Carla, I think your concerns are very valid. You know my feelings on this issue if you remember that letter I drafted a couple weeks ago (which I nixed). In hindsight, I realize, with the input of a lot of people on these boards, that the letter might have been over the top, but the feelings are still there. Unfortunately for me, I have a hard time with face-to-face confrontation (and by "confrontation, I don't necessarily mean adversarial in nature, I just mean addressing issues that may be uncomfortable), so I usually suck it up and then stew about it. So my point is, I think it is good that you are acknowledging these feelings you're having and trying to figure out a way to deal with them in a positive manner.
To be having visitors come in from out of town so soon after the baby arrives seems daunting to me. I think a lot of first time moms don't anticipate how "sharing" their baby so soon after it is born is going to affect them. My best advice to you would be to postpone any visitors for a while, because I do believe that those first weeks should primarily be just you, dh and baby, bonding, getting to know each other, adjusting, and settling in to your new life together. Having out of town visitors - and long term at that - is likely to contribute a stress factor that may make things more difficult. However, at this point I would imagine it might be too late to postpone the visitors?
In any case, I do believe that it is part of your dh's job to deal with his family on your behalf. You are going to be a new mother, in need of tender loving care, respect for whatever feelings you may have, appreciation for your physical and emotional condition, etc., and your feelings should come before any family member's. I think he needs to find a kind way to let his mom know that the kind of help you will most appreciate is not going to be help with caring for the baby, that you want very much - and need - to be the primary caregiver for baby.
I hope you and Michael can come to some agreement on this that feels okay for everyone involved.
Hugs to you!
*HUGE HUGS* Carla!
We were supposed to have wi-fi in our motel last night but it apparently didn't work on our side of the complex. I drove through west TX, NM and east AZ today wondering about you, but I didn't feel like you were giving birth and I was right! I think your babe was just waiting so I didn't miss anything. I wish I had some great advice about your MIL and the visitors, but I don't have much to offer. We had a plan to be on our own at the beginning, but of course not much went as such. The way everything worked out for us, my mom was here from the day I left the hospital until nearly two weeks later and though I sometimes wished it was just us, we'd have been sunk without the help (but I don't believe you'll have our situation). When I got annoyed with the company aspect of it, I kinda focused on enjoying seeing her as a grandma. It's really quite sweet and maybe her only chance. Same with my dad, who followed her visit a few days later. The one week with no one and my MIL, BIL and nephew arrived. Part of me was a bit crazy with it all and the other part was able to sit back and enjoy the experience of our little guy meeting his whole family within the first 4 weeks. Peyton and I had lots of night-time talks about all of the goings on--I wanted him to know we'd be the ones he would always be with after the visitors were gone. I hope your comfortable with whatever it turns out to be.
Lots of dilemmas in the end for you--maybe it's like a rough dress rehearsal and when the time comes all will go smoothly and feel great...? That's what I will be thinking for you I am thinking Tuesday... do you have a pool?
I think your concerns and worries are valid as well, I always become very VERY mama bear'ish right before I deliver, I think that's a good thing and it's very normal - although it doesn't make life any easier that's for sure
I think addressing it as the issues arrise is a good way to go about it b/c it's impossible to know how things will go, hopefully she'll respect your space and place and things will go smooth and pleasant.
As for feeling exhausted - I have found w/ myself the older I get the harder it is on my body to be pregnant, I was 18 when I had my 1st and it was a breeze, I was 27 when I have my 4th and it was tuff on my body - so I think your amazing to be having a little one at 37, deffinatley doing the "I'm not worthy" bow!
So glad to hear it all worked out Carla! What a relief
Thinking about you Carla!! I know it is tough with the visitors. I was really stressed about it and it ended up not being as bad as I thought. We've had a ton of visitors (usually with little to no notice) but I've managed not to get too irked by it. The best part is that I'm breastfeeding, so whenever I feel like I need my time with her, I just wisk her away to feed...most of the time she doesn't even need it, so we close the door to the bedroom and snuggle on the bed for as long as I want...hahaha. I don't feel bad about it at all. Maybe you can work out something like that too.
Thanks so much for your thoughts, ladies. I'm feeling much better about it all today. I must say that hormones are a very powerful thing and I have to agree with the post about being "mama bearish". I will definitely take all of your experiences and advice into account! DH and I laid in bed until 1:30am this morning discussing it and I still wasn't quite sure he got it, but he certainly did make an effort to hear which I very much appreciated. Then, this morning we met with our retired midwife friend who, as our baby gift, will be our support person at the (hospital) birth. We talked about lots of things, including my feelings about sharing the baby. I was really impressed with her. She did a great job of translating my concerns to DH and he had an "aha", but she also helped to calm me a bit and got DH and I talking about ways to support one another while the company is here. I think it will all be good.
