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Thread: *~*MarysBuns/Mary's Birth lodge*~*

  1. #21
    MarysBuns
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    Birth 2 Edd Jan 6 2003 by ovulation date, Edd Jan 15 by u/s dating, date of delivery Jan 3

    I remembered how uncomfortable I was transporting to the hospital with my first. I tried talking hubby into a birth at home to save me the pain. He was adamantly opposed to the idea, we were more “sophisticated” than to birth like animals at home. I was declined from Medicaid despite the fact that hubby and I made less then 1k a month and couldn’t afford health insurance. They felt that since family provided us with a roof, they would provide for our medical expenses too.

    The pg progressed fairly normally. I hired the cheapest Ob I could find for an out of pocket birth. I took a cash advance on a credit card to pay the 5k in expenses for just prenatal care. With our funds being limited and not having the $ to hire a different care provider as things felt less than right with the group, I was “stuck” there for no other reason than being financially bound. I would ask questions and they would be dismissed saying “its been a long time since you were last pg, you just don’t remember” or “its not your place to know about that, I’m the professional, just do as I say”

    Near the end of pg, I’d say about 32 weeks, I started experiencing the most unusual sensation. It felt as if my child was corkscrewing into my cervix and then popping out after several moments lacking movement. Again my concerns were dismissed. At 36 weeks I was complaining that she wasn’t “seating” herself for birth, I frequently watched her do somersaults in my belly at night. Their response “There isn’t enough room for a child at this gestation to be doing somersaults. Your imagination is overly active.” Around that time I was talked to about what to do in an “emergency” home birth situation, due to the brevity of my first labor. I’m not overly concerned about it, I figure I have plenty of time to learn about emergencies because there is no way I’ll deliver by my edd (either one)

    Dec 31, I start having regular time-able contractions. I don’t alarm any one because I don’t feel my baby is ready to be born. After 3 hours the contraction pattern starts fading. I’m happy that I wasn’t an alarmist and a futile trip to the hospital was avoided. My next appt Jan 2, I mention the contractions. I ask about getting a VE in concerns that I may have started to dilate and will need to be more prepared to rush to the hospital for delivery. At first the Ob declines saying I’m not over 36 weeks, then after consulting my chart changes her mind. She does a VE that is incredibly rough. She says “Only about 1 cm. Maybe that will start something.” Contractions start again within an hour of it. I mention to my mom as we left the office that the VE was very rough and I thought I was having some contractions. But things didn’t feel right. I still wasn’t sure that my baby was ready to be born, or that she was in the right position.

    That night after hubby is home from work I talk excitedly about having the baby before his next semester of college starts. I tell him how I’m having contractions and how excited I am. We started watching some comedy around 1030 because I was unable to sleep. At 11 my water broke while baby was in mid movement. I go tell my parents my water broke and that I’m waiting for a regular pattern of contractions to start. I stay up all night, walking, doing nipple stimulation, anything I can think of to try to start a good pattern of contractions. At 630 my first wakes. I take her out to breakfast and tell her she will be a big sister soon.

    By 8 am I go to the hospital. I tell them my water had ruptured at 11 pm and that my contractions are irregular. I also tell them I think the baby isn’t in a good position for birth. I get told first I wouldn’t know if my water broke I probably wet myself. I get a VE and hear the nurses saying my water is “grossly ruptured” but my dilation is not any greater than the 1 cm it was the afternoon before. I get admitted because my water is broken. I get told to walk the halls and rub my nipples while they try to get in touch with the on call ob. Sometime after this I start begging for water. I’m dying of thirst. Once an hour until noon I get VEs each showing no signs of progress, which I could tell them because I still have sporadic contractions and feel like my baby is in the wrong position. With each VE I ask if they can tell what position my baby is in, because it feels off. I get told I don’t need to worry about it I’m not the professional (trust me I say it nicer than some of the nurses that day) At noon I get strapped to the bed and pitocin is started. Every fifteen minutes I get another VE, and the pitocin upped by several ml/hour. By 4 I’m begging they stop the pitocin. My contractions are nonstop and I feel like I’m pushing more than I’m contracting. The VE the nurse says my 9 cm with an anterior lip, to push through it and I can have my baby. I’m still not convinced my baby is in the right position for birth The new on call ob is sitting in the corner flipping through some magazine saying “If you just pushed right” and “I can see her head just push her out already”. Well I would think that if I pushed a baby out once I would be able to push a baby out a second time. During this entire time my baby had a great heart rate on the cfm, never showed any signs of distress, or anything.

