**~~Jade(Illiana)'s Birth Lodge~~**

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cmljll's picture
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**~~Jade(Illiana)'s Birth Lodge~~**

Welcome to your lodge, my friend!!! I'm looking forward to following the rest of your journey:-D

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welcome to your lodge!

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Welcome to your lodge!!!

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Welcome to your lodge!

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Welcome to your lodge!!

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welcome to your lodge Smile

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Welcome to your lodge!!! Smile

Illiana's picture
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Aww thanks Connie for setting this up.. I was going to post pics from my "shower" today and saw my lodge.. I forgot that they started at 36 weeks not 37. Yay! I'm excited. I had a belly blessing today. It was so wonderful I had a great time but not a very good photographer, but thats ok! It was so nice after a long day yesterday (dd gave herself her first haircut!)

A Blessing Way is a wonderful ritual for the mother-to-be. It celebrates her step in motherhood... (or motherhood again!) Baby showers are a lot of fun and they are a wonderful way to gift new parents things they need for the baby. A blessing way, however, is a unique way to honor the mother.

36 week belly pic. I cut my hair yesterday as well.

Prayer Flag: everyone that attended made a strip and I'll sew it to hang on a string/ribbon to use as a focal point/motivator when in labor. I had one with DD's birth and loved it!

They painted my belly in henna. Each attendee added a symbol.. not the best artists but it was fun.

And lastly they charged a candle for me to light when i go into labor with wishes and prayers.

And of course the kiddos playing.. DD and my friends son.

Aria's new haircut! This is the after it got "fixed" photo. She chopped the front bangs down to about an inch or shorter. Hair stylist said that there was nothing she could do just to pin it to the side.. guess she got sick of it being in her face but that morning when i suggested getting a haircut she didn't want one.

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You're welcome:-) I knew you were close to 36 wks. That's why I texted you to find out your exact EDD today LOL

Love the haircuts! How much did you get cut off? Your belly's grown quite a bit since I saw it last;-) How are you feeling?

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Welcome to your lodge!
Yay for your belly blessing today! I love the prayer flag that everyone took part in making. What a great idea! Cute haircuts too!

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I cut like 4 or 5 inches off and it feels so short now.. i wish I had her thin it out some.. I forgot how fluffy it gets when its short like this but at least it's lighter now.

I've been feeling pretty good lately. Haven't been hurting quite as much though my back still does hurt so I've been trying to take advantage of the time i have to get some sewing projects done. I made DD's Halloween costume in the last couple of weeks. I love how it came out, but still have a little to do on it. I found out that my mom is going to make it down for Oct 5th for a week or so. I'm excited about it but nervous too.. I haven't seen her in a year and half and DF's never met her. The last time she came down XH and I had just agreed to permanently separate/file for divorce.

I met DF on an online dating site. I wasn't really looking/wanting anything long term as XH and I had just split up in April and it was around this time late august that i got on the site. Well I was just wanting to meet some new people to talk to since I never really got "adult" time. I went out with a couple of people. Most were nice and still friends with one of the guys (we ended up having a mutual friend and i helped him get his ex back that he was still in love with) though we don't talk as much now with our schedules.

Anyway, I met DF there and talked to him a bit and he was nice. I was really concerned that I wouldn't find anyone that could deal with me having a kid. She's kinda high maintenance, very hyper and doesn't really listen so well. Well DF asked us both out to lunch the first time we met (i had a friend on standby just in case). It was sweet really made me feel like he understood that I didn't really have a life outside of Aria. Turned out he was living with his brother (single dad) and his bro's 4 kids so he was used to kids.

The date was fairly boring since I spent more time dragging DD back to the table than talking to him, but he was really patient with it all and just thought I wasn't interested. I had other plans during the day but called him the next day or something and he came over and we were able to hang out and talk with dd occupied in her own space.

Shortly later his brother kicked him out they were working together and living together... not a good situation and they have alot of family issues (he's adopted by his aunt and uncle and he doesn't talk to his bio parents anymore and not in 10 years) and he and his bro no longer talk at all (which sucks for the kids but better for us drama-wise). So he stayed with me for about a month or so then went to his parents for Christmas to visit.

He came back for New years (for a week) which surprised me (and when i ended up pregnant.) He had decided that he wanted to move back up north to where he spent most of his life. He was only going to go "temporarily" which i didn't believe but that was fine, we hadn't been together that long and I sure wasn't moving there. Well a few weeks after he left i realized i was pregnant. I waited a week and then told him. He was so excited. LOL I wasn't even THAT excited until I told him.

