this is from our wedding
my college graduation
tired new parents!!!
brand new baby Connor
and because i can't resist
my big boy at the park (snotty nosed and all)
loving the swing
I hope the pics aren't too big, thanks for looking!
<3 Dh Jason 3/22/03
Baby #4 11/24/13
Ahh, I love your wedding pic! Aren't yall just the cutest thing ever?? And I definitely agree with Kristin - nice to see the faces behind the names! Can't wait to hear the rest of your intro!
mommy to the most beautiful princess
Great intro and great pics! I look forward to reading your birth story!
Loved the intro and the pics. Congrats on your lodge!
Dede & A.very 10/22/05
My Birth Lodge
Welcome to your lodge!! I love your intro and the pics too!!!
Ok, so i'm kinda emotional today (ugh pregnancy lol) and I've been doing a lot of thinking about connor's birth. It really wasn't bad but some things still really, really hurt and when I go back there mentally the emotions seem so raw, geesh! Well anyway here is his story warning...it's long.
For me it starts on Tuesday July 17th. (34+1) I had a reg. appt. and since late June I had had aweful swelling. I thought it was pretty normal, it was summer, it was hot and I was pregnant. My nurse took my bp and it was 134/80, not too high really but for me it was way up. I had sat most of the pregnancy less than 110 over less than 70ish. I was surprised but not overly worried. My doc came in and asked how I was and I told her I was surprised that my bp was up. She pulled up my chart (everything is computerized) and the nurse didn't put it in. She asked if I remember what it was and she responded with a "hmmmmm..." She stepped out and I heard her telling the nurse she needed to be more careful and make sure vitals are recorded b/c this could be a symptom of other things etc. I also heard her ask the nurse about my urine and she said trace protein. All of this had me wondering but my doc. was not too concerned. She said that I needed to watch my salt intake and rest, rest, rest for the week. She said she wanted to see me again the following week and to call if I had any sudden headaches or seeing spots. We discussed what would happen if my bp was still up the next week. She said they would do a 24hr urine collecting and some labs and we might be discussing induction around 37weeks.
I tried to not worry. I gave my mom a call (she lives in MO and we are in OR) to let her know there *might* be a chance that we would induce around 37 weeks but it was prob. nothing. She was literally outside the travel agents office about to book her flight out for early Sept. and asked if I wanted her to wait, I said not, it was nothing and everything would be fine, we were not going to have a baby until late Aug. Friday of that week came around and my whole face (eyelids, lips, etc.) were swollen and I was annoyed. I continued to relax and didn't want to call b/c I thought she would put me on bedrest and I had some things I wanted to get done. I had an appt. on Tues. anyway so it was only a few days away.
I asked dh to go with me to my next appt. b/c *if* we were going to be discussing a possible induction I wanted him there. Tues July 24 I stepped on the scale ath the office and I had gain.... 20LBS!!! My nurse and I looked at each other, kinda laughed and she said, lets do that again, yup 20lbs! We went into the room and my bp was 149/98. I started crying. DH told me to relax, that everything would be fine, I knew that it wasn't good. My doc walked in the room, looked at me and said, I believe you have pre-e, you are going to go check in to L&D and likely not be leaving until we have a baby, I said no and cried some more! My doc is really wonderful, I hope I'm not making her sound cold. She told me that everything would be fine and that at 35wks baby is going to be healthy but small. She checked me b/c she wanted to know how 'favorable' my body would be to an induction. Thankfully I was at stretchy 1 and 30%. She said that with all my symptoms it would not be safe to send me home. We talked about when induction would be and she said it would be determined after the results of the 24hr unrine analysis but likely Thurs/Fri. We talked about Pit. and I shared my fears over not wanting an epi. She was very encouraging about being able to 'go natural' even with pit. etc. So off we went, we made a million phone calls and checked into l&d (right across the street from our doc's office) where the fun began.
Everytime I had to pee I buzzed the nurse so she could collect it. I was not 'admitted' yet b/c the nurses thought there was a chance I would be sent home on bedrest. Dh headed home at somepoint tuesday to start some things around the house and sleep at home b/c the next few days were so unknown. MIL/FIL headed up and SIL came down to our house and took every piece of baby clothes we had home, washed and organized everything and put babies room together for us. Our family really stepped in and cleaned my house (that was on my to do list, I really thought I had 5-7 weeks left). I cannot ever repay my family for everything they did for us that week.
