Erika's (Erika Archer) Baby Moon lodge ~ Twin homebirth (#3)

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Erika's (Erika Archer) Baby Moon lodge ~ Twin homebirth (#3)

Welcome yet again! Wink You have truly inspired and humbled many of us as we've followed your journey, I hope that your babymoon begins to be gentle and kind on you, goodness knows you deserve it!

For those interested, the birth story is on page 19 of her #2 lodge - here is a quick link to the story.

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I had to read your birth story in 2 separate sittings, it was so emotionally charged. I am truly sorry for the moments that you lost in your nearly perfect birth.
Sending you lots of strength to overcome those feelings of violation of trust and your body. I hope that the knowledge that it was actually necessary and that your healthy (nursing!! finally!) babies needed that to be born in your warm, home environment, will help you to process this pain. And also if the experienced changed your relationship w/ Kyle for the better, than I hope that will help you too.

On the brighter side - how wonderful that your girls are finally nursing nicely, that they are maintaining their weight nicely and that your mom is bringing a more positive energy to the house!

Feel good!

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I wish we could sticky #1 and #2.

Hey Erika, you are doing great! Sending good thoughts to you and the girls.

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Would you like me to? We can do it Smile

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Thanks! I think that helps everyone see the whole story.

What a story! The whole journey and now this birth story.

Erika, you are an inspiration! That very tough hour on the floor. The most attended birth with the least amount of attending done (grrrr). And that terrible time on the floor when you weren't given information or choices. How much or little control a woman has really makes a huge difference in how she feels about the birth.

But here is the thing. You had an unassisted water birth. After that terrible experience, you regained your composure and birthed those two girls with no help. Holy tamole, after what you'd just been through, that is huge!

Hugs. Good for you for all the deep processing and for the courage to share your experience with us.

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What an incredible story. You are an inspiration. Truly. I am just floored at your strength. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

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Wow, I need to reread the birth story a few times to totally process it...
You are amazing! I am just blown away by how amazing you are

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Erika, I have been avidly following your story, and I have to tell you how much I admire your strength and courage. I am upset that you lost control over your birth experience, and I hope you will take the time to heal.

:bigarmhug:

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Ever since reading your birth story this morning I have been thinking and thinking. I guess I kind of want to get inside your head a little. Do you feel like overall it was a positive birth experience? Are you glad, in spite of the issues that arose, and the way your midwife behaved, that you had your babies at home? It sounds like you have a lot of anger, and gosh, I so don't blame you. So I wonder, too, if you have, or will, shared your written birth story with your mw (Gail) and the other individuals who were there who let you down - or if you have verbalized your feelings to them. I know that when I shared my written birth story with my doula, I edited certain parts out because I was afraid of hurting her feelings, and I wonder now if that's what I should have done. Anyhow, you have shown an extraordinary strength and endurance, Erika. I think every one of us here is in awe of you.

Also, you mentioned one placenta. Were the babies in one sac as well? If there was truly just one placenta (and not two fused together), I suspect they are identical twins, as only id twins can share a single placenta and/or a single sac (although id twins can also have separate sacs and/or placentas, but fraternal twins always have separate sacs and separate placentas). Well, you probably know all that already, but I thought I'd throw it in there anyway.

I am glad that things are going better with the nursing, and I do hope that you heal in all aspects.

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I read somewhere that frat twins can also have 1 placenta & not just fused together, mmm I'll have to research again lol

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I can't believe that I didn't see your birth story was posted! I'll read it this afternoon when there are no kids hanging on me Smile

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"LuckyMe2n2" wrote:

Ever since reading your birth story this morning I have been thinking and thinking. I guess I kind of want to get inside your head a little. Do you feel like overall it was a positive birth experience? Are you glad, in spite of the issues that arose, and the way your midwife behaved, that you had your babies at home? It sounds like you have a lot of anger, and gosh, I so don't blame you. So I wonder, too, if you have, or will, shared your written birth story with your mw (Gail) and the other individuals who were there who let you down - or if you have verbalized your feelings to them. I know that when I shared my written birth story with my doula, I edited certain parts out because I was afraid of hurting her feelings, and I wonder now if that's what I should have done. Anyhow, you have shown an extraordinary strength and endurance, Erika. I think every one of us here is in awe of you.

