Who decides?

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sandraleigh's picture
Joined: 11/23/06
Posts: 2672
Who decides?

I think I must be really selfish Wink

DH has been feeling a little left out when it comes to the naming in the past.

For my DD, we didn't know the gender before the birth. We had a couple of favorite names in mind, but nothing was set in stone. We named her Ella when she was 3 days old - after toying around and trying to decide for 3 days. It had been a favorite of mine during the pregnancy - but DH didn't like it. After she was born he said "Well, actually she does kind of look like an Ella", and so we went with that.

For my DS, we knew it was a boy. We couldn't agree on a name - I liked Emerson or William, and DH liked Eldon or Edmund. When he was born, we still couldn't agree. MIL brought up the name Eli while we were in the hospital. I remembered I had liked that one earlier in my pregnancy, but had thought it too similar to Ella. We ended up going with Eli since we couldn't agree on any of our favorites!

Now that we are expecting again (still lots of time, I know!) DH has already started bugging me that HE gets to pick the name this time. Wink He says he wants it down in writing that he gets to choose :rolleyes: because he knows if we leave it until the hospital, he'll take one look at me (as the woman who just went through labour for the 3rd time) and have to give in (as usual). LOL

I guess I have been selfish in the past, but what do you do if you don't like the name you DH picks?!? Just suck it up? LOL, I guess I will have to!

So - has everyone always decided mutually on names? Do you take turns?

At least this time around if it is a girl, we already have a name decided that we BOTH like. If it is a boy.....I'm going to have to let him pick, and I'm not sure I want to!

(Bad, selfish Sandra, I know!)

And sorry so long!

MrsHooah2U's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 946

"sandraleigh" wrote:

I guess I have been selfish in the past, but what do you do if you don't like the name you DH picks?!? Just suck it up? LOL, I guess I will have to!

This is why we have nick names right Wink hahahah! If Dh picks John and you hate it call him something else Wink

No really though, dh and I have always "agreed" to some extent. Or he just gets sick of me bringing it up and just agrees to shut me up haha

brookie13's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 166

with DS we had a mutually agreed upon list of 3 names we both liked when we went to the hospital.. in all honesty it was my favourite name, his favourite name and a name we both liked... and we went with my favourite name because it suited him best. mind you neither of us hated any of the names and we have similar tastes in names so that helped (the list was Paxton- my fave, Parker- his fave and Brayden- mutual name) we used DH's name as DS middle name so that pleased him.

with DD.. both agreed that we didnt want a super girly name.. we both realized early on that we liked gender neutral names. so we had her name picked as soon as we found out she was a girl. i suggested a few names that i liked that were gender neutral and he picked which one he liked and we went with that. i wrote them down in a list and he went over them and said "yes, no, no, no, not happening.. " so thats how we work thru names lol.

now if we ever have a 3rd.. still up for debate lol... my only requirement is that it has to end in "n" like the other two... and i guess we should probably pick another gender neutral name for a girl.. but other than that.. i think we would just do the same thing... make a list and see what strikes us.

you and your DH could just look over name books and each make a list and see if any names are on both lists... who knows maybe he'll come up with something you would have never thought of and you'll love it!!

turtnjay's picture
Joined: 02/24/09
Posts: 2095

With DS#4 my DH outright admitted that I was/could name the baby anything because ultimately it was my choice. All he wanted was the middle name tradition of his family to continue.

That didn't really happen but we used the name in DS#4 name. I always loved the name Rourke and every time I brought it up DH kind of brushed it off. When I was 12 weeks I 'KNEW' it was a boy. I told DH that I liked William Rourke and we would call him Rourke and he agreed it was a great name...weird but I was overjoyed!