He was trying to find work up there and i still wasn't wanting to move so we talked alot on the phone and really got to know each other better and by the end of Feb I decided that I was ok with moving. He'd found a good job and was looking for a place since he was living with his younger brother, SIL and their son.

The plan was to move in April that way i'd have time to get everything together down here, give work plenty of notice, and give dd some extra time with my dad who shes close to and her one good friend here. Well April came around and DF calls and says that he'd fallen on some ice a few weeks ago (his job involved ALOT of walking) and his knee has been killing him ever since. He just kept hoping it'd go away. He still hadn't been able to find a house (rental) as the market up there is horrible right now and we weren't ready to buy since I'd never even been there much less know that I wanted to buy there.

Anyway. The night before my "last" day of work he calls and tells me that he's just going to move back down here. He's worried about his job since he couldn't do the walking anymore and still hadn't found a house and I was hitting the 2nd trimester and really didn't want to be doing it alone anymore if possible. SO I got my job back, and a week later he moved down here. We've been doing good since. Took him a while to find a job but now has one that he mostly likes.

We're living in my brothers rental house so rent's very cheap though I'd rather pay more for a place in the city not this little town 20 miles outside of it, but it's allowed us to save up some. My job ended in June with all the oil spill BS, but that's ok. We're going on having known/been together a year now on Sept 6th. I was not so thrilled with how fast everything happened because of similar occurrences with XH. But so far everything's been good. he's been really sweet with everything. For example, I have a fairly crappy car ('93 geo) with no a/c, no speedometer, etc. DF's car is an '09 mazda and his "baby". Well he's pretty much given me his car. I haven't driven my car since early July. He takes my car to work so that if i have any errands to run or just want to get out of the house I'll have a cool car to do it in, etc. Stuff like that.

He's been great with DD helps with discipline without over reacting or losing control (he's never spanked her etc) and will always look to me to make sure that I approve of his discipline. She's much better behaved now than she ever was before. She's taken to him really well also. She gets excited when he gets home asks where he is when he's gone. We've come together more as a family than I would have ever expected to esp in the time we've had.

He's been really supportive of everything I want to do. He didn't flinch when I told him I'd nursed DD til she was 3 or that i coslept with aria and would like to again since it was so much easier with nursing at night and getting sleep or that I wanted to use cloth diapers or that I wanted a homebirth and later a UC since a midwife wasn't really available (only one here and too expensive).

Didn't quite mean for this to be so long but there ya go. Thanks for reading if you made it so far. He's wanting to get married but not pushing it. I was married to XH for 6 years most of which were spent apart but I'm still hesitant to get married again even so. I did agree to go ahead with it soon if he ends up joining the Air Force; he's mentioned it several times and I think it would be great if he can. Esp in the economy we're in now, but he won't know if he can or not for a few months yet. And if he doesn't he's mentioned wanting to move near his parents in North Carolina, which I'm fine with. They offered to put us up until he can find a place and a job. I've never met them but they seem really nice so far. We'll probably go visit for Christmas. His mom's offered to come stay with us to help out once the baby comes but I declined so that we can bond as a new family first and then his family can visit later if they wish. He's close to his parents but is leaving baby/parenting decisions up to me as he really doesn't know what hes doing and as he says "i've done it before, i'll know what i need at the time".

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Welcome to your lodge! Sounds like your DF is a great guy and you two mesh well. I love your belly blessing pics. Looks like it was a lot of fun!

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Welcome to your lodge and I loved your intro!

Illiana's picture
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I can't find my original birth story for DD but I found this one that I wrote about 6 months later to an old friend back home.. I'm just glad I have something from it..

The day after my due date I called my friend in to come down. She was going to coach myself and Kent through the birth. She came down that night with her husband and her daughter. The next day we went for a walk. I don't know exactly how far we walked, but it was somewhere around 7-10 miles. We went down to the beach and played in the sand for a few hours, and just walked around town, got lunch. Eventually we got so tired we took the bus home. The next day we walked some more. This time it was pouring down rain so we went to the local mall to walk around inside. The last thing I wanted was to go into labor with a cold. We spent about 3 hours walking and then got lunch. The entire day I was having mild contractions. They were not painful and were nothing that I couldn't walk or talk through. Still I decided to go to the hospital; it had been a few weeks since I'd gotten checked to see where I was at so I wanted to find out: 2 cm. After all the walking and almost two weeks I'd only dilated 1 cm. I was so annoyed. We went home and ended the day with sex.

