How do you deal with inlaws?
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  1. #1
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    Default How do you deal with inlaws?

    My inlaws don't believe there is anything "off" about Conner. He has mild-moderate hypotonic cerebral palsy, according to his neuro and the physical med./rehabilitation motor delays clinic. He aspirates liquids. He wears glasses and leg braces (we might be switching from AFO to SMO, though, WOOT for small victories!). His hypotonia affects his involuntary as well as voluntary muscles, so his digestive system is really slow and he gets constipated easily, and the sphincter at the top of his stomach doesn't work properly; he's still refluxing at 18 months old.

    My mother-in-law believes that I just want Conner to be sick so I can control my husband. She refuses to make him wear his glasses/braces, and she refuses to thicken his liquids. She'd probably call CPS on me if she knew I pushed for him to be placed on reflux meds, then on miralax so he could poop regularly without pain.

    Is it just me? Am I doing something wrong? I just can't stand them anymore...

    On the bright side, here's a pic of my lil man!

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    Posting Addict wishing4agirl's Avatar
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    What a handsome little man!!!! Fortunately I don't have this problem with any of my IL's. Unfortunately (although I'm thankful she was honestly and admitted it) my MIL won't watch Eli. I completely get why. He has random episodes of passing out and other issues that sometimes are very scary. One time I should have called 911 and didn't (we are pretty sure he was in a mini-coma, thankfully it has only happened once). That is irrisponsible for her not to put his glasses or braces on him or thicken his liquids. In the long run it may help him to the point (well the leg braces anyway) that he doesn't need them. And it can be downright dangerous. Even the leg braces. Eli is hypotonic and falls a LOT. We got custom inserts for his shoes right after school started and although he still has problems with balance and falling, etc. he does WAY better with them in his shoes. Does she watch him often? I'd be apt to find someone else if she won't do the things he needs.

    ETA: I'm so lucky this posted. I didn't think I got the post button clicked yet and my daughter turned off the computer. Whew!!
    Last edited by wishing4agirl; 12-10-2011 at 03:39 PM.

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    Thanks, she doesn't watch him at all anymore, I won't let her. She's all offended that I don't want her near Conner, though. They both are. They tell everyone how I don't act like a daughter to them, after all they've done for me. They told my husband that they don't think I am making good choices in regards to my son.

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    Posting Addict Coconut2's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you have to deal with unsupportive inlaws. My inlaws also thought nothing was wrong with my son even though at 2 1/2 years old he only said mama and then everything else was da. They also blamed me for his problems which really hurt. I learned to ignore their comments and keep doing what I need to do to help my son and our family. I definitely wouldn't let her watch Conner anymore if she can't respect you and do the things he needs to help him. Maybe your DH could talk to her and let her know that this isn't something that is in your head but it is a reality and although it is hard to deal with, maybe they are indenial, this is something that everyone who loves Conner needs to accept in order to help him overcome.
    Stephanie & Shane Proud Parent's To
    Victoria (7-28-05), Vincent (6-5-07), Vance (6-5-09), Viking (5-13-10), & Valiant Batman (6-5-11)
    3 monkeys

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    Seems as if I'm not the only one with inlaw issues! My inlaws refuse to admit there is anything at all wrong with my children. When we just told my MIL that we believe Alana has CD she downplayed the entire thing and said, "Oh, I think that's what Dennis (FIL) has too. It really isn't a big deal." Huh?!?

    They have never taken their food allergies seriously and FIL has said, "Allergies are overdiagnosed these days. I'm sure a little X wouldn't hurt them."

    They've commented many times how they feel the girls are on too many medications and that doctors are only out to scam vulnerable people.

    Anyway, I can totally relate to what you're going through and it seems as if you have handled it better than I have.

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    Mega Poster betsy0040's Avatar
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    My problem with my ILs is that they never come near Joshua unless he is brought to them. MIL is always going over to SILs but not here. Says her car won't make it up here, she has no way to get here. Then she spends tons of money she doesn't have on stuff for him for Christmas and his Birthday. We had a date (DH & I) our first since Joshua was 3 months old and then it was only because we were staying at MIL's so it was easy for her to watch him and at the last minute SIL needed MIL to babysit so she backed out. I am tired of her saying how much she loves him when she can't bother to come visit him. It's pretty obvious what Joshua's delays are, the only times she hasn't agreed with me have been on basic child rearing, I'm more of a crunchy mom and she is very much not. And my DH is a mama's boy so he will not stand up to her.
    Elizabeth & Jamie - 7/17/2004
    Joshua - 11/23/2008, breastfed for 17 months!



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    Mega Poster betsy0040's Avatar
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    Oh and lately every time DH takes him to see his family DH comes back saying Joshua said a word, he said car or something. At Thanksgiving SIL walked around saying Say Amy, I'm Amy. Yeah, he shouldn't say Mama or anything, he should say Amy? I was furious. DH actually repeats this stuff to me, I have no idea why. He knows I will get upset. Sure Joshua makes lots of sounds but he does not say words. I tried to get DH to understand that if he Joshua actually said his first word and I wasn't there to hear it how would he expect me to feel? Seriously?
    Elizabeth & Jamie - 7/17/2004
    Joshua - 11/23/2008, breastfed for 17 months!



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    I just can't believe they think I'm making all this up. Conner's delays are pretty obvious, too, if you know what's considered "normal". He's only progressed the way he has because we've worked with him so much. But they insist that he's "fine" and I'm paranoid and I'm a control freak who's using her kid. It really upsets me. I just want them out of my life but my husband won't let me cut them off.

    I don't know what to do anymore.

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    I'm sorry about your in-laws. Conner is such a cutie!

    Deb ................. DH Norm
    DS Caleb, 13 ...... DS Patrick, 12
    DS Isaiah, 8 ......... DS Thomas, 7

    DD Cherish, 6....... DD Emily, 7\18\13 ....... Ripple, 17
    William, 14 weeks, 4/11/12

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    Mega Poster betsy0040's Avatar
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    Could you tell them off? Maybe show them something from a doctor showing what's going on? Show them where a typical 18 month old is compared to Connor? I know for me it would do no good to say anything to my DH's family, it will only work if it comes from him and he won't say anything. So if that's the same with you then talk to your DH, is he willing to talk to them? Or maybe you can just cut yourself off from them. That's what I've done. I only see them at my son's birthday party once a year.

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