God has a plan

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mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843
God has a plan

We just don't always know what it is.

I have not been keeping Heath blog uptodate. I am going to go do that now so I can catch up and bring everyone up to speed.

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

Ok so read his blog and then answer.

WWYD?
Bill has asked me to move to VT so Simon me and all my kids can be with him. Heath's health seems stable at this point yet he just got into this amazing hearing impaired program that I have been praying for him to get into for the last 6 months. At the same time I feel for Bill being in VT for the next 2 years and I feel guilty for keeping Simon from him now that the baby is here. It was diff when I just just prego, but I owe it to Simon to see his Daddy full time if I can make it work right? Or do I own Heath who has been working so hard and his teachers for getting him into this program to stay here so he can do it? A big factor in it all is my Dad's house is feeling like we are over staying our welcome and I am unable to pay him rent because the X has not paid childsupport in a bit.

Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 848

Sounds like Heath is doing well and that's wonderful that he got accepted into the Hearing Impaired Program. Our district does not have a program like that (until HS) so if you decide to move to VT that may be something you want to look into. Congrats on the new baby and good luck with whatever decision you choose! Now show us those cute baby pics!! lol

wishing4agirl's picture
Joined: 09/11/03
Posts: 917

A couple things come to mind if I were to have to make this same decision. So I know you were talking about them doing the decompression surgery and I know this also hinges on the results you will be getting on Thurday correct? Or are they not going to be doing that now? So that would be my first thing to be thinking of. If they aren't going to be doing that I would probably move. I think the teachers will understand. Although not every school has a hearing impaired program. We don't really here either. A dear friend from church actually has a daughter who is deaf (she also has auditory neuropathy). She actually just had a cochlear implant done on July 5 and won't know for another week if it worked at all and it won't be another year until they know 100% the results. In the meantime the district is talking about making her go to a school almost an hour away one way because they don't have a program. But I guess if you look at it like this. What if you had been married to Bill before Heath and all his medical problems. Then you had Heath. Would you be willing to move away from Bill for the same reasons you are considering staying? Or would you do the best with the resources in the location you had with Bill (be it in VT or where ever else he is stationed). If you would then you may have your answer. I know this is a hard decision to make and I do wish you well in whatever that decision is.

betsy0040's picture
Joined: 03/28/08
Posts: 121

Find out what Heath's options would be in VT, see what you think of their programs. That is a tough decision to make.

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

So I know you were talking about them doing the decompression surgery and I know this also hinges on the results you will be getting on Thurday correct? Yes

Or are they not going to be doing that now? They still may not the Nero S thinks he is stable because his malformation is 6mm if it got worse it would need another look. But that is based on the MRI and thinking the ENT surgery would fix all the apnea.

Would you be willing to move away from Bill for the same reasons you are considering staying? If it was Simon who had the issues the Army would not be able to station him in a location more then 50 miles from a childrens hospital or school that the child needeed. So we would not have to move away from him he would have to move away from his job to a location where the baby could get help. As a step child it is still up in the air on if we got married if they would see Heath in the same light. I think this is what we are looking into. The thing is he signed a contract that said he would stay where he is for 3 years and he is only 14 months into that 3 years right now.

wishing4agirl's picture
Joined: 09/11/03
Posts: 917

I think the health care would play the biggest part if it was me who had to make the decision. I think as you ask the questions if as a step child he still has to be within that distance of a children's hospital it would obvious (and forgive me if you've already thought/asked, etc these things) to find out what health benefits Heath would have and if they pay for you to go to a hospital to have done what he needs done. Like say right now they don't do the decompression, but say in 4 years they do. And say they don't have to station him within that distance so you aren't close to a children's hospital would they pay for you to go to whatever hospital is needed?

Sorry if you've already thought of these things. These would be what would go through my mind. And I've homeschooled one of my children so if it were me, education would be secondary to the medical because I'd have the thought that if worse came to worse I'd homeschool. But again that's me.

Joined: 05/05/04
Posts: 435

I think at this point I'd make my decisions based on Heath. Bill can visit you, you can visit him. But Heath needs you looking out for him. If you're marrying Bill that's sort of different, but at this point he's really just your boyfriend. And I can't really imagine moving my kids for a boyfriend. I'd want a more cemented relationship than that.

Granted, this is all a guess - I've been married for 10 years now so I'm not really in a position to understand your position Smile

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

"NatalieL" wrote:

I think at this point I'd make my decisions based on Heath. Bill can visit you, you can visit him. But Heath needs you looking out for him. If you're marrying Bill that's sort of different, but at this point he's really just your boyfriend. And I can't really imagine moving my kids for a boyfriend. I'd want a more cemented relationship than that.

