Christa it sounds like you are doing such a great job with Evan- for him to realize the situation, and "take charge" to do what he thought was right is so great! And really I think it is okay for kids to see parents go throught that, because he saw you make up too, it teaches so much about resolving conflicts.
And I must agree with the ads on TV! I love watching Crocodile Hunter on TV with the kids- but every time there is a weight loss commercial, or a sex drive commercial, I am not kidding! At least 1/2 of their audience has got to be young children, who don't need to hear "Are you sick of being fat? Is being fat ruining your sex drive? Are you unhappy with your body?" I can't even let them watch it on their own any more while I do something, because I want to change the channel when those commercials come on. And Bratz dolls- seriously, put some clothes on!
Make your self a bubble, seriously. Don't be afraid to turn the phone off, and jsut relax. And remember to take time for yourself. As much as you want to spend time with Evan before the new baby comes, prodromal labor takes so much out of you emotionally, very much a roller coaster, and you need a little time out for yourself too. Just a couple of hours even, to take a bath, or nap or read without interruption, can do so much to get your head in a better place.
Thanks guys. I think what has been worst for me is that the very person who is supposed to be my support - my DH - is totally letting me down. Tonight for instance was supposed to be an "us" night but he let his bad mood get the better of him, stayed in bed after he put DS to sleep, and now it's just a pointless "me" night that I am not enjoying.
I'm just so upset with him. He thinks I don't understand how stressed out he is about his job. I do - but right now it's not MY job to "be there" for him. I am too focused on delivering his child!! I can't believe he lacks that perspective, that he can be so selfish. He has never done something like this before. I do my best to be supportive of him - maybe I do a crap job but this is supposed to be such a joyous time for us - instead it's just one big stressor.
I feel like doing this all by myself, only calling him after the fact, but I know it would drive a serious wedge between us. At the same time I don't want to get there and have him be an ass at the hospital too. Like pushing for an induction or something because he can't get out of himself.
It's just such a crappy situation. No wonder Evan isn't coming out - who'd want to be born into an environment like this??
:bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:
I am so sorry things are so stressful right now. The best thing you can do is make things good for you. You need to do something to relax and destress. Try not to focas on your expectations but focas on doing all you can to get yourself ready for the wonderful occasion of welcoming you little one into the world.
Have you mentioned any of this to your DH? Well, I wouldn't say that you think he's being selfish exactly, but maybe remind him that you have a HUGE task in front of you that really is taking all of your mental and emotional energy. You're not not being there for him; you just need to be there for yourself more, KWIM?
Maybe he's worried about the birth and is transferring those worries to worrying about his job. That might explain his strange behavior.
I'm sure that when you need him in labor, he'll turn around!
Oh hell yes I reminded him! His reply? "I don't think you really understand my stress." At which point I turned around and went for the walk we were supposed to be enjoying together. It was freaking depressing. I actually almost broke down after one of our neighbors expressed more support than my own freaking husband - just from the simple offer of a prayer!
Great point about the anxiety, though, Elly. I know one major worry for both of us is whether this baby has Down's. I didn't want an amnio so he respected that decision, but I know he wishes he'd pushed me harder on it. Maybe he thinks he needs more control or something, I don't know. And he's got this major "provider" thing. I totally respect that because being a provider is as much of an instinct for him as being a mother is to me. I guess I just wish he would try to empathize with me as much as I try with him, KWIM?
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this right now. I hope your dH realizes what he's doing before his behavior does more damage.
We're doing better today. I guess he just needed to sleep on it. Sigh.
First - it turns out he was frustrated because he wants to DO things. He wants to be "involved." Light bulb goes on: Aha. I remember this from when I had DS1. He actually was not around for any of my latent labor (while I was doing all the pre-Pit walking, nipple stimulation, etc.) - he was running around getting stuff done for summer school, dropping our dog off at the ILs, etc. He got back just in time for the Pit, at which point "doing something" meant watching me in the hot tub for 2 hours before pushing started.
