Welcome to your lodge!!!!
YAY ! welcome to the homestretch Mary!
Congrats on your lodge Mary! :party:
Congrats, and welcome to your lodge! Can't wait for your intro!
Woo hoo! Congrats on entering the homestretch!
The final countdown has begun.
Welcome and congrats on your lodge!
Welcome to your lodge, Mary!
Thank you all very much for your welcomes. As you all know my name is Mary. I'll try to make my intro concise.. but it doesn't seem to work well. If you ask I can provide full birth stories for each child so far.
My first child is Priscilla (edd aug 20, date of actual delivery sept 18 ). She was an unplanned pregnancy when I was 19... I'll say her birth was "almost" natural, but luckily it was also very fast labor with her. I received half a dose of stadull when I started feeling the urge to push to stall me for the arrival of my OB. My support person for my delivery was my mom, who had had 5 natural births in the 70s ~ including a vaginal breech. I would have to say her birth really changed the way I was traveling in life for a more positive outlook. Priscilla is names in honor of myself. She looked just like I did at birth ~ only she was 3 lbs lighter at 7 lbs 12 oz... For reference ~ her at birth then myself (any guesses as to what type of birth my mom had with me?)
I am married to Lee, we met about 7 yrs ago and will have our 7th anniversary in April. My daughter told me when she met him, that she wanted him to be her daddy. So he was put on a speed track, he had a choice either settle down or move on.. He choose settle down. So in December of 2000 we were engaged
In April we had our wedding in a beautiful outdoor ceremony ...It wasn't what I wanted at all. I wanted a quick courthouse wedding with us having a big ceremony after we had completed having children so that our children could be the wedding party. A pic of our wedding ....
For our first anniversary we were given the gift of Gwendolyn, well at least the BFP that turned into her. Throughout my pregnancy with her I was tormented with nightmares of Lee hiring someone to cut her out of me and leave me for dead. I had started asking about home birth during this pg, but hubby felt we were "too sophisticated" for such barbaric practices... and I just wanted to avoid being in a car during labor like the first time. Unfortunately during my pg I felt I kept having concerns dismissed by my new group of OBs. On jan 2, 4 days before my edd, my water broke, but contractions never completely set in... naively I trusted the hospital to help with her birth... In the end I got a cs 20 after ROM. I reacted poorly to the epidural. I had a nurse exclusively in my room over night post surgery reminding me to wake up and breathe whenever the O2 stats became of concern. I had a hard time acknowledging Gwen as my child... At my 6 wk pp I was told to restrict my family size by only having one more child by cs. This was a huge slap in the face because i had always dream of a large (12+) family... A pic of Gwen at birth 8 lbs 2 oz
She was about a year old when my hubby commissioned with the USAF. We had hoped to make that our livelihood until he was able to retire. We got pg with Jeremiah about 1 month after he commissioned.
My last pg, when I joined Pg.org, I had been researching vbac. My hubby now doubted my ability to birth our children and a compromise was made for me to have a hospital vbac. As my pregnancy progressed it became obvious that my are provider wasn't as supportive of vbac as they had originally claimed. Hubby wouldn't support a home birth, and at 36 weeks I changed care providers. I still felt suspicious of his motives after he laughed at my birth plan. So when I was about 36 weeks, after I met him for the the first or second time I planned to have an "opps home birth".... which worked out exactly as I had dreamed.... seriously I had dreamt that i would give birth with 2 females present in an out of hospital setting to a boy... my 2 females, my daughter Gwen and my mom.
Shortly after my birth My hubby received several calls from his commanding officer, proved by the OB that refused to see me after birth anywhere but in an ER. (so i did the natural thing I called my family doctor and made appts with him :P) He was informed my actions were inexcusable and that having a wife like me would possibly cost him his career. About a year after that the USAF started it's lay offs starting with voluntary separations. After that year, they went to commanders to evaluate which employees should be kept. I told my hubby I strongly suspected the commander that did not like my home birth would suggest he be involuntarily discharged.
In may as my period was ending we received news that he was in fact losing his job. We had until sept to find new employment or something. Due to the fact we were unsure how quickly he would gain new employment we chose to start abstaining to prevent pg. In addition to this mid may the house hold suffered a stomach virus, leaving me with no desire whatsoever for sex. After all who wants sex after cleaning up vomit and diarrhea all day for a week? On may 28 I realized my lp was longer than expected, we had abstained so i was sure that there was no chance of +. I had chalked it up to the stress of him loosing his job. At his insistence, I tested to show that we had no worries. as the moisture wicked across the test a positive became glaringly obvious. Based off my chart alone we determined the edd of feb 3, despite our lack of intimacy. Hubby decided that if abstaining from sex wasn't enough to prevent pg for us that something needed to be done for birth control, and against my request he had a Vasectomy in Aug. I am still rather resentful of it.
