Brandi's (brandi26) Lodge! - postpartum

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Brandi's (brandi26) Lodge! - postpartum

It is already Wednesday Down Under so that makes you 36 weeks on my time!

As one VBAC momma to another (I know you will do this!) I wanted to have the honour of starting your lodge! So welcome to your lodge my friend! This is the place to share all your hopes, dreams and even fears about the impending birth of your child. I look forward to sharing this journey with you and to supporting you to have the beautiful birth that you want!

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Congrats on your lodge and GL on your VBAC!

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YAY Brandi!! So excited to follow your VBAC journey! Looking forward to learning more about you and your adorable family! Congrats on your lodge!

Jen

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Congrats Brandi!

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Yeah Brandi!!!!!! What a beautiful addition to this journey. I know you can do it, I believe you will have a beautiful VBAC and I am so excited for you!!!!!

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Welcome to your lodge!

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Congrats on your lodge, how exciting, you're getting closer and closer!!!

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Welcome! Can't wait to read your story.

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Wow, I am truly honored to have a lodge here since I have been more of a responder and not an initial poster. Sarah--I appreciate you doing this. I have been on a long journey during this pregnancy in deciding have a VBAC and birth naturally...and many of you have helped in making this decision.

So a little bit about me...this is going to be long but telling you about my first birth will tell you how I got here....

I am 37 and have been married to my dh, Josh, 33 for almost 5 yrs. We met while living in Chicago and dh started medical school in Kansas City 3 years ago. We moved to Southern New Jersey last summer for him to complete is 3rd and 4th year rotations. It is challenging as he started medical school later and we have in a sense gone "back" but we know it will all be worth it in the end. We are blessed that he has primary care scholarship and will be a family practice or internal medicine physician.

I have one son, Max, who is 21 months today. He is a very active and talkative child and keeps me very busy Smile

I work from home 4 longer days a week for a non-profit organization. Max goes to daycare those days b/c I have to work during specified hours. It works out pretty well b/c Max's daycare is within a mile. I do get lonely though not seeing people during the day and have a hard time having in Max in daycare.

I really wasn't informed enough when giving birth to Max. My dr in KC was big on inducing and I didn't think there was anything wrong with at the time. I knew a lot of people that were induced and did not have problems. She many times would say during my prenantal care that she doesn't let many of her patients go past 40 weeks (WHAT?) So, 2 days past my due date she said she was going to be on call the next day and I could be induced if I wanted. My cervix was closed tight and a little bit soft (not favorable for induction I know now)--so I admitted to the hopsital that night and had multiple cervical pills inserted over 12 hours and had to lay on my back the entire time so I didn't sleep. At about 7am the next morning, they started the pitocin...about 2 hours later the contractions were strong and I was tolerating them without medication but they were very close together and painful (1-2 mins apart) and at noon I was not even 1 cm and the dr decided to break my water. My 3pm I was only 1 cm and in a lot of pain, so dr said I could get an epi so I did... Shortly after Max's heartrate kept dropping, I don't necessarily think it was the epi b/c when they turned the pitocin off he was fine. So there were a couple of hours of turning the pitocin off and on when Max would go into distress. It was a horrible experience--I was tired and worried...so they checked me one last time, I was only 1 cm. So, at this point Max didn't look like he would tolerate any more induced labor so we decided on c-sec which was the best decision at the time. The c-sec itself wasn't too bad it was me being so tired and when the epi was turned-up it made me shake and feel "out of it" that was hard. I actually dosed off while they were stitching me up. Max was limp when he came out and apgardes were only 5 but was doing better within a 1/2 hour. Dh went with him which I wanted and well, I was sleeping guess any way. One thing I didn't like while having c-sec is dh stood the entire time and watched and didn't really support me (it is the medical student in him)--I know it would have been different had we given birth vaginally.

