Erika's twin homebirth lodge (#2) Entering the birth circle.

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Congratulations, be proud of your accomplishment. They are absolutley beautiful. Take all the time you need to process, I was the same way after the birth, post tramatic stress is a good way of putting it. It will get easier though, but it does take time. Now rest up as much as you can.

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The girls are gorgeous and I am SO impressed- over 7 lbs. EACH! WOW :shock: WTG Erika!! I can't wait to hear the whole story, you are truly an inspiration!

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Congratulations Erika!! The girls are beautiful!

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Congratulations to you and Kyle. Enjoy your new family of 5!!!

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Hi everybody! Thank you all so much for your love and support. i feel like I have the best friends in the whole wide world! The processing is going well and I'm getting to a really good place. My girlfriend came down during the labor to watch olivia and be there when she woke up. i didn't want her to see me or Kyle and then not be able to be around us. It would NOT have been appropriate for her to anywhere near the birth itself. After things were all cleaned up she came up to see us and the babies and then my girlfriend took her for a playdate and kept her overnight until late this afternoon. Kyle was really sad - I KNEW it had to be but we both really missed her spirit. But, it was really a good thing b/c it allowed me to bond with the twins. I never wanted twins and when the crap was hitting the fan in labor a lot fo those feelings came lurking in the dark spots of my mind. i was never mad at the babies. But after the babies and delivery of the placenta I was so wiped I sat on the floor with blood around me and I was way out of it.....It probably wasn't that long - but it seemed like an eternity until I held them. So after I was semi clean and in bed, Kyle napped and I couldn;t sleep (processing) and I sat and stared at them and we had a long talk (the babies and I) I actually feel closer to them in a weird way than I did with Olivia. I love them to pieces...... In some way it doesn't feel that wierd to have two, it's like their spirits were meant to come to mine......... still processing so much

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Your babies are devine Erika. Your an amazingly brave woman! Congrats again. WTG!

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Having twins is an experience like no other, it's powerful & overwhelming - I still remember staring at my boys an thinking, oh my god what did I do - and then the fear would hit, but then suddenly I was so in love with them I could bust. It is certainly a changing experience & one that deserves time and processing - it sounds like your in a good spot right now, I'm so glad ((hugs))

If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you hun.

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Erika, I think I have an idea what you mean about kind of feeling closer to them in a way (not as the twin thing for me obviously, but more a subsequent child thing for me) My theory is that having had a child already, we know how fleeting and fast it all really is, and how precious these little ones are (not more precious than siblings, jsut more precious than we ever thought anything could be) Sorry if that doesn't make any sense... I cannot even imagine all the thoughts that you had going through your head from labor till now- from the time you found out they were twins until now, what an amazing journey you are on!

And one more thing- you do have the most amazing friends in the world! Wink (((HUGS)))

Kasey

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COngratulations! I knew ya could do it. My Dad and his twin sister were born at home 60yrs ago. No meds, though a lay midwife, and doc were present. Grandma didn't even know she was having twins until after one had been born! She was able to nurse both until they were close to two yrs old, as well as fill in 'mom' to her cousin's baby. So she nursed three babies all at the same time!

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Wow! Congrats! It sounds like you have been through so much in the past couple days. I'm glad to hear you had the time to bond with the girls and come to better terms with having the twins. I hope you are getting all the rest your deserve now. Please take care of yourself and the girls. All of us can't wait to hear more, but we understand you need time.

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erika, i can't even imagine walking one step in your shoes. you have completley inspired me in so many ways. you do have the best friends world wide. you are a beautiful spirit. all three of your girls are sooo lucky. rest up and enjoy your time with kyle home. being a family of 5 certainly has its advantages. there is always someone there to hug, kiss, cuddle.... it is awesome..... thanks for popping on to update us. colleen

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I'm glad to hear you're managing to process some in the midst of everything! Erika, the girls are stunningly beautiful! congrats to the whole family!

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Long time lurker!

Congrats, your babies are beautiful and your an amazing woman! An inspiration! I hope all is well, and you continue to process your birth experience.

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CONGRATULATIONS!!! Thanks for sharing the good news! Smile

Julie

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Erika, you are sounding good already! Whoa, Mama!

How beautiful to hear that the magick of birth has happened to you again - hearing how you love Miriam and Chloe beyond reason. I think Kasey is spot on about why any baby after the first fills one with emotion.

Continue resting and cuddling. Yes, we are all ears to hear any news you have, but processing takes time, and you of all people deserve that time. So please feel free to share or not as you feel is most helpful to you. That is what your lodge is for. YOU and your process before and after delivery.

Hugs!

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Erika, I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be to suddenly be a mother to three. It sounds like you're in a good place and it's all starting to settle in your soul. I'm so glad! I can't wait to hear more, but on your time of course.

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ITA with Kasey I bonded VERY quickly with M, much more so than S. I had so much more of a sense that she was a PERSON not just my baby. Plus I think she and I went through a lot together, as you did with the twin, before she even appeared, and I think that might make a difference as well. I felt like a team with her from the very beginning, and that hasn't changed an iota.

