Frustrated

12 posts / 0 new
Last post
kerina313's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 09/10/05
Posts: 60
Frustrated

I was contacted by the school district's PT. They wanted to do an evaluation for PT for Emily and set up a 504 plan. I'm looking at this positively. However, DH is throwing a "fit". He thinks Emily doesn't need "help" nor does she need the 504. It's the school's way of pushing paperwork and using up money for things they don't have. Plus I think secretly he's afraid they're "labeling" her as special needs.

I feel this might help her and keep things "legal" as far as some of the things we want to make sure they do for her -- i.e. bathroom breaks when needed and drinking water. He thinks those are common sense and shouldn't be put in "anything" formal.

So, I don't know how to go about this, since I work and he's at home. I want to make sure Emily has everything she needs and any help in my opinion is "helpful". He's being bullheaded.

We have a Parent-Teacher conference tomorrow night where the PT will also be there. I had wanted to present a unified front, but that apparently isn't going to happen.

I'm so frustrated and don't know what to do.

Erin

wishing4agirl's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 5 months ago
Joined: 09/11/03
Posts: 917

First :bigarmhug: I'm so sorry you and DH aren't meeting eye to eye on this. I 100% agree with you. Having the measures in place assures what she needs are there. Without it although one would think common sense it is NOT guaranteed. Having them outlined in a 504 assures accountability. I think that is the biggest thing that he needs to understand. I don't know about where you live but here at least if they are on an IEP is actually specifically says they are disabled for the standards of education. I know that is different than a 504 but don't completely understand other than here a 504 just means you are pulled out of class to work on said area of education you specifically need help in. And although I struggle with him being disabled or special needs or whatever (not the label just actually the actual act of him not having the ability to keep up), there is a place each person has to get and be at peace with it. Obviously DH is not there. I'll be praying he gets there before the meeting.

kerina313's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 09/10/05
Posts: 60

I just wrote him a long email about my feelings on this matter. I'm hoping he'll read it and see my point -- which is how is having it harming Emily? I'm all for her being like the other kids as much as possible. In fact, I often don't let her get away with "I can't". I see this as a guide for her and the school which will change and grow as she does.

Thanks for the support it means a lot -- especially right now when work is extremely busy and I barely get to come up for air these days.

gardenbug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

Maybe you can present that unified front in that you both of course want what is best for Emily. But be open and admit at the meeting that there is that fine line where you aren't sure as a couple how much the paperwork aspect of things might affect the perception of her being labelled. You want the advantages and no disadvantages. You don't want this to be a divisive decision that places parents against teachers or the school.

betsy0040's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 03/28/08
Posts: 121

:bighug: I hope the meeting goes well even if you aren't able to present that united front.

wishing4agirl's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 5 months ago
Joined: 09/11/03
Posts: 917

I'm always here for support. I, like you, am all for Eli (and Dakota for that matter) being like the other kids, but me wanting it is not going to make it happen. Only making sure the tools are in place will and making sure the teachers don't make excuses for them.

Offline
Last seen: 3 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 848

Unfortunately I know next to nothing about 504s. All of my students have IEPs so that's my area of expertise.

What is it exactly that Emily needs? Is she struggling to keep up academically or having social issues? What are her PT issues?

I will admit, we have some schools in our area that are big on therapies because they want the extra funding. I've had students come to me in a self-contained InD class with 150+ minutes of therapy a week when what they really needed was pull-out ESE minutes (maybe 300/wk) and consult therapies. Without knowing your child and her needs and what her school is like it is hard to give a professional opinion. My friendly advice is to go with your gut and do your best to convince your husband if he disagrees.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope the meeting goes well!

Offline
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

Hugs! Sorry you're frustrated.

From what I understand, a 504 is like an IEP for children that only need minimal accommodations, which is what it sounds like you are looking for. Like the others said, having one will be the only way to guarantee that the accommodations (water, bathroom breaks) are made for her. The school can tell you anything they want verbally, but unless it is in writing they do not have to follow through. I'm sorry your DH is having a hard time with it. Would it help him to know that unlike an IEP, there's no federal funding associated with a 504, and a 504 is not special education?

Here's a good article about what a 504 is and who it's for: http://www.concordspedpac.org/Section504.html

Offline
Last seen: 3 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 848

"2sonsplus1" wrote:

Hugs! Sorry you're frustrated.

From what I understand, a 504 is like an IEP for children that only need minimal accommodations, which is what it sounds like you are looking for. Like the others said, having one will be the only way to guarantee that the accommodations (water, bathroom breaks) are made for her. The school can tell you anything they want verbally, but unless it is in writing they do not have to follow through. I'm sorry your DH is having a hard time with it. Would it help him to know that unlike an IEP, there's no federal funding associated with a 504, and a 504 is not special education?

Here's a good article about what a 504 is and who it's for: http://www.concordspedpac.org/Section504.html

Can you receive PT in your state under a 504? Here PT is covered only under an IEP and a goal must be written for the services.

kerina313's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 09/10/05
Posts: 60

Update: Sorry, work has been keeping me extremely busy lately, this is the first chance I've had to update you on what happened.

I had to write up my reasons on why I wanted to do the 504 to DH. He seems to process things better in written form. I agreed on the PT not being done for this year -- she's only 1/2 day K and I didn't want her taken out of class for this, where as next year, she will be there for 8 hours and the PT can be done at recess. I did get him to agree to fill out a 504 plan with the nurse on the bathroom, drinks and ibuprofen issues. Then because Sam had a follow-up eye appt, the principal called to try and set up an appt to do the 504 - which because I was home, I was able to do -- as he was getting "testy" again. So now it's in place for the rest of the year and we'll re-assess next year when she's sitting for longer periods.

Now the mini-vent -- as we were walking out of the P/T conference he says to me he had no idea of what the 504 was initially. He thought it was an IEP. I was furious. I had sent him a bunch of links and it wasn't until his sister sent him one (which wasn't very informative) that he "understand" it.

Offline
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

"2sonsplus1" wrote:

Hugs! Sorry you're frustrated.

From what I understand, a 504 is like an IEP for children that only need minimal accommodations, which is what it sounds like you are looking for. Like the others said, having one will be the only way to guarantee that the accommodations (water, bathroom breaks) are made for her. The school can tell you anything they want verbally, but unless it is in writing they do not have to follow through. I'm sorry your DH is having a hard time with it. Would it help him to know that unlike an IEP, there's no federal funding associated with a 504, and a 504 is not special education?

Here's a good article about what a 504 is and who it's for: http://www.concordspedpac.org/Section504.html

Section 504 allows for PT services to be included in 504, but I can't find anything that says that they must be included. I am not sure how it is done here. I know they can receive OT and speech without, because I have 2 children who have received (one OT and one ST) without either an IEP or a 504. (My son who receives OT is in Title I reading.)

Offline
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

"kerina313" wrote:

Now the mini-vent -- as we were walking out of the P/T conference he says to me he had no idea of what the 504 was initially. He thought it was an IEP. I was furious. I had sent him a bunch of links and it wasn't until his sister sent him one (which wasn't very informative) that he "understand" it.

This totally doesn't surprise me. There have been a couple of really big issues that I tried to tell DH for months or years, and he was only finally able to "hear it" from someone else. Frustrating, but not uncommon, I think.