AYELET'S BIRTHING LODGE!!! (Tanismom)

232 posts / 0 new
Last post
Joined: 10/08/02
Posts: 54
AYELET'S BIRTHING LODGE!!! (Tanismom)

I think it's okay to start this- late even, since last time she gave birth at 36 weeks and she's 34 today.

Congrats for making it so far sweetie- it's been quite a road, and i'm SO looking forward to the rest of the journey!!!!

rikkiac's picture
Joined: 11/27/06
Posts: 347

Congrats! I can't wait to hear your journey!

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

Congrats & Welcome to your lodge!

Melychang's picture
Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 796

Congratulations!! I am looking forward to hearing about your journey!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Can't wait! And sending baby stay put vibes until after 36 weeks!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh I'm so excited! Shana thanks for starting this I came in today thinking it was time.

Big hugs hon - nearly there - and such an adventure still to unfold! Smile

xo Robin

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Congratulations on your lodge!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

OMG! I can't believe we're up to this!! Thanks Shana!

We just got home from my parents' superbowl party (we are big Giants fans, so we are very proud of Eli's little brother - go Peyton!)
I am exhausted and I need to be horizontal (on my left side, encouraging my little dolphin into a ROA position!) but I just saw this and wanted to at least post something!

I will post more tomorrow after Netanel's in school and I'm home from my chiropractor and I have a hot cup of coffee in my hands and silence in my house... something I did not get any of today, but I'll tell you all about that tomorrow!

Have a great night, ladies - and yay! I'm so excited to be here!

Chimmy's picture
Joined: 08/03/01
Posts: 2776

Have a nice rest!

SaucyVidel's picture
Joined: 07/20/06
Posts: 634

Good luck with that positioning, having a baby sunny-side up would certainly make things interesting >_

Get some rest and enjoy that adjustment. I have one tomorrow as well and can't wait!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

Finally! I have my coffee, Tani's at school, I'm back in pajamas and I don't plan on putting clothes back on until 2:30 when I have to pick him up! I decided to reschedule my chiro appt since it is 10 degrees outside with windchills of up to 20 mph, I'll go in on Wed, when it may get up to 23 degrees! I had a tough day yesterday, I deserve some hibernation!

So I guess for those of you who don't know my story, I'll start by catching you up. WARNING: this is loooong! You might want to get yourself a cup of coffee!

My name is Ayelet, I met my husband Yoram at a wedding where I was friendly with the bride and groom from college, and Yoram was one of the grooms best friends from high school. I only knew a few pple there so I occupied myself with a cocktail and Yoram's roommate and he thought I was the coolest person in the world b/c I knew what to order from a bar. The extent for them was Sam Adams, or rum and coke! Thus started our relationship, which I did not think was at all romantic until 4 months later when he asked me out on a date (we'd hung out b4, so this was different.) I was so shocked that I said no! But we decided that we should have dinner together and talk. (a date.) I had a lot that I needed to work through, since Yoram was unlike any of the sleezy, to-cool-for-words, musician-types that I had previously dated and I was on hiatus b/c I knew I needed something different in my life. Something not quite unlike Yoram - which is what made me nervous. I had all but convinced myself at the ripe old age of 21 that if all I was attracting were losers than that was who I was doomed to marry. And so having met Yoram and having him seem to be attracted to me threw me totally off kilter and I freaked.
Before our little dinner, I had a short but serious conversation with God. I informed him that if I went out with Yoram, then he was going to be it. I was absolutely not going into this relationship if I was going to have to come out again and convince myself there would be someone else like Yoram! Apparently, God agreed. Despite Yoram and I discussing how we were still young and we were going to take this very slowly, we were engaged 5 months later, in March and married in July. (yah, real slow Biggrin )

Although I do think a large part of that had to do with us not having any physical contact until we were married. Something that Yoram had always been strict about - me, not so much. But I felt it was important for our relationship for me to respect that and maintain it in myself while we were dating. Suffice it to say, the pictures of us under the Chuppa (Jewish wedding canopy) immediately after the ceremony, where we held hands for the first time, have earned us many comments like "wow, you guys look so in love!" Duh, you would look like that too if this was the first time you touched your husband!

So that's how we got started. When we decided to start trying to conceive it was 6 months after our wedding and we felt that if I stopped taking the pill now, we could see what my cycles were going to do once they came back (i'd always had crazy long cycles) and if we conceived withing the next 6 months that would be good timing. My cycles were totally out of whack, which was not surprising, so after finally getting my first period after 4 months (and many pg tests) I went to my OB/GYN to talk to him. I told him that I knew my cycles were long, and that I felt that if I knew when I was ovulating in those long months, I would be able to conceive. First he did a gammut of blood tests, and e/t came back normal. Then he said, "Well, you're not considered medically infertile until you've been trying for a year. So try for a year, and probably you'll hit it, and if you don't we can always give you Clomid" I probed, "but isn't there any way that I can just know when i'm ovulating?" his reponse, "no, not really. You can take your BBT but that will just tell you when you did ovulate, so it won't really help."
Thank you, and good bye!

