sposies. The guilt is killing me. Every time I use a plastic diaper, I think about the chemicals I'm putting on her little butt, and how long that thing is going to take to disintegrate. We use the bioegradable dipes, but I really don't believe that they can break down that easily.

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

Well, I just came to upate our journal, and the baby woke up. Smile Today's our four month appt, so I'll be back later to report!

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

Happy four months to PK!

She weighs just over twelve pounds, and is 25 1/4" long. I thought she would be at LEAST fifteen pounds. She sure feels like it. Twelve pounds was a shock to us.

Nothing else to report from the pedi, I guess. She's a happy, healthy girl.

We have been having a rough time breastfeeding for the past few weeks, though. Just for the past few days, finally, she has let me feed her while sitting up. Otherwise, it's kicking and screaming, and lying down to feed.

But finally, thankfully, it's getting better. It was so totally frustrating to have to worry about finding a safe place to feed her. We were barely leaving the house, in fear that I'd end up having to lie down in the grocery store or something.

We went to a wedding at the beach this week. It was totally cute, just a little private ceremony, then cake and champagne on the sand after.

DBF and I both have gotten quite fed up with other people's opinions on how to raise our child. Some of our neighbors think I'm totally freaky. Having a homebirth was just the beginning. To one of our neighbors, especially, I am just so confusing. You'd think that she'd stop trying to give me advice by now.

She told me to not feed PK lying down. Not to give in to her, because "You're the boss." That's just so wrong to me. If my baby needs for me to feed her in a certain way, I trust that there's a reason for that. I'm sure she's not doing it just to upset me. That seems just too bizarre to me, this mentality that our babies are manipulative little creatures that need to be controlled. If I wanted my life to be run completely by my needs, I wouldn't have had a baby in the first place. :shrug:

Then her husband tells DBF, "Iris is a trip. It's pretty cool." I think what he means is, he likes how I get his wife all worked up. It's entertaining for him! Smile

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

Well, little baby girl has noticed our eating. She gets completely silent and still, and just watches us. She knows there's something good going on, she just can't quite figure it out, yet.

She's getting quite muscly, too. Her little arms have some nice definition. Even her legs, though still rollie, have muscles, too! It's so cute. And no wonder, she is an almost constant kicker and roller. Well, unless we're eating or carrying her, that is.

My BFF is coming into town tonight! Yahoo

We're going to be driving around a lot, so hopefully the babe will be happy to let me feed her sitting up. Sad

We're going to a wedding next month. It's a black tie event. I don't have any sort of dress to wear. I have to buy one. Kind of annoying, since I can pretty confidently say that I won't be going to another black-tie event anytime soon. And the bride requested that none of the guests wear white or gold. Is that some sort of wedding tradition that I don't know about, or is she seriously worried about one of her guests trying to steal her glory? Or maybe she wants the photos of the wedding guests to look a certain way?

And isn't the tradition of the bride wearing white at her wedding reserved for virgins? I'm not one to talk, obviously, but..... Ok, I'll be nice. Lol

This weekend, too, we're going to a wedding reception. Well, it's the same couple whose ceremony we went to last week, but it does seem that there are weddings all around us.

Ok, we're off to shop for wedding gifts!

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

I'm very much aware of how precious these days are. I'm having the time of my life. This little pooper is so special to me. I wonder if every mom feels the way that I do about their child. I am just so much in awe of her. She seems so intelligent, so aware. There is always something going on in that little head of hers. Strangers tell us, all the time, how alert she is, especially for her age.

My little girl was so much fun today. We went to the beach with my BFF and her brother, and her friend with his wife and two year-old. We just hung around, talking baby stuff, grown-up stuff, and enjoying the sun. The two year-old's dad was so excited that she had gone poop in her potty last night, that he took tons of photos of it. Not photos of her on the little pottie, but of her actual little girl poop. He passed them around, which was actually pretty funny. Poo poo doesn't bother me one bit anymore. Which is a good thing, considering how much of it I have to deal with on a daily basis.

