Okay... been almost four weeks since Layla's birth! I can't believe it yet...
We have her check up on Monday morning ( we skipped 2 wks and went for 1 mo, my dr was on vacation and said we could come in before or after- we chose after she came back.)
Layla is doing great. She is so calm and alert still, I love it! She has some baby acne right now, but is still my gorgeous girl! She has alread outgrown a few of her dipes I have a super cute one that I am going to squeeze her into tho for a pic- one last time! I have to upload some more pics to share of her, she is getting huge! I am not sure if she is growing quite as fast as the other kids, but she was much larger to begin with too... She isn't cluster feeding as much as she was before, which is nice! She usually sleeps about five hours straight at night too- so no complaints there.
The kids are still loving her too, and want to hold her all the time. They are kind of excited for me to go back to work in a couple of weeks so that they can help give Layla her bottles!
I am doing alright. I kind of hesitate to post this, b/c I feel like I am always having *some* drama- but I decided that this is my lodge and I can cry if I want to
I am a just a bit worried about my healing in the nether regions. Physically I feel fine- but looking at it, it doesn't look right. Last wk I took a peek and it looks like the whole front wall of my vagina has sunk back to almost the bottom, so it is like my urethra is *in* my vagina. It hasn't changed a bit since I noticed it last week- so I am wondering if it will- or if there is an actual problem (like prolapse or something.) I am not stressing about it- but would love an answer! My dr isn't back from vaca until Monday, and I am going to ask her about it then at Layla's check up. My nurse didn't feel that I needed to be seen early for my pp check, but she also said she didn't really get exactly what I was trying to explain
And as for the rest of my body... well, this pgcy certainly did a number on it. I am struggling a bit with that, honestly. I am so so grateful and blessed to have my beautiful baby, and I don't regret it a bit- anythign that I went through. But I am having a hard time seeing my pp body as "okay." I lost a huge amnt of muscle, most noticably for me in my stomach. I had a hard time just turning the jogging storller last night while walking with the kids- and I am feeling so down about it that I am having a hard time getting up the desire to try to help it.
And as far as wieght goes- I am down 20 lbs from pg, and have 16 to pp wt, and 20 to be at my normal wt. But I haven't lost any wt since 1 wk pp. I can't stop eating. I haven't been able to wrap my head around the fact that I don't have to eat all the time anymore. At first I was SO loving not having to- but I think my head is kind of crazy- b/c I am not eating for the joy of it, or b/c I can, but I have an urge to eat eat eat. I am eating things that I don't even like (cheese popcorn, pop tarts?) just to be eating. And I tell myself that I don't *have* to, and I know I don't, but I keep doing it. I think my whole eating issues during pgcy really messed with my head- and it is very upsetting to feel this "need" (that isn't a need) to eat. I still eat like a machine and I hate it. I used to be a very healthy eater (loved my chocolate though ) and like to exercise, and I don't know how to get that back.
I am really not so concerned about how I *look* b/c I know I look okay, dh is happy with my body however it is, so I don't have that pressure either- I just hate how I *feel.* I feel like a loser with no self control when it comes to food, and hate that I am not enjoying food the way I did before, or enjoying much of anything besides my family.
Glad to have gotten that all out.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I totally understand how you feel (in fact it could have been me writing). It is tough getting back into our normal routine when we are dealing with so many physical changes.
((HUGS)) I know it's difficult to have to wait to loose the baby weight, but it will come off with time. You didn't gain it overnight, and you're not going to loose it overnight. I hope your doc is able to tell you what's going on with your perineal area soon. ((HUGS))
Ryan and Rachael
Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate
~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~
Well, my baby girl had her 1 month check up yday. She is now 11 lb 8 oz. And still 22.5 in long. She didn't seem to have grown any longer, really, though I wonder if they screwed up her initial length, or over estimated a touch or something.
I talked to my doc about my girly parts, and she said that from what I describe it sounds like "some probable prolapse" but without an exam, can't say for sure. Until my pp cu I am to do lots and lots of kegels. I am young to have somethign like this happen, but if it is prolapse, it probably isn't severe (nothing is coming out, no pain or other symptoms) but having birthed four babies in less than six years, and having had the amount of muscle loss that I had in my eventful pregnancy, it is not entirely surprising that we might see some of this.
So that is that. I decided tp take control of my craziness and get back to normal eating. Hence the ticker. I am following weight watchers (as of yesterday) which I have used two other times, and it has worked for me. And so far, for thsi day and a half anyway, it is working. I still have this urge that is very strong to eat- always. But I am writing down everythign that I eat, and I find it reassuring- (See crazy lady- you are ingesting enough, you are not sick anymore- stop being such a spaz!) And I am looking forward to learning to enjoy food again.
This is probably the end of my lodge, seeing as I am one month pp!
Thanks to everyone who supported me when I needed it, it really makes all the difference to have a listening ear... or a reading eye, I guess? lol.
Good! just writing food down and taking control surley will make you feel better already! I'm really proud of you!