**~~Jade(Illiana)'s Birth Lodge~~** - Page 6
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Thread: **~~Jade(Illiana)'s Birth Lodge~~**

  1. #51
    Posting Addict Illiana's Avatar
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    oh and still no signs whatsoever that baby is coming anytime soon.
    Jade, momma to Ariana 5/23/06 and Trystan 9/28/10
    http://www.teambeachbody.com/member/sn/illianaraska

  2. #52
    Posting Addict TiggersMommy's Avatar
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    I'm glad things with your Dad seem to have settled somewhat. It might be nice to have a friend around for the birth if for nothing else than to keep other people away. However, if they're not completely OK with your desire for a UC they might not be the best support person.
    Erin
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  3. #53
    Posting Addict SaucyVidel's Avatar
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    Be patient, Jade! I know its impossible at this stage, but the cards are in your favor that when labor comes it will be on its' own, uncomplicated, and progress well.

    Some babies just like to bake more than others
    Taryl

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  4. #54
    Posting Addict Illiana's Avatar
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    This is gonna be long, but if you ladies have time over the weekend to read this and give any feedback that would be awesome. This is the letter to my dad that I've been working on. It's LONG. Basically these are the key points I want to get across but I don't want to do it in a rude or disrespectful way. I'll send it out sunday night so that he'll get it monday when he goes back to work and has email again. Again today he came in to show me some state department website on abuse after he walked in on dan and aria playing in her room on her computer (yes Dan gave her his laptop). Then my dad called later to find out about taking her to the park in the morning.. He mentioned that "she'd get up earlier if she went to bed earlier" as if i wasn't trying to put her to bed early already. Only reason he wasn't over at that point was because my friend was making some dinner and invited us over so it was that or watch my dad be all pissy because aria was getting along with daniel. ugh.. lol oh and on a side note with the names.. I went through them all with Aria and she liked Trystan which I thought was funny. She told Daniel and my friend that was going to be his name.. then she told my friend that Trystan and Dylan were in there.. lol I'm pretty sure they would have found twins by this point.

    Here's some info to look at when you have time. I don't have access to print them out. I pulled out some key points that I find are important that you continue to ignore or disregard. You can click the links provided for full articles. Since I can't talk to you without one of us yelling I'm sending this in hopes that you will understand where I'm coming from. Dan or I may not do everything perfect, but you need to back off so we can figure out what to do so we can become a family of our OWN. You've said it yourself that you guys didn't know any better. Well we're learning also and you constantly getting in the way is not helping us to learn. You coming over drunk or whatever does not create good atmosphere for any of us. You yell at her, she has repeatedly come in crying and saying she is mad/sad/whatever with something you told her or did. Now I understand that she doesn't have an adults perspective on a lot of things so I leave it alone and shes usually fine shortly after. HOWEVER, when the reverse happens and she cries to you that Dan or I were mean/etc you freak out and accuse him of bullying her and god knows what you say about me. I guess what I'm getting at is that you will not be welcome here if you can not respect our way of doing things. I stay in the bedroom because I can't handle being around you and honestly I don't want you around unless its scheduled visits. Come over for a few hours after work to play with her and then be done for the day. Things are chaotic enough already and will be even more so once the baby gets here and I don't want you showing up anytime when he's here or when I'm in labor. I'm not saying that you can't come over at all or that you can't pick Aria up but it has to be within reason and if I or Dan asks you to leave you need to respect that.

    Tara

    Sleep - I found the same information on a number of sites.She's been going to bed at or before 9pm since she started daycare at 2. Lack of "having to get up in the morning' is not a good reason to mess with her sleeping schedule. If anything she needs to adjust to an earlier bedtime for when she does start school. Also by the time you're willing to leave so I can put her in bed, I'm tired and frustrated and do things as quickly as possible rather than the time I used to take for her and things get overlooked, like giving her a bath, brushing her teeth, or washing her face. SHE does not fight with me about her bedtime, therefore there is NO REASON that you ARE!