Also, you mentioned one placenta. Were the babies in one sac as well? If there was truly just one placenta (and not two fused together), I suspect they are identical twins, as only id twins can share a single placenta and/or a single sac (although id twins can also have separate sacs and/or placentas, but fraternal twins always have separate sacs and separate placentas). Well, you probably know all that already, but I thought I'd throw it in there anyway.

I am glad that things are going better with the nursing, and I do hope that you heal in all aspects.

Lisa, I don't mind the questions at all - I think they actually help me. I'm still feeling mixed about the birth experience. At first I was very negative about it. The day of and the day after I told Kyle it was awful and that it would have beene easier to just have a c-section. Things have evolved since I've been processing the experience. The first part was wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing. I am angry nobody helped Kyle when like Jennie said, we had such an attended birth and yet no body did anything. There are parts that I feel very posstive about and then there is that hour.......which I still don't feel possitive about.

I am glad I had the babies at home. Despite everything I still think I had a better birth than I would have at the hospital here. If I ever concieved twins again (GOD HELP ME) I would not be ont he phone calling Gail. I will say that transferring to the hospital came accross my mind over and over and over again during that hour on the floor and outside of the tub. The only thing that kept me from saying "that's it take me in" was the 35 minute drive. If I was still living in our old house which was 5 minutes from the hospital - I think I would have told her to stop and just take me in. Kyle says I wouldn't have done it......... The pain was really really bad. I remember telling her "this is torture" during the that hour. My girlfriend Jessica F. who was downstairs taking care of the children siad she had to turn the radio on in the kitchen to distract from the noises coming from upstairs. I never screamed or made a fuss during Olivia's birth.........not the case here.

Gail already asked me for a copy of my prenatal story and birth story for her website. When I finally brought myself to type it up and shared the truth with all of you....I spoke with Kyle. I don't think I can bring myself to "gloss over" that hour. When I tried to process the birth with her before she left her response was "it was only an hour." and Diana gave me much the same response. I have been avoiding sending her anything. I am not sure what I am going to do with it. I am not comfortable basically lying to make it look simple or make it seem like it was no big deal. it was the worst, most painful hour of my life. it was not natural pain. It was purposeful - except nobody bothered to tell me and explain the purpose along the way.

The babies were DI amniotic (2 sacs) and appeared DI chorionic (2 chorions) The chorion is the outer membrane of the placenta (not the placenta itself) the placenta was huge and could have been 1 or 2 fused - we couldn't tell. According to the Elizabeth Noble book the odds on Di/Di twins are 40% identical and 60% fraternal. We did the genetics testing on Monday and should have results in about another week. i look at them and my gut thinks they are fraternal - but I really hope they are ID.

Well, Olivia is awake and I need to go get her up.

I hope you all will ask questions about the birth. As I have spoken with Diana, Gail, Cossette, Kyle (haven't spoken with jessica yet) i seem to learn more each time and find out about things I didn't hear or see or pick up on. It's been very helpful to put the pieces together.

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I think you should share it with Gail. I think she should know that some women DO want the options presented, and to be informed in advance of what she's doing. I mean, you're never going to see her again, right? She lives in Brazil now? So what's it going to hurt to give her the raw information? I think it would only help her, by giving her insight into how it felt to you. And if she still glosses it over even after reading it, then that's her problem. Like you said - I'm sure she was right, clinically. but I think you lost out on a lot of the bedside manner that we hope for with our midwives with homebirths.
Can you go back over the bio's of everyone there? With all the midwives, I get confused LOL. Jessica - she was there to watch the kids but she was in the room for the birth too, right? Just name everyone there, and what their official role was.

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I agree with Kelly. I think it is important that you share how you felt and feel and your experience the way it occurred with Gail. Granted, I'm sure that's the tougher route, but I think it would help with your healing and processing of the birth.

My question for you... what would be the piece of advice you would pass along to others that you have learned from this experience?

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Ditto Kelly and Wendy. Gail failed in her responsibility to you, she should know your true feelings.