My pg itself has been pretty uneventful. What we have had problems with was our insurance. It was supposed to last 6 months from when he was involuntarily discharged, which would have covered us until March. In addition to that it doesn't cover most midwives. So I was willing to do Ob care and plan an hb as i had done before. Unfortunately, we moved here (with family) and the 3 obs within 2 hours of our current location covered by the insurance all said no to vbac regardless of labor duration in a previous vbac and they wanted rcs at 38 wks. Then came the big doozy for me. 2 weeks after his forced separation I got the letter notifying me I no longer had insurance coverage. So we were left unemployed and without insurance. It made the decision to uc even easier, because we lacked the financial means to pay for even a mw and knew from experience that we would be considered "too rich" for Medicaid as we shared a household with family without paying rent... it is really a technical loop that they fit us into to deny us, but i wasn't up for fighting it this time.
We had hoped by this point in time hubby would have gainful employment, but for now he works a seasonal job at the only location that was willing to hire him despite his "over qualifications".. we hope that in the next week we will hear from the job interviews in Iowa and know if we have the job there. While I wont be able to move right now knowing that there is a chance we can be living on our own again is definitely desired.
Sorry for the long intro.. I really tried to make it short.
Welcome to your lodge. Congrats. Hopefully the job situation will work itself out quickly.
Lovely intro.! Thanks for the run-down. I would love to read the birth story for your youngest child. Is it in a thread here at p.org?
Welcome to your lodge! I loved your intro and pics.
I hope your hubby finds a new job soon--what a horrible stressful situation!!!
Mary! :bighug: That is rotten what happened to your dh! How can they know that you planned or not planned a hb? That is just not right!
I completely understand your C-sec experience! It brought back flashbacks. I can see why you would fight so hard for a vbac!
My prayers are with you and DH hoping he finds a job so that you both can move into your own place again soon. HUGS!
I am interested in hearing about your last birth as well!
I'm so sorry about the job. I, too, would love to read your latest birth story.
Not too long ago Cindy had asked for birth experiences on the feb 2008 board So I guess what I'll do is make some posts with my experiences in there. Then you can read the more detailed birth stories of each of my children. (in other words I'm fluffing my lodge )
Starting with Prissy's Birth:
Birth 1: Edd Aug 20 1998, date of delivery Sept 18 ~ The most honest and best OB I’ve ever met..
I was young. I did everything my Ob said because I had grown up in a home where my parents blatantly despised anyone in the medical profession. I never questioned him, even when I was told to drink 3 qts of water daily in addition to other fluids to prevent dehydration in pg.
I had my first u/s to date my pg because “teenagers are notoriously bad at keeping their dates straight.” At 20 weeks I had my next u/s, to everyone’s joy the announcement was made, I was carrying a little boy. Unable to decide on a name, I called my belly “Dewey.”
I was caught off guard by how large I got during pg. I had gone from a size 0, to large enough I couldn’t fit behind the steering wheel of my car, If I drove a newer vehicle, I found in order to fit my stomach behind the wheel and not have it catch the wheel I couldn’t reach the pedals.
At my “first” 36 weeks, I had another u/s. Much to my surprise I was told “She looks like she is doing well and well positioned.” Umm she?! No one told me She before! What do you mean she?! The u/s tech boosted of never being wrong. I asked what other gender she could possibly tell me now that I had been told both. I could assure 100% accuracy in my guesses too if I told everyone both sides of the same coin.
Starting in Sept I started getting bpp. By mid Sept., I was getting them at least 2x a week if the office schedule allowed it. Never was anything out of the ordinary. Starting in Aug., I had started VE, Was told each time I was “High and tight, no chance of labor starting soon.”
On Sept 17, I had yet another bpp. Everything was the same as it had been since they started, except now I was there with stretch marks breaking open and bleeding, I felt swollen, I couldn’t tie my shoes (and had no one to do it for me but my parents and I refused to ask them), I was getting depressed I would be pg forever. I was watching women who were due after me come in for their 6 wk pp checks…I broke down in tears as the Ob told me “You’re still high and tight, no signs of impending labor, looks like you could go on ‘til at least Oct 13 like this”. I begged for him to put me out of my misery. Heck I begged him to do anything to end my pg, induction, c/s, death (the melodrama of being 19, single, pg, and miserable), anything; I was SICK of being pg and not being able to do most things for myself. The idea of being pg another month was just not what I needed to hear at that appt.
After I was redressed he took me into the consult room. He disclosed that in his opinion there was no reason to do any drastic measures like I was requesting unless the baby or I were showing signs of distress. He would only consider allowing me to be induced if I was suicidal and posed a risk to my baby and I. I admitted I wasn’t suicidal, but desperate to meet this child I had been carrying for so long already. He said he would have his staff check with the hospital and if there was room, the following week we would do an induction, but he strongly advised I reconsider because they often don’t have positive outcomes. I left booking another bpp for the following tues. Est weight if I delivered around that appt was 13-15 lbs
Later that night I receive a call. Induction set up for the following Sunday evening. I was so happy. I went out for the evening and ate pizza and icees in celebration with a friend who was due in 6 weeks. Around Midnight I came home, tired and irritable and unable to get comfortable. My back was killing me.