    3-6 Years Old: 10 - 12 hours per day http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children
    Children at this age typically go to bed between 7 and 9 p.m. and wake up around 6 and 8 a.m., just as they did when they were younger. At 3, most children are still napping while at 5, most are not. Naps gradually become shorter as well. New sleep problems do not usually develop after 3 years of age.

    Eating--Snacking - Whether you think she needs more junk food or not once she has her dental work done on the 30th, we will not be keeping junk food in the house. She will have plenty of snacks as we see fit. Any and all junk food will be kept out of sight if its kept in the house at all. We were doing great with this on our own. I'd lost 15 lbs and she never asked for soda or candy/cookies until recently. She still rarely asks us for them. Article on healthy eating http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chi...health/HQ00419

    1. Keep junk food out of the house. Your child won't clamor for cookies or candy bars if you don't keep them on hand. Instead, set a good example by snacking on healthy foods yourself.
    3. Mix and match. Serve baby carrots or other raw veggies with fat-free ranch dressing. Dip graham cracker sticks or fresh fruit in fat-free yogurt. Top celery, apples or bananas with peanut butter.
    4. Broaden the menu. Offer out-of-the-usual fare, such as pineapple, cranberries, red or yellow peppers, mangoes, tangelos or roasted soy nuts.
    10. Designate a snacking zone. Restrict snacking to the kitchen. You'll save your child countless calories from mindless munching in front of the TV. If your child needs to snack on the go, offer string cheese, yogurt sticks, cereal bars or other drip-free items.


    Eating--Meals - I realize that I'm bad about not cooking at the same time every day. But I do give her snacks (usually fruit) if we will be eating later than usual. I've never had a problem with her requesting alternate meals. I don't cook anything she doesn't like, and if its something new then I will usually have her try it and then give her another option. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chi...SECTIONGROUP=2

    2. Stick to the routine - Serve meals and snacks at about the same times every day. Nix juice, milk and snacks for at least one hour before meals. If your child comes to the table hungry, he or she may be more motivated to eat.

    8. Minimize distractions- Turn off the television during meals, and don't allow books or toys at the table.

    9. Don't offer dessert as a reward- Withholding dessert sends the message that dessert is the best food, which may only increase your child's desire for sweets. You might select one or two nights a week as dessert nights, and skip dessert the rest of the week — or redefine dessert as fruit, yogurt or other healthy choices.

    10. Don't be a short order cook - Preparing a separate meal for your child after he or she rejects the original meal may encourage your child's picky eating. Keep serving your child healthy choices until they become familiar and preferred.

    TV - main thing with TV is if she doesn't ask for it don't turn it on or suggest it.
    Article on effects of more than 2 hours of tv a day. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chi...and-tv/MY00522

    * Obesity. Children who watch more than two hours of TV a day are more likely to be overweight.
    * Irregular sleep. The more TV children watch, the more likely they are to resist going to bed and to have trouble falling asleep.
    * Behavioral problems. Children who watch excessive amounts of TV are more likely to bully, have attention problems, and show signs of depression or anxiety than children who don't.
    * Impaired academic performance. Elementary students who have TVs in their bedrooms tend to perform worse on tests than those who don't.
    * Less time for play. Excessive screen time leaves less time for active, creative play.
    * Eliminate background TV. If the TV is turned on — even if it's just in the background — it's likely to draw your child's attention. If you're not actively watching a show, turn off the TV.
    * Keep TVs and computers out of the bedroom. Children who have TVs in their bedrooms watch more TV and videos than children who don't. Monitor your child's screen time and the Web sites he or she is visiting by keeping computers in a common area in your house.
    * Don't eat in front of the TV. Allowing your child to eat or snack in front of the TV increases his or her screen time. The habit also encourages mindless munching, which can lead to weight gain.

    Car seats -Aria is 4 years old and 34-36 pounds depending on the day- Do you not remember Indra going through a windshield when he was just a few years older than Aria is now? With how concerned you are about her in regards to our parenting I figured this would be a given on things you'd agree to. And again until you started letting her ride up front she had never had a problem with getting into the car seats. If you want to get a booster seat so that its easier than what you have, that's fine. Better than her riding in the front seat with no belt at all. Some other states require booster seats until the age of 10.

