Congrats on making it to the final weeks of your pregnancy!
We look forward to sharing your journey.
Welcome to your lodge! Can't wait to hear what the next few weeks are like for you!
From lurker to lodge mama! How exciting. Thanks for letting us share this stage of your journey with you.
Welcome to your lodge! I've got my tea & settling in... tell us everything!
:shock: o my! i didnt expect to come back and find a lodge for myself! I feel so honored!! Well, I have a blog, so I'll copy and paste some stuff from there. But first, a little more about me/baby/family, etc since I'm so new.
My name is Danielle, i'm 23, and have been married to my best friend Jeffrey for a little over a year (just had our anniversary jan 7) When I met Jeffrey, I knew he had a daughter from his first marriage. His exwife had his daughter (alycia) in Texas, but exwife went into preterm labor with her son (we later found out that my husband is the father of him, loooong story, exwife cheated a lot during their marriage, but we found out Reese the baby boy is my husband's, not the boyfriend's). Anyway, when exwife went into preterm labor, she called Jeffrey to come get Alycia (1 yr old at the time), we were already engaged, so I went with him to pick her up. Exwife never came to get Alycia, never asked for her back, etc, so after about 6 months, we filed for full custody and won on Aug 11, 2005. During the entire process, I ended up quitting my job to be a SAHSM (stay at home step mom) but there came a point when Alycia started calling me "mommy", it took a while or reflecting but everyone involved decided that I WAS her mommy. I was there when she learned to walk, talk, climb (she still gives me heart attacks!) I've cared for her when she was sick, I've been everything for her. So, all of this I guess was just to give some insight about who I am... this is my first pregnancy and first birth, but I've been a mommy for a year and a half (my dear sweet angel Alycia is now 2.5) I've left a lot of details out, b/c there's sooo much to our story, including details about my stepson, Reese and our journey for him, it's still all so new and hard to think about..
Jan 9, 2007:
Went to the dr again today. apparently my due date had been changed from Feb 10 to Feb 8 without me knowing. Ok, so 2 days isnt a BIG deal, but I like hearing that I'm closer to the end than I thought I was lol. We did an ultrasound so that the dr could measure the baby and see how big he is. First of all, Mikey has hair! I dunno how they see it on an ultrasound, but the tech pointed on the screen and said "look at all that hair!" So I'm happy he's going to have hair hehe. According to my new due date, i'm 35 weeks and 5 days, and the baby and my uterus are measuring at 40 weeks already! He's already the size of a fullterm baby, right under 7 lbs right now. OMG Oh, and Mikey has his daddy's head (ya know... BIG lol)
So, what does this mean?? This means that I have to go to a high risk OB office down the hall from my OB and get a high tech ultrasound. During this ultrasound, they are going to measure his head/chest/shoulders and also measure my pelvic bones to see if he'll fit. Apparently, my dr thinks he may not fit and I might have to get a c-section. If he will fit, then at my next Dr appt (tuesday), will start talking about induction. Either way, she says we're gonna have this baby before my due date. No WONDER i'm so uncomfortable already! I'm carrying around a full term kid! I don't have an appt for the high tech ultrasound yet, they should be calling me soon to set up the appt.
***lots of research is done on my part after this blog looking up induction, early c/s, etc i also read the book "A Thinking woman's Guide to Childbirth" or whatever the full title is... ***
Jan 19, 2007:
So, I went to get the high tech scan today to measure baby boy, etc at the urging of my dr. The OB was suuuper nice and awesome, i liked her a lot. I thought I'd go in and she'd be like "omg he's huge lets do something NOW" but thankfully she wasn't. The machine says he's measuring at 41 weeks, 8lbs 9oz, and i remember all the research that those machines can be soooo wrong. I was glad when the OB said "this isnt definite, it's a guesstimate, it could go either way he could be bigger, he could be smaller" She also then went on to say "i'm not going to recommend a c-section, i'm also not going to recommend induction at this point. Hit the mall and go WALKING, girl, let's see if we can get labor started the old fashioned way; just leave your money and credit cards at home" I've already decided I dont want an induction or a c-section (unless something is wrong with me or baby), but I was glad that the dr's opinion didnt contradict my plans, you know? She also measured my amniotic fluid levels, I dont know what those are supposed to be, but she said they were great So, it was a good appt, I felt comfortable the whole time. And of course I got to see my beautiful baby boy again He had his hand by his face and looked like he was doing the little rockstar sign with his hand hehe and scratching his face
Ok, that's enough for right now. I don't want to overload everyone. During this pregnancy, I've also had near-run ins with preterm labor and pre-e. So it hasn't been the 100% perfect pregnancy, but I've trusted my body this far and it's managed to fight off those two things. I know if I just keep trusting it, it'll know what to do come the big day! Now that I've written everything up to this point, I feel like you ladies will know what I'm talking about in future posts. I have my weekly appt tuesday morning.