I switched to a new OB/GYN, who was a little more sympathetic and willing to work with me, and at the same time I found FAM. That was it. Once I could plot out all my fertility signs, I knew exactly when I was fertile and we conceived our amazing Netanel on my 3 charted cycle (9 months after starting the whole process of ttc) and we were on our way to parenthood!

Being pg for the first time was great! It was a ticket to eat whatever I wanted! I gained 60 lbs. I'm not a large-framed person. I'm 5 feet, and chubby at 120, so carrying around 190 lbs on my frame was not what my body wanted to do! My bp was borderline and I was on partial bedrest from the middle of my second trimester. My son was born at 36 wks.

This is Tanis birth story, in breif. (Copied from another thread)

Netanel Shlomo Schwell
Born 7/6/04
6 lbs 2 oz
19.5 inches long

I am blessed to have a mother who believes strongly in low/no-intervention birth, and a husband who, although not raised with those thoughts, is intelligent enough to recognize the benefits of NCB. That being said, we were both brought up in mainstream families/cultures, where it is assumed that babies are born in hospitals w/ dr or mw in attendance - even if you are going to have no interventions. So my son was born in a hospital w/ an OB, who I had been satisfied with until I actually went into labor.
Netanel's birth story, breifly: I had a week of prodomal labor starting at 35 wks. I went in after the first day and the doc who saw me (3 docs in the practice) said I was 3cm, and any time I wanted, I could just come in and be induced - at 35 wks!! We went to see a movie and by the time we got home the ctx had stopped and I decided I wasn't talking to my doc again until I knew for sure I was in labor.... FF one week, I woke from ctx, they weren't going away, knew this was Birth-day, but also knew I had quite a while until things got serious. Went in for my schedule 36 wk check up that morning and was told, "your in labor, the sonogram is showing low fluid, I'm admitting you and breaking your water." The hospital being next door, and me with no experience, I didn't think I could just not show up. It felt wrong, but we went. Water breaks, I'm strapped to 3 monitors (EFM, BP, and and IV) and I'm not allowed to move. Not surprising that I was having active, painful ctx now, but very slow progression. Thank god, btwn DH and myself we had enough wits abt us to refuse pit and epi and after 2 hours of "purple pushing" I had pushed out my son, who's O2 was low (duh - stuck in birth canal for 2 hours!) His gestational age was full term (not large, but within the range) at 36 wks LMP and after the peds team fussed over him for what seemed like hours I finally got to hold my goopy eyed baby for the first time.
Suffice it to say, although alls well that ends well, I knew that this was not the way things should have gone. Even if it had been necessary to break my water... the rest could have been avoided.

So now you know my background. This is where my current saga begins.

I switched to MW's at the beginning of this pg, I like them. They deliver in what they called a hospital birthing center, about 45 minutes from my home. My thought was, it's far, but since it's not a hospital, we'll go in on the earlier side of labor and it'll be ok to hang out there b/c it's not an actual hospital environment. But I was misled. The L&D is the "birthing center" and although it is very nice, and the staff seems very natural minded - it is still a hospital. And hospitals have cold linoleum floors, labor table/beds (not actual beds) nurses stations, and people milling about that may or may not come in and try to affect the length of time I am holding up that room (there are only 6 altogether.)
So I began thinking that I don't want to be there for so long, but I don't want to risk waiting and then getting stuck in traffic during heavy labor and giving birth on the side of the highway... I briefly looked to see if there was anything comparable closer to my home and there really isn't. So I began to think, well why would I want to displace myself at all in labor?? Even to go someplace close by? Why would anyone want to be anywhere other than in their comfort zone when they are having a baby??
(So I know that's extreme, but I was getting very frustrated!)

Anyway, now I am interviewing homebirth midwives. This week is when it's all happening, so this was a good time to start a lodge! I am going to speak with my current MW Lonnie tomorrow. Tomorrow night Yoram and I are going out to meet a MW named Linda and Wed night Olivia is coming over to meet with us. (I personally like that idea much better! But that's ok.)

So that's what we're up to, you're all caught up and I hope I didn't bore you all to death!!!

I'm going to lie down now and read more Farm birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery and I'll be back later...

Hope you're all having a great day!
love,
Ayelet

jeniriti's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 134

Ayelet-
I'm so excited to share in your journey!

Jen

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

Congrats on your lodge, Ayelet. I am so happy that you seem on the road to getting your homebirth. Your story of you and Yoram was so touching. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to following your journey.

Silverwind's picture
Joined: 05/06/05
Posts: 351

congrats on your lodge Smile I can't wait to hear more about your journey to a homebirth.

Singfourever's picture
Joined: 08/26/06
Posts: 306

congrats on your lodge Ayelet! I'm so excited to find out how everything works out for you!