The next day, Monday, I went in for a doctor's appointment. I did all the tests and everything was looking fine. She stripped the membranes and told me that I was now at 3 cm. ok good progress, I was happy, but then she started talking about inducing again. They were worried about my history and that she would be stillborn also if I went too far over my due date. She wanted to talk to an OB about it and would call me back. I was scared. Of course I could refuse it, but I couldn't imagine if anything did go wrong because of it. I wanted a natural birth yes, but I didn't want to risk her health or even my own. I went home with the intention to do more walking and have a lot more sex since those are the two things that are really supposed to get labor started. We had lunch and went for a short walk. We were waiting for Kent to get home from school. Just after he got home, I told him what was going on and he wasn't thrilled about it. Then she called back. They wanted me to go in sometime this week to be induced. They said that they'd break my waters first and see if that made any progress and if that didn't work it would mean the chemical inductions and meds. With all this, she was still sure that I'd go on my own first. We set something up for Tuesday at 7:30 am. It didn't seem to make sense to wait a few days. We packed our bags for the hospital stay and took it easy that night, no more walking. Kent and I had sex one last time since we both knew it'd be 6 weeks before we could again and then went to sleep.

I woke up with contractions at 1:00, just an hour or so after we'd gone to bed. After about 45 minutes of contractions, we went to the hospital. I was dilated to 5 cm now. I was admitted. After being checked and on the monitors for a while I checked into my room and laid down for awhile. After the nurses were done checking everything I was able to get into the hot tub. It helped a little with the contractions. I started feeling like I needed to push so I got out, and was checked again 9 cm. After a few more contractions the urge to push just sort of hit and I couldn't hold it back anymore. I was checked again. Just a "lip" left. She gave me the go ahead to push while she held the lip of the cervix out of the way. That did the trick and I was ready to go. Baby still hadn't dropped and was pretty far back in the birth canal so the pushing stage took a while. If I had to I'd guess about an hour, maybe more maybe less, no one was really watching the clock. After her head crowned twice, she finally came out and was placed on my stomach. I tore a little and needed stitches which hurt. She was completely covered in vernix. She was born on May 23, 2006 just as dawn was breaking at 5:45 am. She weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and a length of 20 inches long 13" head. She's currently almost 6 months, 15-16 lbs and 24-25" Ariana Morrigan Castles.

I wanted to add a pic of DD at birth.

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Rereading my birth story, I can't believe I let them use all the scare tactics to try to induce me and I"m sooooo incredibly grateful that I didn't end up having to go that route. And this was a group of MWs who delivered at a birth center. I think one of the main reasons I was allowing it was because a. I was sick of being pregnant and b the idea of another stillbirth scared the crap out of me. I knew then and know now that it was unlikely considering how well she was doing. I was just impatient as i was 5 days "overdue" and my friends visiting were kinda ready to get home to their other kids (they left two at home and just brought the baby). and Thinking back I don't think I was actually overdue at all.. I remember at my 20 u/s with the OB before i switched to the MWs she changed my due date by like a week or more it was a lot i remember but i can't remember the actual date that my original EDD was.

As you all probably know or at least most of you know, I'm planning a UC this time and I'm so excited about it. I've been feeling pretty good.. I wish the weather was nicer so I could go outside to walk around... Walking in stores with DD is next to impossible.

I have backup care with an OB in town. I did my GBS test last week so I should get the results tomorrow.. I was a bit surprised when he actually put the swab in my bum.. i thought they just rubbed the vaginal opening.

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Welcome to your lodge! I loved your intro and the pics from the blessing! The prayer flag is such an awesome idea. I loved the henna and candle too. Smile

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Love your intro and DD's birth story! Welcome to your lodge!

I'm curious to see if anyone else offers up a good reason for testing your bum for GBS, it's not like the baby's coming out there Smile

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Well I've heard that some docs will swab the rectum too because of the close proximity or something like that, but i've never heard of them actually putting it IN there.

