Congrats on your lodge! Looking forward to hearing about your journey.
Oh, I am all a tear!! I can't believe that things are getting this close, and now I have a lodge!! I swear it seems to me like just yesterday I was sitting in the bathroom watching the lines turn pink, in serious disbelief.
Ok, where to start... I am Amber! Hello to all you ladies. I have read the other lodges; I am sort of quite though for the most part. I am married to Michael. We have been together for 3 years. We just got married this July 25th, Christmas in July. It was our 3 year anniversary. I am 26 years old. This is my second pregnancy. I was married before, to a not nice person. I got divorced from him in 03. I met Mike at work, right at the end of my marriage. He was a wonderful friend through all of the battle that was my divorce, and without us really seeing it, he became so much more to me. He asked me to marry him this last October; we were planning a long engagement so we could have a really nice wedding and a party afterwards. We were paying for it all on our own, and we decided we wanted a BASH! All that changed when we found out we were pregnant. We wanted married before baby got here, so we had a nice quiet wedding with just our family, and it was really nice and special.
My first pregnancy ended with a stillbirth at 36 weeks. We know why, and being that I am no longer in that situation, (I got divorced) there is no worry that this baby will be anything but perfect.
My first was a little girl, her name is Catharyn. Things don't always work out the way you want them too. I really sort of lost it, when I lost her. I am however in a much better place now. I am at peace with my loss, and while I will never forget her, I will live my life better with wiser choices because of her. Enough of that.
I was told by a few doctors that it would be really hard and expensive to have another baby. My cycle didn't come regularly, if at all, my tubes are blocked 100% on the left and something like 60% on the right. I was on birth control for a long time just to regulate my body, and even then I would miss periods. It wasn't that big a deal cause I had no plans of having another baby at the time. Mike and I were together, but had not talked about plans for the future.
So he asked me to marry him, and we started planning wedding things, and a savings account for the wedding. Then at the first of the year, January 10th or so, I started feeling bad. I worked 12 hour night shifts 4 or 5 times a week at the hospital, I thought I was just tried. Then one afternoon I woke up got out of bed and I was so dizzy and nauseous. I was the only one home so I made it to the bathroom and got sick. Half of my mom’s side of the family are diabetics, and we all have glucometers. I checked my blood sugar and sure enough it was low. I got up and ate a peanut butter sandwich and had some juice, I felt better so I sucked it up and went to work that night. I checked my blood sugar the rest of the night and the next morning, looking for lows, I didn’t have any. When I woke up the next afternoon I was sick all over again. I was thirsty, and sleepy, and so nauseous. Pregnancy had not yet crossed my mind. I was puzzled. My period was late but what else was new? On the 15th, Mike and I were in bed enjoying the afterglow, and it just hit me. I knew as sure as I was breathing, that I was pregnant. I didn’t say anything to him, because I wanted to be 100% sure.
So the next morning I was up and at Wal-Mart looking at all the tests. I had Kate, my step-daughter with me. I grabbed the closest one and home we went. I took it to the bathroom and just looked at it. The possibility of being pregnant scared me to death. I still am not sure why. I stuck the tests in the medicine cabinet without taking it and tried to not think about it. That evening, after Mike got home, I guess I was acting a little off, or spacey. He asked if everything was ok, I said, “Yeah, just thinking.”
We got Katelyn in bed that night, and we were getting ready to go to bed, when I pulled out the test and took it. I sat it on the counter and watched the pee seep across the test strip. I watched both lines turn pink, I was pregnant. I was shocked, surprised, scared, and thrilled all at the same time. I was also speechless. I walked out of the bathroom, and looked at Mike, and I couldn’t talk. I could barely breathe. He looked at me and asked what was wrong, and I just sort of waved my hands like I was on fire, and walked back in the bathroom. He told me later that he thought that at that moment I had plunged off the deep end, and was worried about my sanity. He followed me into the bathroom, and found me staring at that little test. I was trying very hard to comprehend what it meant. And trying very hard to breathe again. He walked up beside me and asked what, again. I handed him the box, and then sort of pointed at the test.
He didn’t get it. He looked at the box, and then at the test and back again, when I found my voice and croaked at him, “I am pregnant.” He looked at me, and then at the test and back at the box, as if to verify that I wasn’t crazy. Then back at me, and jumped in the air and whooped. I think he might have been a little excited.
So started our journey. We first went to an OB, who thankfully we fired about our 18th week of pregnancy. He was very pushy, and we just didn’t click at all. I felt more like a number to that man than a person who he was caring for. We walked out of his clinic and have never looked back. We found a place called Expectations. It is a birthing center. It has 3 Midwives, all who I like and trust. We will be trying water birth. But if we get into it and decide that isn’t working so well for us, there are other options there. The big selling point for me was that they are very open to what I want, when I want it, and urge me to listen to my body, about labor. They are also close by and there if I get scared and worried and need direction. I am very excited about all of it. We will also be having a Doula. I am also stoked about that. I have her thanks to you ladies. We had heard about Doulas, but didn’t really know how or where to get a hold of such a person. All of you ladies pointed me in the direction and now we have one.
There have been challenges during our pregnancy. Not with the baby, but life. I lost my job to downsizing. We moved in with my parents, and man, that was hard. I got a part time job for during the pregnancy, and cash has been more than tight some weeks. Both of our cars choose this summer to die on us. The list goes on and on. But that’s life isn’t it? I am happy to say, that we have both cars up and running, and we are getting ready to move. In my 36th week of pregnancy and moving. The stress bothers me some days, but at least we are moving slowly forward, instead of backwards now.