Melychang's picture
Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 796

I love your the way you and your husband met and married! How beautiful! It must have been so special to hold his hand for the first time, I can just imagine the sparks and feelings running through you at the time!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

Thanks everyone! How funny is it that I feel that having this lodge marks a real milestone in my pregnancy! It's so great, and it's great to know that I have the support, encouragement and advice from you ladies through the most crucial part of this journey!

So I spent most of today in bed, just resting. I overdid it yesterday. I think I've mentioned that a few times, so let me explain:
Yoram is an EMT, he has a recertification course that he is taking now and it started yesterday and will be going on for the next two Sundays as well. The program runs from 8am to 4, which is a really long time! It is run through the ambulance organization that he is volunteering with and because the organization is a Jewish one (Hatzolah is the name of the organization, they've opened up in most areas that have Jewish communities and they serve the entire area, not just the Jewish families, so you may have heard of them.) Anyway, there were able to arrange for this course to be on Sundays as opposed to Saturdays which is our Sabbath and wouldn't work.
So he has to take them now, when they're being offered and I think that's great. Except being on my own w/ Netanel on a Sunday when Abba (the Hebrew for Daddy) is usually home and they have their time together, is rough.
And then, we packed up and went to my parents to watch the Superbowl, and didn't get home until 11. So all in all it was a tough day. Don't get me wrong. It was a fun day! I love hanging out with my son, he's wonderful and there have been days that I have kept him home from school just to have a Mommy day. But I'm getting tired, and he's been very conscious of this new addition that he's not sure what to make of... so he's clingy and he hasn't really been playing by himself much when I'm around, so it is constant engagement, which is taxing on my mind and body. But we had fun. We made pictures for Grandma and Wabi (what he calls my father) and for my sis, Auntie Shoshana. So that was great, and we played with play dough - which we then completely forgot about and we now have to crusty psychedelic colored balls of mushed up play dough!

But it wiped me out. So I spent all day in bed today. Which was wonderful! Now Netanel is happily watching Lady and the Tramp and eating pizza bagels and I am gonna go back and watch with him, and I think I'm just going to defrost some frozen soup and leftovers for dinner and call it a day! Especially since I need all my mental energy in tact for the next two days of meeting MW's and convincing Lonnie that this is nothing personal. And I'm going to have to start bombarding my insurance company to cover the homebirth... But the good news is that I spoke to the woman who I have decided will be my doula today and she had her last baby at home, got a 100% reimbursement from the insurance, and she has the same company that I do! So that made me much more hopeful.

Ok, my little guy wants to know why that mommy in the movie is giving her baby bottles! Gotto go!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

I have a lot on my mind today, and the baby is definitely feeling it. I've been having some really tight BH contractions, nothing to make me nervous, but noticeable. I know I just need to relax, I'm just having trouble - esp since I can't find a relaxing position to be in. When I sit upright (like tailor position) I get low-back pain, when I squat, well that just doesn't last too long, and I've tried lying in the Bradley side-lying position, but that isn't comfortable for long enough either.
So whats on my mind...
Good news first: My conversation w/ Lonnie went really well today. She may even be able to attend my homebirth, but if not she wished me her blessing in finding the right person for me and my family. My concern with having her there is that she is backed at the same hospital that she delivers in, which is still 45 minutes away. I don't expect to have any complications that will require a transfer - but in the event, I want it to be a close hospital!
But she also told me that she heard that the doc who I thought was backing the 2 mw's I am meeting w/ has stopped backing HB midwives... so now that is concerning me.

Now the less-good news:
- I'm concerned about money. Yoram is too, and it's really been stinting us. He had his review last week and we were hoping he would be able to negotiate a raise, b/c his paycheck doesn't even pay the bills and I haven't been working enough to fill in the gap. The offered him a 2% raise, and he couldn't continue talking about it b/c it was already 5:45 and we had our Bradley refresher that night. So now he's going to have to negotiate in retrospect and I don't know how well that's going to go...
So although I know that we will probably be able to be reimbursed for our homebirth, I don't know where we are going to find the upfront money to make it happen.

- emotionally I'm a wreck. My grandfather has been in the hospital for a month and it's not going well. I was visiting him every other day in the beginning, but now I've stopped and I'm feeling terrible about it. On the one hand I know that I should go, and just be there with him, b/c I don't know if I'll get another chance. But the other side of it is how tense it is in there. He can't speak b/c he's on ventilators and so it's really hard to interact with him, and sometimes he's not even mentally there at all. He's unresponsive and doesn't even know I'm there. My grandfather was always this big strong man. He's tall, broad and Chekoslovakian with a beautiful lilting accent. He's a linguist, he was a professor in Denver for many years and then became Dean of Yeshiva University in NYC for 20 years. And now he's wasting away in a hospital bed and he can't speak, can barely communicate at all.

My body is really fighting with me, b/c intuitively, I want to turn inward, into myself and be here in this moment w/ my baby and my immediate family, but I don't know how to integrate how I'm feeling about my grandfather. Most of the time I'm happy and excited and then I'll just think about it for a minute and get depressed. I don't know how to deal with this at all.