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Projects so far, granted not much considering the time I've had on my hands but the heat just kills me. I go in the dining room to set up my machine and by the time i'm there for 30 minutes i'm dripping sweat. ugh so gross.. but I made DD's Halloween costume. Nope not making munchkin one though I'd love to find DD that i made for her first halloween. she was a little barbarian girl..lol.. fake fur tunic and some little pants to cover the legs so cute.. lol

She's been obsessed with princess Jasmine since she was about 2 and i could never find a costume under 40 so I finally planned it early enough this year to make her costume. Still needs a little something IMO but not sure what (besides shoes)
First layer i guess..

full costume..

and i've made some cloth wipes also. I have more to make but I'm not sure if I like how they're coming out.. They seem really thick to me, but its just two layers of flannel like the instructions said... hmm.. i dunno... I keep thinking about cloth diapers but just can't bring myself to make any yet.

So far I have 8 of the circles, 3 of the baseballs, and 3 (0f 6) of the blue/white squares. I have a blue with elephants and red flakes to make some also. probably 8 of each. or 10 if i cut the size down which i'm thinking about.. you can see my hand on one for size. I was told bigger better since they get messy, but i think having some small ones also would be good.. They're about 8x8 or 8x9 for most of these. my cutting in a straight line skills are not up to par.

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[LEFT]Thanks for sharing your intro! That's so wonderful that DF is so supportive about the parenting choices, that's so important.

You have a lot of great sewing projects going on![/LEFT]

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In spite of the weather, your sewing projects are looking great. Ariana must be thrilled with her costume. She'll always remember this one! It's hard to tell from the pictures, but the first photo of the cloth wipes (orange and green) looks rather stiff while the others look softer. Washing will change that though if in fact it is stiff.
I'm hoping for less humid weather SOON!

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I loved reading about you! I think it's great that DF is so supportive of the choices you have made.

I think the wipes look great and so does the costume. I am pretty helpless with a needle and thread, so it's always amazing to me when people make things like that!

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"gardenbug" wrote:

In spite of the weather, your sewing projects are looking great. Ariana must be thrilled with her costume. She'll always remember this one! It's hard to tell from the pictures, but the first photo of the cloth wipes (orange and green) looks rather stiff while the others look softer. Washing will change that though if in fact it is stiff.
I'm hoping for less humid weather SOON!

Yes, good eye! the circle pattern is new fabric washed once where as the other two are old receiving blankets that were washed probably hundreds of times. I guess i need get to washing the new fabric up a bit more.. same for the others i want to make.

This humidity is really taking a toll on me.. luckily its been cooler the last couple of days.. only been like 94*F today not sure with the heat index what it was though..

I'm so excited my GBS test came back negative so I don't have to worry about the hospital if I have to transfer. Everything else looked good for the appointment. He said that he won't do a VE again until the very end unless I want one. So thats good.

Took DD to the park to feed the ducks and geese and was amazed at how many nutria were there.. I think we saw about 10 of them or more. They freak me out well their teeth do anyway. I think they're regional so here's a pic of why they freak me out the orange things are their teeth.

The playground was still closed but it looks like they're putting up new equipment so that'll be great. I can't wait to move back to town I hate living this far out even though there are a few nice things about it.

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"faeriecurls" wrote:

I loved reading about you! I think it's great that DF is so supportive of the choices you have made.

I think the wipes look great and so does the costume. I am pretty helpless with a needle and thread, so it's always amazing to me when people make things like that!

I was too for a long time. I started sewing about a year or so before I had dd. I was involved with the SCA at the time and I went to an event with XH and some friends and loved it.. I wanted an outfit but took one look at the prices and said there is no Effing way i could ever afford this. A friend I went with gave me some pointers and a basic pattern and i started making my own stuff. Even now I've never bought an outfit for it. I started with basic stuff for me and then DH and started making DD dresses for it just last year. This one is my first costume for her. and i've never attempted to make "real" clothes. The only thing i'd ever made before that was a skirt in high school with my moms help. i think i sewed one line of it..

These are all from different ren faires.

I made both of the blue dresses. this is the type that I love to make.

made both of these tunics but for other people so they both fit kinda funny.

ok heres one of DD in march this year

munchkin.. dont have good ones of her outfit but she had a blast.

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Oh my goodness, I totally enjoyed your pics Biggrin TFS!

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I enjoyed reading how you and DF met etc! Aria's costume looks great! My mom used to make ours every year.

I hope they get the playground opened back up soon! I've never actually seen one of those creatures but I've heard there are a ton of them at the park. Are y'all planning on moving closer to the city?

Will you be having another u/s? Last year Dr. H was doing them at about 38 wks for everyone...

Hey, I keep forgetting to tell you - if you want you can text me when you're in labor and I'll update on here. Just let me know!