Welcome and congratulations on the big healthy boy! I really admire your doctor and you for not being scared by the size of your baby! You give me strength!
Yeah!!! Welcome to your lodge I like "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth", too. I'm so glad your OB didn't try to push an induction or c-section on you. Did you hit the mall? I hope my baby has hair too! I was bald for a year but my DH had lots of hair, so we'll see...
Congrats on a healthy boy! I can't wait to hear all about your journey.
Hey Danielle ! Welcome to another feb mom!!!
I am excited to share these last few weeks with you ~ there are 4 of us from Feb here with lodges and I love that we can all support one another. Thinking of you and thanks for sharing your story with us!
Welcome to your lodge. The story of your SD is so heart-warming, that you and DH took her in to your home. Thanks for sharing that with us.
I'm impressed that your doctor doesn't come down on the side of intervention for your big baby.
Welcome to your lodge! So glad to hear you're not going to have to have a section or an induction at this point - get that baby coming naturally, girlfriend!
Such a neat story about your stepdaughter . . . sounds like she's in a much better environment with you and your DH.
Congrats on your lodge! You sound like such a great mom...Your SD is so lucky to have you.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
Congrats on your lodge! You sound like a fantastic Mom, and I can't wait to follow your journey as you birth Mikey! That is awesome to hear that the doctor didn't push a c-section or induction on you. Hoping he decides to get moving!
I had my weekly appt this morning. There's a little bit of progress! My cervix is soft and I'm a fingertip dialated. My dr is still concerned about his size, but said that so far it looks like my body is getting ready for him to come, big boy or not We also reviewed my birth plan and she's 100% on board with everything I've written into it (no meds, birthing ball, clear fluids/light snacks during labor, no time restrictions, etc) I'm so excited to meet our little boy, i can't wait to see who he looks like, what he sounds like.
Welcome! Wow, so glad to hear the you aren't being pushed to induce! And yay! for some dilation. Is your dd excited to be a big sister?
Alycia is soo excited! I think she understands what's happening, I mean, as much as a 2.5 yr old CAN understand. She sees his bed and his things and will go around the house telling everyone "That's Mikey's bed. That's mikey's clothes" I'll tell her "Mikey is going to be here soon. He's going to come live with us forever, is that ok??" and she always answers "that's soooooo ok mommy!!" and she lifts my shirt to talk to him (she thinks he's in my belly button, not my whole belly hehe its so cute) and says "mikey come out! i wanna play! don't you like me, mikey??" she's so sweet n adorable i could just eat her up
man that's cute! I think we need to see a pic of your little Alycia. She sounds adorable!
That is cool about your doctor being willing to wait for your big boy to come on his own. Hopefully he'll stay that way until the end.
how can i resist a chance to share a pic of my angel?
and a pic of me, dh, alycia, and reese
great pics, thanks for sharing. Great looking family!
Awesome picture! Great looking kids.
Welcome to your lodge - sorry I'm late getting started!
You sound like a wonderful mom already. I lived with my Dad and Stepmom from the time I was 12, so I have a soft spot in my heart for step moms - they have a hard job!
You sound great. I wouldn't be too concerned about her size. Your body made her. Your body can deliver her. When I hear women talking about having big babies, it always remind me of a Bible verse that I love (I'm sorry, I don't know your religion, I hope this doesn't offend you!) - " Would I bring you to the moment of delivery and not deliver? Would I bring you this far and close up thy womb??"
Keep us posted - and rest rest rest!
I'm sure everything is going to go wonderfully for you! Yay for the doctor who didn't want to push medical interventions needlessly!!! I LOVE hearing that sort of stuff!!!
Danielle! Welcome! You are so lucky to have such a beautiful family, and to be building it biologically! I wish you much luck w/ getting Reese to be a f/t member!
oh, and a bit of encouragement for delivering a big baby... my MW just told me that the reason she was exhausted at my last appt was b/c she had called into the hospital to deliver a homebirth transfer and she delivered an 11lb baby over an in-tact perineum!! no tearing even! So don't you worry, you can deliver your 8 or 9 lbs of beautiful baby boy!
Just do lots of squatting and perineal (sp) massage and you'll be fine!
GL!! Looking forward to hearing more!