I have to go to the bank to find out why the bounced a check that my online account says went through and then I'm gonna pick up Netanel and take him to the library. "Birthing from Within" is waiting for me there, and I want to try to pick up some of the books that were suggested in my thread about introducing kids to birth...

More later...

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

**MIDWIFE UPDATE**

So Yoram and I drove out to Caldwell to meet Linda.
We had a great experience talking to her!
She told us her story. She's been attending births for 15 years, over 400 births. She said in all her births she has only had to have 4 primary c/s. That's a pretty low rate! I didn't press about the secondary ones, b/c that's not my situation.
Disturbingly, I found out that NJ law does not allow HBAC at all. This doesn't affect me, thank God, but how sad for those mommas?
We talked about insurance, and she told me that her fees have been fully covered by my insurance before, but as soon as I decide, we have to get on them to get it back, b/c I would be responsible for paying her up front.
Yoram was great! When we left, I asked him how he felt, he said he liked her, and that after we speak to Olivia we'll decide. So I asked, what if we weren't speaking to anyone else? and he said he'd be fine!
So I said, I'm really impressed at how he came around and how comfortable he has become with this, and he said, "I'm too logical for my own good." So I asked what he meant. He said, "logically, there's no reason not to do it at home, so I couldn't argue with myself anymore!"

I love my husband!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

That sounds a lot like Michael was. He knew I'd researched it thoroughly, but still wasn't convinced. Then he met our midwife and loved her and was totally sold on the whole idea. That's why I so often recommend that women at least get the dh to agree to meet with some mw's. usually, the mw's will set them at ease.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK that's really good news that you insurance will cover her - what a relief! Smile And I'm so glad you got good support from your previous MW.

What did Linda say about hospital backup? You know, if you did have a real emergency, you do just go to the nearest hospital whether your MW has priviledges there or not, they'll have an OB. Of course it's a better scenario where your MW has priviledges, but for OB's you'd just get whoever's on call anyway, so I never felt that mattered so much. As long as they'd let her stay with you anyway? My MW essentially becomes a doula in that situation (M was born at a different hospital than my MW works in). So she couldn't do anything "medical" for me, that had to be the nurses and OBs, but she was still there to advocate ( :roll: ) and hold my hand.

eh I lost my train of thought.

Yay Yoram!!! This was what happened with Stephen, too. As soon as all obstacles were dealt with, he was fine, he was confident, he was lecturing others on the great choice that is homebirth. gotta love it! Smile

I"m sorry to hear about your grandpa. I lost mine at 34 weeks with Samuel, so he never got to meet his first great-grandchild. mind you, this way, he did get to be there for the birth, which he couldn't've been had he still been tied to his body. That helps a little. But I really understand about the conflict. It's very hard to stay concerned with the world when you have a baby coming really soon!!!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

yeah, it seems the consensus on husbands getting on board is to have him meet the MW, so that was good.

Linda also said that if we choose her, she would want to come to my home next week to get familiar w/ the space, help us plan, so forth. So when I told her our concern w/ telling our families, she said to invite them to be there that night so that they can meet her and ask any questions and see that she's a real, qualified person and not some crazy hippie-lady or something... So that was also good.

About back-up, thanks, now I have s/t to clarify with her. She said that she is backed by a doctor at Overlook Hospital which is about 20 min from us, the only closer one that I would consider going to is not much closer, but that could make a difference. She said that in a real emergency we would just go to the closest hospital. And I DID ask whether she would come with me, to which she answered, (and I like this answer which is why I'm quoting it verbatim) "Yes, of course. I can't guarantee you a homebirth, but I can guarantee you midwifery care. But I will want to clarify with her what her role would be at the hospital, if she would be able to continue as my primary care provider.

With my Sabi (hebrew for grandpa - what I've always called him) I am going to visit him today, as soon as I finish eating. He is so lucky, b/c he has been involved in the lives of quite a few of his great-grandchildren. At my son's Bris (circumcision, I know it's a hot topic but we do it for religious reasons and that is different that electively deciding that your son should be circed) he was honored as the one to hold the baby during the ceremony (called the Sandak) which he has been able to do for at least 5 of his great-grandsons. So I know he has lived a very fulfilled life. It still doesn't make it easy to see him like this. And then there's my Savta (hebrew for Grandma) who has dementia, so she's just getting increasingly less aware of what's going on and that is sparing in one way, but sad in another.

I'm gonna go finish eating and psych myself up for going out there. I'm sure there will be more on this later. And in happier news, I will also be able to post about tonight's interview with the other MW.

Singfourever's picture
Joined: 08/26/06
Posts: 306

Can't wait to hear about the next intrview Ayelet! Things seem to be going great for you and your homebirth, how exciting!
Sorry to hear about your grandparents. I know how hard that is. I lost both my dad's parents within six weeks a couple summers ago. My grandmother had alzheimer's and went downhill very quickly. My grandfather died soon after, I think, just because he didn't have anyone to worry about and take care of anymore.