    By 5 I’m exhausted from pushing. My entire body is going into fatigue; they are discussing upping my pitocin more. I admit defeat. I beg or the torture to stop and ask for a c/s. I sign forms and they keep me on the pitocin and pushing while we await the arrival of the anesthesiologist, who is currently out for dinner. 6 pm I get prepared for my epidural. My cfm straps are removed just before they go to try for the first attempt. I get rolled on my side. I curl into a ball and pray the epidural doesn’t hurt much as it is administered. Next thing I recall was a prick on my butt cheek. Instinct caused me to swat at it, and in return I hear “keep the profanity’s arms down, she’s ruining my sterile field.” Next thing I know I’m on my back. Finally I see hubby again, who was removed from my side during the epi administration. I’m in and out of consciousness. I attempt to express concern to hubby because they had said I’d be conscious for the surgery.

    The announcement is made, a baby girl was removed. I’m in long enough to ask my stomach get sealed with stitches because I had heard how painful staple removal was. Then I ask why I don’t hear my baby crying. I knew that with all the handling she was getting I should have heard something. Again I’m told that it isn’t my concern I’m not the educated professional. Hubby still is focusing on me because I’m not completely “in.” Finally there are some cries and hubby gets to carry a somewhat drowsy baby from the OR.

    I get into my room and suddenly set into chills. I get loaded down with heated blankets without relief, and then the antibiotics start. My reaction to the spinal anesthesia is becoming evident. I continue to have issues with being awake, my breathing has slowed, and a nurse is assigned to me. Whenever my oxygen stats are of concern she comes to my side. She shakes me and reminds me that I have to breathe. When I am awake, I spend the next 24 hours begging to hold my child, without having much control of my body because of how my body reacted to the drugs. The nurses continually refuse to let me hold my child unassisted. Nursing is horrible, I either can’t get the baby to latch or if she does latch she pukes all over me. I ask for my pediatrician, and he is never notified of my birth. Instead another pediatrician who I had wanted to avoid no matter what is seeing my child. I complain about the child’s puking, her lack of ability to move her head, her lack of nursing (once every 8-10 hours) her screams if you moved her in certain ways.

    This pediatrician chastises me for starving my child by exclusively breastfeeding, tells me the breast milk is the cause of all my problems. She chastise me for not being on wic and Medicaid (although I had applied and been rejected!) In the end, she agrees to discharge my baby if I return once every 12 hours of bili checks. Shortly after my discharge she calls cps and reports me for attempting to starve my child to death, 3 months of working with my regular peds and cps gets the calls form CPS to stop. During which time, we find my daughter allergy to milk agitates her reflux. I start taking her to a chiropractor in hopes to save her mobility, because she still lacks the ability to be limber or move her head from side to side. Luckily one agreed to see us for free.

    My recovery was relatively easy from the surgery. I was up and forcing myself to walk on unsteady legs within hours of the surgery ~ as soon as I could get my catheter. I was put on a fluid only diet until my discharge, which left me with a ravenous appetite. My vaginal cavity, the pubic region, and my vulva were swollen; the ob assumed that my limited exposure to KY in the past never allowed me to know of an allergy. My pubic region was swollen to the size of a grapefruit and incredibly painful. I had a difficult time abiding by the restrictions placed on me from the surgery, including no driving for 2 months, not being able to lift my older child (I had always lifted and hugged her before putting her in the car), etc.