When we get preggo again I already know what we will call boy #5. I doubt we will ever have a girl so I don't even think about girl names so much but I LOVE the name Winter and January but DH said no names that are real things. Funny though, he always says when we have 'little Winnie (short for Winter)..." I tell him to stuff it because no girl gets produced in this house. lol

beckiwill's picture
Joined: 01/13/09
Posts: 78

DH and I always agree, but it is funny because for both boys' names Orion and Griffin, I picked them and in the beginning DH disliked both of them, but over time he grew to love them. We do traditional family names for middle names (Orions mn is DH's mn and DHs grandpa's name while Griffin's mn is my father and grandfathers first name)

For our third we are really duking it out for a boy name, he wants Sirius or Tyrion and I want Ronin. I HATE the names he has picked, and I am reallllly close to veto-ing. DH and I each get to veto names if we truly despise them... so we always by the end seem to come to an agreement. Neither boy has a name that we both didn't love and agree upon, but the veto power is key so neither of us feels like the other "picked" the name, its a joint decision.

Julz806's picture
Joined: 12/14/06
Posts: 77

Me and DH always agree in the end. Normally, he comes up with his list of favs and I don't like any of them and then I come up with my list of favs and he doesn't like any of them... but we go from there.

Baby #1 I had bugged him to DEATH about naming her Kaelyn Jade. Before I even got pregnant, I "knew" that was her name. Haha! Then once I found out she was a girl, I came across the name Emery, and Kaelyn was history. At first, DH didn't like Emorie... but after I said it a billion times, I guess it grew on him Smile

Baby #2 was torture for both of us. He had a list (that I HATED), and I had a list (that he HATED) and neither of us was going to budge. Ada was the only name we both liked, so we went with it.... and I mean ONLY NAME. We literally went through baby books crossing out and highlighting each name.

If it were my choice, she probably would have been Carlin... but I'm glad she's Ada. In the end, I could never be confident in my decision without his full approval.

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

We agreed on names... though I was the one who actually suggested them LOL Our first names (Janessa and Culin) I had picked out LONG before dh was ever in the picture and, thankfully, he liked them or he would've had a fight on his hands (especially for Culin with it being my grandmother's maiden name) LOL Middle names I was also the one who suggested them... and he agreed to them. Except, if dd had been a boy, while she would've been "Culin", one of the middle names would've been "Herb" (not a fan of it but it was my grampa's name)... however by the time ds was going to be born dh had totally veto'd the idea of using "Herb". Our biggest struggle was coming up with a girl name in case ds had been a girl... the only one I came close to REALLY loving was "Elaina" and initially dh was totally against it but eventually he did agree when I told him that that was the only one I could come up with that I really liked Lol It's a good thing we aren't having any more kids... I don't know what I'd do... I wouldn't have minded naming a boy "Morgan" (also a family name) if we'd had 2 boys but he doesn't like that one either LOL

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

We have mutually agreed. DD was my suggestion, after him, Brian Lee, so I came up with Brilee. I think he worried at first that it was vain, but I convinced him that was her name. Smile We always use family names for middle names, rotating sides. Smile DS, he suggested Tucker and I liked it. With the twins, we both liked Abram, I picked it out years before he was in the pick, but he actually suggested it this time (I'm sure we discussed it in the past). And I picked Wyatt. He was not a huge fan, but nothing else was coming up that worked either, and Wyatt definitely fits him now. The kids also picked it, because once they heard me mention it to someone, they would not let it go, and they did NOT like Abram at all, so we had to go with one they liked. lol

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

I had to LOL because I changed all my kids names after seeing them and after all the daddy did not tell me no.

Mustanglisa's picture
Joined: 02/26/09
Posts: 324

Such a dilemma Sandra Wink I forgot you were having another. I realized that we both bought Lime Ricki swimsuits when they were on that good sale and neither of us will be able to wear them this summer!
Back on the topic, with miss Peyton, dh had picked out Peyton and I picked out Beth for the middle, so it was kind of mutual. We never really settled on a boy name, good thing she was a girl.
This time we aren't finding out again, I have chosen Brinley Noelle for a girl and he chose Calvin Brock for a boy. I still like Calvin Lucas better, but he won't budge, some reason he's stuck on Brock. I am 99% convinced its a boy, so he pretty much has named both.