I am overwhelmingly tired today...just feel like I've been walking through mud all day. Whew. Tomorrow is my 40 week appointment...perhaps an internal...we shall see. I hope you all have a wonderful evening. DH and I are going to snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie.
Wow - that's great that your retired midwife friend is going to be with you at the hospital. She sounds like she'll be genuinely supportive with you, especially since she knows you so well. I'm glad that your DH is finally get what you're trying to say also - even if it takes a translator!
Carla ~ how wonderful for your m/w friend to be able to do that for you guys, I am so happy to read that!
I hope your appt. goes well
Happy due date! Anything new and exciting to report?
Hope you're feeling well today.
Going to my 40 week appointment in 45 minutes....nervous, excited, and trying not to get my hopes up...this is the first time they "might" do an internal...we shall see...
That is great to hear Carla! Can't wait to hear back from you
Hi there Carla . . . thinking of you and wondering how your doctor appt. went.
Thanks for thinking of me, ladies. I had a completely uneventful appointment. I lost 1 lb., baby's heartbeat is good, fundal height dropped another centimeter, and my BP was 128/80 (a little high for me but okay). I saw the older of the two OBs today and he said he didn't want to do an internal because he didn't want to "stir things up". He did say, however, that if I am still pregnant next Tuesday at almost 41 weeks he will do an internal then. He laughed when I laid down for him to check the position of the baby and said "I don't even need to touch you, you're all baby and I can tell exactly where that little ones parts are!". I am a bit disappointed by not having an internal, but it's okay...there will be plenty going on down there soon enough!! I like that my OBs are "hands off". Ever since the appt. I've been having on and off back ache and cramping like AF, but no show or anything. My body seems to be gearing up...
It all sounds good Carla. Maybe we'll go together?
I think that's great that your OBs are just letting your body work its magic. I had ladies on my monthly board whos docs would sweep their membranes without even asking them (and early too!). Hopefully you won't make it to your next appt!
Well, I thought you'd go today for whatever reason, but looks like the clock is ticking down for my prediction.
Sorry the appointment wasn't as eventful as you might have liked. Thinking of you as always
Bachache and cramping have eased off but I was wide awake from 3-4 a.m. feeling like I was going to vomit...I ate a little whole grain cereal and had some juice and then felt better and went back to sleep. DH woke up before me this a.m. and when I woke up I started singing "Happy Due Date to me" to the tune of happy birthday and at the end I said "and many more" and I could hear him laughing from the other side of the apartment!
Does cooking and baking count as nesting? In the last week, I've made about 6 different soups to freeze, turkey patties individually wrapped and frozen, this morning I made an egg quiche type dish that I'll cut into invidividual pieces and freeze and if my energy keeps up I plan on making some maple syrup cornmeal chocolate chip muffins. This wouldn't seem so odd to me except for the fact that I'm not the cook in the family...DH is!!! Back to the kitchen...
I hope you're all doing well today.
Okay, now I'm hungry! Can I come over? Ah, not a good idea 'cause then you wouldn't have any food left...
You will be SO glad for the frozen stuff when your LO arrives! Our freezer was full and it made that part super easy.
Sounds like nesting to me Happy due date!
Sounds like a great place to direct that energy! Happy due date!
Just thinking about you Carla! It sounds like you are in good spirits and getting a lot done!
TMI warning: Just came back from a walk with DH and had horrible diarrhea (sp.?). I called our retired midwife friend to tell her and I could practically hear her jumping around with excitement and she kept saying "oh, that's great!". I think it is so funny that diarrhea is great!!! LOL So nice to know that my body is doing its thing...cleansing and all...but I still don't have the feeling that anything much will happen before this weekend at the soonest.
Carla, I'm thinking about you.
I was wide awake, like almost every night in the last few weeks, at 4am. I got up, had a little cereal, read, and laid back down to try to sleep. Between 4:50 and 5:10 am I had two of the most painful contractions yet (and the first I've ever had laying down). I thought, okay, one more (3s the charm) and I'll get up and get a watch and paper to start timing. But then no more; I was just really uncomfortable until about 6am and was then able to fall back asleep. Baby is moving a lot this morning. If I feel up to it, DH and I are going to the apple orchard to pick apples this a.m. (which was our first date ever!) and then out to lunch. We'll see. I'd really like to go to the orchard before the baby arrives; I like the symbolism of doing that before we become 3!
Mmm, will you bake me an apple pie? Glad you're doing OK, I can't decide whether you or Lisa is going first!!