    Louisiana Car Seat laws: http://www.iihs.org/laws/childrestraint.aspx#LA

    * In younger than 1 year or less than 20 pounds in a child safety seat
    * 1 through 3 years or 20-39 pounds in a forward-facing child safety seat
    * 4 through 5 years or 40-60 pounds in a child booster seat
    * 6 through 12 years or greater than 60 pounds in back seat
    * Over 12 years can ride in front seat


    Child Car Seat Laws from the DMV http://www.dmv.org/la-louisiana/safe..._Car_Seat_Laws

    * Tots under one and weighing under 20 pounds must ride in rear-facing car seats.

    * Toddlers at least one years old and weighing between 20-40 pounds must ride in forward-facing car seats.

    * Kids between four and six and weighing between 40-60 pounds must ride in belt-positioning booster seats.

    * Kids over six must use a lap/shoulder seat belt if they're not fastened in a car seat.


    SAFETY BELT AND CHILD SAFETY SEAT FACTS- from 1999 but most recent I could find. http://www.smartmotorist.com/traffic...forcement.html

    * Lap-shoulder belts reduce the risk of fatal injury to front-seat occupants by 45 percent and the risk of moderate-to-critical injuries by 50 percent. (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, or NHTSA, 1999)
    * Safety belts are credited with saving the lives of 11,088 passenger vehicle occupants over age 4 in 1998. (NHTSA, 1999)
    * In 1998, 51 percent of the children younger than age five who died in passenger vehicle crashes were unbelted. (NHTSA, 1999)
    * Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death and injury for American children. Each year, 1,700 children die and almost 300,000 more are injured in crashes. (NHTSA, 199
    * Average inpatient costs for traffic crash victims who did not use safety belts were 50 percent higher than for victims who were belted. (NHTSA, 1999)
    * When properly used, child safety seats reduce the risk of death by 69 percent for infants and by 47 percent for toddlers. (NHTSA, 1997)
    * From 1975 through 1998, an estimated 4,193 lives were saved by child safety seats. (NHTSA, 1999)


    Discipline- any sort of discipline you seem to take issue with, whether its taking the computer away or any thing else that you see. This is really not up for discussion nor for debate. I just wanted to point out a few things that go along with cause and effect (which some of the pages you gave us express) http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/par...SECTIONGROUP=2

    Enforce consequences Despite your best efforts, at some point your toddler will break the rules. Consider using these strategies to encourage your child to cooperate:

    * Natural consequences. Let your child see the consequences of his or her actions — as long as they're not dangerous. If your child throws and breaks a toy, he or she won't have the toy to play with anymore.
    * Logical consequences. Create a consequence for your child's actions. Tell your child if he or she doesn't pick up his or her toys, you will take the toys away for a day. Help your child with the task, if necessary. If your child doesn't cooperate, follow through with the consequence.
    * Withholding privileges. If your child doesn't behave, respond by taking away something that your child values — such as a favorite toy — or something that's related to his or her misbehavior. Don't take away something your child needs, such as a meal.
    * Timeout. When your child acts out, give him or her a warning. If the poor behavior continues, guide your child to a designated timeout spot — ideally a quiet place with no distractions. Enforce the timeout for one minute per year of your child's age. If your child resists, hold him or her gently but firmly by the shoulders or in your lap. Make sure your child knows why he or she is in the timeout. Afterward, guide your child to a positive activity.

    Whatever consequences you choose, be consistent. Make sure that every adult who cares for your child observes the same rules and discipline guidelines. This reduces your child's confusion and need to test you. Also, be careful to criticize your child's behavior — not your child. Instead of saying, "You're a bad boy," try, "Don't run into the street." Never resort to punishments that emotionally or physically harm your child. Spanking, slapping and screaming at a child do more harm than good.
    Last edited by Illiana; 09-18-2010 at 12:19 AM.
    Jade, momma to Ariana 5/23/06 and Trystan 9/28/10
    http://www.teambeachbody.com/member/sn/illianaraska

  5. #55
    Posting Addict gardenbug's Avatar
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    I have looked through what you have prepared. Just have a general comment, which is that a person generally can only deal with one, possibly two issues at a time. You are dealing with many and this may well be overloading your father. I'd try selecting one topic at a time. I know, you are impatient to have it all over with, but I think real understanding and sharing will take longer to work through. I'd try to keep each exchange brief.