Just before 2 am, I asked my mom to take me to the hospital to see if they could offer me pain relief for my back. The pain was unbearable to sit through as we drove to the hospital. Although I tried to face forward, I found myself often on my knees facing the rear seat. It was the start of early labor. I arrived at the hospital, even more irritable than I left my house. The triage nurse said she couldn’t admit me for any reason, my baby didn’t look “dropped,” I hadn’t noted my water breaking, my only complaint was a back ache ~ and I could talk through that so it must not be contractions. I was insistent I stay and that they call my OB. If they didn’t, I’d sit in the waiting room until my induction date.
He told them to appease me ~ monitor me for an hour, make sure I was hydrated, and then send me home if there was no change. At the start of it I was 1 cm and “slightly” effaced. An hour later I was almost 3 cm. By no means was I not in active labor. After the second check I was admitted. My Ob told them to decline drug request from me for as long as possible to keep from stalling my labor. I got to the point I was demanding I wanted something to take off the edge of pain. It had only been 3 hours since I was admitted, but a VE showed I was almost complete. I dose of stadull was administered and I was told to fight my urge to push until the Ob arrived….. 45 mins later because he was at a different hospital with a mother in her 4th labor whom he expected to complete first.
He walked into the room. I was allowed to push without a VE, and in less than 5 pushes my little girl was born. It was 611 in the morning less than 4 hours from the time I was admitted, less than 18 hours from my last Ob VE which he said I had no signs of impending labor. She weighed in at 7 lbs 12 oz no where close to the u/s weight of 13-15 lbs. As he sewed the episiotomy up he said that I “made birth look easy and every mother would love to birth like that.” At my pp check up he said that with births like that for my first I would never need a cs, and I had banked on it, because the thought of surgery actually scared me to death.
Birth 2 Edd Jan 6 2003 by ovulation date, Edd Jan 15 by u/s dating, date of delivery Jan 3
I remembered how uncomfortable I was transporting to the hospital with my first. I tried talking hubby into a birth at home to save me the pain. He was adamantly opposed to the idea, we were more “sophisticated” than to birth like animals at home. I was declined from Medicaid despite the fact that hubby and I made less then 1k a month and couldn’t afford health insurance. They felt that since family provided us with a roof, they would provide for our medical expenses too.
The pg progressed fairly normally. I hired the cheapest Ob I could find for an out of pocket birth. I took a cash advance on a credit card to pay the 5k in expenses for just prenatal care. With our funds being limited and not having the $ to hire a different care provider as things felt less than right with the group, I was “stuck” there for no other reason than being financially bound. I would ask questions and they would be dismissed saying “its been a long time since you were last pg, you just don’t remember” or “its not your place to know about that, I’m the professional, just do as I say”
Near the end of pg, I’d say about 32 weeks, I started experiencing the most unusual sensation. It felt as if my child was corkscrewing into my cervix and then popping out after several moments lacking movement. Again my concerns were dismissed. At 36 weeks I was complaining that she wasn’t “seating” herself for birth, I frequently watched her do somersaults in my belly at night. Their response “There isn’t enough room for a child at this gestation to be doing somersaults. Your imagination is overly active.” Around that time I was talked to about what to do in an “emergency” home birth situation, due to the brevity of my first labor. I’m not overly concerned about it, I figure I have plenty of time to learn about emergencies because there is no way I’ll deliver by my edd (either one)
Dec 31, I start having regular time-able contractions. I don’t alarm any one because I don’t feel my baby is ready to be born. After 3 hours the contraction pattern starts fading. I’m happy that I wasn’t an alarmist and a futile trip to the hospital was avoided. My next appt Jan 2, I mention the contractions. I ask about getting a VE in concerns that I may have started to dilate and will need to be more prepared to rush to the hospital for delivery. At first the Ob declines saying I’m not over 36 weeks, then after consulting my chart changes her mind. She does a VE that is incredibly rough. She says “Only about 1 cm. Maybe that will start something.” Contractions start again within an hour of it. I mention to my mom as we left the office that the VE was very rough and I thought I was having some contractions. But things didn’t feel right. I still wasn’t sure that my baby was ready to be born, or that she was in the right position.
That night after hubby is home from work I talk excitedly about having the baby before his next semester of college starts. I tell him how I’m having contractions and how excited I am. We started watching some comedy around 1030 because I was unable to sleep. At 11 my water broke while baby was in mid movement. I go tell my parents my water broke and that I’m waiting for a regular pattern of contractions to start. I stay up all night, walking, doing nipple stimulation, anything I can think of to try to start a good pattern of contractions. At 630 my first wakes. I take her out to breakfast and tell her she will be a big sister soon.