The put me in a room to recover and dh kept running back to tell me how he was doing and said he wanted to bf but I continued to dose off and was barely able to talk. (During this time my mom and brother were in the room with me which was nice, I know they were really worried). Within an hour I was able to funtion better and they brought Max in so I got to hold him and was able nurse him a little. Max was born around 10pm and we were brought to the room I would stay in for 3 days around 12:30am. We sent Max to nursery for 3 hours since I could not even keep my eyes open and I litterally was not able to handle him.

So, if that all wasn't bad enough I think I have one of the worst c-sec recovery stories I have heard. In the hospital the dr said they were having trouble with the staples lately and she wanted to keep them in longer. So, I went to her office a week later to get them removed and while the nurse tech removed them (which is routine) my incision opened up and there was blood every where. She was freaking out pushing the nurse button as I lay there. OMG, I could not believe what was happening. The dr came in and had to stitch me up again and my poor mom was out in the waiting room with Max when the receptionist came out and said that my dr had to cancel all her apts since she had an emergency--my mom knew it was me.

During the following weeks I leaked a lot of fluid from incision and I just knew something was not right. I went in at about 4 wks b/c I thought I had a breast infection and I asked the nurse prac. to look at my incision. She pressed on it and fluid squirted up in the air and she cultured it. I had two bad hospital infections (can't remember the names) and part of my incision was not healing. In the days I was waiting for the culture to come back, the dr had me go to the wound clinic to have my incision packed and dealt with. During my first wound clinic visit they called my ob about the results of the culture and the ER dr at the wound clinic said I was not going home and being admitted, I needed IV antiobiotics immediately. Max was about 5 wks old and OMG this was just nuts. I was admitted and they put me in a new room that had only a couple of patients in it before me on med/surg floor since I had to have Max with me since I was bfing and he wouldn't take a bottle. (a hospital is not a good place for a newborn...)

So, then we had to deal with what antiobiotics I could take with bfing--the entire situation was so scary and hard...we had to make the better of two evil decisions... My OB wasn't doing a very good job of managing my after care either, in fact no one was really managing it.... I was in the hospital for 5 days and was given a pic line and sent home on home healthcare. I had two more weeks of IV anibiotics, 3 hrs a night that my dh administred and I had a nurse who came to pack my wound. Oh yea and I was taking care of a newborn and my dh was in his hardest section of med school (neurology)...to say we were challenged was an understatement.

The infection cleared up but my incision took 4 months to heal with weekly visits to a wound clinic.

Now to this wonderful pregnancy--surprise, we got pregnant on a day we didn't think it would happen. We are blessed to be very fertile, hehe! I am not sure how I first heard of having a VBAC but after my experience I defintely wanted to learn more about it. My biggest fears have always been rupturing and my dh had many fears. At one point in my pregnancy I thought I would try VBAC, then I decided I wouldn't take any chances and have a repeat c-sec and recently decided I AM GOING TO HAVE A VBAC and dh is getting on board. I also have been lurking on this board for a while and would like to have a NCB. Dh is a bit worried about seeing me in pain but I think that is normal--although I went many hours without medication with Max and he just read medical magazines, I think he will be fine.

Sorry this is so long but as you can see this has been a long journey but I am so happy that I am here and this lodge is making me feel empowered and I am so happy to have all of your support over the next month. Any advice you can give is greatly appreciated.

On a special note, Sarah (fostersm) and I found each other shortly after our sons were born b/c we were part of the Sep 05 and Aug 05 boards and we both have Maxs. We have always kept in touch in some way and found each other again here and now she had her VBAC and is supporting me in mine.

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Oh Brandi!!!! Re-living all of that on one page is just awful!!!!

I am so glad you are here and you have so much support in these amazing women!!!

You WILL without a doubt have the most beautiful and healing birth experience!!!

I am so happy for you!!!!!

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:jawdrop: For that csection story. Yikes!

:kaos3: Hooray to you for deciding to try VBAC and NCB.

Wishing you the best.