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Gail: The flying midwife. From texas but recently retired to Belize

Diana: a lay midwife who lives about 2.25 hours away from us. She did prenatal care with us for the last 3 months

Jessica: She is a friend of mine who is a cardiac nurse. She was to be our third attendant as she has resuscitation, IV, and injection skills. Her role was to take Baby A and preform any needed cares until Baby B was out and then address the situation as needed with baby B. She was suppossed to be the baby nurse

Cossette: She was my original midwife that I started the pregnancy with. Shewas also my MW with olivia. She is a CNM an her liscense and the atmosphere here in our town restricted her level of involvement. She attend as a "fly ont he wall" or she was suppossed to - but thank GOD she was there b/c she did a lot for me.

Jessica F. is my girlfriend who watched the children. She was downstairs the whole time.

Olivia is on meltdown I'll have to finish later.

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I too think that you should give it to Gail straight. She wants your birth story, give it to her in all detail- she needs to know that while her actions toward the babies were appropriate, she did a disservice to you to go about them that way. The mom is a HUGE part of the delivery (duh!) That is supposed to be the thing with midwives is the woman centered care, part of wcc would be including mom, or at least informing her of the procedures being done. She doesn't have to post it on her website if she doesn't want to, ykwim?

Kasey

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It annoys? angers? upsetS? me ~ I can't seem to come up with the right word, but when I read about them saying "it was only an hour" I wanna kick something - I don't understand how they can be so flippant about that, it could of only been 5 minutes but the fact is it was traumatic on you, and beyond painful and I think they need to recognize that!!

I to believe that you should share this with Gail and let her know how upsetting this was on you, that's not to say that you don't appreciate the skill that she has, or the necessity of what went on but to ignore the emotional and physical aspect of this is equally important, both for her to understand and I think for you to fully process & heal from this, so that you can look back on this experience with a fond memory, not a fearful one.

(((hugs))))

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I completely agree with Kasey. I don't know if Gail has plans to continue midwifery, or if she is officially retired- but she needs to be informed that she mistreated you, if only to save some other mother from being treated the same way. And I do think that she needs to acknowledge that she hurt you, not just physically, but spiritually, by not sharing information with you. You deserve an apology for that.
I hope you continue to heal and come to a place where you feel better about the mistakes that were made during your babies' births. You are amazing!

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I say give her a copy of the birth story in its raw form. I have a feeling she won't put it on her website, but you are being honest about the birth.

WHICH BTW~was amazing!!!!! Jennie was right...you had an unassisted water birth. Wow Erika~just WOW! What an inspiring amazing woman you are. I'm so proud of you. I wish that you had felt more supported by those around you but Kyle sounds FABULOUS (which I'm sure you already know). Thank God for him.

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I have been lurking and following your story. I have to admit that until you posted your story you kept mentioning that you had to "process it" and I really wasn't sure what you menat by that. I kept saying in my head, well what do you have to process, you were there, right?

Well let me say that after reading your story I totally see what you meant. Having had a c-sec for a large footling breech baby, I guess I tend to think that all mothers are aware of what is going on during their births, simply because that is the only experience I hav eot compare it to. I have learned a valuable lesson and my level of understanding has shifted after reading your story.

You are an amazingly strong woman who seems to be the type to be (or at least try to be) very much in control. The lack of communication by Gail took that away from you and that must have been scary, besides the fact that you were in unfathomable pain for over an hour.

I think we all can step back, as you have, as say that the technique and intervention performed by Gail probably saved you from having to go to the hospital or, god forbid, even worse, but her not telling you what she was doing and why was unacceptable, inexcusable and wrong.

Give her the birth story as is. Honest, real and true. It may help her in the future, who knows. Your emotions are just that, they belong to you and if someone asks for them, I am a firm believer that the truth is really the best thing.

So, I just wanted to say congratulations on your beautiful baby girls. And as a tiny side bonus you have opened my eyes and strengthened my resolve in the human spirit.

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I think you should share the true birth story with gail, but before you send it to her, I think you should make perfectly sure that she may only use it on her site in it's full and unedited form. You need to make clear to her that you are sharing this honest account with her b/c you feel it's important for her to know what you were feeling and how you experienced that birth - and not just so that she can have another notch in her belt.

I agree w/ pp's who said that if she does plan to continue catching babies, she needs to be aware that you were not comfortable with her method, so she can use that for the future. But I also want you to be protected from finding your story on her site - just without the parts about how she wronged you.

That's JMO.