Wed afternoon my urine was sent of for analysis and around 5pm the hosp. ob came in (dh had just left again for the day to have dinner with his family) and said he had my results. He said an okay amount of protein would be 300mg and I had 6,850mg and with my bp continuing to rise we needed to deliver. He said that they were going to start a Mag. drip to try to keep my bp down and my doc would be over later to insert and discuss the cervadil and the induction in the morning. Doc. came in and we talked about the 'what if's'. Our hosp. does not have a nicu, *if* baby needed extra care he would be sent to a hosp. about an hour away and I would remain a patient with them until my bp was under control (hopefully not much more than 24hrs after birth). She wanted us to know all the 'what if's' so nothing was a surprise etc. So we were prepared (as much as you can be) for that.
I called dh and he headed back to the hosp. to be with me. My nurses were so nice and told me that the mag. would likely make me feel rather 'yucky' and there were barf bags put next to my bed. Within 20ish minutes of starting the mag. i felt horrible. I started puking (ugh) and was very dazed. I think I got the cervadil around 7pm. My sister and her dh came to hang out before they went to the airport to get my mom (she jumped on a plane wed. morning). The nurses were taking my vitals every hour b/c of the mag. and I vaguely remember them asking my sister/BIL to leave b/c I needed as little stimulation as possible. I felt bad, but I really had not idea what was going on. I guess it was at that point dh was told that my bp was dangerously high and we could not have any more visitors until after baby was born. They stopped telling me my bp at 160something/101. I know I saw my mom or atleast talked to her sometime on thursday but I don't really remember.
Wed. night I was very sick (puky) and had to be checked (vitals) every hour. I slept like crap and by thursday morning I was ready to get the show on the road. The pit was started at 6:30 and the ctx. were really mild, many I was not even feeling. My doc stopped in sometime in the morning and we talked about her breaking my water (she did not say it but I know it was b/c with everything we were on a 'time limit' to get baby her vaginally). she didn't think she could get the tool in at that point so she said she would be back after lunch. Dh and I spent some time talking and I tried my best to rest. I had continual monitoring for me and baby and I swear he moved all the time and the nurses were adjusting my straps every half hour or so, we got a laugh out of that. My doc came back during lunch (around 1) and I was still only a stretchy 1, during the middle of her telling me she could feel a bulgy bag but didn't think she could get the hook in there...POP my water went everywhere! It did not hurt but it was one of the strangest feelings ever, it made a huge mess and I of course apologized! After my water broke the ctx really picked up. Oh how I wanted to walk or do something other than lay on my side. Dh rubbed my back during them and my nurse was so encouraging telling me I was doing a great job etc, etc. We had discussed our wishes for a 'natural' birth and the nurses knew that I would ask about pain options if I wanted them.
3:30 I felt tons of pressure and the ctx. were getting really hard to handle. I asked to be checked and I was *only* 4-5 cm. That is when I ready to discuss something. We decided on nubain and my nurse told me that if I imagined the ctx. like a mountain, the nubain would take the peak off and allow me to relax in between. I was exhausted and thought I had another 5hours of these ctx. left! So nubain was administered sometime around 4pm. I still felt every ctx but slept in between them. Around 6 I nearly shot up and told dh I had to push or poop or something! He called my nurse and she checked me and said your complete. You need to breath through these next ctx. till the doc gets here, she's on her way. She called out to the nurses station and made it very clear they needed to tell my doc. that baby was coming now! She was a great nurse, dh held my hand and my nurse looked my in the eyes and breathed with me through 2 -3 ctx (well really blowing out rapidly) it really helped to make me not have the urge to push.
My doc walked in by 6:10 and said I could start pushing, 2 pushes to move baby down, 1 for babies head and bairly 1 for babies body at 6:23pm Connor John was born weighing 4lbs 5oz and 17.5in long. Sometime just prior to pushing our nurses said that baby would likely be taken down to the nursery and evaluated to make sure he was healthy enough to stay. I remember doc. telling me his head was out but I could not look, my eyes would not open! Then he was all the way out she said here's baby! I looked down and not hearing him cry, I said "cry baby, please just cry" and he did, and I laid down from exhaustion! Dh said, "It's Connor" (the sex was a surprise) and it took me a minute to register that he just told me we had a boy!!! I was completely exhausted. I remember watching the nurses spend a little time with him and wondering why they weren't taking him anywhere. I felt very foggy and things seemed to be moving in slow motion. They then told me he was fine, apgars of 8 & 9! At some point (within 20 minutes dh went out and told the family that he was here, he was a boy and everything was fine). I know at some point pretty quickly the placenta was delivered and I did not need any stitches. The nurses were great and grabbed our camera and took pics for us. Dh gave ds his first little bath in the sink in our room and then he was bundled tight and held by his dad.