I totally kwym about missing O's spirit in the house... it just about killed me to not have Samuel around the night I was in the hospital. i didn't have anybody else either mind you, and it's not like I could've managed him, but I was lonely for him and so anxious to see him with M and so, so worried about how he was doing without me. He was fine, of course. But a piece of my heart was with him the whole time. And of course, when you think about it. Smile

sending sleep vibes again...
xo Robin

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Well, Kyle's mom is here helping us out. Which is great b/c as much as I love Miss O to pieces i can not chase her down right now - I'm currently only chasing the toilet - I still haven't left my bedroom and really....I'm not feeling ready. We put Gail back on the plane to Belize today - whcih feels good. I also spoke with my MW for Olivia's birth. She came as a non-attendant "fly on the wall" and she helped me process things. There are a lot of things i wasn't aware of and it's making it harder b/c a lot of what was running through my mind was right. My intuition on a lot of things was dead on, and many of the things I wasn't sure I said I did and was denied - so I have a lot of work to do still on the matter. I'm harboring some anger and feelings of abuse about certain aspects. I had kyle bring me a notebook to start some lists and "dump" things out so i can organize my thinking and ask some questions to move forward. I think I am going to try and write things out tomorrow and see what I get as a starting point. My accupuncturist/Chineese medicine Doc. is coming to the house tomorrow afternoon. She'll do a treatment for me and she has been helping me process as well. I have the validation that I amde the right choice and that I know I was very strong. i also know that Kyle was just as amazing in his own right. I know you are all waiting on details....I'll get there. Thank you all!

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Thanks Erika, I can't imagine all the things running in your mind. No matter what support/non-support you got from your attendants, I'm so gald Kyle was able to be there with you the whole way. That's so important. Also glad that you know you made the right decisions and still have all that great confidence in your mind/body. Love hearing from you!

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:bigarmhug:

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:bighug:

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I really hope you get to feeling better, I am so sorry things didn't go the way you had hoped. I find myself coming on here 2-3 times a day just to see if you have posted more, I am such a dork, LOL. I feel the same way about alot of what happend at Eathan's birth and I know alot of things that are going to be different when the next one comes, so I know how ya feel. We are here to listen whenever you need it.

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:bigarmhug:

Sending you some "processing" and "peace of mind" vibes.

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:bighug:

Kasey

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Big hugs. Gosh, I wouldn't expect you to leave your bedroom yet. I mean it's been what, 3 days? That's nothing postpartum with two little ones. Give yourself permission for that to be ok. In a Mothering article recently about postpartum days, the author suggested 5 days in bed, 5 days on the bed, 5 days around the bed. And that's for a singleton baby.

Birth is dramatic in part because it's unexpected. And even with a good birth, I think a mom needs a lot of processing. Re-running it again and again in her mind, re-telling it again and again. I found a journal really helpful in case that is also helpful to you.

As pregnant moms, we have ideas of what will and won't happen. And during birth it's hard to advocate for ourselves. We depend on the people around us. But they're not in our heads and don't always know exactly what we want.

Keep on enjoying those new babies and honoring yourself and your tremendous accomplishment with your own process to come to terms with whatever happened.

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:bigarmhug:

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You're in my thoughts today, ERika...I hope that you're doing well...as well as those beautiful babies.

Emily

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hi erika, just wanted to say that i was thinking of you and your family today. jennie said it best...stay in bed and rest. rest your mind also. allow yourself to enjoy your rest. we are all here for you. thanks for taking time each day to update us. colleen

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:bigarmhug:

Thinking of you Erika.

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Sending more hugs hon. Thinking of you & sending lots of love & support.
xo

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It was 3 days before I left my bed, too. Allow yourself to rest without guilt. I don't know if you remember, but after 3 days, I felt much better, and got up and was going out every day for a couple hours running errands and such. A few days later I had some pelvic tenderness. I should have stayed put. Hang out in the bed for a while longer. I've also heard the 5 day rule. Mothering had a great article on "lying in" a while back.

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OMG, I get busy for a few days and I missed it!! Oh, Erika, congratulations hon! You are awesome - what an inspiration!! Love love the names too (especially Chloe's middle name Smile )

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You have been in my thoughts so heavy Erika. I'm so glad Kyle's mom is there to help you out with Olivia. I can't imagine how much you have to process following your birth. I know that every birth is so intense and like nothing else and such a vulnerable time for the birth mom (and dad as well). Please don't put any deadlines on yourself. Allow your body.mind.spirit to heal. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of working your way through. You're in my thoughts.

Sending much love your way. You are an amazing, strong woman and your twins are so beautiful.

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Your babies are beautiful! Congrats!!!

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oh kelly I loved that article.. I'd love to just lay in with my babies for a few days!
Don't overdo it Erika, relax and enjoy your new babies and rest as much as you can

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Your babies are beautiful. Congratulations.