Granted, this is all a guess - I've been married for 10 years now so I'm not really in a position to understand your position Smile

I agree with you 100% what makes it harder is doing with is right for Heath means that I keep living at Dad's and that welcome is well not so welcoming. I have few other options for living with no income (not even childsupport at this time Sad )

Bill and I want to get married but at the same time with us being divorced already we wanted to take it slow and so we did not let the fact that I was prego factor into speeding anything up. He has been more then I could even expect with all the efforts he puts in to visiting and paying for all my needs and just being supportive of so much that I have not even had a hint of baby blues. He makes life easy on me and we do so many chores together and the kids love him too as he took them on as his own. I don't have to worry or stress about anything $ or emotionaly when Bill is around. I find my anxiody is higher and I cry more the days he is in VT and I am in NY as my Dad while yes letting us live with him and I am grateful he is 0 help with the kids and if he dose help he fussys and complains about it and makes me feel guilty, he dose no cleaning (not talking just after my kids but like bagthrooms or up after his own mess at the table/mop the floors) He was not around when I was a kid so his expectations of what a house with toddlers is skued. I am not happy in NY.

Heath's Sleep study results show no improvment after the A&T so I don't want to go to far from his Dr's. Call in to Nero S. But from what I know the Dr.s we see now are the same ones he would see if we moved to VT as no other local Dr.s do this stuff in VT and people travel over state lines to NY all the time for the services. (not sure how insurance will work with that) And if we move to VT it will be VT medicade (or Bill's if we get married). That is if we even can get Gov't help once we moved.

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

I wanted to add that after watching him with Simon the last few weeks it makes me want to move more. I have never seen a Dad without being asked do so much to help with the baby. As a SAHM I was expected to do all the night time care with my others so X could go to work and I never compained about it. But Bill was up for 3 hours last night with the fussy/awake (not hungery baby) and I never knew it. He was like you have him all day I'll be ok at work I just want to spend time with him. He wants to hold the baby all the time and had a hard time handing him back so I can nurse, it is so hart warming and helpful after being a single mom even when married to my X. Bill has changed more diapers in the last 2 weeks without being asked then my X did in 5 years when he was asked.

Joined: 05/05/04
Posts: 435

Well I'm not sure where in VT you are, but I know VT is pretty close to NY in places. So depending on how long the ride is, it might be worth it if insurance would cover it. We drive an hour to Tom's docs in Syracuse, and closer to 1:30 to the dentist.

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

From where he is right now it is a 3 hour trip. But with family in town as long as I could find after school help I could stay over night in NY and do appt's in a row and let Peter and Tessa stay with Bill in VT for school. Bill wants us here bad and knows how bad I want out of my Dad's. I just got a phone call from him about places he saw for rent about 30 min from his place by the capital to take a look at on line and the name of the school district so I can look it up too. It means so much to me that he is thinking about my kids and not just wanting Simon with him. They do have a hospital in the Capital so I could get lucky and do some of that here too. I think Vt has a hearing impaired program as well but I am not sure of it's location. Bill only asked us to move in with him a week ago and I have to admit to not giving it to much thought before now so the searches are just starting to see if we can make it work.

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

LOL but I would like you know like a ring and maybe a date at some point Smile

betsy0040's picture
Joined: 03/28/08
Posts: 121

It sounds like you're doing all the right things, looking in to the services in VT and I have to admit Bill sounds like a really great guy. Just keep looking in to everything and when you're there you can go visit the places where Heath would be getting services and see what you think.

mujul79's picture
Joined: 01/22/05
Posts: 1843

Let me just tell you the places here in VT for rent are HUGE for the cost of the rent. 4 bedrooms 2 baths for 1,500 LOL not that I have any income a month but Bill seems willing to look at anything that will make me happy. Funny thing is he just thinks I am crazy to want to stay in his 2 bedroom with all the kids but I am just not that much of a "things" person. I see that 3ksqf house and think "my that's a lot to clean" Smile I want to be in a good school system and by medical services more then I think each kid needs his/her own room. I think he gets a kick out of spoiling me.

Joined: 05/05/04
Posts: 435

Smile We've got a 3 bedroom but one is my office so I know at some point we'll need to do something because a boy and a girl won't want to share a bedroom forever Smile

Good luck. Decisions this big are never easy but hopefully you can figure out some of the details and decide what will be best from there. (((hugs)))