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"wendles" wrote:

My question for you... what would be the piece of advice you would pass along to others that you have learned from this experience?

I think that it illistrates he importance of the relationship between the birthing mom and her attendant (weather that be a MW or OB). We see/hear stories all the time of Ob's who don;t listena nd plow along on their agenda and that's what happened during that hour. to some extent I didn't have much of a choice. My ability to develop a relationship prior to the birth was hampered by the distance. Also, I was very limited in who would take a twin homebirth. I always knew Gail was not my ideal spirit of a MW - but like I said I didn't have more than one choice. I do think she had the right clinical skills and I do think overall I had a better birth than i would have in a hospital in this area.

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I think your very right, in that your experience would of been worse at the hospital, I think what you did was brave especially considering you really weren't able to get to know her well, for the reasons you mentioned above.

How is nursing coming along?

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Nursing continues to be a struggle. I re-weighed the girls on Thursday and they have each gained 7oz since Monday and have surpassed their birth weights. Chloe is latching OK...but it still really isn't right and hurts - it's just tolerable. Miriam's latch is still awful and she ruins whichever nipple she ffeds off of despite my efforts. Here's my current dilema.

Ok, So I've answered this question a million times for other moms on the breastfeeding board...... but I'm searching for some new ideas. Chloe doesn't poop. She is 19 days old. She pooped 3 meconium diapers the first day. Then she went 10 days no poop. Late on the 10th day she pooped a small to average breastmilk brownish poop - nothing huge or explosive like you'd expect. Now she's back on day 9 no poop. we went for a check up thursday and I brought it up with our physcian. he agrees that typically there is no need for concern but in such a young baby it's odd that she has only pooped once. (they will be three weeks on monday) He reassured me saying some babies take longer for their digestion to get going, but that if it continues past 4 weeks old that he'd want to take the next step. So of course I asked what that was and he said a barium enema study, mentioning that some babies, although it's very very rare have what they call a "super colon." I read up ont he disease nicknamed "super colon" and it really doesn't describe Chloe well. But we still have no poop.

So I am trying to get the child pooping b/c she is obviously in pain and wrything with discomfort for HOURS at a time and strains trying to poop. here is what we have tried/are trying.

Bicycle/scrunching the legs
tummy massage
Anal stimulation with some vaseline
warm bathes
Simethicone drops - for comfort, it's going to make her poop
gripe water - for comfort, again it's not going to make her poop

The doctor was really worried she wasn't getting enough milk. ut, I know I have a huge supply as I drowned the girls and they gulp continuously as I feed them (I feed them individually). it's also probably part of the gas problems we are having (them gulping and over supply) We have more than 8 wet diapers per day so I know dehydration is not an issue.

I woudn't be worried if she wasn't in so much pain and if this was situational...but she has yet to get into a stooling pattern of any kind. Any other ideas????

Miriam hasn't pooped since Thursday and she has a tendendcy to save things up - but then she'll poop three times that day. So she's slower than average - but she has her own little pattern whereas Chloe just doesn't poop.

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I can say that my experience with DS was similar. He was breastfed, I had so much milk to give, and he wet many diapers with massive volume thru the day, and he did not poop. He never seemed to be in pain except for the times that he was gassy. Those were not fun times! After his first merconium poop in the hospital, he did not poop for two weeks. Even after giving him suppositories, anal stim., etc. When he did finally go, it was a normal amount, and it was of normal consistency. After that, another 10 days, he would go normal amounts and consistency every 10-12 days. He did this until I started to introduce soilds. The dr. figured that he was just "using" every ounce that I gave him. I totally understand how difficult it is to fathom considering their little bodies holding all of that in, I really struggled with it until I figured that was just how he was made. Also, it saved me from having to clean all those poopy diapers!

I hope that it works out to be nothing serious for you and that your little one is just efficiently using all that you provide her. I am amazed at your ability to handle twins and a toddler all at once. Bravo!

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Sorry to hear that you are still struggling. Keep on going because you are doing so well! Just great. Of course you will, but maybe it helps to hear that.

I wouldn't worry about this too much. Here's why. I have that same oversupply problem. I had to pump before feeding Ridley in the beginning because the milk was coming out too much and too fast. And because of this, even after I pumped, it was watery more than creamy so I found he didn't poop as much.