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

"Singfourever" wrote:

My grandmother had alzheimer's and went downhill very quickly. My grandfather died soon after, I think, just because he didn't have anyone to worry about and take care of anymore.

Alzheimer's runs in my grandmother's family. Her siblings who have already died, died of alzheimer's. Apparently, nicotine wards off alzheimer's, so Savta's years and years of smoking spared her that disease. Thank God she hasn't developed any cancer, but she has COPD, emphysema, and dementia... Sorry, that was pretty depressing...

Here's the good news. I just got back from visiting my Sabi, and I'm so glad I went! He still can't use his voice, b/c he has a thrach in, but he is able to move his lips and we "chatted"! I told him about the baby, he wished me "Mazel Tov" which means good luck, or congratulations. He asked me about Netanel, he was so happy to hear that we are going to the library today b/c Netanel loves books! Medically, he is breathing almost completely on his own and his CO2 levels have gotten really low. That was one of the reasons he wasn't so lucid, so this is really great. And there's hope that he could come home, which is amazing!

I'm going to get my little bookworm and satiate his reading hunger! See you all after Olivia!!!

Singfourever's picture
Joined: 08/26/06
Posts: 306

that's great that you had such a good visit! How wonderful that he's still able to enjoy his grand- and great-grandchildren.

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

I am glad to hear you had such a great visit with your Sabi...it's nice to have some good moment/memories with him. And I am so happy that you and Yoram are a team in the homebirth...he sounds like such a sweet, thoughtful man. GL with your next MW visit tonight and with getting your insurance on board.

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

Thank you guys for your support about my Sabi. I am feeling a lot better about that and I know we just have to take it one day at a time, but that visit was really strengthening for me.

OK. DECISION TIME!

So here are the details about all three MW choices we have, I think we've settled on which one we want, but I would love to get your feedback. Especially those of you who have a homebirths or even midwife attended births before.

Choice 1: Lonnie -
She would be willing to attend my home birth, but not as the primary MW, she has a HBMW (hehe!) whom she has worked with before and who can bill for a home birth so we can go through insurance.
- she has provided my prenatal care until now.
- she has the most experience of all three MWs. 30 yrs (28 out-of-hospital in her free standing birth center)
- she is the only "nurse" mw of the three. The others are CPM, LM, but did not go through nursing training. (this is neither good nor bad, IMO, just a fact.)
- has children of her own.
However:
- she is more comfortable in a birth center/hospital setting.
- is getting older and prefers not to do waterbirth b/c it is hard for her to reach.
- My doula, who's 2nd birth Lonnie attended at the birth center - and whom she has "doula-ed" with several times, said that she has a tendency to get impatient with the placenta (that I would have to be firm with her to insist that she allow a gentle afterbirth)
- she's a bit chatty and nonchalant. Some pple love this, they feel it puts them at ease. I personally want to be paid attention to at my birth, not told stories.
- backed up at the hospital 45 mins away. When I told her having closer backup would be part of our decision, she said, "why? wouldn't you rather go someplace where they know you?" (yes, but not so far away!)

Choice #2: Linda
- Attends HB almost exclusively.
- Has 16 years experience. Over 400 babies
- Has children of her own, youngest at home, older ones in hospital b4 she became a MW.
- lives closer to us than Lonnie
- is backed at a hospital within 20 min of us
Main drawbacks:
- we felt comfortable with her, but walked out with a lot of facts, but not a feeling of how she might be at our birth.
- seems to be somewhat methodic in her approach to birth

Choice #3: Olivia
- Attends HB exclusively
- lives the closest to us
- Backed at the same hospital as Linda
- has a very "go with the flow" attitude about birth and labor.
- is a much younger, newer MW - has been attending births for 3 years. (This can be either a pro or a con. On the one hand she doesn't have as much experience as the other two, on the other, she is young and raw and she is so enthusiastic about the beauty and spontaneity of birth - I liked that a lot)
- BIGGIE! She has caught several - and believes strongly in - vaginal breech birth! (in terms of myself, she actually palpated the baby last night and baby is engaged, head down and ROA, so it shouldn't apply to me. But the philosophy is very important to me!)
- Our energies melded immediately. She made both Yoram and I feel very comfortable about herself, her capability, her attitudes toward birth...

My only, only concern with Olivia is that she is less experienced in comparison with the other two. She also (b/c she's young) does not yet have children of her own. But after meeting her, I really don't feel that that will make a difference in her ability to relate to me as a laboring mother. She's very in-tuned w/ women and we both really liked her right away.

What do you think? Go with my gut - even though she has much less experience? Or go with one of the ones with more exp, but wonder how our energies will synergize during labor?

Singfourever's picture
Joined: 08/26/06
Posts: 306

That's a tough one Ayelet. My first thought is to go with Olivia too, but I'll be curious as to what the other ladies have to say about this one. So great that you have three choices though, I can only hope to be that lucky.