OK, so. I explained that right now, there really wasn't much either of us could do. And, again, that MY biggest frustration is trying to enjoy this time and yet feeling like I'm letting everyone else down.
I then told him that if he REALLY wanted to do something for me in this stage, he could familiarize himself with both my birth plan and the coaching plan I drew up for him weeks ago. (He skimmed it but he didn't really absorb it.)
So we've done that today - talked about it, etc. - and I'm hoping that will make active labor a lot easier for us both. OMG. Why did it take a fight to make this normal??
That's great, Christa! I'm glad you and DH worked it out. Yeah, it sucks that it sometimes takes a fight to do it, but oh well.
That's the really frustrating thing about this stage of pregnancy; there's really nothing anyone can do to make things go faster. DH and I have been taking walks together, so I think that's his way of feeling like he's doing something.
You know, we tried to take a walk yesterday! It was so clear that he felt like he would help me that way. And it worked until DS decided he didn't want to walk anymore (after only 1/4 mile) - "too scary." Talk about adding to the frustration!
I want to walk again today so I think I will tell DS that he can either ride in his stroller (more security) or he can stay home and play in the yard with Daddy. I miss walking with the both of them but at this point I just think that's the best way to handle things!
Glad you got things worked out. It is frusterating how it usually takes a fight to get at what is really goign on. Hopefully having this stress out of our life will help our labor along. Maybe that was what was keeping it at bay.
Glad to hear that you were both able to talk and listen to each other and work things out. I would imagine for some DH's that it's hard to watch us go through these preparations for the "main event" with there being nothing they can do directly to help.
I hope you are feeling well today and were able to get out for a walk. And maybe Drake has something there with her idea that you needed to work through this life stress before your body could progress with the bigger task of bringing your son into the world?
And maybe Drake has something there with her idea that you needed to work through this life stress before your body could progress with the bigger task of bringing your son into the world?
Yup, I think that's true! Our nice relaxing Sunday ended on a dramatic note - labor kicked in hard and fast that night, so that within about 4 hours Evan William arrived in an ambulance! I'm still processing the whole thing but will post when I can. Meantime here are his vital stats:
Born 11/20 at 2:10am
Things are going great so far with nursing, big brother, and generally being here! I just hope it continues!
Woohoo! Wow, a 4 hour labor - what a ride that must've been!!
Welcome little Evan William! Congratulations, Christa!
WOOOHOOOO!!! Congrats Christa, Dh, & Benjamin ! Welcome baby Evan! WOW- in an ambulance, what a story for him when he grows!
SO happy for you, and so happy that everything is going well- when you were mia, I was sure you must be having that baby!
ETA: Can't wait to hear the story and see some pics!
Wow!! Congratulations, I can't wait to hear more.
Congratulations Christa. I'm so happy for you and your family!
Congratulations!!! Can't wait to hear the rest of the story!
:shock: Wow! Congrats! I've been thinking about you wondering where you've been.
Wowee! I can't wait to hear that birth story! Congratulations Christa!!
whooo hooo! congratulations! he picked a good birthday (it's mine, too).. looking forward to your birth story!
Wow, congratulations. I cannot wait to hear that birth story.
Congratulations! I feel better not being the only one delivering in an Ambulance. How exciting. Not exactly what you were planning, but you did get your natural birth!
Yikers...I'm glad all went well for you though! Can't wait to hear this story. I sure hope I don't ever have to join the "team":) CONGRATULATIONS!
Oh my goodness! lol An Ambulance! Wow, I can't wait to hear your birth story! Congrats sweetie
Tuesday, Nov. 14
Prodromal labor shifted to early labor starting at 4:30a.m. Of course I was excited because this is what happened with Benjamin – even at the same time of day! I got up and started timing contractions, but didn’t call in yet because my water hadn’t broken nor had I lost any plug. Also, after having gone through so many weeks of prodromal labor, I still wasn’t convinced this was the real thing.
My instincts were right; the contractions went to five minutes apart, but lacked both duration and intensity. Still I felt my body was gearing up – so I waited....