    At my pp check up I was told I shouldn’t have but one more birth because of the damage the scar tissue causes. My dreams for a large family were quite busted, and it helped sink me into a deep pit of ppd. After my surgery I felt rejected by my baby in many ways. She was up 23 hours a day, she was constantly on my boob or vomiting what I made, I had been unable to birth her like her sister, but for some reason her screams were worse when she was removed from me.. as if her job was to torment just me. On top of everything else, I felt I lost my femininity. (Yes I realize these are all personal emotions but birth is a very personal passage for some, especially me)

  2. #22
    Posting Addict Lots-o-Tots's Avatar
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    Aww, Mary, you've been through a lot hon. I appreciate you sharing such intimate details with us.
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  3. #23
    MarysBuns
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    Birth 3... edd March 2, 2005by ovulation, date of delivery Feb 28

    After birth 2, I was left wondering how I could have gone from “making birth look easy” to nursing a scar across my belly. I decided that the last visit when I requested a VE the Ob had taken upon herself to do a stretch and sweep ~ without informing me or asking my consent. I delayed trying to start prenatal care as soon as I found out I was pg, because hubby was gone with our only vehicle for 6 weeks of training. I later started the bases process and at 18 weeks I was finally seen for my first “appt” What actually occurred is that I went to a room and we were lectured about the importance of applying for wic, doing exactly as the ob clinic said, and that at the end of the appt our prenatal vitamins would be available in the pharmacy remember to take them daily they are vital during your first trimester (Umm 18 weeks = second tri, not first) At the end of the lecture I asked to have an appt set for less than a months time, and managed to wiggle in to the next day. At that appt I expressed my desires to vbac and was willing to consent to most test that they wanted to run on my blood samples. I was told that I would be an excellent candidate but the base mws, but every ob appt seemed to want to know when I would schedule my rcs.

    Hubby and I butted heads about the birth the entire pg. I really wanted a home birth. I felt that I had more knowledge as to what was going on in my body without the ivs monitors etc than any of their technology and “higher education” had given them without gutting me. Hubby wanted me to schedule a rcs so he knew when to take leave. After all it had to be the safer alternative because the med pros recommended it and I wouldn’t be birthing like an animal at home. Finally the numbers talked to him and he acknowledged that vbac statistically was just as safe, if not safer than rcs and he stopped suggesting I just take the rcs.

    I read my surgical report. My daughter was more in a transverse potion than vertical. I researched and found that the OB should have been able to identify this through palpations before putting me through hours of pitocin contractions. And even if the pitocin had made me d&e she was not in a position that would have allowed her to be born. I needed to be cared for in a way that knew how to deal with malpositioning, something that the care provider and the hospital nurses I had were not trained in. I also read the alarming news in my surgical report that my child had been resuscitated for several minutes after she was removed. Her lack of cries could have been due to this… shouldn’t I have been told that this was occurring instead of it being a note in a report they never expected me to read. Of course it also means that some time after I was administered drugs my child reacted in a devastating way.

    In Dec I had my vbac consult. I argued with the Ob I saw about how if their facility was unsafe for me to have an emergent cs birth, it was unsafe for any mother to have an emergency. I mean think about it…..If the situation is truly an emergency that means birth needs to happen right now, that doesn’t just happen to a vbac mom it can happen to anyone. She basically offered me no choice I could sign up for a rcs or I could sign up for a rcs. At 36 weeks I was still saying I would vbac, I was dropped from the base provided care to a civilian.

    My trust in him was leery. He agreed with many of my ideals, but refused to let me know his cs rate or his rate of successful vbac. I brought my birth plan to my second appt and he laughed at it and asked if I was serious many times. I mentioned that at my first pg lasted well past my original estimated due date. At that time I was informed that he wouldn’t allow me to gestate as long as my baby needed. I was also informed that many of my birth plan request would not be honored because they went again the local hospital policy. All the things listed in my birth plan were all things that a woman has a right to agree to or refuse, but somehow stating in advance I was going to refuse them went against hospital policy.