By 8 am I go to the hospital. I tell them my water had ruptured at 11 pm and that my contractions are irregular. I also tell them I think the baby isn’t in a good position for birth. I get told first I wouldn’t know if my water broke I probably wet myself. I get a VE and hear the nurses saying my water is “grossly ruptured” but my dilation is not any greater than the 1 cm it was the afternoon before. I get admitted because my water is broken. I get told to walk the halls and rub my nipples while they try to get in touch with the on call ob. Sometime after this I start begging for water. I’m dying of thirst. Once an hour until noon I get VEs each showing no signs of progress, which I could tell them because I still have sporadic contractions and feel like my baby is in the wrong position. With each VE I ask if they can tell what position my baby is in, because it feels off. I get told I don’t need to worry about it I’m not the professional (trust me I say it nicer than some of the nurses that day) At noon I get strapped to the bed and pitocin is started. Every fifteen minutes I get another VE, and the pitocin upped by several ml/hour. By 4 I’m begging they stop the pitocin. My contractions are nonstop and I feel like I’m pushing more than I’m contracting. The VE the nurse says my 9 cm with an anterior lip, to push through it and I can have my baby. I’m still not convinced my baby is in the right position for birth The new on call ob is sitting in the corner flipping through some magazine saying “If you just pushed right” and “I can see her head just push her out already”. Well I would think that if I pushed a baby out once I would be able to push a baby out a second time. During this entire time my baby had a great heart rate on the cfm, never showed any signs of distress, or anything.
By 5 I’m exhausted from pushing. My entire body is going into fatigue; they are discussing upping my pitocin more. I admit defeat. I beg or the torture to stop and ask for a c/s. I sign forms and they keep me on the pitocin and pushing while we await the arrival of the anesthesiologist, who is currently out for dinner. 6 pm I get prepared for my epidural. My cfm straps are removed just before they go to try for the first attempt. I get rolled on my side. I curl into a ball and pray the epidural doesn’t hurt much as it is administered. Next thing I recall was a prick on my butt cheek. Instinct caused me to swat at it, and in return I hear “keep the profanity’s arms down, she’s ruining my sterile field.” Next thing I know I’m on my back. Finally I see hubby again, who was removed from my side during the epi administration. I’m in and out of consciousness. I attempt to express concern to hubby because they had said I’d be conscious for the surgery.
The announcement is made, a baby girl was removed. I’m in long enough to ask my stomach get sealed with stitches because I had heard how painful staple removal was. Then I ask why I don’t hear my baby crying. I knew that with all the handling she was getting I should have heard something. Again I’m told that it isn’t my concern I’m not the educated professional. Hubby still is focusing on me because I’m not completely “in.” Finally there are some cries and hubby gets to carry a somewhat drowsy baby from the OR.
I get into my room and suddenly set into chills. I get loaded down with heated blankets without relief, and then the antibiotics start. My reaction to the spinal anesthesia is becoming evident. I continue to have issues with being awake, my breathing has slowed, and a nurse is assigned to me. Whenever my oxygen stats are of concern she comes to my side. She shakes me and reminds me that I have to breathe. When I am awake, I spend the next 24 hours begging to hold my child, without having much control of my body because of how my body reacted to the drugs. The nurses continually refuse to let me hold my child unassisted. Nursing is horrible, I either can’t get the baby to latch or if she does latch she pukes all over me. I ask for my pediatrician, and he is never notified of my birth. Instead another pediatrician who I had wanted to avoid no matter what is seeing my child. I complain about the child’s puking, her lack of ability to move her head, her lack of nursing (once every 8-10 hours) her screams if you moved her in certain ways.
This pediatrician chastises me for starving my child by exclusively breastfeeding, tells me the breast milk is the cause of all my problems. She chastise me for not being on wic and Medicaid (although I had applied and been rejected!) In the end, she agrees to discharge my baby if I return once every 12 hours of bili checks. Shortly after my discharge she calls cps and reports me for attempting to starve my child to death, 3 months of working with my regular peds and cps gets the calls form CPS to stop. During which time, we find my daughter allergy to milk agitates her reflux. I start taking her to a chiropractor in hopes to save her mobility, because she still lacks the ability to be limber or move her head from side to side. Luckily one agreed to see us for free.
My recovery was relatively easy from the surgery. I was up and forcing myself to walk on unsteady legs within hours of the surgery ~ as soon as I could get my catheter. I was put on a fluid only diet until my discharge, which left me with a ravenous appetite. My vaginal cavity, the pubic region, and my vulva were swollen; the ob assumed that my limited exposure to KY in the past never allowed me to know of an allergy. My pubic region was swollen to the size of a grapefruit and incredibly painful. I had a difficult time abiding by the restrictions placed on me from the surgery, including no driving for 2 months, not being able to lift my older child (I had always lifted and hugged her before putting her in the car), etc.