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Thanks for sharing your story, what an experience you went through with Max!!! I know this birth WILL be the birth that you want Smile

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Welcome to your lodge! I'm so excited to read about your VBAC. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

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Congratulations on your lodge!! And thank you for sharing such an amazing story and the journey of how you decided to have a VBAC. I know you will have a wonderful birth experience!!

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Thanks so much for sharing your story Brandi. It sounds like your experience has solidified your choice to have a VBAC. That is fantastic. I know you can do it! And it will be *so* much better. Congrats on your lodge!

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Oh Brandi, I am so sorry you had to go through all of that! I know that you will have a successful VBAC, and BTW, welcome to your lodge! Biggrin

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Wow Brandi Alot of your recovery reminds me of my own last section (complete with staples and incision opening and infection) I know how much that can delay your recovery. Wishing you all the Best and a stack of successful VBAC vibes!! I look forward to following your journey!

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I knew you'd had a very difficult birth with Max but I had no idea! What a strong mama you are for persevering with breastfeeding through all that and deciding to read up on your choices for this pregnancy! Hearing stories like yours helps those of us rookies really see how the spiral happens with non-medically indicated inductions---so thanks for sharing!

I know that you can do a VBAC and I'm glad DH is on Board...it must be hard for him being in medicine!

Does Max seem to understand that he has a baby sister on the way??

Jen

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"jeniriti" wrote:

IDoes Max seem to understand that he has a baby sister on the way??Jen

We talk about the baby in mommy's belly and if you ask him where the baby is he will lift my shirt but I don't think he will totally understand until she gets here. We got him a baby doll a while ago and he likes to give her a bottle and hug and comfort her. I think he will be good with her but of course miss our undivided attention...

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Ohh...the baby doll was such a good idea!! It'll be so interesting to see how Max responds-- some kids seem not to be too interested in the baby at the outset, some just latch on and are "overly" interested and helpful, and some seem to feel jealous or displaced by the baby's presence. My BTDT friends IRL have had such varied experiences...but all worked out to healthy sibling relationships in a few months time! I work in child development and education so my questions/comments may seem a bit odd...I just love hearing how differently kids respond and the different strategies people come up with to help their kids prepare for and cope with the changes--thanks for indulging me;-)

You mentioned that DH is getting on board with the VBAC...since he is IN medicine, do you think he has an special concerns or fears that a non-medical DH might have or is he totally cool with it?

Jen

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"jeniriti" wrote:

You mentioned that DH is getting on board with the VBAC...since he is IN medicine, do you think he has an special concerns or fears that a non-medical DH might have or is he totally cool with it?
Jen

Thank you for you thoughtful questions...

He is definitely not totally "cool" with it--he is very cautious and is too smart for his own good. He is a pathology guro and knows every common and uncommon disease, bacteria, and the worst things that can happen to people. I do think is underlying fears are with losing our baby and me since going through the death of his nephew...it was a horrific death. He also did his OB rotation a couple months ago and the residents he worked with basically had the "canned" answers for VBACs. (should be 24 months apart, chance of rupturing, etc) There was a women who had a successful VBAC while on his rotation, although he wasn't present for the birth he heard about it and I have been telling him about the successful VBACs on this board. He is totally for me not having "surgery" again and knows it should be avoided at all costs especially with everything I went through with Max.

I go to a large OB practice that has 10 drs, midwife, many NPCs and there is always a dr at the hospital and and an anestiesiologist (spelling?) there so I think dh feels like that is our "insurance"...and this practice is very open to VBACs and are not worried about my births being 22 months apart.

We often talk why did we not just wait to go into labor with Max...ugh...but we have to let that go...

So the long answer to your question is yes he defintely has different, bigger fears then some non-medical dhs--sometimes I wish he could just be my dh and not an almost dr dh but that is not reality. It does have its benefits and he really managed my care when recovering from my c-sec with Max so I will just keep working on him.