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Hi everybody, I've been thinking a lot about all of you. I'm still here in my bedroom (save for my outing yesterday -see below). Nursing isn't going very well. i know many of you know that I co-moderate the everything breastfeeding board. I had many many struggles with Olivia and didn't nurse pain free with her until week 14. I had a lot of hopes for an easy time nursing this round. I was a little dissapointed when we found out about twins - b/c I knew it would change things and make nursing more challenging - but never doubted for a second that I would nurse my twins.

Day 2,3,4...enter doubt and despare...I can identify that my babies have all the same problems that Olivia did (which took me weeks to figure out as a first time mom). I am cracked and bleeding already - despite my rigoreous and meticulous practices of positioning, latching, and lanolin/nipple ointment usage, no bottles or paci's. The girls both have very high upper pallates (as I do as well). They both tuck their tongues and NEVER (I do mean never) put their tongues over their lower gum line to nurse. I have wonderful support both here and IRL. Of course I did not putz around I contacted the LLL leaders, all my friends (who are staunch nursers), a local IBCLC and on of the other co-moderaters who is also an IBCLC right here ont he baords. I'm not missing anything.....The girls don;t have short frenulums, and I'm doing every trick in the book, including tongue retraining exercises (which I STILL can't get them to lay their tongues down durign the exercises) and nipple shields (which totally don't help me - infact it makes things worse). I even decided to pump and give expressed BM to get a break - but pumping hurts just as bad - so i migt as well nurse and gave up on that thought. We took them to our chiropractor yesterday and they latched PERFECTLY at the office after the adjustment - but by the end of the day they are back to their tongue games and I remain cracked and bleeding. I am taking acidophalus and GFSE and using neosporin vs lanolin to head off thrush.

I can't imagine there is something I have missed. But throw it out there if you can think of something else. I'll take them back to the chiropractor on Monday and stick out the weekend. But this is really bringing me down. After our challenging birth, I really could have used a break somewhere.

I know it's only day 5 today..all I can do is get from one feeding to the next and hope their little mouths grow fast. At least they are effecient nursers ......unlike Olivia who would want to latch for hours on end

I guess I am just venting - :cry:

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:bighug: I'm sorry the nursing has been such trouble. Tommy had the same trouble, and I had to train the tongue down....Chiro really helped so I think you are doing the right thing. Just remember it's hormones that are making you feel like a failure...YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!!!!

Many HUGS to you!!!!

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:bighug:

Just don't give up hun. You're doing great!

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:bigarmhug:

I've been thinking about you... Sending you good tongue-down nursing vibes.

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Oh Erika, nursing twins is a challenge enough - I remember those early days well - I am so sorry your being met w/ yet another hurdle, it sure sounds like your doing an amazing job though and reaching out to everyone you can think of, I really admire that & hope that things become easier for you REALLY really soon!

:bighug:

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Erika,

I've been reading up on all of your labor processing, etc. Don't know if you remember me, but I'm often over at the multiples board (and I wrote a congrats note over there). I'm sorry the breastfeeding is tough going right now. I breastfed the girls too and it is hard at the beginning with twins. I sure hope you get some relief soon. Keep us posted on how things are going.

Peace,
Julie

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Sorry to hear of the troubles. I can't imagine nursing twins, I had so many troubles with just one! Hang in there, it's for the best.

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Erika, I think you are doing such an amazing job! The way you utilize the resources around you is fantastic! I'm so sorry that you're having a hard time with nursing...it's got to be so diffult managing two little ones! I hope you catch a break soon! And thanks so much for the updates. I'm always wondering about you and your family.

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Congratulations Erika! They are perfect. I have been following your journey for a long time and am sorry that I have only just come out to say hi now. Thinking about you and your family heaps. Hope the bf'ing gets easier for you. Rest up and take care.

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You are such a stong woman...I hope the BFing gets easier. It sounds like you are doing everything in your power to give these girls a great start...What a good mom! Everything will work out, because I know you are a lady who makes things work for her! :bigarmhug:

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Please take all the time you need to relax and recuperate! I think we expect so much of ourselves and our busy lives, and neglect the time we need to adjust to new babies.

There is a family story in my family about how when my Great Grandmother gave birth to my Grandmother and her twin, she traveled home to her mother to give birth at home there and stayed for at least a month after the girls were born. The twins were big and healthy, she just needed the time with all the older ladies in her family to help her adjust to being a mom to twins!

This whole mom thing is not easy but it is so worth it!

You are amazing! You are so strong!

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Erika, I'm checking in and sending love. Try to give yourself a break and to recognize how tough it is to have newborn twins. It always takes time to process any birth, but a challenging birth takes time and emotional work to come to terms with.

Be gentle on your kind spirit. You will get through this.

Hugs.

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Erika, I'm sorry you are having a rough time! Try to keep your spirits up, because you are doing a great job! I hope everything falls into place for you very soon.

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oh I remember that pain too well... it challenged my desire to nurse my son. Erika I'm *so* sorry you're facing it again, I am in awe of you because you're willing to stick with it. I wish I had something to say that would help but I know you, and I know you've tried everything I could possibly think of.
Thinking of you :bigarmhug:

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