cayxcee1's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 70

well my first i was married to my ex husband and we had a little boy and he forced me to name him Samuel Eugene II and he is now 4 years old and stuck with the name "baby Sam" and i hate it.... well when i had my second i was in the process of getting divorced and he tried to tell me what i was going to name my 2nd son and i told him i didnt care what he said it was my child and i was the one that had to go through labor.... and we were getting a divorce so he wouldnt be there to support me.... i named my 2nd Kayden Joseph.... now i am engaged to a wonderful man and we arent really TTC we are more JLIH for now and we have all ready picked out names.... the boy will be Cason Blake and the girl will be Delilah Mae Denise..... the boys name is pronounced like Case-n.... and he will be named after My fiance and my-self... i know you ladies dont post your names but it dosent bother me my name is Casey and that is where we got Cason and my fiances name is Blake.... and the little girls name comes from both our mothers... my moms middle name is Mae and his moms middle name is Denise....

mwilliamson006's picture
Joined: 09/10/08
Posts: 928

I've named both of our girls. He said he wants to name our boy if we have one the third time around, but he's been vetoed already. Wink He has a family name. Greg Edwin, Greg Edwin Jr, and he wants to name our boy Greg Edwin the third. Ugh! Not happening!

butterflykissesx6's picture
Joined: 06/28/07
Posts: 509

Out of my 6, Miranda is really the only one that DH really even had a say in. We went to the hospital without the list and I vaguely remembered Miranda was on the list and I really, really liked it. When I was pregnant he said he was naming the baby.....we didnt' know the sex....I told him that he could name the baby but I'd have ultimate veto power. He came up with some pretty crazy names I tell yah and it scared the heck outta me.....

with #6 I had my favorite name from Miranda (Kamryn) and was going to use it with this baby if it was a girl......well, I came across Delaney and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Well, when I was in pre-labor we narrowed our 2 names down (boy/girl) and I won with Delaney. He really never did have any input. hahahahaha I was able to convince him on the name because I threw in his gma's name as a middle name ROFL

joysiloo's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1054

With DD we had a list of three names and we couldn't decide between two of them after she was born. We had our doula write down the names and we picked a hand. It ended up being the one that DH preferred (and I liked), Elsa. It wasn't my favorite one though, and being all emotional and full of hormones, I started bawling. DH caved and we ended up with Daphne. Smile

This time we have it down to three names again. I don't know if we'll settle on one or not beforehand. I do know that I won't feel guilty if the same thing happens...I deserve it for going through labor!

I will say though, that I think you should have him come up with a list and he should give you veto power. Maybe have him chose five names and then you can narrow it down to three. That way you're not left hating the name, but he still gets to pick it.

keky's picture
Joined: 12/23/07
Posts: 163

DH and I have just always talked it to death until we found one we agreed on! Better than waiting til the hospital and stressing over it!

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

We shared the decsion. I found the name Ronin when reading and he loved it, and I insisted on the mn's because one was after my GRandad who passed away a few months before I fell pregnant. A girls name was harder because we couldn't agree and eventually I handed him the name book and told him to choose some but I had veto power. He chose Abby and I insisted on Abigail so he chose the mn from his Mum's mn.

stuntmonkey's picture
Joined: 04/24/08
Posts: 145

For us, we both had full veto power over any name. Didn't matter how much we loved it. If the other person just didn't like it at all, they got to veto it.

We both listed names we liked and then just talked it through from there.

For Jocelyn, I suggested it and we both loved it from the start. I also really liked Meredith, but DH vetoed that one. I was leaning toward Jocelyn Elizabeth, but then I just threw out Jocelyn Victoria on a lark and DH immediately loved that name combination, and I liked it too, so we went with it.

For Elliott, it was a harder process. DH really wanted James as the first name, but I vetoed that as the first name because it's so similar to my first name. He felt strongly about that name due to family connections, so we decided it would be the middle name. In the end, the first name came down to DH liking Alexander and me liking Elliott. We both liked the other name, but just not as much. I started growing to dislike the nickname Alex more as time went on, and then DH decided that I liked Elliott more than he liked Alexander, so he agreed to Elliott James.