Melychang's picture
Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 796

I would go with your gut and the person you are most comfortable with. I personally think that the comfort factor is equally important as experience. But I also value a mw who has actually given birth, I feel like they really know what I will be going through. Good luck with your decision, you have three decent options!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

"Singfourever" wrote:

So great that you have three choices though, I can only hope to be that lucky.

I'm sending you lots of HB option vibes, Sarah!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

ITA on the go with your gut thing, hon. If she's been in practice 3 years, that's long enough to see nearly every situation that could arise. She's clearly got a lot of faith in birth if she's catching breeches. She has the same knowledge and protocols as the others in terms of recognizing a developing "situation" and getting you to the hospital with lots of time. I wouldn't hesitate.

Is she the HBMW that Lonnie refers to? If that's the case, and Lonnie was also going to attend the birth just not as a primary, then you also have that 30 years of experience insurance in the house. But I don't think you need it. Smile

xo Robin

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

"Robinna" wrote:

Is she the HBMW that Lonnie refers to? If that's the case, and Lonnie was also going to attend the birth just not as a primary, then you also have that 30 years of experience insurance in the house. But I don't think you need it. Smile

No, she's not. Lonnie's MW is also a woman up near her. Same issue of being far away...

Olivia brings as her assistant, her mother, who has attended many births (I don't know if she is an actual MW, i guess we should ask that) but the awesome thing about her, is that Olivia said she usually takes the role of housemother and that was one of the things Yoram was concerned about! (and one of the roles we haven't yet decided who to ask for) so thats another perk.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I say, go with your gut. I think that energy is very important in labor. You don't want any tension in the room. Even though, your choice may not have a lot of expereince, remember that birth is a very natural process and there is rarely any problems. Your MW will take care of you if she feels that it is out of her control.

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

I vote on going with your gut...Also, she is the closest and if you had issues, you would be going to the hospital anyway. It's awesome that she will catch breech babies. I know she may not have experienced birthing a baby herself, but it sounds like she has a lot of respect for the process. And having her own birth experience doesn't always mean she would be more understanding of your pregnancy, especially since every pregnancy is so different...JMHO. GL and it sounds like you have a lot of great great choices!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

We made our decision!!! We told Olivia that we would love to have her as our midwife and she said she would be so honored to attend our birth! I feel so comfortable about this. And my body is feeling it also. I didn't even realize how much tension I was carrying around about all the planning and preparing to go to the hospital - even before we started considering HB. But now, I feel so settled and secure, it's so awesome!

Now I have to figure out what to say to Lonnie. I'm not worried about Linda, we told her that we were meeting with another MW as well, and I will just thank her sincerely for her time. But Lonnie is going to be a bigger deal. I'm going to give her a gift. She happens to love Mary Kay stuff, so I'm going to give her the hand treatment set as a thank you for her care and support until this point and I'm just going to tell her that after reviewing all our options we feel that Olivia is the best choice for our family.
I know she is going to take it personally b/c that's her personality and I'm sad about that. But the bottom line is that we have to do whats best for us.

ok, I'm going to sleep. Maybe I'll actually get some quality sleep now that this is resolved!

good night!

Joined: 01/06/06
Posts: 31

congrats on making a decision! I know what you mean about not realizing how much tension you're carrying around about decisions about birth, until you make the decision and feel that weight lifted off you!

Singfourever's picture
Joined: 08/26/06
Posts: 306

congrats on making your decision, how exciting!! You'll have to tell me all about the planning and preparing you're doing between now and your birth. Oh, I'm so happy for you!

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

Oh, congrats! How wonderful that you sound so at peace with your decision. Biggrin

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

sorry i've been MIA. We were at my parents' for the weekend and their babysitting tonight... we're going to see a movie!! The last one we saw was Pirates of the Carribean 2! (yeah, we don't get out much... i'm sure you ladies can relate!!)

Speak to you later!!

Silverwind's picture
Joined: 05/06/05
Posts: 351

Congrats on making the right choice for you! I also think it's wonderful that you are so concerned about Lonnies feelings Smile That really shows what kind of person you are!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

We went to see "Pursuit of Happyness" last night. These movies should come with warnings for pg women: "warning! you may bawl your eyes out and sob audibly. Please be prepared for this by bringing your own box of tissues!"
We really enjoyed the movie and it was so good to just get out together and do nothing.

I would just like to interrupt my post to give you a play-by-play of what is going on upstairs in my son's bedroom. I just put him down for a nap - he's very tired. But he is not sleeping. He is currently singing "rockabye baby" to his dolls, (we changed the last line to "and mommy will catch you, cradle and all" - omg! he's just so cute!