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My dh is a biologist specializing in toxicology and he has inordinate fears about medicines and other toxins and is like my watchdog in life, especially this pregnancy. He has been very concerned with the fact that I have to take a tylenol pm to get any sleep and I am on antibiotics and god help me if I eat something with high fructose corn syrup in it. LOL! So, I can relate to the dh who knows too much and is very worried about his precious pregnant wife. It is the geeky scientist's way of showing love.

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"summerblue" wrote:

It is the geeky scientist's way of showing love.

OMG this totally cracks me up, isn't that the truth?!!! Lol

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Oh my goodness Brandi.... :eek: :eek: I never realised you had such a nightmare with your birth and recovery! I am so, so sorry! That really does sound horrendous! Kudos to you for becoming an informed pregnant women, confident in her ability to make choices and birth her baby the way she knows she can! :bighug:

I have so much I want to say to you! But most importantly my message is "YOU CAN DO IT!!!". Believe me I know first hand how much fear goes along with the thought of having a VBAC (my doula says VBAC stands for "Very Brave And Courageous!!!). It takes great courage to even make the decision in the first place. I know for some women it is an easy decision but I think that both you and I struggled to reach that place. You may still be struggling - know that that is normal and okay! It wasn't until my 34 week u/s that I really started to seriously consider the idea and really it wasn't til I met my doula at 37 weeks that the idea really cemented for me. I was terrified up until this point! But then something changed in me! The biggest thing for me was letting go of my fears. I was so terrified that I was making the wrong decision for both me and my unborn child. Yes I knew I didn't want to have a c-sec but the thought of possibly harming my baby by choosing to go the VBAC route was so scary! It made having a repeat c-sec seem like a good choice b/c I knew that route and I knew I had safely delivered a baby that way.

My biggest fear, and I think both you and your DH are grappling with this - was uterine rupture! The key for me to stop worry about this was when I realised that I had a higher chance of other complications such as cord prolapse or acute fetal distress (both of which may indicate the need for a c-sec) than I did a chance of having a uterine rupture. I realised that every women going in for a vaginal birth had a higher risk of complications than the risk I had of a uterine rupture. This was a huge release for me. I felt like I was just a normal women going in for a vaginal birth! The info that really helped is quoted below and a link to the site where I got it is posted:

Uterine rupture.

This is an extremely remote possibility. The risk is between 0.09% and 0.22% in women with a low transverse uterine scar. (Enkin et. al., p291). The probability of requiring a caesarean section for emergency situations such as acute fetal distress, cord prolapse or ante partum haemorrhage is about 30 times higher. In fact about 75% of the reported cases of uterine rupture occur in women who have not had previous uterine surgery. Of the women who do have a scarred uterus and suffer a uterine rupture up to one third do not rupture along the scar line. In addition the literature often does not distinguish between a scar rupture and dehiscence. The latter is a partial separation of the uterine wall with little or no symptoms and minimal (if any) maternal or fetal morbidity. The risk of uterine rupture is not significant enough to warrant choosing elective repeat caesareans.

http://www.birthrites.org/

Another key factor for me was making peace with the hospital experience I knew was awaiting me. Like you i chose to birth in a hospital rather than a birth centre or home. With this came implications such as the EFM and the sighting of an IV line. At first I was resistant but with the help of my doula (also a successful VBAC mumma) I came to see them as helping me to get a step closer to my dream birth! The monitoring enabled me to further let go of my fears because I knew if there was something wrong with the baby it would be picked up straight away. What helped me during labour was to turn the sound off the monitor off so that I didn't focus on how the baby was doing, instead I focused on me and birthing the baby! Same with the IV line, if an emergency did happen, it was another tool to help me get my health baby! I didn't really like that I had to happen but once I decided to accept them I just let them go if that makes sense!