The richer the milk, the more I could get him to poop, and eventually it settled down.

I'm sure you know this already, but in case you're so close to the situation that it helps, you might try sitting the girls upright (not that they can sit yet, but you know, prop them up on a pillow) so that they are pointing up and having to suck up to get the milk. That will help them control it.

I really expect that this will just settle down over time. Already your posts are so much better than in the beginning, but I know it's still hard.

Big hugs!

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If it were just her not pooping very often I probably wouldn't be too concerned, because as you know some bf babies just don't poop all that often - but the fact that she is in pain says that she probably does need to poop but just can't.

Have you checked your diet? Could it be something your eating that's bothering them?

You really do sound like your doing so much better, I hope the nursing becomes less painful soon.

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Erika, I read your birth story yesterday and have to say that I am still processing what you wrote myself! No wonder you've needed time to think things through! I can't even begin to imagine what that time on the floor must have been like for you. And I am so mad at your "attendants" if you could even call them that! It sounds like you were very neglected. I am relieved, however, that Kyle and Cosette came through for you. And I hope that, if anything, the experience just strengthens your relationships with them.

As for Gail, while her clinical skills may be wonderful, it seems that she forgot what her role here was! She should have communicated with you! You needed information and she failed to provide that. Pain and hardship is so much easier to bear when you're aware of why it's happening and what its purpose is! Since she's asked for your birth story, I think you should send it to her...completely unedited, with the agreement that if she does use it, that she must post it in its entirety, as a pp stated. Maybe then she'll get that it wasn't "just an hour." It was an hour of excrutiating pain that scared the life out of you because you had no idea what was happening. Perhaps if someone were to stick their hand up her uterus for an hour and feel around, she would be more understanding. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I really can't imagine how she could expect anyone to get over that quickly.

As for your breastfeeding issues and Chloe's pooping problem, I'm sorry but I don't have anything helpful to add. You already know much much more than I. I hope you get some relief soon and I hope Chloe starts pooping more normally. And I know I'm gonna sound like a broken record here, but I can't believe how strong you are! You're an inspiration to me.

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I'm so tired today. If I had just either one of them I'd have a great sleeper. Last night was so long. it seems everytime i get one diapered, nursed, soothed and back asleep the next one is up. If I wake them to feed then they don't eat well...so i have given up on that. But last ngiht i think i only caught 30 minutes here and there between the two of them needing me.

Chloe pooped this morning at 6am. (and the clouds part as the choir sings) so again she went 10 days. It was an average sized mustard poop - nothing exciting. We'll see what she does now...if she gets into a pattern or holds out on me again.

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Who'd have thought that poop would make you happy?!? LOL. You know you're a mother when...

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Oh, Erika, I can feel how tired you are in between each word. I hope you can get some rest.

Good for poop. Go Chloe, keep it up!

One day at a time. It may not seem like it to you, but it does seem you are better each day which means you are projecting optimism at the very least.

Hugs!

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Hugs...wish I had more to comment on, but having not been there all I can say is HUGS...but I am thinking of you just the same....and celebrating for you inside too!!!

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"ErikaArcher" wrote:

I'm still feeling mixed about the birth experience. At first I was very negative about it. The day of and the day after I told Kyle it was awful and that it would have beene easier to just have a c-section.

Erika, I've been following your story as well. I'm so sorry for the horrible lack of communication between you and Gail. Sad I had a situation with my third baby (born at home) that would have resulted in an immediate c-section at the hospital. It was a dangerous situation so my mw asked me if she could hold my cervix back while I pushed through it. That was horribly painful, but I knew I needed to do it so I could and did. I'm so sorry you didn't get the info you needed. Sad For a few days after the birth I was wondering if a c-section would have been easier as well, but here two years later I'm glad about how things turned out. I hope you find that peace as well.

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I'm sorry you are not getting any sleep Sad Hope things get better soon, and that Chloe gets into a "pooping schedule"

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:bigarmhug:

Hope you and the girls get a little more sleep tonight.

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Just stopping by to give hugs and good wishes.

Sleep, milk, poop, may all the basics come easily in your family these days.