Wednesday, Nov. 15
Contractions backed off to a lower level than they had the day before, not as regular but with similar intensity and duration. Still I waited....
Thursday, Nov. 16
Contractions backed off almost entirely, almost to the level of prodromal labor. This was terribly discouraging.
Friday, Nov. 17
I was amazed to be woken at 3:30a.m. with some significant contractions! They still were not intense, but I timed them to be about 7 to 10 minutes apart lasting about a minute each. Around 5 a.m. they became five minutes apart. Sure that labor had begun, I asked Bill to call in sick and take me to the hospital. We made a few last-minute preparations, then woke Benjamin and went in.
Even at that I felt like, after the last few days’ disappointment, I would be such a fool if this pattern went nowhere. I really wasn’t expecting good news, much as I wanted it. I got both good and bad – my contractions were about two and a half minutes apart and lasting 70 seconds, but not intense enough to work; I was only about a centimeter dilated, if that.
Just like with Benjamin’s labor, the doctor had me walk the halls for an hour to see if that helped dilate me. It did – by another centimeter – but because my water hadn’t broken, baby’s head was still not fully engaged (unlike Benjamin’s, which was 0 station when I arrived). I was not a good candidate for induction. The dr. did a membrane sweep and sent me on my way, with instructions to return if contractions kicked in. We walked the mall for quite awhile, but it got nothing going.
Saturday, Nov. 18
I realized labor was not meant to start; contractions had backed way off again. Although I was at peace with this, Bill really was not. We were tense and angry with each other all day, things from the last week or longer coming to a head. The most frustrating part for me was that I had finally come to terms with my laboring process; why couldn’t he?
Sunday, Nov. 19
We started the day with a talk about what had happened the previous day. We made up and spent the rest of the day in relative peace. I told Bill that I did think I would go into labor the next day, Monday, because that was what my pattern seemed to show: one day “on,” two days “off.”
As usual, contractions picked up in the evening. Ten minutes apart, about 50 seconds duration, somewhat intense. Bill and I decided to DTD, partly to make up and partly to see if it took us anywhere labor-wise.
It sure did! Immediately afterward, contractions went to 5 minutes apart and got pretty intense. I went to bed around 10:30, sure they’d back off and let me sleep, but they didn’t. So I got up and started timing. Unsure of what to do exactly, I called the hospital around 11:30 to see what they recommended; I didn’t want to call the on-call and come in for another false alarm, but I felt something was going on.
The nurse on duty advised me to take a hot shower to see if that helped ease the pain. I remembered that showers had done this earlier in the week, so I did. This time, though, the shower didn’t work at all. Over the next half an hour, I couldn’t get comfortable and contractions continued. I called back; the nurse wanted me to call the on-call dr. I did so, and although she felt I had more time, she wanted me to come in. By now the contractions were still just five minutes apart, but I was starting to have to breathe through them.
Monday, Nov. 20
I woke Bill and we got everything ready. At this point – around 1 a.m. – I started to feel pelvic pressure, and couldn’t decide whether I wanted to call back or not. Bill thought I should. I did, and although the dr. asked where the nearest hospital was, she told me I sounded calm enough that I had time. We got Benjamin and went to the car at about 1:20.
I knew (but denied) that I was in transition when I started to get the shakes. I wanted to believe it was only because the weather was cold, but even after the car got warm I shook. As we drove, I prayed simply that we would make it to the hospital. I clutched Bill’s hand and breathed deep whenever a contraction hit... which at this point was every 2 minutes. They were right on top of each other!
Then they hit a lull. I’d been getting significant pressure, and I knew now that pushing was right around the corner. We kept driving, and I kept praying, only this time it was “Not in the car. Not in the car.” I was terrified of giving birth on a cold, dark country road; we had no cell phone, and there was no traffic.
About five minutes later the first urge to push hit. I couldn’t help it; I had to go with it. Bill tried to convince me that we’d get to the hospital, but I could not be convinced – especially after my water broke. I knew what this felt like and how fast Benjamin had arrived. We were right at the intersection that would take us either to Portland or Gorham. I told him to drive me to Gorham Fire & Rescue.