At my pp check up I was told I shouldn’t have but one more birth because of the damage the scar tissue causes. My dreams for a large family were quite busted, and it helped sink me into a deep pit of ppd. After my surgery I felt rejected by my baby in many ways. She was up 23 hours a day, she was constantly on my boob or vomiting what I made, I had been unable to birth her like her sister, but for some reason her screams were worse when she was removed from me.. as if her job was to torment just me. On top of everything else, I felt I lost my femininity. (Yes I realize these are all personal emotions but birth is a very personal passage for some, especially me)
Aww, Mary, you've been through a lot hon. I appreciate you sharing such intimate details with us.
Birth 3... edd March 2, 2005by ovulation, date of delivery Feb 28
After birth 2, I was left wondering how I could have gone from “making birth look easy” to nursing a scar across my belly. I decided that the last visit when I requested a VE the Ob had taken upon herself to do a stretch and sweep ~ without informing me or asking my consent. I delayed trying to start prenatal care as soon as I found out I was pg, because hubby was gone with our only vehicle for 6 weeks of training. I later started the bases process and at 18 weeks I was finally seen for my first “appt” What actually occurred is that I went to a room and we were lectured about the importance of applying for wic, doing exactly as the ob clinic said, and that at the end of the appt our prenatal vitamins would be available in the pharmacy remember to take them daily they are vital during your first trimester (Umm 18 weeks = second tri, not first) At the end of the lecture I asked to have an appt set for less than a months time, and managed to wiggle in to the next day. At that appt I expressed my desires to vbac and was willing to consent to most test that they wanted to run on my blood samples. I was told that I would be an excellent candidate but the base mws, but every ob appt seemed to want to know when I would schedule my rcs.
Hubby and I butted heads about the birth the entire pg. I really wanted a home birth. I felt that I had more knowledge as to what was going on in my body without the ivs monitors etc than any of their technology and “higher education” had given them without gutting me. Hubby wanted me to schedule a rcs so he knew when to take leave. After all it had to be the safer alternative because the med pros recommended it and I wouldn’t be birthing like an animal at home. Finally the numbers talked to him and he acknowledged that vbac statistically was just as safe, if not safer than rcs and he stopped suggesting I just take the rcs.
I read my surgical report. My daughter was more in a transverse potion than vertical. I researched and found that the OB should have been able to identify this through palpations before putting me through hours of pitocin contractions. And even if the pitocin had made me d&e she was not in a position that would have allowed her to be born. I needed to be cared for in a way that knew how to deal with malpositioning, something that the care provider and the hospital nurses I had were not trained in. I also read the alarming news in my surgical report that my child had been resuscitated for several minutes after she was removed. Her lack of cries could have been due to this… shouldn’t I have been told that this was occurring instead of it being a note in a report they never expected me to read. Of course it also means that some time after I was administered drugs my child reacted in a devastating way.
In Dec I had my vbac consult. I argued with the Ob I saw about how if their facility was unsafe for me to have an emergent cs birth, it was unsafe for any mother to have an emergency. I mean think about it…..If the situation is truly an emergency that means birth needs to happen right now, that doesn’t just happen to a vbac mom it can happen to anyone. She basically offered me no choice I could sign up for a rcs or I could sign up for a rcs. At 36 weeks I was still saying I would vbac, I was dropped from the base provided care to a civilian.
My trust in him was leery. He agreed with many of my ideals, but refused to let me know his cs rate or his rate of successful vbac. I brought my birth plan to my second appt and he laughed at it and asked if I was serious many times. I mentioned that at my first pg lasted well past my original estimated due date. At that time I was informed that he wouldn’t allow me to gestate as long as my baby needed. I was also informed that many of my birth plan request would not be honored because they went again the local hospital policy. All the things listed in my birth plan were all things that a woman has a right to agree to or refuse, but somehow stating in advance I was going to refuse them went against hospital policy.
Anyways, I started reading up on unassisted birth. I found it was what most matched my available situation (go to t he hospital and throw my birth plan out the window or unassisted.. the choice was easy for me.. I was less than 5 minutes from the hospital, if we rushed, and it would take them more time than that to prep if I needed emergency cs)
At my 38 week appt I consented to a VE which he called “low and soft”. I started EPO that night. On the Wednesday before my next appt I thought I was having back labor. So I went to a pg friendly chiropractor and got an adjustment which stopped the back contractions. I continued the EPO at night, saw the Ob at my next appt, where he called me a “Quack” for not running to the hospital. I consented to another VE to see if the EPO was helping my cervix ripen for delivery. I was 4 cm. He stopped the exam and offered an AROM because I could be considered “active labor” with ROM and being 4 cm. I declined stating first that AROM was against my birth plan and that he should know it because he had laughed at my birth plan previously, I had last minute things to do before baby’s arrival ~ like the baby shower of another pg. org member
2 days later I woke from sleep feeling grouchy and tired. I told hubby I didn’t want to go to church, but he was insistent I go. Sitting on the pew was miserable. I wanted a nap, but couldn’t find hubby’s sympathy to give me a break. That night we ran other errands, trips to build a bear, and Wal-Mart amongst them. Many times I had stop “ouch that hurt” moments, but nothing in a steady enough pattern to say it was labor.