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I think your sewing is amazing! You are inspiring me to go and sew something.

I think the wipes are really great. I did some a couple of years ago and just serged the edges, they started fraying almost immediately. The ones you made look nice and sturdy.

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I love your costumes and the wipes look great. I totally cheated and bought some. But hubby said I can get a sewing machine!

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Connie, I'll def. keep you posted on labor. He hasn't mentioned any more u/s but who knows he did say that he wont do any more VE until the end unless I request them which is good i really dont' want any i find them more discouraging than anything else. No set plans for moving but we're both dying to get out of this house so hopefully by the end of the year if not beforehand.

Yes those things have totally taken over the pond at the park. I'm not used to them coming up that close to people but they were getting pretty greedy with the bread.

I cut some fabric to sew some more wipes but haven't done it yet. Been pretty blah today.. DF's got the weekend off and nothing really to do, not even any movies out that we want to see. I hope we can come up with something to do this weekend.

I didn't really use a pattern for the wipes but after I made those and was wondering about the size I did find this site. http://www.myhappycrazylife.com/make-your-own-cloth-wipes/ with 3 different ways of doing them.. I never thought about serging/zig zag the ends, and I don't have a serger anyway. But the "tricky" directions is pretty much what i did though. I'm kinda trying to think of anything else that I'd want to make and not coming up with much right now.

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That was his policy on VE's for both my pregnancies too. He said they do nothing but give false hope or discouragement so they're useless;-) When I had Ethan the late u/s wasn't standard but when I had Gabriel it was.

Are y'all looking at houses or apt's? Or nothing yet, just a direction for the future...

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not looking yet. I'm not moving until after baby comes and hopefully after we're adjusted and (done bleeding!) but we'll see.. He actually wants to join the Air Force so if that happens who knows where or when we'll be moving.

I was surprised that Dr. H wanted to do a VE at my 35 week appt. No big surprise that i was closed tight and thick. Getting tired of everyone asking if there's any change ect..

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He does one with the GBS screen since you're undressed already.

Yeah, if he joins the Air Force, no telling where you'll end up!

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Today was a good day. 37 weeks today. I forgot to get a belly pic but I'll try to remember to tomorrow. I met with some friends for coffee and then lunch and then again this evening. My birth buddy had her baby so that was exciting to be able to update and then I come here to do that and keep reading about everyone that had to have Emergency C/S and its kinda scaring/depressing me.. Not only do I feel horrible for the women going through this (imo its hard enough when its elective!) but it scares me that there are so many. I have a hard time seeing a need for me to get one, but its hard not to worry about it when it seems as though everyone is having one. I'm also on MDC since they have a fairly active UC board and even alot of the women in my birth board there are having c/s though it does help that alot are having hbs also.

And then going tonight, one of my friends that was there had gall bladder surgery recently and now has to have a c/s for her baby. She's due nov 7th but having him on oct 26. She wanted to have him natural but never really did any research other than ask me a question or two. I don't want to ask and really don't know anything about it but i'm so curious as to why she has to have a c/s now. Is it something to do with the GB surgery or what? She's also wanting to BF, but at the advice of her mom (hospital RN) she's stocking up on formula "just in case her milk takes too long to come in".. I met her husband for the first time tonight and his first question was 'are you having a c/s?" She's actually one of the few RLF that i've told I'm planning a UC. Most others just know that I'm waiting at home as long as possible.

I guess I'm just so glad that DF is on the same page as me with all or most of this stuff. I was starting to feel encouraged no so much about birth but one of the girls i met for coffee has a 13 week old. She's CDing (we traded some dipes today, i got some newborn covers and prefolds and she got some of the girly FB) and she's BFing (even tried to in public but baby was over stimulated.) But it was just encouraging to see someone else in my area, we went to school together but didn't know each other until very recently and met through mutual friends, doing things that are "crunchy/hippy/whatever you call it". I was the crazy one other than a few of the older ladies I knew (about 20 or so years older than me) who breastfeed (esp past a year) or CD, ect so its really nice to see someone actually 2 years younger than i am do these things or NCB (though we didn't talk about birth).

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Sounds like you had a good day! Great that you find a like-minded friend IRL.

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You've done this before, you can do it again!!! I know it's hard not to get discouraged seeing so many c-sections but these women aren't you;-)

I'm glad you had a good day with friends! I thought about CD'ing but with no washer and dryer...

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Yay for having a good day and connecting with a like minded friend. Its always hard to see so many others having c/s around you but try not to think about it and let it get you down.