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Hi ladies, it was a rough night here. I'm feeling really down and disconnected lately. When I first found out I was pregnant I was so excited to get to enjoy this next baby. I had a great birth with olivia and then had a terrible time nursing and carshed with PPD around 6months out. When we found out about the twins at 19 weeks I had so much anger about the birth - but also about loosing the ability to loose myself in a baby. I was up ALL night last night with one or the other baby. nursing, soothing...deperately trying to get them quiet and catch a tiny wink. I FINALLY got Chloe back to sleep after nursing her (took me two and a half hours). this was after first nursing Miriam and handing her off to my Mom. I set her into the bouncer, whipped my robe off my head hit the pillow and I heard Miriam shriek...... ugh.... Between feeding M first and then dealing with Chloe, three hours went by and Miriam was hungry again. Kyle doesn't soothe babies well. he kinda tries - but he's not much of a help. I feel like I'm going in circles chasing my tail. Sometimes I feel like I am really loosing it.

So, I was going to give up and not go - but I decided to pack everyone up and make an attempt to go to our babywearing playgroup today. It was good to see my friends. But at the same time I feel like underneath everything I harbour a lot of negative things about having two more vs a singleton. People are always telling me twins are special, or God chose you for a reason, or God doesn't give you more than you can handle, or it will get better, ect...... sometimes late at night when i am way overtired and alone I sit and try to find ways out of all of this....... Isn't that terrible to say? Shouldn't I just be thankful i have beautiful healthy babies? I am already back on the treatment regimine I did when i crashed post partum last time and I am OK most of the time and very OK in comparrisson to where I was last time.... Somebody asked me today if having the twins here was what I expected....... I think I went pasty white..... yup it's what I thought it was going to be. I guess I'm having a hard time staying possitive and now I'm rambling :roll:

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You're not rambling. You're in the first month with twins!

Sorry for all the comments. People don't know what they're saying. And many times they're too close to home with those statements to be supportive which is what you could use right now.

I'm glad you got to go out. The change of scenery can make a big difference no matter how sleep-deprived you are.

Thinking of you a lot and sending good wishes.

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Oh Erika! I've been lurking and reading your posts. Firstly, I have to say that you amaze me. I don't think I could've homebirthed my twins, even without a prolapsed cord.

I know how hard it is, especially at night. I wanted to nurse so much and still feel that if I hadn't had preemies and a c-section, I would've been able to. Would you consider pumping and having your DH give one of the girls a bottle while you nurse the other, and then trade off until you can get a good tandem nurse going or the girls become more efficient nursers? At least that way you'd be able to get some sleep at night.

It does get better. I know it's hard to see right now, but it really does. For us it was at 5 weeks adjusted that Gracie and MoJo settled down, but up until then, it was a nightmare. You just fight through every day and do whatever you have to to get some sleep. Remember, your health is just as important as your girls.

Also, it might be worth popping in on the Parenting Twins board. Heather (heatherann817) successfully weaned her preemie twins off the bottle to the breast, tandem nursed for months, and is still nursing her almost 17 month olds. She might have some insight on the twins thing.

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((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
Erika,
please don't be so hard on yourself. having one baby had me in tears for like the 1st 12 weeks. lucy wouldn't nurse, pumping, fingerfeeding, attempting to nurse--was all soo exhausting!!! having 2 is just mind blowing!! jennie said it best, it is just the 1st month with twins and breastfeeding.

you were so encouraging and helpful and supportive to me when i needed help. it's like you never gave up on me. don't give up on yourself . cut yourself some slack, your hormones and sleep deprivation are beating you up. never mind the mental issues with your birth scenario. you can do this, you can get through it. take advantage of every second that your mom is around. i know what you mean when you say kyle isn't good at soothing, neither was my husband. he is a great dad , just not great with a newborn. it's tough, they only want mommy.

i didn't leave the house to visit anyone until 8 weeks, the only time i left before that was to go to the LC, or peds office. i wish i had the miracle statement to make you feel at ease, feel better, to get you out of this depressive funk your in. just know that we are here for you , vent away. don't hold it in, just vent away. your in my thoughts, colleen

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Erika, I am sorry things are still so rough for you... I wish I could come spend the night and take over the soothing of one or both of the girls so you could get some sleep... Lack of sleep can throw everything out of whack. SO glad that you got a poop though!

(((HUGS)))

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i hope you get more sleep tonight.
you are amazing.