The next morning I awoke around 5 am needing to pee. I was quite frustrated that my baby had moved to a position that only allowed a few drops out at a time. So every few minutes I got up attempted to pee then went to do something else. Around 8 am the house was empty accept my mom, my dd2, and myself. Hubby was at a classified meeting without any way to contact him. Around 815, I developed a pattern, including standing at my dining room table stomping my feet to get through contractions. There was no way I could consider traveling to the hospital at the intensity or frequency of the contractions, nor did I want to travel and argue for the things I wanted in birth, especially if I had 20 hours ahead of me like in my last birth. Approx 90 mins later I was holding my son. I called my hubby and told him to come meet his child. Shortly after 10 he received the voicemail.
Within the next hour I called my ob office to request my rhogam shot. When they refused and insisted I had to go to the hospital ER, I decided to contact my primary doctor. He was willing to schedule an exam of both baby and I, and to give me my shot. He called my birth “normal.” In the mean time the OB was offended I still didn’t go running to the ER and called my hubby’s commander. He told the Commander I risked my child’s life by birthing at home. The commander called, I missed my primary doctor’s appt to go to the civilian ER. The civilian ER threatened to keep my baby for 48 hours without letting me see him, claiming my house was unsanitary, and that he may have risk factors I couldn’t see for myself (not to mention no birth weight for them to tell if he was gaining or losing). To which I responded that at least at my home and at my primary doctors office I wouldn’t have been exposing my newborn child to the pukers they had sitting next to me waiting room for 6 hours! I also told them that he obviously wasn’t jaundiced and then signed AMA papers and left for my primary doctor’s office.
Later my hubby was called by the commander again and told that women like me cost their hubby’s their careers. I wasn’t surprised when that same commander was the one that signed the form suggesting my hubby lose his job. I have expressed many times to my hubby my regret that I could choose to do things as an individual and that his commander had issues with it. But honestly our marriage would never be able to survive if I had to go through the same pit it did after my cs. (trust me we had enough issues without that!)
HUGS!! I can't really say anything other than to give you a hug. I can't imagine having to deal with all that without a husband's support. I'm sorry!
Welcome to you lodge Mary. I hope your Dh gets the job in Iowa but if home for the birth of your LO. I have only read the intro. I will try to find time to read the Birth Stories. I know you are a very insightful woman, and I am glad to have "met and known you". It feels as though we're already met IRL but I am sure it is only a matter of time before we do.
Oh, Mary! I am crying after reading your 3rd birth story! What an amazing woman you are.
Would I be out of line in asking for more details about the actual birth? Did you catch your baby? Were you in the tub or in bed? How did you mother and daughter deal with it all?
Oh, honey, I admire you so much.
Gwen did her best to soothe me, she was about 26 months at the time. She brought me her favorite toys, stroked my hair, patted on me, etc. She would get distracted at times and go watch noggin. I have a strong suspicion that she actually watched Jeremiah's birth, because many times she has mentioned that when this baby comes I will have to poop it out like I did Jere. I could have sworn she was out of the room when it happened tho.
My mom caught Jeremiah. I gave birth lying on my side holding my right leg (btw whoever thought that being on you back caused you to poop is wrong, i was on my side from the time i laid down ) on my bed as it was the most comfortable place and position for me at the time. I am sure i said that I was ready to go to the hospital and get some relief, then in my next breathe I said that I was ready to push. With my first push my water broke spraying water down the length of my bed and spraying some onto the wall across from my bed. Second push brought forth my child to his forehead, next push brought him out to the neck, then a push for each shoulder and he fell out like jello (seriously that is how it felt). There was no pushing for the placenta, I changed positions and it fell out. My perineum suffered a bit of a skid mark, that was sore for about a week and a half.
My mom was very calming and supportive of my choices ~ she had had 3 out of hospital births herself, me being one of them (and I weighed over 10 lbs at birth :eek:). She had known that ultimately a birth without interference was what I desired... in fact she was probably more supportive of my wants for birth than my hubby. After I gave birth she started cleaning up mess for me and made sure to let my hubby know that i wasn't the one to be cooking dinner that night just because I was home *chuckles*
That birth actually changed hubby's perspective. He is a lot more willing to support my choice this time. And amazingly has no issue this time with letting people know we are planning a home birth when they ask about hospitals and what not... we just aren't very forth coming with the fact that we are having a home birth without attendants.