Both joint decisions. Veto power made both of us comfortable that we wouldn't end up hating our kids' names. I can't imagine having no say in our children's names, and I also can't imagine my husband having no say in our children's names. We are both extremely happy with our choices.

jeepbaby's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 492

For our first, we made a joint decision. For this one, I think DH is afraid to say anything about it. In the last year, I have lost a lot of people very close to me, or am in the process of losing them. Both male and Female. I think he knows I want to name the baby after them. I don't think he feels right saying no. Don't know if that's fair or not....

grovey2's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 938

DH and I did NOT agree on girl names AT ALL. We kinda had a name picked, but then i realized we really might be having a girl (b4 we found out) and let DH know i didnt really like the name anymore, which was THE WORST thing EVER.....lol. It's very very important to me to continue a family name on my mom's side (it's her name, my g-g-grandma) but DH just is not understanding the importance of it and is stuck on having his grandma's name as the middle name instead....so now we're going with two middle names, but now i'm not sure i want 2 middle names and i'm NOT giving up my name..lol. So, i don't know what we're going to do .....i mean, it's not like DH was a little boy sitting around thinking about the kids he was going to have one day and was like, 'gee, i think i'm going to name my daughter after my grandma'... and cuz he told his mom that we're using her mother's name, i feel like we HAVE to use it no matter what. PIcking names suck! So i totally feel for you....
I kinda feel that when it comes down to it, i hope we can both agree on the order of the middle names.....but i also kinda feel like it's my daugther too, and this is the name i always wanted for my daugther.....

Joined: 03/18/11
Posts: 134

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Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

It's a long bad/strange story for another time, but let's just say that DH wasn't around when our son was born, so of course I named him (Maximus). With our DD, he picked her name... I wanted Bella but he hated it, and both he and my mom fell in love with the name Liberty so I was going to choose the middle name... until his grandmother passed away in my 6th month of pregnancy, so the middle name went to gran... Jean. I'm fine with Liberty but I hate the name Jean, so I get COMPLETE CONTROL over this baby's name, whether it's a boy or a girl! If a girl, she will be Bella Monroe, if a boy... no idea!

SuzyQ16's picture
Joined: 02/01/08
Posts: 879

I made a list of names that I liked and DH vetoed them until we found one that he liked. It was a very long and tiring process, every name I threw out he didn`t like but when I asked what names he did like, he had no suggestions!!

I have already started making a list for baby #2, even though we aren't TTC yet.

Holly_Anne618's picture
Joined: 04/03/07
Posts: 1271

I guess I'm the opposite of you. My husband has chosen all three of our children's names...and it kind of bothers me. We both decided on Madison when we were pregnant w/our first, and our friends named their daughter, who is 2 months older, Madison. DH suggested Addison, and we just went w/it.

When we got pregnant the second time, DH chose Lauren right away, but he spelled it traditionally. I finally put my foot down and said if he got to choose the name, I got to choose the spelling and I changed the "e "to a "y".

Our third child was also named by DH. He only wanted two kids, and I really pushed for a third (I'm now pushing for a 4th Lol ) so I felt it only fair for him to choose the name. Luckily I've liked all three names. If we have another baby, I am like your husband. I want it in writing that I get to choose the name, but we'll see I guess! Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy Smile

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

I know from day one I loved the name Leia. I think a programme I was watching a lot beforehand had a character in it with the name and it stuck. DBF liked it too so it wasn't a problem.

If we had had a boy, it would've been a different story!

He was dead set on 'Ryan' and as much as I do like the name, I couldn't go with it because it is too common around here. I think had we had a boy, DBF would've gone a long with me regardless.

My sister would pick the names for girls and her partner picks the boys names. I don't think I could handle that lol.

xx

3-o-me's picture
Joined: 12/28/10
Posts: 306

DH and I both like the names we selected, but he still gets his special input. Since we are having two girl names and I'm not sold on who gets which name he will choose once he sees the two girls. He is super excited that he gets to make the final decision on who is who. I'm glad it was a process we agreed upon and that he's happy he gets to determine which girl is which as well.

I feel for the decisions you all have to make. I can't imagine us having any more kids, so I'm glad our name decisions are made. Best of luck!