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Thanks ladies. Realistically I KNOW that I won't have these problems and that things will be fine but its hard when others around are like that.

Connie, Thats the exact reason why I didn't CD Aria. I did a little bit esp when I'd run out and didn't have sposies right away as we had some CD on hand but i always had to hand wash them (YUCK!), and we CD'd in the birth center and I really wanted to at home but didn't have a washer until now. Its too hard toting diapers PLUS all of our reg clothes to the laundromat. not to mention stinky!

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Yeah for being full-term! That must be nice to have a like minded friend. It is so nice to have someone understand the way you choose to birth and parent.

TiggersMommy's picture
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Woohoo for 37 weeks!

It is hard to read about emergency c/s stories. I try to keep it in mind that real emergencies are not super common and in the event of an emergency a c/s is what's best for you and baby. They happen but at no where near the rate we're seeing c/s's in general.

It is sooo nice to have a local friend who sees eye to eye with you on parenting issues!! I have a friend who's getting "crunchier" by the day and it's so refreshing to talk CD and BFing with her.

Illiana's picture
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Had my 37 week appt today.. It was same ol' thing. good BP, good heartbeat, went over when to go in to the hospital again. (this is the 3rd time). said i could check next week if i want to but not so much... He thinks i'll make it to my due date give or take a few days. I'm measuring 39 weeks but didn't say a word about it.

XH called as we were leaving the appt. he was a few towns over dealing with court stuff with his dad and wanted to get lunch. So we met with them after taking kiddo to the park to feed the ducks and play for a bit. now we're home and i'm looking at new phones online.. The one i really want (samsung captivate) is of course way too expensive. I found it for 150 online (that was the cheapest i could find). So I don't know what to get now.

Still feeling ok.. My back's been really sore. I'm hoping to get to the chiro sometime this week or next. baby's still head down.. we still don't have a name.. hormones are all over the place lately.

Illiana's picture
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Well I haven't really posted much as I've been sore and cranky. Been really crampy lately and horrible heartburn and of course now insomnia. I have my 38 week appt tomorrow so hopefully that'll go well.. I am starting to have contractions that are uncomfortable. but they are few and far between and i think it may be that today was the first day in a while that we managed to DTD comfortably. heh..

My mom is going out of town on Tuesday and will be gone for two weeks so if i go into labor before she gets back she won't even know about it until much later. She doesn't live in the area so not a big deal but i was hoping i'd be able to talk to her if i needed to. Still getting twins comments from everyone or from those who know its not twins its the oh you won't make it to your EDD. Well baby is still in my ribs (sitting hurts and laying down its hard to breathe.) I'll try to take/post a pic soon.

I've been dealing with alot of drama from my dad and lets just say I'm not in a good headspace lately and why I really haven't posted much. I still post on FB a fair bit just to keep up and so people do ask lots of questions. I don't know how much i've mentioned about my dad before but he's one of a kind and we've always had a rough relationship.. without getting into the problems in too much detail (we'll be here all night!) lets just say that we're on the verge of filing a restraining order against him and moving away to where he won't see us for a very long time.. And it's killing me because DD is very attached to him but his mental state is not all together.. He allows DD to ride in the front seat of the car unbelted (shes 4) and complains because DF tries to discipline her. He's called df a bully with sadist tendencies and told DF that I was just as crazy and effed up as he is and that we're traumatizing my dd. anyway.. He's threatened (twice now) to have his friend come over and "squeeze Dan's neck a little so he can see the how it is and stop bullying dd" etc etc etc. My dad was extremely verbally abusive when i was a kid and physically to my mom. He's also an alcoholic. He also told me that if I moved away with DD and didn't let her see him or something then he'd call and file neglect on me. He often tells me that "you guys ain't right" and "i don't know what kind of sick **** you're into". sorry hard to express some things without any background.. anyway this is all in the past few days and started because of two things. (from a few weeks ago) Dan told aria that she wasn't getting any junk food if she didn't eat her dinner (not finish she never does that but she hadn't taken one bite of it when my dad came by) Oh and he lives 2 blocks from us and shows up like clockwork from 7:00 to as late as 8:30. with no phone call nor so much as a knock on the door -his house he has a key. (from last week) Aria had a friends daughter (shes 8 years old) over playing.. My dad came over around 7 and hung out on the couch watching some cartoon with them. well they went into Aria's bedroom around 8 to play. Thats when I came out of my room to see when she wanted to go home (school night mind you) Well the girls are on the bed playing dolls and my dad is laying on his side on the floor doing leg lifts! He's really drunk also. SO after watching for about 20 minutes i go in and say time to bring Jamie home. ok they're getting shoes and ready to go. I grab dan and we leave. We get home about 9 (stopped to look for a movie and for me to cool off - I was livid. IMO that is totally inappropriate) and my dad is still there. He puts on a movie for DD and I tell him it's 9 that's her bedtime (as we tell him EVERY NIGHT when we kick him out.) So his response is "eff it" and he storms out slamming the door. and dd is asleep in about 10 minutes she was so tired. UGH sorry for the rant. I just don't know what to do now. We don't pay him rent but we pay my brother (they bought the house together).. Dan had a talk with my dad and asked for the keys and while he refused to give them over he does knock now. but still shows up whenever he wants..