It makes me feel MUCH better knowing that he's more supportive this time around. I was worried for ya!!! I found out that my dad was 13lbs at birth. OMG!! AND my Grandmother had him at HOME AND said that he was her easiest!!!!
WoW! you are a strong and brave woman!!! Not only that... If I were you I would be suing the pants off that commander and dr! That is ridiculous that you can to be ridiculed that way and not given any choices... and made fun of!
I am so sorry for all you have been through, but it sounds like you have learned a whole lot from it as well! I hope your next experience is a wonderful one! HUGS!
WoW! you are a strong and brave woman!!! Not only that... If I were you I would be suing the pants off that commander and dr!
Unfortunately the ability to cover ones butt is a learned one. The commander knew he could issue an order verbally to Lee (as in he told lee that I had to go the the civilian ER to be check by my OB and it was an order) and here would be no paper trail. By not having a paper trail it looks as though we chose to go sit in the ER. To be honest the next time i saw the commander I really had to work from giving him an earful about how I wasn't the one in service and he had no rights to give commands about my body and how I chose to treat myself post birth. (it was actually a subject I discussed with retired military members that were of higher rank) I only restrained myself because i felt being belligerent to the guy would only further harm my hubby's career.
When I confronted the OB, who was SO insistent that I had to go to the ER, he claimed that he had no knowledge of his staff calling the commander (that's right he passed off the calls as something his primary nurse did without his knowledge) I told him that as his superior it was still something he needed to have control over because the action was NOT acceptable. While I was in the ER room with him he did NO exam on me ~ not even palpating my stomach to see if my uterus was contracting properly... the only thing he wanted to give me was an rx for some percosets, which i declined saying "the most painful part is already over." Why the Heck was it so important for me to even bother going other than to have the hospital threaten to take my child?!
Wow - thank you for sharing all of that Mary. My blood boils on how you were handled with your second, and the reaction towards your youngest's birth! What an amazing story though - and really it's inspirational. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you sharing that with all of us!
Ok i have to admit i hate illness and i am blessed with a heightened immune system while pg.. Last week, on new years day, Jere started puking, 20 mins every hour on the hour from 2 am one day to 2 am the next. He napped for a couple of hours at a time if i gave him some cold medicine, but i tried to limit that to allow his body to naturally process through whatever was in his system, but knew he needed the rest in order to help over come it (i hope this makes sense) Luckily, I was the one who tended to him and it seemed that no one else caught whatever bug he had. After all, basically I locked him and I into a room and made hubby deal with the girls all day. Unfortunately since that night of stomach upset he has slept terribly pulling my hair in his sleep or waking up just to rub on me or begging to watch tv in the middle of the night.
Last night hubby came home from work complaining of being ill. I kinda blew it off because of how guys whine so much if they get just a headache. Well around 2 or 3 in the morning he started vomiting.. Luckily hubby is big enough to rush himself to the potty to puke. But still the noise of it was enough to disrupt my sleep. At 6 am after another round of puking I told him to call out from work (something we really can't afford) because i knew he wouldn't make it through the day. He was going to try to be a trooper and go in, but i didn't want him getting all his coworkers sick (or any of the customers that go into b&n)
that being said I still co sleep with my almost 3 yo son and hubby shares the bed too. So its getting cramped. I have decided that tonight I'm either going to put son and i in the kids room on a twin bed, in hopes that he starts to sleep there on his own. I figure i'll spend the first few nights sleeping in there with him and let him feel comfortable knowing i'm close by.. then after that I'll start working myself away so that i can sleep in my own bed.. and hopefully by then hubby will be well enough that I get to almost sleep through the night.
This isn't how I would do it in my own home, but i need a bit more sleep. And the full size bed that we are currently sleeping in won't be big enough for the 4 of us (i know i can cosleep 2 kids on a queen). i would love to set the twin bed up in the room we are currently sleeping in but I know my parents would have a hissy fit about how i want to do things (despite the fact I broke the other 2 kids from cosleeping by having a twin bed in my room for months before transitioning to their own space. The joy of living with family... nothing I do to parent will ever be right.
All i can say is that while i'm not happy to be dealing with people being sick, I'd rather have this run through the house now rather than after the baby comes. And hopefully we hear something soon about where we are going (or if he has a job of any kind)
:bighug: Man... I hope you get some rest soon. Illness is never fun. HUGS!
OK i think everyone is well again. At least no one is acting sick. So i think I'm safe. This week was an incredible one. First hubby was sick. Then, I had a friend who had a very traumatic delivery. So I am still obsessing over that. I found out on Friday that my hubby didn't get the job in Iowa. It was quite the blow to both of our hopes. Yesterday was an ok. I had some time here without my nephew underfoot so I got to make a tapered pouch sling.
and a spare for when this is dirty
Then today i had hubby take my belly pic. For comparison I'm posting today's pic (burgundy shirt) and one from last pg (grey shirt), I'm sorry for the blurriness, I hadn't realized the kids printed the camera until after i downloaded it onto the computer.
btw I have no clue why the images are so large according to photobucket they are sized to 320*420.. and yes I know I am swelling. I know they only way to really improve the swelling is to have a better diet, and unfortunately we just can't afford to eat better foods
Other recent pics....