*******this one of those things about it that really hurts and gets me very emotional******
I do not remember holding him for the first time. I am pretty sure dh is the one who gave him to me. I have thought through this a million times and I cannot find that memory. I rememer watching the nurses show dh how to swaddle him, and put a diaper on but I do not remember holding my son for the first time and that hurts, really bad. In fact I really do not know with any accuracy what happened from the time he was born to the time dh went to get our parents to meet him (just after 8pm). I vaguely remember watching his grandparents meet him and then having our Sisters and their dh's come in. I remember telling SIL than my niece and nephew could hold him (she was nervous b/c he was so small), they were so careful and of course someone was right there with them. I remember the first night he slept in a warmer in our room b/c he was not holding his temp on his own. I remember my wonderful aftercare nurse syringe feeding him that first night. I wish I had taken a picture of him in his little warmer that night, he was so relaxed.
Friday is hazy too, I know we had lots of visitors and I was pumping every 3 hrs. he tried to bf w/o any success. our nurses were great and helping us feed him. Honestly I was afraid to unwrap him and hold him close to me b/c I thought he would be cold. I was still on the mag and still felt rather crappy. FINALLY fri. night at 6ish my mag was turned off and we just kept the lock thing in for 'just in case'. Friday night he was holding his temp better and he slept in his basssinett right next to my bed, i remember staring at him and thinking he was just so beautiful.
Saturday was the best day (and his only 'setback') I was holding him and he started to look gray, I tried moving him around and stimulating him and he didn't really respond. We called for a nurse and I think all the comotion got him going again. The nurse handed him back to me in a just a diaper and I was terrified, he was soooo small to me and I had not held him yet w/o being wrapped in 2 blankets. She said that I should do as much skin to skin as possible, all day if I wanted. I held him and I cried, for the first time I was really able to take him all in and I was overjoyed! His little body next to mine was the sweetest feeling. We actually selpt 'kangarooed' than night. My doc said that if all continued to go well we could head home Sunday afternoon. The LC came in and we made a feeding plan, taught me how to use the SNS. My milk had not come in yet and we were having to supplement b/c he had dropped to 4lbs 1oz and that was as far as they wanted him to go.
Sunday we were released and we had appts. the following week with the LC and our doc. (my doc is a family doc so she's our 'everything' doc). Going home was so exciting but so nerve wracking. we had had nearly 4 days of all the help we could need and once we went home it was us!!! Our nurses were encouraging and one said that she knew we were going to do great, they don't have a lot of the 'small' babies at this hosp. and sometimes they are nervous sending them home but she told us that while we were there we really showed that we would do fine and ofcourse would call if we needed any help. I really appreciated that compliment. Sunday afternoon we arrived home and got to relax with our new baby.
The first few months were full of ups and downs, slow weight gains and meetings w/a GI but in the end everything was fine and he's as healhty as can be. I am so thankful he did not have to be transferred to the NICU, I would have been a wreck! Looking back, I wish I would have never gotten the nubain, of course I did not know I would go from 5 to complete in under 2 hrs. I really don't know if it was the mag or the nubain that made everything so foggy. For having to be induced at 35+3, everything went really well. I was able to deliver vaginally and I have a beautiful little boy. There are just bits and pieces that I don't think I will ever get over. I was/maybe still am mad at my body for not being able to complete the pregnancy. The health issues he had later on I blamed on myself, I always thought that had I not gotten sick.....(a million little things). I felt betrayed by my body and robbed of the labor experience that I wanted.
I feel like I've done a decent job processing my feelings and I am very exciting for this new journey. I love my hosp. (completely respectful and NCB friendly) I have the same doc as before and she knows my wishes and is very supportive. Sorry that got so long, thanks for reading!!!
<3 Dh Jason 3/22/03
Baby #4 11/24/13
Thanks for sharing your birth story. I'm sure it's emotional for you to think about that experience. I'm sorry you had pre-e and had to be induced and have a birth so different from what you hoped for, and I'm glad you and Connor were both healthy in the end. I hope you get the experience you really want this time.