I've been having a rough few days.. And one thing keeps coming up that just irritates me..
I loooove my mom. So much. Well, at my OB appt last tuesday, the dr did an internal exam. my mom always comes with me to watch alycia, and keep her occupied, they hide behind the little curtain in the room, which alycia LOVES. It was a normal internal exam, when the dr reached my cervix (which was still fairly high) she said "oh! it's softening nicely i'm going to go a little further" (the touching of the cervix was uncomfortable, at most, no big deal) But when she checked for dialation, she stuck her finger IN the finger-tip sized dialated hole, which HURT, hurt enough to make me screech out loud. When I sat up, i nearly passed out, seriously. So, several times this week my mom has said "if that hurt you THAT much, you're going to be screaming for an epidural at the first contraction" which has been really irritating me :evil: Unless my perception of how birth goes is wrong, i dont think the dr will have her finger in my girl parts during the entire labor!!! I've told mom how she needs to stop saying that, b/c it's starting to psyche me out a little bit, and she knows i'm doing a natural birth. She's apologized, but i heard her tell someone else about it (my dad, of all people lol) seriously... it just irks me..
also i'm having a "i'm tired of being pregnant" day... i've been having BH contractions since Wed night along with some cramping/achiness. They're irregular and not painful, the cramps are nothing i cant deal with, i just find myself wishing and hoping for them to become real contractions. I'm glad my body is prepping for the big day, but i'm just getting frustrated at it all, like "cant you make up your mind? are you coming or not?" lol I just need some patience vibes today...
Sending you all sorts of patience vibes!!! Or "come on baby!!" vibes, either way, they're "happier mommy" vibes!!
I'm sorry abt the negative energy from your mom. don't take it to heart. she just doesn't want to see/hear you in pain. Just remember that although you may experience pain in labor and birth but it will be the kind of worthwhile pain that you get when you are exerting yourself for a purpose.
AND your cervix was made to dilate and push OUT a baby - not the other way around!
Danielle, I'm hoping you are having that baby or have had him. I haven't heard from or seen you online for a couple of days. So, I'm hoping all is well.
I had my baby Feb 1. My full birth story is here http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=619904
I'm still trying to find my place. I'm not sure what or how to feel about my birth, being as it wasn't what i wanted or even prepared myself for. I had thought about the possibility of the c/s. I could've been mentally ready for that, but as for what happened during the c/s, that i dont think i could've prepared myself for. You'll understand more after you read it. I'm no longer sure of how i fit around this board or just in general.
Oh honey, I am so sorry for your experience. I know you didn't give a full blown account of e/t leading up to the c/s, but it sounds like you were kept informed, that you tried to maintain the birth you wanted at incredible odds. The u/s that estimate baby's size can be right on or totally off and there's really no way to know.
I presented the exact same way your Mikey did, I was a proud little baby with my face against my mom's cervix and they did a c/s for the same reason. (I was also her first). I am sorry for what you had to see on your baby, but you should know that babies can scratch themselves up pretty bad with those sharp little nails of theirs and they have incredible healing abilities. Mikey will be fine, you had a traumatic experience, and you are entitled to grieve over it. And grieve here, b/c we understand.
To give you some encouragement going forward, my mom went on the have 4 more healthy VBAC babies, naturally.
You can only prepare and plan so much, the important part is that you informed yourself on your birth choices and chose what you felt was best for you and your baby. That is what this board is about.
Be strong, sweetie, we are here for you. And enjoy your beautiful baby - and post some pics!! Congratulations on having a champion BFer!! That is quite a feat after a c/s!!
thank you so much ayelet. It is really encouraging hearing other peoples stories who have been through the same thing. I definitely feel like i have to process and grieve, i just dont know how or why b/c there are sooo many people who are like "well yalla re both happy and healthy thats what matters" but anyway..here's some pics. None of these are on his actual birth day but they are all while we were in the hospital. You cant see any of the stuff i'm talking about on his head b/c i didnt want to share those. i have pics of em for me, i dunno why i wanted them but i did. anway here we go
One tired little man
Mommy & Mikey
Daddy & Mikey
Mawmaw & Mikey
Alycia (big sister) Pawpaw & Mikey
Another of my little man
Congratulations on such a cute little man...I am so sorry his birth was traumatic and I hope you are able to process everything and come to some peace with it.
Ohhh....he's so adorable! I'm sure time will help you process all the specifics of the birth! In the meantime...you have a handsome little guy!
Whoa - hold the phone! Don't feel like you don't "belong" here because of your situation. There are plenty of natural birth-minded mamas who ended up with sections and it sounds like yours was absolutely necessary (unlike mine :roll:).