    Anyways, I started reading up on unassisted birth. I found it was what most matched my available situation (go to t he hospital and throw my birth plan out the window or unassisted.. the choice was easy for me.. I was less than 5 minutes from the hospital, if we rushed, and it would take them more time than that to prep if I needed emergency cs)

    At my 38 week appt I consented to a VE which he called “low and soft”. I started EPO that night. On the Wednesday before my next appt I thought I was having back labor. So I went to a pg friendly chiropractor and got an adjustment which stopped the back contractions. I continued the EPO at night, saw the Ob at my next appt, where he called me a “Quack” for not running to the hospital. I consented to another VE to see if the EPO was helping my cervix ripen for delivery. I was 4 cm. He stopped the exam and offered an AROM because I could be considered “active labor” with ROM and being 4 cm. I declined stating first that AROM was against my birth plan and that he should know it because he had laughed at my birth plan previously, I had last minute things to do before baby’s arrival ~ like the baby shower of another pg. org member

    2 days later I woke from sleep feeling grouchy and tired. I told hubby I didn’t want to go to church, but he was insistent I go. Sitting on the pew was miserable. I wanted a nap, but couldn’t find hubby’s sympathy to give me a break. That night we ran other errands, trips to build a bear, and Wal-Mart amongst them. Many times I had stop “ouch that hurt” moments, but nothing in a steady enough pattern to say it was labor.

    The next morning I awoke around 5 am needing to pee. I was quite frustrated that my baby had moved to a position that only allowed a few drops out at a time. So every few minutes I got up attempted to pee then went to do something else. Around 8 am the house was empty accept my mom, my dd2, and myself. Hubby was at a classified meeting without any way to contact him. Around 815, I developed a pattern, including standing at my dining room table stomping my feet to get through contractions. There was no way I could consider traveling to the hospital at the intensity or frequency of the contractions, nor did I want to travel and argue for the things I wanted in birth, especially if I had 20 hours ahead of me like in my last birth. Approx 90 mins later I was holding my son. I called my hubby and told him to come meet his child. Shortly after 10 he received the voicemail.

    Within the next hour I called my ob office to request my rhogam shot. When they refused and insisted I had to go to the hospital ER, I decided to contact my primary doctor. He was willing to schedule an exam of both baby and I, and to give me my shot. He called my birth “normal.” In the mean time the OB was offended I still didn’t go running to the ER and called my hubby’s commander. He told the Commander I risked my child’s life by birthing at home. The commander called, I missed my primary doctor’s appt to go to the civilian ER. The civilian ER threatened to keep my baby for 48 hours without letting me see him, claiming my house was unsanitary, and that he may have risk factors I couldn’t see for myself (not to mention no birth weight for them to tell if he was gaining or losing). To which I responded that at least at my home and at my primary doctors office I wouldn’t have been exposing my newborn child to the pukers they had sitting next to me waiting room for 6 hours! I also told them that he obviously wasn’t jaundiced and then signed AMA papers and left for my primary doctor’s office.

    Later my hubby was called by the commander again and told that women like me cost their hubby’s their careers. I wasn’t surprised when that same commander was the one that signed the form suggesting my hubby lose his job. I have expressed many times to my hubby my regret that I could choose to do things as an individual and that his commander had issues with it. But honestly our marriage would never be able to survive if I had to go through the same pit it did after my cs. (trust me we had enough issues without that!)

  4. #24
    Mega Poster HopelessPoet's Avatar
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    HUGS!! I can't really say anything other than to give you a hug. I can't imagine having to deal with all that without a husband's support. I'm sorry!
    Last edited by HopelessPoet; 01-07-2008 at 09:48 PM.
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  5. #25
    Posting Addict kipepeo_simorgh's Avatar
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    Welcome to you lodge Mary. I hope your Dh gets the job in Iowa but if home for the birth of your LO. I have only read the intro. I will try to find time to read the Birth Stories. I know you are a very insightful woman, and I am glad to have "met and known you". It feels as though we're already met IRL but I am sure it is only a matter of time before we do.

  6. #26
    Posting Addict Lots-o-Tots's Avatar
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    Oh, Mary! I am crying after reading your 3rd birth story! What an amazing woman you are.