I feel like I am really prattling on here so should probably put a sock in it for now! I am just so excited that you are only a few weeks behind me in your VBAC journey! Please, please feel free to ask me any questions! I know I didn't end up with a natural (drug free) birth and I'm okay with that, but I am here to support you to get yours!

Positive thinking my friend!!!!

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Sarah--thank you so much for your post. It really does sound like we have had the same fears with a VBAC and for me and you it has been process of deciding what is best. Thank you for all the info, it helps! I also feel more comfortable giving birth in a hospital and have accepted that I have to be monitored continuously and that also gives me and dh peace of mind as dr said the symptoms of a uterine rupture are very typical and the monintoring will indicate this.

Did you have an IV with the heparin lock or were you hooked up to the IV the entire time? Fluids? My dr said that they can give you pitocin one you are 3-4 cms with VBAC but I don't want any--I thin you said that too in your birth plan.

I wish I could have a doula but we can't afford it right now...

As you said I feel like I am just another woman going into have my baby. I am so glad I have another chance...

I can't wait to have your blinkie (Proud VBAC Mummy)

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warning - nursing at keyboard! (nak) Smile plus it is after midnight here....

i just had the iv sighted and then locked, they only attached it to a line once i had the epi. make sure they put it in the back of your hand so you still have lots of mobility in your wrist. fluids shouldn't be neccesary. i drank water the entire labour, many litres!!

my dr was never happy to use any sort of inducing drug. the only inducing intervention she waswilling to do was break my waters but only once i was in labour. i wouldn't have been comfortable with pit.

i had a student doula so she was free! it isn't too late for you. find out if there are any doula training places near you. i foind my doula on the web. ask the girls here to point you in the right direction. my doula was amazing and i was the first birth she had been as a doula. quick, start looking asap!

yeah not gonna share my blinkie....j/k! i'd LOVE nothing more than to see it in your siggy!

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Brandi, your story is amazing. I am so sorry for the birth experience of Max, it sounds like a very trying ordeal. It's so awesome that you have Sarah to look to and know that you are capable of doing this! I admire you for being strong willed in your decision to make this birth your own. Even though I am completely comfortable with my doc and have never once felt any pressure from her to do anything I am still worried about the nursing staff at the birthing center because I don't get to meet them. It's awesome that Dh is so knowledgable and will be right there with you. I'm really looking forward to hearing more about your journey, Thank you for sharing so much!

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brandi - i copied this link from a post teegs made, there seem to be a few student doulas from nj looking for biths! have a look...

http://www.bellywomen.net/listings/index.php?method=showhtmllist&list=classifiedscategory&rollid=13&fromfromlist=classifiedscategory&fromfrommethod=showhtmllist&clearoff=1

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also, this doula training is in nj - call them!

http://www.midwiferytoday.com/friends/motherlove/

this one too!

http://www.birthworks.org/doulacert.html

this massage school in nj also has doula training!
http://www.naturalhealers.com/qa/doula.shtml

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Sounds like your DH is really an incredible man! I know that my sister (who is a family practice physician) is so trained to look for problems/diagnoses that she has a hard time seeing pregnancy as anything other than a minefield of potential complications! I imagine it must be hard for your DH! That's great that he's open and supporting your wishes. I can't wait to see "VBAC Mommy" in your siggy;-)

Jen

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Sarah--thank you for posting the info on doula--I will check it out, I have only been able to be online a little bit this long weekend.

UPDATE ON HOSPITAL TOUR: We moved to this area last summer so this is a new hospital... We went for the tour on Sunday and it was given by a lacation nurse that does all the birth clasess, she has 8 children all of them done naturally. It was a great tour and they seem very open to everything that you want/need as long as your dr OKs it. They also had this cool thing I have never seen before that helps hold on the monitors, it looks like a meshy "tube top" but it goes over the monitors to help hold them in place which will be great for me while trying to stand and stuff by the monitor since I will need to monitored more b/c of VBAC.