The wedding reception tonight was lots of fun. It was at this ridiculously gigantic mansion in the Pacific Palisades. It has been turned into this sort of German artists's compound. So we talked to lots of Germans, ate good food and wine, and wished our friends well. There were quite a few people in the same field as us (well, that I used to be) so we had lots to talk about.

My DBF is a total homebirth advocate! I love it! He just really knows what he's talking about, and I'm so proud of him. Whenever it comes up, he just jumps right in, talking about how wonderful it is, and practically convincing everyone he meets to have one for themself.

I, on the other hand, usually keep quiet about it, wishing not to offend anyone. Most women I meet say something along the lines of, "well, I think a homebirth would be great, but I'm so glad I was in a hospital for my last birth, because of (enter birth complication here)" How can I argue with someone who feels like they did the right thing for their child?

He's helped a few women make the decision to homebirth, now. And this is all from a man who was utterly, completely, against it in the beginning.

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

We have a tooth! Make that two teeth! And they're sharp little rocks, too! My little goober has been so mouthy lately, I finally stuck my finger in there while she was in the bath the other day. I found a little tooth! The next day, when I looked again, I saw another one, right next to it!

I'm telling you, amber teething necklaces are the best. She didn't seem to be in pain at all. She was sticking her hands and blankets in her mouth a lot, but that's it. No fussiness, sleeplessness (is that a word?), or tears that I keep hearing babies go through when they're teething.

People don't realize that her beads are on her for a reason. They just think I like to put jewelry on my infant. :shrug:

We have this awesome situation that may come to us. I'll not go into detail right now, but it entails us making money, and living in a huge house for FREE. We have a high chance of getting it, and we'll know tomorrow. I'm trying my hardest not to get my hopes up, but how can I not?? If we get it, it means that we'll be able to save enough money to put a down payment on a house sometime before PK has kids of her own.

Here I go, getting all excited again.

We took PK on her first plane ride, and she did wonderfully. We were very impressed with her. It was only an hour each way, but still. She nursed, and fell right to sleep, pretty much. We tagged along on one of Daddy's business trips.

We stayed with one of DBF's friends, and they have two daughters. The girls were so excited about the baby. They kept on leaving her gifts. They were sneaky little ones, too. I'd be nursing the babe, and when I got up, I'd find a little toy or flower right next to us. How did they do that?

PK is as bright as ever. I'm sure most parents think they're child is encredibly intelligent, and we're no exception. We do hear almost every day, though, how alert she is, and how it seems that there is so much going on in her head.

My friend had her baby! Not only vaginally (she was told she has a small pelvis :rolleyes: ) but naturally! She didn't mean to go without the epidural, she just dialated too quickly. Who cares? Natural is natural, and I'm so proud of her!

Her husband was so sweet; he called me from her cell phone to tell me right away. I got to talk to her briefly, and she just sounded so happy. It made me want to be there again. I know, I'm not ready for another one, yet, but I'm really sort of craving the feeling of giving birth again. And that euphoria that you have for days afterward.... I want that, too! I will never forget the feelings I had giving birth, and for the first week after. There is absolutely nothing like it.

Ok, ok, I should really get these dishes done before the pooper wakes.

Anyone reading this, PLEASE send me good thoughts for the house!

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Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 20

GAHHHHH! Wedding wedding wedding. These days, all I can seem to do in my free time is wedding stuff. I have 3 1/2 months to plan a wedding. Oh, did I mention that we're getting married? Biggrin

And we're moving into the house in north hollywood. The good vibes worked! Yahoo We're not quite sure on the move date, yet. Should be within the next few months.

This is going to be a crazy summer!

It's a quarter past ten at night, and it's freaking eighty five degrees in my apartment right now. And this is cool. Poor PK, her little head is sweating like crazy in her sleep. Sad Our AC is broken, and hopefully it'll be replaced, soon. In the meantime, it's Undies Time in our apartment. Who can wear pants, when it's a HUNDRED AND TEN DEGREES outside, and you live on the top floor with no air conditioning???