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Is there any way you could feed both twins at the same time? One on each breast? Or could you pump, and have dh feed one a bottle at night while you nurse the other?
I feel ridiculous trying to offer you advice- you have probably tried that already, right? I just wish there were something I could do for you Sad I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record here, but you really are incredible, and I hope things start to fall into place very soon!

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:bighug:

I'm sorry I have no advice for you. Just lots and lots of love that I'm sending your way.

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Hi Erika,

It's been a while since I checked in on you here, I was offline for a couple of weeks but I've been thinking of you and your girls.

I felt the same way about having twins. I found out halfway through the pregnancy, like you did, and it totally threw me for a loop. Twins are a blessing but so difficult also. Try to remember that you were given twins because you can handle twins, just look at you, you are doing amazingly well!

I bf'd my girls until 6 and a half months. Honestly, once they get on track with nursing, try to do the feeds tandem, you will get so much more sleep that way. That's the way that I look at my twin situation, I do as much as possible at the same time (just wait until you're on solids... same bowl, same spoon). Have you tried nursing lying down in bed? I know that's how HeatherAnne got through the nights with her twins, she would just have Trey and Bella lie in the middle of her bed and she would go from side to side nursing them lying down during the night. I never tried it that way, but it works for her.

Anyway, I'm not sure whether I am much help at all but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. You'll get through this, you are such a strong woman! I totally admire you!

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I found my nursing pillow, doing as much at the same time as possible & swings to be life savers in those first few months. My boys had reflux so they couldn't lay flat, but laying straight up is dangerous too, so they would either be sleeping with me, in a swing that's reclined or on my nursing pillow w/ me TRYING to sleep lol

I remember you mentioning that it's hard to nurse them both at the same time, I believe it was because of their latching problems? Do you have a pump? I know it would be an added chore to an already stretched mama, however I'm wondering if it would make things easier to pump a bottle and try to get them on a same pattern w/ eating, sleeping, waking, diaper changes (as much as possible w/ the changes) ~ it might take awhile, I think for me it took about a wk to get them to sleep and wake at relatively the same time, and then if one did wake w/out the other or had problems I'd just lay down w/ him and go to sleep.

Anyhow - not sure if any of this would work for you, just trying to think of ways that might help you get some more sleep ~ I think that's the biggest thing, it's amazing how right the world can seem after 3 or 4 hours, and yet how wrong it can seem after none!

Always thinking of you!

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Thinking of you lots and lots Erika and hoping things fall into place soon for you.

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Erika--lurking and just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers!

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I've tried nursing them together and it doesn't work. Chloe's latch is passable at best and Miriam is a dsaster, She is ruining whichever nipple I give her and It's all I can do just to nurse her alone. i did try anyways yesterday. I can't nurse lying down. I never could with olivia and I can't with these guys either. I'm well endowed and things pull and hurt like heck. Up till today I didn't pump b/c when i gave it a try it hurt just as bad if not worse than nursing them. This morning I pumped. it really hurt. i got 4oz on the one side and not enough to measure anything on my right. i have always been a bad pumper and luckily I have only had to do itsituationally or to help a friend. i also have lipase imbalance which makes freezing milk a real pain in the tushie. I am going to use the milk I pumped this morning to have my Mom bottle feed the one baby in the middle of the night while I nurse the other. Last night was the worst yet. It's 3:10 here and I have been up since 2am. we couldn't keep everyone happy to save our lives last night and then from 6 on the girls decided to be wide awake and scream until 1:00pm. We talked my Mom into staying one more week (She was suppossed to leave on Saturday).

To top things off. Kyle called me 15minutes ago. He was in a car accident. Some guy cut him off and he hit him. We sold his car in the fall. It was his baby and last piece of "single guyness" But we didn't have the money to get a minivan. I have a suburu forester - but the car seats don't all fit and it's a real problem. We have an old beater pick up nicknamed "Mabel". She was mainly used for hauling firewood, moving stuff, hauling junk. She's a rust bucket - but runs well. Anyways, he when he called he said he's OK, the other person is injured and he wasn't sure how bad, and Mabel is undriveable. I'm so worried about him - he's a "keep it all inside" "stern on the outside with a soft underbelly" kind of guy and he's already so fried - this could just push him over the edge.

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ooops double post

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