    Phrases that may set off lights for him are "you continue to ignore or disregard", " you constantly getting in the way", "You coming over drunk ", " You yell at her", "you freak out and accuse".... Could you try to rephrase things without finger pointing, without the "YOU" word? It often works better to say things the way you or others perceive them rather than using the accusatory tone. "I feel that...", "We feel", "It seems like" allows him a more graceful out....while still making the point.

    Another trick that people sometimes use is to deal with the person as though they were NOT a relative. So, for example, try reasoning with your Dad as if he were the teen next door, a friend's grandmother, or a stepchild. This can diffuse anger and allow you both to truly arrive at a better place.

    You have researched the various topics well and adapted suggestions nicely to your family's personal style. Good work!
    Last edited by gardenbug; 09-18-2010 at 03:18 AM.
    Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat

  6. #56
    Posting Addict Melychang's Avatar
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    I agree with Gardenbug, start out small and with the most important issue and if he is receptive to the email and you can open a dialogue with him than you will be able to explain more.
    Melynda
    Mommy to three gorgeous girls
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    at 6 weeks 22/10/09

  7. #57
    Posting Addict Illiana's Avatar
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    thanks! That's exactly the kind of input i was needing. Thanks for taking the time to read and advise.
    Jade, momma to Ariana 5/23/06 and Trystan 9/28/10
    http://www.teambeachbody.com/member/sn/illianaraska

  8. #58
    Posting Addict TiggersMommy's Avatar
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    I think it's a good idea to have included links to outside sources. It helps to support your parenting positions by saying you're not the only one who does things this way and shows that you've done your research.

    I also agree with gardenbug about the phrasing. If DH and I are having an "emotionally charged discussion," I will always try to avoid accusatory language. Saying "I feel X, when you do Y" instead of "You always do Y!" really helps to get the message across without escalating emotions. Unless you work in how his behavior affects you, he is going to concentrate on your accusations and assume the victim role. I can't remember where I originally heard this advice but it really works!
    Erin
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  9. #59
    Posting Addict Illiana's Avatar
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    I guess there's something that I should have included about my dad in my first post about him.. He's a Schizophrenic. He doesn't see things, but he does hear stuff.. Like today, he was trying to find a toy that shes been missing for a few days i think she left it at a store or something since he lets her bring toys in everywhere. well anyway, he "heard" someone talking about breaking in and stealing DDs stuffed goose that he got her a few weeks ago... now he wants to change the locks on the house again.. We're rarely gone these days and wasn't gone when the thing went missing. anyway.. i'll have some time tomorrow and will work on the email more. I was going to take the carseat part out since I *thought* we'd been over it enough but when he brought dd home this afternoon she was in the front seat again with no belt.
    Jade, momma to Ariana 5/23/06 and Trystan 9/28/10
    http://www.teambeachbody.com/member/sn/illianaraska

  10. #60
    Mega Poster LMCH's Avatar
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    I would agree with pp about keeping it short/down to a couple issues at once. You could also point the issues out, without including all the research, but mention that you have done your research and would be happy to share the reasoning behind your decisions with him if he is interested.

    As for the carseat issue, I know it is hard when it is family, b/c I would certainly have a hard time...but if she is riding around in the front AND without a seat belt with him, I would not let her drive places with him anymore. That is a bigtime safety issue, which you know since you have done your carseat/seatbelt law/safety research. If anyone in my family took my DS somewhere and didn't buckle him or similar, I would have to say he can't go with you anymore unless one of us is there too. Now, if I actually had to face that issue, I can't say how I would handle it (since it is tough to bring up hard issues with family for me). Good luck!
    ~*~Lauren~*~







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