Ok, so the weekend by my parents' was good. Spending time w/ my grandmother was not nearly as depressing as I had anticipated. It was actually pleasant most of the time. She's a very intelligent woman, which on the one hand makes it sadder that she's so out of it, but it also really makes it interesting, b/c she knows that she's confused and she really tries to understand what's going on around her.
When she's in the moment she enjoys herself, and thats great! Also, I tried to engage her in conversations that didn't require much memory of who or where she is. It is amazing how much of her actual knowledge is still intact. So we talked about philosophy and lessons from this weeks Bible portion ( a Jewish thing) and she was mostly right on - that was so incredible. She also manages to maintain her sense of humor. She made a few jokes and laughed at things around her that were genuinely funny. And she played with Netanel, even though she couldn't quite figure out her relationship to him and she thought he was a girl! (every time I corrected her, she would say "no, that child is too pretty to be a boy!" - I took it as a compliment!)

I'm feeling an increase of downward pressure that started this morning... Ericka, can you send me some of the vibes that kept your babies in past 37 wks!! I'm getting an increasingly strong feeling that this baby is getting ready to come out and meet us and I just need her to stay in there for two more weeks!!

We are meeting our doula, Kim, today for the first time... I'm really excited! I'll let you know how it goes!

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

"tanismom" wrote:

We went to see "Pursuit of Happyness" last night. These movies should come with warnings for pg women: "warning! you may bawl your eyes out and sob audibly. Please be prepared for this by bringing your own box of tissues!"

ITA! We saw it when it first came out and the whole thing really hit home...the sacrifices that good parents make to give their children a better life.

Glad you enjoyed your "date" and visit with your parents and grandmother...I would totally say her comment about Tani was a complement. Everyone used to think my brother and I were twins and tell my mom what pretty little girls she had, LOL! What are ya gonna do? Smile

Sending you some "Keep Baking Vibes"...Hope you make it to your 37 weeks.

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

Potty training update:
Netanel made in the potty all day today except for one pish in his pull-up! YAY TANI!! (And yay me! i want him out of diapers asap!)

We met w/ Kim tonight, our doula - she got lost on the way here b/c I told her to make a left instead of a right... it ended up being almost a half hour delay! I feel so bad! She's really nice. I don't know that she would have been my first choice as a doula had we been interviewing pple, but she's going to be great and she knows Olivia so I think it will be good. She and Yoram had a good conversation while I set up Tani w/ a movie upstairs. They talked about each of their roles during labor - so that was good.

I told my parents over the weekend that we had chosen a to have the baby at home. They reacted really well. My father was surprised that he wasn't freaking out about it. He didn't think it was crazy at all. My mother said she would expect it of me, that she trusts me - she said she's not sure that she's thrilled w/ our decision, but she would love to be there. So that was great as far as I'm concerned.

My IL's are still an issue... Last thurs night we went over there for dinner. We knew we were not going to tell them that night. After dinner, Yoram took Netanel to the basement to play and MIL and I were chatting and somehow we got to the topic of waterbirth (FIL was still sitting at the table, seemingly in his own little world) She had only heard of it and wanted to know what it was, so I explained. I told of the benefits to the laboring mother and I also told her about some of the birth complications that are sometimes easier to handle in the water. As I'm talking about this and explaining why the baby won't drown, etc... I keep catching glances of FIL, his grimace is becoming increasingly horrified! MIL, in the meantime, is almost salivating at how lovely it sounds! Finally, FIL says, with extreme distaste "and Doctors do this?!?!" So I said that yes, a few do, but mostly it is MW's who understand the benefits of such a birth. He huffed and laughed cynically and walk out of the room! Uuuuh, yeah, so we're considering telling MIL separately than him and based on her reaction, asking her to decide whether or not he should be told at all or not!

We are going to have to tell them, b/c they are expecting to be the ones to come w/ us to the hospital b/c they are retired and available. So every time they tell us that soon they will need directions to the hospital and whatnot, I just keep feeling like I'm lying and I hate that! So we were thinking that maybe we would just email them directions to the "birth" and let them figure out that it will be at our house... I'm not sure that's the smartest thing - but it would be mad funny! (and passive aggressive, but whatever... Wink )

Fishlady's picture
Joined: 12/26/06
Posts: 92

So we were thinking that maybe we would just email them directions to the "birth" and let them figure out that it will be at our house... I'm not sure that's the smartest thing - but it would be mad funny! (and passive aggressive, but whatever... Wink )

OMG that made me laugh out loud, I am the queen of passive aggressive so that sounds like a really good idea to me lol.

Glad your family was so supportive (mine would probably have me committed and forcebly make me deliver in a hospital if I chose homebirth).

I would tell MIL and let her tell FIL, you don't need his negativity in your mind right now.

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

Good morning!

Ok, so the heading for this story is "POSITIVE VISUALIZATION DOES WORK!!!"

I didn't want the tension on my head anymore of how the IL's were going to react. Yo was feeling the same way...

So last night we decided to take the plunge and just call them and get it over with. I was voted to make the call, but Yoram was gonna be on speaker w/ me. (I am already the crazy-hippie DIL, so we figured we might as well just perpetuate the notion)
So before I called (and you should know just remembering it is bringing back the anxiety that I had last night!!) I said a little prayer and said out loud to Yoram, "I am visualizing your mother's positive response. I even said out loud what I "expected" her to say. Took a deep breath, and dialed.
Here's the conversation, verbatim to the best of my memory:

Me: Hi Imma (hebrew for mom, what we call her) so there was something we wanted to tell you, but we wanted to wait until Netanel was asleep.

