Well, it took me a long time to get this together. I'm still kind of depressed with the way things worked out but at least I have a healthy baby girl to show for it................
Contractions started on Sunday night and I was only able to lie in bed for about an hour before getting up and going downstairs. By (about) 2:00am I was timing my contractions and they were about 7 minutes apart and lasting 30-45 seconds. It was enough to keep me up all night. They did get closer together and a bit longer but nothing consistent so I just waited.
By the time the sun came up the contractions has slowed down again. DH stayed home since we thought "this was it" and to help out with Declan. I managed to get about an hour nap in the afternoon and just lazed around for the rest of the day. Contractions were still coming but no real pattern
Just when I was about to try to go to bed on Monday night, wouldn't you know, the contractions started up again. I didn't even bother getting into bed with DH. I wanted him to get some sleep even if I wasn't going to.
By 3:00am I was starting to feel a lot more pain, my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart and lasting about a minute so I woke up DH. I called my mom to let her know to come over in the next hour or two so she could care for Declan. I then called me midwife.
(This part is great!) When I called, my student midwife wanted me to stay on the line so she could "talk to me" during my next contraction. I was on the phone with her for almost 10 minutes and NOTHING happened. I felt like such a goof. She just told me to call her back in an hour..LOL
When I called back she asked what I wanted to do at that point...labour at home or head to the hospital? I wanted to labour at home as long as possible so I told her that so we left it for awhile
(My primary midwife and student were at the hospital with another mother in labour, my secondary midwife had just left for Nunavut the previous Friday and my back up midwife wasn't on call Just my luck)
I think it was around 6:30am when we decided that we should head to the hospital. When we got there I was introduced to my new midwife. At that point I was 6-7 cm but not contracting as regularly as they wanted so I did a lot of standing and sitting on the toilet to help move things along
By about 10:30am the midwife wanted to rupture the membranes as she didn't want me or the baby to get too exhausted (I had slept in 48 hours) but I was terrified of the pain that I experienced that last time they did it so I declined.
The pain was brutal! I tried the laughing gas which pretty much did nothing except take my mind off of the pain while I was concentrating on breathing it in. I did feel really buzzed in between contractions though
I broke down during the transition period .............This part is so hard for me to write
The midwife was getting really concerned about me and the baby so at 11:00 am she said she really wanted to break my water. I was at 8cm and she was sure that I would fully dilate quickly and the baby would come fast. I kind of lost my mind at this point. The pain was already at a 10 and I couldn't imagine how much worse it would get once my water was broken so I asked for an epidural.
Once the epidural (kind of) took affect and they broke my water the doctor started to leave the room which at that point the nurse said, "Get back her right now, NO, right now! The baby is coming!" I was dry heaving and with 4 dry heaves and 2 pushes Scarlet entered the world.
I know hindsight is 20/20 but I truly wish that I wouldn't have asked for the epidural. I was right there, I barely had to push! I was so afraid and so tired that my plans for a natural childbirth just flew out the window. It makes me really sad and it's hard to write this for everyone to read. I can't change it now and I have a beautiful and healthy baby girl.
I really believe that if I had my primary or secondary midwife that I wouldn't have asked for an epidural. They knew my plans and would have supported me and helped me through it. The midwife I had was great but she didn't know me or how much I wanted to go natural. DH just wanted us (me and baby) to get though it so he just went along with what I said.
Ah hun, I'm sorry your haveing such a hard time with your birth story. You are a strong woman, and you did what you felt was best at that moment. I know I don't have any words to help you heal, but know that we don't judge you, and you shouldn't be so hard on your self. You gave 110% and I'm sure that the stress of going into labor and knowing your care provider was NOT on hand was a huge factor! Enjoy that prescious little girl, she was well worth the work