I can't believe that I didn't see your birth story was posted! I'll read it this afternoon when there are no kids hanging on me
Collette~mom to Grace (2/28/05) and Libby (07/08/06)
Lisa, I don't mind the questions at all - I think they actually help me. I'm still feeling mixed about the birth experience. At first I was very negative about it. The day of and the day after I told Kyle it was awful and that it would have beene easier to just have a c-section. Things have evolved since I've been processing the experience. The first part was wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing. I am angry nobody helped Kyle when like Jennie said, we had such an attended birth and yet no body did anything. There are parts that I feel very posstive about and then there is that hour.......which I still don't feel possitive about.Originally Posted by LuckyMe2n2
I am glad I had the babies at home. Despite everything I still think I had a better birth than I would have at the hospital here. If I ever concieved twins again (GOD HELP ME) I would not be ont he phone calling Gail. I will say that transferring to the hospital came accross my mind over and over and over again during that hour on the floor and outside of the tub. The only thing that kept me from saying "that's it take me in" was the 35 minute drive. If I was still living in our old house which was 5 minutes from the hospital - I think I would have told her to stop and just take me in. Kyle says I wouldn't have done it......... The pain was really really bad. I remember telling her "this is torture" during the that hour. My girlfriend Jessica F. who was downstairs taking care of the children siad she had to turn the radio on in the kitchen to distract from the noises coming from upstairs. I never screamed or made a fuss during Olivia's birth.........not the case here.
Gail already asked me for a copy of my prenatal story and birth story for her website. When I finally brought myself to type it up and shared the truth with all of you....I spoke with Kyle. I don't think I can bring myself to "gloss over" that hour. When I tried to process the birth with her before she left her response was "it was only an hour." and Diana gave me much the same response. I have been avoiding sending her anything. I am not sure what I am going to do with it. I am not comfortable basically lying to make it look simple or make it seem like it was no big deal. it was the worst, most painful hour of my life. it was not natural pain. It was purposeful - except nobody bothered to tell me and explain the purpose along the way.
The babies were DI amniotic (2 sacs) and appeared DI chorionic (2 chorions) The chorion is the outer membrane of the placenta (not the placenta itself) the placenta was huge and could have been 1 or 2 fused - we couldn't tell. According to the Elizabeth Noble book the odds on Di/Di twins are 40% identical and 60% fraternal. We did the genetics testing on Monday and should have results in about another week. i look at them and my gut thinks they are fraternal - but I really hope they are ID.
Well, Olivia is awake and I need to go get her up.
I hope you all will ask questions about the birth. As I have spoken with Diana, Gail, Cossette, Kyle (haven't spoken with jessica yet) i seem to learn more each time and find out about things I didn't hear or see or pick up on. It's been very helpful to put the pieces together.
I think you should share it with Gail. I think she should know that some women DO want the options presented, and to be informed in advance of what she's doing. I mean, you're never going to see her again, right? She lives in Brazil now? So what's it going to hurt to give her the raw information? I think it would only help her, by giving her insight into how it felt to you. And if she still glosses it over even after reading it, then that's her problem. Like you said - I'm sure she was right, clinically. but I think you lost out on a lot of the bedside manner that we hope for with our midwives with homebirths.
Can you go back over the bio's of everyone there? With all the midwives, I get confused LOL. Jessica - she was there to watch the kids but she was in the room for the birth too, right? Just name everyone there, and what their official role was.
I agree with Kelly. I think it is important that you share how you felt and feel and your experience the way it occurred with Gail. Granted, I'm sure that's the tougher route, but I think it would help with your healing and processing of the birth.
My question for you... what would be the piece of advice you would pass along to others that you have learned from this experience?
Ditto Kelly and Wendy. Gail failed in her responsibility to you, she should know your true feelings.
Gail: The flying midwife. From texas but recently retired to Belize
Diana: a lay midwife who lives about 2.25 hours away from us. She did prenatal care with us for the last 3 months
Jessica: She is a friend of mine who is a cardiac nurse. She was to be our third attendant as she has resuscitation, IV, and injection skills. Her role was to take Baby A and preform any needed cares until Baby B was out and then address the situation as needed with baby B. She was suppossed to be the baby nurse
Cossette: She was my original midwife that I started the pregnancy with. Shewas also my MW with olivia. She is a CNM an her liscense and the atmosphere here in our town restricted her level of involvement. She attend as a "fly ont he wall" or she was suppossed to - but thank GOD she was there b/c she did a lot for me.
Jessica F. is my girlfriend who watched the children. She was downstairs the whole time.
Olivia is on meltdown I'll have to finish later.
Homebirthing, breastfeeding, sling wearing, cloth diapering momma to 3 girls ages 7 and 6 year old twins and peanut #4 due sometime in late September
I too think that you should give it to Gail straight. She wants your birth story, give it to her in all detail- she needs to know that while her actions toward the babies were appropriate, she did a disservice to you to go about them that way. The mom is a HUGE part of the delivery (duh!) That is supposed to be the thing with midwives is the woman centered care, part of wcc would be including mom, or at least informing her of the procedures being done. She doesn't have to post it on her website if she doesn't want to, ykwim?
It annoys? angers? upsetS? me ~ I can't seem to come up with the right word, but when I read about them saying "it was only an hour" I wanna kick something - I don't understand how they can be so flippant about that, it could of only been 5 minutes but the fact is it was traumatic on you, and beyond painful and I think they need to recognize that!!
I to believe that you should share this with Gail and let her know how upsetting this was on you, that's not to say that you don't appreciate the skill that she has, or the necessity of what went on but to ignore the emotional and physical aspect of this is equally important, both for her to understand and I think for you to fully process & heal from this, so that you can look back on this experience with a fond memory, not a fearful one.
I completely agree with Kasey. I don't know if Gail has plans to continue midwifery, or if she is officially retired- but she needs to be informed that she mistreated you, if only to save some other mother from being treated the same way. And I do think that she needs to acknowledge that she hurt you, not just physically, but spiritually, by not sharing information with you. You deserve an apology for that.
I hope you continue to heal and come to a place where you feel better about the mistakes that were made during your babies' births. You are amazing!
I say give her a copy of the birth story in its raw form. I have a feeling she won't put it on her website, but you are being honest about the birth.
WHICH BTW~was amazing!!!!! Jennie was right...you had an unassisted water birth. Wow Erika~just WOW! What an inspiring amazing woman you are. I'm so proud of you. I wish that you had felt more supported by those around you but Kyle sounds FABULOUS (which I'm sure you already know). Thank God for him.
Collette~mom to Grace (2/28/05) and Libby (07/08/06)