MIL: Ok, what is it.

Me: I'm sure that after our conversation Thurs night you might be expecting this, so we just wanted to let you know that Yoram and I have decided that the best place for us to have this baby is at home.

MIL: Wow! Oh my! (exactly what I had visualized!) When did you decide this? (she obviously is smiling, but my instinct tells me its a nervous smile)

Me: we had pretty much decided Thursday morning that we were going to switch to one of the MW's that we had interviewed for this purpose. We are really happy with her.

Ok, let me summarize a bit for you now: She basically said - quite a few times - that it is our decision and our baby and hopefully everything will turn out well. She then grilled us a little about Olivia, and went into a nervous diatribe about how if she were us, she would find out who else has used Olivia as a MW and speak to them, that we should check her credentials from first hand accounts, that we are inviting a stranger into our home and of course she's not going to tell us any horror stories.... she went on for quite a while. To me - and Yoram agreed - this was her way of letting us know that there is still a way out for us. That if we find some info abt her that makes us uncomfortable, we can back out with dignity. Basically, she's nervous and she needs to express her concern, but I was happy that she didn't do in such a way that made us feel that she was completely against our decision and felt that we were making a mistake.
I told her that we had decided, after FIL's reaction to the waterbirth convo, that she should be the one to tell him and she laughed and said, "Thanks a lot! Great, now I'm going to have a really interesting night!" At least its not our problem!!

Yoram and I hung up contented. He knows that his father will find an excuse to call him for something else and then bring up his distaste with our decision, but he's prepared for it, and now we can really just feel settled. Everyone who needs to know knows, and now we can start making plans and setting up the birth space!! YAY!!!

So the moral of the story is "positive visualization"!!! I'm definitely doing that for the way I want the birth to go. And having money to pay everybody!! (Although insurance will reimburse us, but it won't be for a while)

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

Yea! I am glad you were able to get telling your ILs off your list of things to do...and glad that your MIL will deal with telling your FIL...although I thought the idea of giving them directions to your house would have been great! Wink

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Oh hon that's fantastic - yay for your MIL, she's awesome!!!

My mum was really uncomfortable with the homebirth idea at first (she was an l&d nurse so had some of the trust scared out of her) but now "sells" it to everybody she knows. We CAN convert the world! LOL

xo Robin

Melychang's picture
Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 796

That is wonderful news! I am so glad that you are getting the homebirth that you wanted with both set of parents (mostly) on board. That must be a huge relief!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow, that is awesome! I bet you feel like a burden has been lifted, LOL! BTW, I love reading your lodge, you are an inspiration to me!

Joined: 10/08/02
Posts: 54

:woohoo: i'm going to be the photographer Biggrin

stay baby stay!!!!!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

There is a Hebrew phrase that many people overuse, but I have always attempted to reserve it for true gratitude. I know that not everyone on this board is religious, and thats fine, but I am, so I would just like to say: Baruch Hashem! Hebrew is a complex language with a lot of meaning in its words, so I will translate it in this way: "Baruch" means blessing or the source of blessing, and "Hashem" is a way to refer to God without using one of His actual names. It means "The Name". So to me and for me, Baruch Hashem means "God, You are the source of all blessing" and right now is one of those times that I have reserved to use this phrase b/c everything is just going sooo wonderfully for us right now!
And I think that this phrase is particularly appropriate in terms of how I relate to God in my life. I feel that my effort and decisions in my own life are what determines the outcomes I experience. I believe that positive thinking and the laws of attraction work to allow me to attract the things I want into my life - so in that sense, the good that I am experiencing in my life right now, I believe to be a result of my own work - however, the most important thing that supersedes my ability to attract blessing into my life is that God is the source of it!

**Ok, sermon is now over!**

I spoke to Lonnie today, I went into the office, but she was at a birth. So I left her the gift I had brought her and I spoke to Mary (the office manager, who had guessed that I wanted a homebirth!) She gave me Lonnie's cell and I finally called her an hour ago (btw, the first time I've been home all day!) I told her what we had decided and I was nervous about her reaction, but she was wonderful! She said that if I want a homebirth then that is what I must have and she wished me the best of luck and asked that I please keep her posted about how everything goes! She told me that I didn't have to bring her a gift, and I said, "I know, I'm not doing it out of guilt, I'm doing it b/c I think you're wonderful and you had mentioned that your hands were bothering you, so I wanted you to have that hand treatment to use as a thank you from me for being so wonderul."
She was so flattered and pleased and I got off the phone sooo content!
While I was at the office, Mary photocopied my charts and everything for me, so I will be able to bring them w/ me to Olivia tomorrow and now all I have to do is get Olivia's list of supplies that we need to get, order a tub, and relax!!! (and keep this baby put for 2 more weeks!)

Pages