I'm sorry that the birth of Mikey was so traumatic - I can't imagine what that must have been like. He's absolutely precious, though, and I'm so glad that he's BFing and sleeping well - yay for a good baby!!
Please feel free to vent, cry, whatever it takes to deal with your birth experience. Check out the "healing thread" if you haven't already - I know that's been a great help to myself and others in coming to terms with our birth experiences.
:bighug: to you - and congratulations!
i'm going to check out the healing thread.
i just have no idea where to begin to deal with everything. sometimes i feel fine, wondering why i feel so lousy about the experience. then other times, i just think of his birth and just burst into tears. i can't explain to my dh when he wonders why it had affected me so much. he knew our plans for the birth, and he was there every step of the way, but it obviously didnt affect him the way it did me, which i can understand bc it wasnt his body. I was supposed to move around, squat, roll on my birthing ball, get in the tub during my labor and instead i was strapped to a table and cut open. My baby boy didnt come out of my body smoothly with that great rush, he was (quite literally) YANKED out. I just thank God that they didnt use the vacuum to get his head out of my pelvis as they were retrieving the vacuum, the dr finally got his head free. I never thought i'd look back on the day of my baby's birth and cry tears of fear and imense sadness. it worries me to think about how i'll react on his birthdays, reminders and anniversaries of the hell i feel i went through
eta: i only feel this way when i think of the birth. i think the world of my beautiful baby boy. i def dont feel these horrible things towards hm
Hi Danielle, lurker here -
I just wanted to give you a big hug and say congratulations, Mikey is SO HANDSOME!!
I too had a c/s, but it was from failure to progress. Not sure if it was necessary or not, but I can't dwell on that. I'm putting my energy towards fighting for a VBAC for my next birth!
When I think about my daughters birth, I ignore those negative feelings and bad memories that creep up and instead focus on that one amazing moment when I heard her cry. It always makes me smile
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry you went through this. I know how you feel. Let yourself grieve, let yourself cry... this is a safe place for it, even if nobody else gets it, WE DO.
My DH didn't really get it, either. they try to be supportive but they have no way of understanding, and I've found that most women choose not to look at their own birthing experiences hard enough to allow them to understand.
Yes, the baby is wonderful. But the presence of the baby for me was completely unconnected to the experience. They are separate things. I felt that my baby got born, but I didn't birth her. So I can rejoice that she was born at the same time that I mourn the loss of that priviledge. It's not in conflict, so don't feel guilty about it. They are separate things.
I'm glad to hear bfing is going well though - you GO mama! How are you feeling physically now? At a week in I still felt I'd been hit by a truck but if I remembered to keep taking the tylenol & advil BEFORE it started to hurt again it really helped.
Thinking of you and sending lots of quick healing vibes. Don't feel you don't belong here. This place is about supporting the philosophy and approach, not about judging the outcome of any given labour. We are 100% here for you.
((hugs)) Danielle, I know what you are going through too. When I think about Raven's birth, I get mad still 3 years later. It's hard to deal with when you have this plan for yourself and everything seems to go wrong. I felt so useless and like a failure. It took me a lot of time to work through it and get past it and move on from it. Healing takes time, physically and emotionally.
Congratulations on your beautiful boy!! Take your time to grieve your birth experience, I think it is important and this is the best place because the ladies here get how emotional birth is and how it effects them when things go differently than expected.
Hi Danielle, I'm from the Feb board and I just found your lodge while looking for someone else's.
I am sorry that you're going through such a rough time being worried about Mikey and having regrets about the birth experience. I don't know if it will help to hear - but after I had planned for 9 months a wonderful natural delivery and ended up with a c-section too, I was also down. Eventually I came to realize (and I've told runmama this a couple times) that the birth itself is but a teeny, tiny amount of time in the baby's life. Everything you do for him after the birth is vastly more important, and it sounds like you are being a terrific mom. Try not to worry too much about it. It will take time, I know.
I hope Mikey's doing better.
Mikey is doing wonderfully. He's just gotten a weeee bit spoiled by everyone holding him so he's being fussy and just wants to be held. His wounds are nearly healed, there's a small spot left on his forehead, which i'm beginning to think might end up as a scar, and there's still some scraping/bruising on the crown of his head, but he's doing great otherwise. Physically, i'm healing well. I'm a lot further along than i thought i'd be by now. I'm not really in pain anymore, jsut very very sore from the yanking and pushing and pulling, and i'm getting around well.
I am glad to hear that you are both healing well!