That sounds like a great idea. I imagine it will be beautiful in the orchard.
That's a great idea to get out and do something special like that before the baby arrives. It's so difficult to do things like that with a small baby. I hope you have a great time!
I hope you did make it to the orchard this morning. It sounds like such a nice way to spend this time.
I'm so glad we went to the orchard. We walked and walked through the trees at a good pace and it felt good. Then we had lunch at their little stand, ate some apple doughnuts, and headed home. Had one contrax while sitting and eating lunch that really made me pay attention but other than that, nothing. Oh, it is ssssssoooo hard to be patient!
You are doing fantastic Carla! Hang in there girlie.
Oh I love the idea of walking through the orchards... I can smell the apples just reading your post!
You sound great. Thinking of you and sending lots of labour vibes!
Been contracting some more this evening....30 minutes apart, then 20 minutes apart, now 15 minutes apart...even if these don't stick around or get closer I have faith that with each one I am progressing a little more! I love that my body knows what to do!!!
EXCITEMENT!!!! Thinking of you
Oh, how exciting Carla!!
Yea for some action!
I am SO missing living somewhere with fall right now! The orchard trip sounds wonderful.
Progressing thoughts for you from the desert
Nothing but the "blow by blow" for you ladies! LOL. I went to bed about 11pm after the contrax tapered off...and then I was awakened by a biggie at about 2am. Been contracting 5-10 minutes for the last 1+ hours. They're not holding steady...will go every 5 for a while, then 8, then 6, a couple of 10/11s...you get the picture. DH is snoring away; soon I will wake him if this keeps up. TG for pg.org; I've been posting between contrax. Marissa/Coffeegirljones even PMd me just as I logged on....I think she is psychic!!!
ETA: my cats are being so cute...they are taking turns being right underneath me as I drape myself over the sofa in a half squat position during contractions.
Okay, now I don't want to go to bed.
DH made oatmeal at about 6am and it was yummy. We decided to try to sleep some between contrax and that has been good; although it has slowed the contrax a bit so that some of them are coming 11-13 minutes apart now. That's okay with me; I trust my body. I'm going to lay back down again now; it feels good to have DH's warm body up against my lower back. Oh, I am almost forgot...I've started to have some pinkish brownish discharge, too.
I'll be checking all day!!!!
OK, consider this lodge officially stalked!!
Actually managed to sleep 30 minutes at one stretch! Woo hoo. Started contracting again as soon as I stood up. They are coming 5-10 minutes apart again and anywhere from 30 seconds to over a minute. Some are easy, some aren't. We're staying home as long as possible and just waiting for the contrax to become more consistent. Baby is moving like crazy. Still only light spotting (like AF starting)--nothing red and no pieces of plug. That's all for now!
Thinking of you Carla, and wishing you a beautiful birth.
That is exciting Carla, thinking of you today.
Just thinking about you hun!
Have had a few 3 to 5 minuters, but they are weak and only last 25 to 30 seconds. Fell asleep and woke up after 15 minutes to a very, very strong 1+ minute contrax. No real rhythm to them yet so we are going to continue to wait on going to L&D. I just don't want to go there and be sent home and/or get there and have labor screech to a halt because of the whole environment. Midwife stopping by in about 1/2 hour to see how we're doing.
So glad you are sticking to your house until labor really gets going! Hope it isn't too long, maybe you have left already.....
Feeling ssssssooooo frustrated and exhausted and emotional. I've been crying almost non-stop for an hour and a half. The MW says this is part of labor but somehow I just didn't expect it and I feel so overwhelmed. I'm ignoring the clock and the time between and duration of the contractions. Wow. I wish we hadn't told anyone contrax had started because now everyone is calling...hindsight is 20/20. DH is making me some warm milk with almonds and we are going to try to sleep. I feel further away from holding this baby right now than I did a week ago.....
Relax...do some deep breathing....enjoy your milk...maybe take a bath....and get some rest. Baby WILL come. I believe in you!
Oh, Carla... I'm sorry I'm so late in responding and this part has been so frustrating. I have no idea what it's like, but I imagine you are simply exhaused physically and emotionally. I know I helped fuel the hype and excitement--dang, it's so hard not to!
I hope you got some rest and found a good place to be again. When I was tired and frustrated on the day I went to the hospital and they kept me, I drew lots of strength from the many women here I knew but had never met. I felt a powerful support from this community. I know you'll have lots of resources to draw from and I will think especially strong and peaceful thoughts for you.
*HUGS* And whether you feel it or not, you are certainly closer than you have ever been to this babe! Safe and happy travels to all of you on this journey