    Would I be out of line in asking for more details about the actual birth? Did you catch your baby? Were you in the tub or in bed? How did you mother and daughter deal with it all?

    Oh, honey, I admire you so much.
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  7. #27
    MarysBuns
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    Gwen did her best to soothe me, she was about 26 months at the time. She brought me her favorite toys, stroked my hair, patted on me, etc. She would get distracted at times and go watch noggin. I have a strong suspicion that she actually watched Jeremiah's birth, because many times she has mentioned that when this baby comes I will have to poop it out like I did Jere. I could have sworn she was out of the room when it happened tho.

    My mom caught Jeremiah. I gave birth lying on my side holding my right leg (btw whoever thought that being on you back caused you to poop is wrong, i was on my side from the time i laid down ) on my bed as it was the most comfortable place and position for me at the time. I am sure i said that I was ready to go to the hospital and get some relief, then in my next breathe I said that I was ready to push. With my first push my water broke spraying water down the length of my bed and spraying some onto the wall across from my bed. Second push brought forth my child to his forehead, next push brought him out to the neck, then a push for each shoulder and he fell out like jello (seriously that is how it felt). There was no pushing for the placenta, I changed positions and it fell out. My perineum suffered a bit of a skid mark, that was sore for about a week and a half.

    My mom was very calming and supportive of my choices ~ she had had 3 out of hospital births herself, me being one of them (and I weighed over 10 lbs at birth ). She had known that ultimately a birth without interference was what I desired... in fact she was probably more supportive of my wants for birth than my hubby. After I gave birth she started cleaning up mess for me and made sure to let my hubby know that i wasn't the one to be cooking dinner that night just because I was home *chuckles*

    That birth actually changed hubby's perspective. He is a lot more willing to support my choice this time. And amazingly has no issue this time with letting people know we are planning a home birth when they ask about hospitals and what not... we just aren't very forth coming with the fact that we are having a home birth without attendants.

  8. #28
    Mega Poster HopelessPoet's Avatar
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    It makes me feel MUCH better knowing that he's more supportive this time around. I was worried for ya!!! I found out that my dad was 13lbs at birth. OMG!! AND my Grandmother had him at HOME AND said that he was her easiest!!!!
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  9. #29
    Posting Addict CJWilkes's Avatar
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    WoW! you are a strong and brave woman!!! Not only that... If I were you I would be suing the pants off that commander and dr! That is ridiculous that you can to be ridiculed that way and not given any choices... and made fun of!

    I am so sorry for all you have been through, but it sounds like you have learned a whole lot from it as well! I hope your next experience is a wonderful one! HUGS!


    Product of Nathan & Cindy

  10. #30
    MarysBuns
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJWilkes View Post
    WoW! you are a strong and brave woman!!! Not only that... If I were you I would be suing the pants off that commander and dr!
    Unfortunately the ability to cover ones butt is a learned one. The commander knew he could issue an order verbally to Lee (as in he told lee that I had to go the the civilian ER to be check by my OB and it was an order) and here would be no paper trail. By not having a paper trail it looks as though we chose to go sit in the ER. To be honest the next time i saw the commander I really had to work from giving him an earful about how I wasn't the one in service and he had no rights to give commands about my body and how I chose to treat myself post birth. (it was actually a subject I discussed with retired military members that were of higher rank) I only restrained myself because i felt being belligerent to the guy would only further harm my hubby's career.

    When I confronted the OB, who was SO insistent that I had to go to the ER, he claimed that he had no knowledge of his staff calling the commander (that's right he passed off the calls as something his primary nurse did without his knowledge) I told him that as his superior it was still something he needed to have control over because the action was NOT acceptable. While I was in the ER room with him he did NO exam on me ~ not even palpating my stomach to see if my uterus was contracting properly... the only thing he wanted to give me was an rx for some percosets, which i declined saying "the most painful part is already over." Why the Heck was it so important for me to even bother going other than to have the hospital threaten to take my child?!

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