Post delivery, they are also very pro-bfing...won't give pasifiers, bottles, etc if you are bfing and you have the option to do full roomin or use the nursery when needed (to sleep) and they have great security.

I am just really happy with the hospital...and it is kind of a older looking hospital which in some ways I like...

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Brandi- I am so sorry that your birth with Max was so difficult. And I am so glad that you are going to have a VBAC this time. It is inspiring to me to read about VBACs.

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Oh...I'm so glad that the hospital tour made you feel good! That mesh top thingy sounds pretty cool...seems like evidence that they are willing to put resources and effort into helping mamas move during labor-- a good sign of the culture there I'd say. Sounds like it was an uplifting weekend;-)

Jen

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37 WEEK APT
I am Group Strep B+ as I was with Max--so this definitely means I will have to be hooked-up to an IV, ugh... I need to get some probiotics

Good news, bp and urine fine and measuring on target. It is interesting that the do not do internal exams until 40 wks unless you are having contractions but she thought they might do one on me at 39 wks, I may decline. There philosophy is labor is contractions and cervical change so there is no need to do one earlier. I like that...

I am on track for my VBAC and in no hurry for baby girl to come just want her to take her time.

By the way, who said something about the 40 ejaculations Smile Dh thinks if we DTD too much he is going to put me into labor...help, I think it would be good to help "ripen" my cervix and want him to rest assured he does not have "super sperm" LOL!

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The 40 ejaculations comment was Sarah, in Melanie's lodge... here's the link...

http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=743394&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=80

I told my DH about it. He thought hard for a while and said he just didn't see how one person could do it in any reasonable time. He figured he could maybe get 6 per day (ROFL) but then he decided you'd have to take into account that each successive one would have less fluid because the guy's body just can't keep up and produce the full amount... I was laughing so hard, he really put a lot of thought into that one! He finally decided if you really wanted to get to 40, you'd have to rent the football team or something...

Smile

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I'm so excited for you on this journey, Brandi!

I remember all of the details of your recovery with Max, but I totally forgot about what you went through during your labor and birth!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Definitely look into the free doula and a hep lock for your IV.

GL! I'll be stalking you!

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LOL about DH!!

Oh Brandi, I am so excited to hear the hospital tour went so well. It sounds so conducive to your goals. I am thrilled!

I like how your dr.'s aren't in to checking you either. It means so little.

Knowing only the best and most successful VBAC will be yours!!!

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I am so bad at keeping up with belly pics but thought I would post these...as you can see I cannot make a normal face while taking pics of myself, lol! I also have to hold the "boobies" up to give me some definition. :roll:

26 Weeks

32 Weeks

37 Weeks, 2 Days

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Lookin' good Brandi Smile I'm lucky - I always get my hubbie to take our pics when he gets home from work! Not guaranteeing I don't make funny faces though! lol

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Brandi!!!!!!!! I am so excited you have your Lodge! I can not wait to hear your VBAC success story! You can do it!! Just keep telling yourself that during labor. It's worth repeating! Smile

I tried that mind-set during my pilates workout yesterday. If you (or anyone else here) are familiar with Winsor Pilates, the V-set, oh my goodness that is a hard pose to get into and stay balanced. But while I was doing it I kept telling myself "I can do this. My body can do this!" Like I plan to do during labor - and you know what? My BEST V-set EVER! And it seemed EASIER!!!! Biggrin

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Brandi-
What an awesome belly--and you are very talented to be able to take your pics yourself! There's no way I could coordinate it all;-) How've you been feeling lately??

Jen

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Brandi - where are you???????????? Any sign of the book? It had better arrive before you have this bubba!!! Smile

Miss you girly, I need an update!!!

Oh and btw, you look great! Loving the belly pics!

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How ya doin sweetie????

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She posted her story this am in the June forum so she is around. Hopefully doing great.

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I'm sorry ladies, life as been a little too busy with other things then baby--dh's sister graduated from high school on Saturday and then Max got the flu so I haven't had much computer time.