HUGS!! You look great!! We can't afford to eat 'healthy' so we're doing our best! I understand!
I think you are really looking awesome! You are getting close!
You look wonderful Mary!
Mary, you look radiant!
OK so today i was doing some casual blog reading and read Breast and belly... I felt so bad. minus the AROM it seemed to be Gwen's birth. I wonder if most women who have induced/augmented labors have similar memories of their births. Since it was a house fairy that posted the blog i went searching for Winky's blog address and was relieved to hear that it wasn't her..... Then I realized that the poster had her birth history on the side bar, and it obviously is not Winky's blog. But this should speak out... more and more women are willing to say that the "care" they receive during childbirth is not warm and supportive as it should be.
Now i'm off to follow a link for virtual labor.. sounds interesting to me
Wow, you have been through so much with your pregnancies, I'm glad your 3rd worked out how you wanted and I hope this one does too!
Also you look great, what a beautiful belly.
ok so tomorrow is 38 weeks. I never thought we would still be living with family at this point in time. it sure as heck doesn't make relaxing and GIP for birth an easy concept. I have found myself up more at night with the need to potty in the middle of the night and often times having difficulty wondering if this will be it. You would think with 3 different starts to labor I would realize NOTHING is a definite sign of labor. I really don't want to deliver in this house. But the option of going somewhere else irks me. I mean I wanted to birth in MY house... I wanted an intimate family birth atmosphere, and i won't get that here... because it isn't my house and because i have no control over who is here and when.. because this house is more like a community center than a private residence. Not to mention this house holds memories for me... not that all of them are bad, but many haunt me because this is the house I went into labor with Gwen in... and I often feel that those memories will keep me from being able to birth. It's really something that is hard to explain.
Any ways just for giggles this weekend's belly pic:
and last weeks:
i think It looks like baby is in a different position in this weeks pic due to the different shape of the belly. From what i can tell it has been just off OA for most of today. Now that the house has been better for several days I can go see my brother about getting my back adjusted... hopefully that is what we need for baby to be able to engage.
I think you look GREAT!!! I hope you can get your back adjusted. That would be great! I also hope that you can find a solution or some peace in the place you will be delivering. HUGS! Best wishes!!!
Do you have an area that you can birth that can be a little private for you?
I also hope you can carve out a little peace to birth in where you are. I agree you look very radiant :bigarmhug:
Were you able to get your back adjusted?
No my brother and his girlfriend were busy with their baby. He's a rather colicky child that was born in Oct. So i can understand gf needing a break after brother gets home from a day out. I will see what i can try to work into his schedule today... Its so very nice having a brother awaiting his chiro board exams, it makes getting adjusted so much less expensive. because its FREE!
Woohoo for free adjustments!
I hope you can find your own corner to peacefully birth.
Free is always in my price range
I am sure i will find someway to "own" my birth.. in fact i am really hoping for it to happen in the middle of the night when all are sleeping....possibly solo birthing so that i don't have to deal with anyone or the energy they are bringing towards my birth. This time is just so much different than last time. It is so much easier to own your birth when you live on your own.
Free is always in my price range I am sure i will find someway to "own" my birth.. in fact i am really hoping for it to happen in the middle of the night when all are sleeping....possibly solo birthing so that i don't have to deal with anyone or the energy they are bringing towards my birth. This time is just so much different than last time. It is so much easier to own your birth when you live on your own.
I think Free is everyones price range!!!
I keep hoping that your husband gets a great job and moves you into your own place JUST before having your baby. I can hope great hopes for you!!! :bighug:
OMG last night hubby revealed he finally got part of why I DON'T want a hospital birth. Evidentally his dad called to find out where we would be birthing so he could come visit shortly after arrival. He was taken off guard that we were planning a home birth (he is one fo the many I told Jere was an Oops home birth). Lee said that when further inquired why we would do something so dangerous and barbaric, Lee reminded him of our last 2 birth experiences where the hospital called/threatened to call CPS and that ultimately I needed to birth in a location that I felt was safe. Having an "authority" threaten my children and I just isn't something he or I consider safe and he couldn't support the idea of my attempting to birth in an "unsafe" environment... And for years I thought my little rants at him had fallen on deaf ears. How awesome it is to know that my spouse is actually listening to me!
An inspiring homebirth story... the fact that its a vbac makes it so much more incredible to read when you are looking for vbac inspiration... It truly shows that there are times you can doubt yourself and your desire to ncb, but still come through with it, if you have the right support group.
You are looking great Mary! And :blob3: to your DH for 'getting it'!!