As he tore down Route 114 I blew through each contraction, trying as hard as I could not to push. We finally arrived at the station – the total lack of traffic suddenly became an advantage! When we pulled in, two cops were in the parking lot. We told them what was happening and they came right over to help. One took my arm and got me into the fire station, to the ambulance. He had kids of his own and was very supportive. The other totally panicked and told me not to push, not realizing that it was way too late for that! They called the paramedics and waited with me for them to arrive.
The paramedics, four women, introduced themselves and helped me get undressed and onto the gurney. Bill and Benjamin went ahead to the hospital. The paramedics were great at letting me do what I needed to do – they did not try to take charge or tell me what to do; they let me use the pushing positions I needed to and just verbally encouraged me.
When Evan crowned they had the driver pull over. They let me know what they would need to do to get him out and take care of him. For about 5-10 minutes we all worked together and he was finally born at 2:10 a.m. (I found this out later) on Monday morning. Technically he was born in Westbrook near the high school, though his birth certificate will say Portland!
We then went to the hospital. They suctioned and dried him, then kept him warm in towels. They were ecstatic – as it turned out, he was their first delivery! What a great job they did considering (I think it helped that at least two were moms). They told me that they now get to put a blue stork on their rig, which is pretty cool. Better yet, it was the first delivery for one of the paramedics, who had gone 20 years without delivering a baby!
At the hospital, both the dr. and the nurse I’d talked to were waiting for me with the rest of their team. They both tried to take “blame” – the dr. for telling me I had more time, the nurse for telling me to take a shower! (The dr. told me I sounded calm – I can only guess I was because I remembered what to expect from Benjamin’s birth.) They got me to L&D and onto the bed, where the doctor stitched up my second degree tear. Evan was weighed and measured and was 7 pounds, 14 ounces and 21 inches long.
Overall it was a great, if overwhelming, experience. I was sad that Bill didn’t get to be there for his son’s birth, but glad he was with Benjamin (who seemed to be more interested in the fire trucks, and generally not traumatized). I did miss laboring in the hot tub but everything went so well, I can’t complain. Ultimately it was every bit as memorable – in the best ways – as Benjamin’s birth had been!
Oh Christa what a wonderful birth story. I'm sitting here smiling for you and Bill and Benjamin and little Evan. I'm so happy for you.
What an exciting birth story! Woot for you and Evan.
Ha! What a great birth story!
LOL what a story!!! That'll be fun to tell him when he gets older Congrats hun!! I bet your little fella is as adorable as your first one, I can't wait to see pictures!
I hope your recovery is kind to you ((hugs))
Oh man I just love that story! You done good mama - what a wild ride, eh? Yay you!
LOL! Oh my goodness...what a story!!! What memories...
Enjoy your little one!
Wow that is one amazing birth story, way to go.
What a great story!!! Welcome to Evan & many congrats to you and your family.
What a fantastic story!!!!!!
That story is amazing!!! Congrats again!
What a fantastic story! Good for you ~ not the way you had quite planned it yet the natural birth and healthy baby you have wanted! Congrats and I cant wait to see pictures of your little one! Whenever I see a stork on the side of an ambulance I will smile and remember you
First of all- my belated congratulations are due to you for the arrival of Evan! Thank you for sharing the amazing story of his birth with us! How are things going for you? Well, I hope.
I cadged this photo of my Grumpy off the hospital website:
He's doing great! All he does so far is nurse and sleep, which honestly has made it easier for both Benjamin and me to get used to him in our daily routine. Benjamin is warming up to him so I'm hoping that even when he starts to become more alert, we're laying some good sibling groundwork here!
Also, at his 1w weight check we found that he had gained a whole pound since he left the hospital! He's up to 8lbs. 10oz. I kind of had a feeling - his cheeks have gotten soooo chubby!
Still working on taking my old-fashioned film pics but I do hope to have more to upload soon. Just wanted to share what I have.
Oh Christa he is just gorgeous.