Sarah--I got the book this weekend--THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! It is exactly what I was looking for--I was reading some of it to dh last night and b/c he is "medically minded" he bought into it more. I really know it is going to help me.

I am doing good, will be 38 weeks tomorrow and have an apt so will update that tomorrow. I think my nesting instinct is finally kicking in, thank god b/c our place really needs some cleaning.

I keep having some "VBAC fear" creeping in but I just keep thinking positive and actually try to not to think about that much and just prepare for labor and having the baby vaginally. The book Sarah sent is helping alot.

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What book is this? I must have missed the reference in prior posts...off to re-read! Lol

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Sounds good about the book. I am glad you are finding it useful. I know you can do the VBAC.

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I was having similar fears right around this time too, Brandi. Just push them out and bring in that positive energy.

You CAN do this!!! You WILL do this!!!!!

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Hello and welcome back! We missed you! Smile

I am soooooooooooo excited that the book made it there and that so far you are loving it! I know I ended up with an epi but the techniques in that booked truly helped me manage the labour pain for the time (10+ hours) that I did. I hope it helps you get your NB VBAC! Oh and make sure you really read the pushing section, it is GREAT!

Like Katie, I too had a surge of fear at around 38 weeks. Actually I was just re-reading my lodge and found this:

"fostersm" wrote:

38 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

The thought of the birth and labour is starting to become a little overwhelming and self doubt is creeping in. Questions like; "can I really do this?" are running through my mind. I am struggling to deal with a sore throat let alone hours and hours of labour! Although the birth skills book I bought deals with this, talking about this difference between "sick pain" and "birth pain" so I am trying to focus on the fact that birth pain will be a good thing and it is totally different to sick pain! My new mantra is "I can do it!!!!!!!!!!" I just have to start believing it!

Find yourself a mantra, say it over and over and over and believe it b/c you can do this!!!!!!!! And something to remember regarding the VBAC fear - you are planning on having constant monitoring so really there is no need to be fearful. "If" there is a problem they will know about it. As I have said before, you have more risk of other complications (prolapse cord, etc - just like any other birthing women) than you do a UR. You really don't need to be fearful because you have made a very wise and safe decision deciding to go the VBAC route! Truly you have!!!

I am not sure if this is the same for you, but I realised some of my fears we around making the wrong decision and then having to take the blame in the event something went wrong because I was the one who pushed for the VBAC. That was a huge responsibility to take on board. But as I said before once I "let that fear go" I was in a MUCH better place! Hope you can find this place too!

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Sarah, that is amazing that you were feeling the same way and I actually remember reading that.

38 WEEKS, 1 DAY UPDATE
I had 38 wk apt yesterday and measurement, bp, and urine were fine. The dr was concerned about some of the variation in the baby's heartbeat (running slow), so they gave me a NST. She did not have any decelerations but just some varations as they said so I got an u/s to check my fluid levels. Bottom line, everything is fine and she was very active during the u/s--I think she was in a deep sleep during the NST and she has a lower resting heartrate around 130. I got to see her sucking her thumb, it was so cute. Dr just wants me to pay attention to movements and if any concerns to call.

They aren't going to check my cervix until 39 weeks...

Max has been sick this week, started with some virus on Sunday with vomiting and fever, took him to the dr on Monday and he checked out fine. He seemed better by Tuesday and then his temp spiked to 104 on Tuesday night, so we took him back to the dr yesterday and he has an ear infection. It has been a hard week, keeping up with everything and I wasn't able to work a couple days.

Sarah, are we living parallel lives or what--your family was sick before having Billy too....

I have been so busy the past couple days I haven't had time to worry about the VBAC which is good. I am praying and just keep reading all the encouraging words from this lodge.

Thanks for everyone's support.

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Yeah Brandi for a good appt!

You can do it!! I know you can, I can feel it! I am so excited the time is near! Biggrin

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