I am happy to be pregnant. I am happy to be married, to a wonderful, beautiful man, who loves and cares for me. I am happy that the baby is big and strong and healthy. We are having a boy. His name is David Michael. I really can’t believe that he is so close to being in our arms. Well I think this is long enough. I can stop here for the night.
I want to thank all you girls for being really supportive, and overall just wonderful. I am really glad the boards are back up. I was kind of like a lost puppy the last few days looking to see if they were functional again. I am here everyday reading and smiling because of you guys. Well, I am off to bed.
Welcome to your lodge, and what an incredible journey you've been on. I'm sorry for the loss of your angel, what a difficult thing to go through. It sounds as if you have a good man in your DH and a beautiful baby boy coming!!
Your birthing center sounds wonderful and I can't wait to hear more about you and your pregnancy.
Today has been such a nice day. It’s only been like 80 degrees around here, so I wasn't quite so hot. Last week we hit triple digits. After that, this seems cool. My mom and I made homemade salsa, I love salsa. We grew everything in our own garden, and it is SO satisfying making our own stuff.
Later in the afternoon, mom and I went and we got pedicures. I have never had one before, and it was OH so nice. The place we went had chairs that vibrate, and little hot tub like things for your feet to soak in. It even had jets!! I loved it, and think I might have to make a habit of it. We also splurged and got manicures too!! I feel all girly now! It was really nice for me, cause my feet and ankles are really swollen, it just felt so so so good! I really like pampering.
I know that there are some women out there who are miserable at this point in her pregnancy, and I am so sorry for them. And please don't hate me for my next few statements, if you are one of those women suffering through the last month.
I absolutely love being pregnant. I love sharing my body with this little life inside me, I love feeling him move and bump inside me. He has dropped, and I can breathe and eat again, without being uncomfortable. He's not always sitting directly on my bladder, so that’s not too bad. I just am so so happy.
I am confident that I can birth this little guy, with help from Mike and other support people. Without all the drugs and interference from the medical community. But if for whatever reason I need that interference, I will take it gladly for my baby. Last week we were in a car wreck. Some uninsured, drunken fool, rear ended us. I was driving. We were stopped at a red light. He hit us hard enough my belly hit the steering wheel. I was so pissed off. It was late, I had got out of bed to pick up Mike at work, at like 12:30 am. I was in my nightgown. I jumped out of my car and just went off on this idiot.
So there I am 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, in my not so long, summer nightgown and flip flops just chewing this guy out. He had the nerve to ask if he could just give us whatever cash he had on him, and call it even, cause he had no insurance. I about decked him. I think I started screaming at him something about not paying any f**king attention while driving and hitting my car, while I was pregnant, without having the brains to have any insurance. What the hell was his problem? What if he hurt my baby? At that point I remembered I was pregnant and in my jammies, and decided it would be best for my rear to get back in my car. Mike checked on me asking if I was ok, and said he had already reported it. Not to long after that the cops arrived. While I was busy screaming at this person Mike had enough since to leave me alone, and let the other driver deal with the pissed off pregnant woman, and call it in.
End result was that both the baby and I were fine, but we did go to the hospital to be checked out, just to be sure. At that point while lying in the bed, listening to the baby's heartbeat, that I realized a few things. All of this pregnancy I have wanted a nice natural birth, and no medical interventions. I have refused some things because I want this to be all natural. I have said to Mike earlier, that I want absolutely no medical anything, almost to the point it was a little extreme. While I was lying there, it came to me, how I must have sounded to anyone not in my head. It’s true that I don't want medical intervention, but not to the point it would endanger my baby. If something was wrong with him, and he needed out right away, I would be the first to say lets do a C/S. Get him out, make sure he’s fine let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!!!
I told Mike what I was thinking about, and he just looked at me, and said that he knew I wouldn't hurt the baby, that I just wanted everything to go smoothly. He knows me so well. I am so blessed to have him.
So this got kind of sappy. I hope you all had a good day too.
Wow, being in a car accident would scare the crap out of me. i'm glad you and the baby are okay. I'm very anti-intervention, too (The most technical I've gotten was a pee stick) but I agree, if the medical stuff becomes indicated as needed I'll be the first to jump on that train.
thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I love the story of how you got your BFP, I think it's great, a real Lifetime Movie moment. Welcome to your lodge and I look forward to sharing the rest of your journey with you!
It is wonderfull that you love being pregnant, I feel that way too most of the time, except for the hard days with the heartburn and hemorrhoids... even on the hard days I never think its the babys fault, its more like feeling sorry for yourself... but feeling that baby kick inside there is nothing as special or like it in the world IMO.
I would have been so pissed about your accident, gosh its amazing how your could be minding your own business and doing the right thing and some jerk could have injured you or your whole family... its pretty scary.
I founnd it interesting how you said that stuff about no medical intervention... you don't need to feel guilty about it, we all want whats best for our babies, and most of the time unecessary medical intervention can carry risks and cause other problems for you and your baby... but the bottom line is that NECESSARY medical intervention can save lives... the problem is in todays society with litigation, Doctors have missed the point about what is necessary and what is conveniance. It is women like us who have to protect our own babies and bodies and make informed decisions to prevent our babies experiencing these unecessary risks... you should feel proud of your choices.
Homebirth Midwife Due September 3rd 2007
Congrats on your lodge! I am happy to read that you are OK after the accident, how scary!
Ericka~Mommy to David, Paul and Adam