Thank you for sharing, I hope getting it all down and out will help you process. I hope you and your husband find some comfort for the raw emotions and the fear. I hope Odin helps heal your hearts. I look forward to your next post since we know it ends with going home as a family.
I just finished reading your birth story.
First of all I am so sorry that you all had such a difficult start.
I'm also struck by the fact that you and Ecoberry both had your babies whisked off to UCSF.
I wish that other new parents could share these emotional times, times when parents feel so very alone.
Here in Ontario, we are following the progress of a friend's new baby who has had the cooling procedure after seizures resulting from a traumatic birth. So far his outlook is quite good, though he is not "out of the woods" yet.
I'll be interested in your next installment.
Ivy (4) visits Nana
for you and for your chubby cheeked little man
Thanks for sharing. You are a truly powerful woman for laboring that long and still having the strength to push out your beautiful little (or rather NOT so little) boy. Just as we all forget the pain of childbirth, the emotional trauma of this birth will fade with time. Your smiling little man will help speed that along . What happened couldn't haven been predicted and as such, your decision to go for a VBAC in no way endangered your child. It is no more selfish to desire a VBAC than it is selfish to desire a healthy child. I'm so so glad the next installment ends happily. I can't wait to read your happy ending.
I am without words I'm thinking of you and the whole family and I hope Odin can come home soon.
Many thoughts and prayers to you. Thank you so much for sharing. I am glad you guys are doing better.
Christy birth doula, Hypnobabies instructor, small business owner & most importantly MOMMY.
So Tuesday, Oct. 19th we drove the 2+ hours to be with Odin in SF. At first we stopped at home and packed 2 days worth of clothes for all of us. My sister, bless her, called us on the way to SF and offered to take care of our 5 year old Ryland for 2 days. We actually ended up having various family members come and stay with him at our house through the entire week which proved to work much easier as UCSF could not house us with our 5 year old along. As well as it would have been impossible to keep him occupied and us sane. On a side note Ryland took our absence and the addition of a new sibling very hard and has been acting out horribly. I think he felt a big disconnect not being able to be a part of the birth at the end like he had planned. He went to bed and we were home, he woke up and we had already gone to the hospital. Then having us gone for a week and not fully understanding what was wrong but comprehending enough to know it was serious. I think there is going to be a long period of damage control and healing to go through with him as well.
We got to UCSF Children’s Hospital around 8pm that night. It was so sad seeing him all hooked up and helpless. The hospital staff was great and closed down a parent lounge for us to sleep in for the night since we arrived with no idea of where we would be staying. They also got me all the supplies I needed to pump while in their hospital (also had my pump from home which was a lifesaver). The next day we met our social worker that got us set up with housing, food, and other things to make life easier.
Odin was hooked up to a cooling blanket for 72 hours. The blanket was attached to a large machine and he was placed on top of the blanket with a cover of plastic over him to keep in the cool. He was kept at a chilly 93 degrees and given morphine and another sedative to keep him from shivering and warming up. We were not allowed to hold him but could touch his hand and talk to him. He also had 15 electrodes on his head to measure brain activity and look for seizures. Luckily he never had any seizures that they know of. Two l lines also went into his hands and feet to give him a 7 day course of 2 different antibiotics to fight infection they suspected caused his temp. to be 104 at birth. He had a lumbar puncture done and cultured but they never could identify what the infection was. The 1st 2 days he was on oxygen though his nose for labored breathing but graduated from that pretty quick. The neuroligist found nerve damage on his right side (arm/neck) but that will heal on its own in time.
All Hooked up with nose tube out
1st Time Unhooked for MRI. Still very swolled from fluids. His cheeks are like 1/2 the size now.
Thursday, October 21 we got to hold him for the 1st time right before his MRI. It was an amazing feeling and of course I sobbed through ½ of it. A few hours after his MRI I got to nurse him for the 1st time. He was so ready and latched himself on for his first meal. He slept the rest of that day since he had been heavily sedated for the MRI. Each day after got a little better and on Sunday Oct. 24th we got to go home around 5pm. Since being released we’ve seen the doctor for a follow up, everything was good except for his temp being too low so we are trying to keep him extra warm. We will be followed these next few months and years to see how his development progresses and make sure everything stays on track.
First Time Holding Him at 4 days old.
So far he is a happy baby and sleeps a ton. He cries only during diaper changes or when I don’t get the boob out fast enough. Nursing is going really well and he seems to be getting everything he needs. I guess time will tell if there is more to be worried about but for now we are extremely thankful for where he is at.
~Joy~ DS1-8/5/05, DS2-10/18/10 (VBAC#1), DS3- 4/11/12 (VBAC#2!)
Glad to hear he's home safe and sound and I hope he continues to get better and thrive. You are such a strong woman and I hope things with Ryland get better. *hugs*
Re-opened my preschool today with my new helper. Last week she ran it part-time by herself. I may be a little over ambitious be we've made it to naptime with everyone sleeping. Odin had a few hours of non-stop crying when not nursing this a.m. so that was interesting to work through with 6 other kids in tow. Hopefully he is just hitting a little groeth spurt. Ryland seems to be getting back to his better self these last 2 days so I hope that continues.
~Joy~ DS1-8/5/05, DS2-10/18/10 (VBAC#1), DS3- 4/11/12 (VBAC#2!)