Anyway thanks for reading if you made it this far.

*****************

and i'm posting this here also (xp in sept) as i'm at a loss.. We've barely talked names at all in months.

So we still haven't picked out a name yet and I feel like i'm the only one. But at least DF is finally working on it with me and I wanted to run some names by you ladies.

Together we made a list and he picked his favorites and I picked mine and then there are the "others" that we both still like alot.

His tops
Dylan (love it but kinda popular nationwide though NOT at all in the area we live in)
Daryn
Adrian
Alistair (we can't agree on how this one is pronounced he says Al-eh-ster (i dont like this) i say Al-eh-Stair (do like this one))

My tops
Trystan
Dylan
Rhys

We both also like - comments on the side are MINE not DFs
Cameron - like it but its a bit popular
Quinn - I like it, know a guy with this name
Devlyn - not a fave but ok
Bryce - I like this one alot

Unrelated My mom suggested Adrian to me a while ago but i never mentioned it to DF because I didn't think he'd like it and it seemed a bit close to DD name (ariana). what do you guys think? I'm not big on same letter names or names that are close.. they just happen to both be names we like.

We're also trying to add middle names in with this.. we were thinking Dylan Alistair but his last name starts with *N* so initials would be DAN (DF's name is Daniel/Dan so he said no way) and I don't want anything like tan, ran, ban, etc.

So i guess i just wanted to see what you ladies thought. opinions on these names any that you love/hate

faeriecurls's picture
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I'm sorry you are having such drama with your father! It sounds like it's a really difficult situation. I don't have any advice, but I completely understand how difficult and draining it is to deal with (I cut my father out of my life altogether several years ago, rather than deal with the drama that came with a relationship with him) and I hope you can find some way to get into a better place about it.

I like Dylan Alistair as a name.

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(((((HUGS))))) We had to totally cut off contact with Jesse's mom years ago for basically being a lunatic. You've tried talking to your dad about things to no avail, and he's putting Aria in danger, and it's not like she's a big 4-yr-old. There are carseat and seat belt laws for a reason! I think you would be perfectly justified cutting off contact with him. I know it wouldn't be easy. And Aria would take it hard. But if she's not safe with him, that's a huge concern. Didn't the dog bite happen under his "supervision" too?!

As far as names... I don't think Adrian and Aria sound too much alike. And ITA about watching the initials. Names are such a pain if you don't have one you're completely sold on! You just might have to wait till you meet him to decide for sure!

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What are you going to do during labor about your dad basically having free access? Are you comfortable with him being there during the labor and birth?

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:bigarmhug: We had to forcefully detach my DH's drug-addicted mother a few years ago, so I totally understand. It's extremely hard but there comes a point when you have to do what's best for you.

Of your names, I like Dylan, Quinn, and Rhys. Adrian and Ariana are a little close IMO but if you like them you shouldn't let that stop you. I like Alistair as a middle name. IMO, initials that spell a word aren't problematic unless the word is bad. Honestly, how much time do you spend thinking about your initials?

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Connie, yes the dog bite was while my dad watched her try to hug the pit bull next door that always barked when she'd try to go anywhere near him. again he was drunk but i didn't realize it at the time or i wouldn't have let her go outside with him.

I actually don't live far from the police station and will call if I have to to get him to leave (I've called them on him before but its been over 10 years since that happened). I hate to even suggest it, but dan knows that I am completely fine with him threatening my dad to make him leave if it comes down to it.. My dad's extremely anti guns and Dan's ex-military so he has a handgun (keep up and locked- I can't even reach the thing). I've never seen it (after the one time he showed it to me) so I forget that he even has it most of the time. My dad of course doesn't know that he has it. Anyway, he's been told that we're having the baby at home and that he will NOT be there at the time. So I'm just hoping that he'll be sober enough when the time comes that he won't try to argue with us.. I"m also hoping that baby comes at night again so we don't have to even worry about him showing up. I feel bad b/c my dad is getting up there and thinks that he won't be around all that long, but there's no telling. He's 69 now.

Yep aria is only 36 pounds and i'm really not sure how tall. she's kinda a skinny little thing.

Thanks for the encouragement ladies.. I don't really talk about this stuff with RLF except for one friend that I grew up with. She's worried that he'll try to kidnap her or something.

Had my 38 week appt. It was same ol' thing. Gained more weight. really swollen. Baby looking good. Said that he could just as likely come around my EDD as coming a week late since DD was a week late. So thats expected.. no checks or anything. I figure if he wants to do one i will but if they just ask if theres any reason to, then no. Next appt is next monday...

DD been a pain in the butt lately and I don't know if it has to do with all the crap with my dad or if it has to do with DF being off work (just got laid off) He's trying like crazy to get into the Air force now. I hope he can, but i'm just not really wanting to move out of the area so soon after baby, but it sure beats living near/with my dad. anyway, DD just does not listen now. I'm starting to wonder if my dad's been talking about us to her when we're not there. I had a friend who's XH would do that when he had the kids on the weekends. They'd come back acting like little demons that would last for 2-3 days and then they'd get back to normal (annoying kids but not horrible IMO) then he'd take them again and repeat. I'm starting to wonder if the same thing is going on with my dad since she rarely sees her dad and he's at least decent enough not to talk bad about us even if he thinks it.. he's more concerned with just playing with her.

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I am sorry you are dealing with so much dram right now. I hope it all calms down in time for you to have your baby and enjoy your babymoon.

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How are you feeling? Haven't seen you online in a couple days...

LMCH's picture
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sorry to hear you are dealing with all that drama right now! While my IL's don't show up unexpectedly, they never seem to get the hint that they need to leave at an appropriate time...DS is 2 1/2 and my MIL still seems shocked when I tell her what his bedtime is, etc. Anywho... hopefully things will calm down for you and you won't have to deal with any craziness during labor!

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Thanks, I went out last night to dinner with some friends. We do a ladies night out so Dan watched Aria while I went out to dinner. It was nice to get out and late enough that i didn't have to see my dad at all. He didn't come by since he thought we all had left. Biggrin Today after my dad got off work he picked aria up to take her to the park.. He's gotten better about the car seat since I complained (again) last week so thats good. he dropped her off about 2 hours later. He'd taken her to walmart and bought two movies that she already has so she freaked out when I wouldn't open them. She fell asleep watching a movie about an hour or so later. My dad came back around 8pm and stayed til around 930 or so watching some movie that she had playing. finally he left (we were in the bedroom so we never really spoke to him) So we just finished watching a movie and i'm still wide awake so I came to check in..

I started writing my dad an email but haven't finished it yet so it'll be interesting when i do and he gets it.. I"m trying not to be too harsh on him, i just want some space. And I don't want him coming here drunk all the time.

Otherwise, I've been feeling fairly good. Its actually been nice with DF out of work getting help around the house and company other than dd all the time. We took dd to the park a few days ago and yesterday we took her to see a movie (dispicable me - we'd seen it but df hadn't). It was a trip watching it in 3D too.. So on that hand its been really nice. I'm still debating on names with myself. He told me the ones he liked best so i just need to figure out my favorites and tell him and we'll go from there.. but i just can't decide now.. LOL I asked Aria about each name and every time its "oh yeah. I like that" cute but so not helpful.

He goes in monday after my next doc appt to talk to the recruiter again. Hopefully he has what he needs so far. Everyone is starting to suggest days/times for when i should or shouldn't go into labor. lol.. I have 2 friends that want to be there, but I don't know that I want anyone there. I've been so antisocial the last few months other than the occasional event I've been mostly sticking around the house or very short visits when possible. Also, with me planning a UC I know they wouldn't be comfortable there.. i mentioned it to both but they still ask where i'm having him at.. so i just tell them the hospital that my ob is at. And I do like the ob but i just don't want to deal with all the hospital crap and it just feels right to be at home this time.

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oh and still no signs whatsoever that baby is coming anytime soon.

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