Whoa - hold the phone! Don't feel like you don't "belong" here because of your situation. There are plenty of natural birth-minded mamas who ended up with sections and it sounds like yours was absolutely necessary (unlike mine ).
I'm sorry that the birth of Mikey was so traumatic - I can't imagine what that must have been like. He's absolutely precious, though, and I'm so glad that he's BFing and sleeping well - yay for a good baby!!
Please feel free to vent, cry, whatever it takes to deal with your birth experience. Check out the "healing thread" if you haven't already - I know that's been a great help to myself and others in coming to terms with our birth experiences.
to you - and congratulations!
i'm going to check out the healing thread.
i just have no idea where to begin to deal with everything. sometimes i feel fine, wondering why i feel so lousy about the experience. then other times, i just think of his birth and just burst into tears. i can't explain to my dh when he wonders why it had affected me so much. he knew our plans for the birth, and he was there every step of the way, but it obviously didnt affect him the way it did me, which i can understand bc it wasnt his body. I was supposed to move around, squat, roll on my birthing ball, get in the tub during my labor and instead i was strapped to a table and cut open. My baby boy didnt come out of my body smoothly with that great rush, he was (quite literally) YANKED out. I just thank God that they didnt use the vacuum to get his head out of my pelvis as they were retrieving the vacuum, the dr finally got his head free. I never thought i'd look back on the day of my baby's birth and cry tears of fear and imense sadness. it worries me to think about how i'll react on his birthdays, reminders and anniversaries of the hell i feel i went through
eta: i only feel this way when i think of the birth. i think the world of my beautiful baby boy. i def dont feel these horrible things towards hm
Hi Danielle, lurker here -
I just wanted to give you a big hug and say congratulations, Mikey is SO HANDSOME!!
I too had a c/s, but it was from failure to progress. Not sure if it was necessary or not, but I can't dwell on that. I'm putting my energy towards fighting for a VBAC for my next birth!
When I think about my daughters birth, I ignore those negative feelings and bad memories that creep up and instead focus on that one amazing moment when I heard her cry. It always makes me smile
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry you went through this. I know how you feel. Let yourself grieve, let yourself cry... this is a safe place for it, even if nobody else gets it, WE DO.
My DH didn't really get it, either. they try to be supportive but they have no way of understanding, and I've found that most women choose not to look at their own birthing experiences hard enough to allow them to understand.
Yes, the baby is wonderful. But the presence of the baby for me was completely unconnected to the experience. They are separate things. I felt that my baby got born, but I didn't birth her. So I can rejoice that she was born at the same time that I mourn the loss of that priviledge. It's not in conflict, so don't feel guilty about it. They are separate things.
I'm glad to hear bfing is going well though - you GO mama! How are you feeling physically now? At a week in I still felt I'd been hit by a truck but if I remembered to keep taking the tylenol & advil BEFORE it started to hurt again it really helped.
Thinking of you and sending lots of quick healing vibes. Don't feel you don't belong here. This place is about supporting the philosophy and approach, not about judging the outcome of any given labour. We are 100% here for you.
((hugs)) Danielle, I know what you are going through too. When I think about Raven's birth, I get mad still 3 years later. It's hard to deal with when you have this plan for yourself and everything seems to go wrong. I felt so useless and like a failure. It took me a lot of time to work through it and get past it and move on from it. Healing takes time, physically and emotionally.
DD: Raven 1/25/04
Congratulations on your beautiful boy!! Take your time to grieve your birth experience, I think it is important and this is the best place because the ladies here get how emotional birth is and how it effects them when things go differently than expected.
Mommy to three gorgeous girls
at 6 weeks 22/10/09
Hi Danielle, I'm from the Feb board and I just found your lodge while looking for someone else's.
I am sorry that you're going through such a rough time being worried about Mikey and having regrets about the birth experience. I don't know if it will help to hear - but after I had planned for 9 months a wonderful natural delivery and ended up with a c-section too, I was also down. Eventually I came to realize (and I've told runmama this a couple times) that the birth itself is but a teeny, tiny amount of time in the baby's life. Everything you do for him after the birth is vastly more important, and it sounds like you are being a terrific mom. Try not to worry too much about it. It will take time, I know.
I hope Mikey's doing better.
Mikey is doing wonderfully. He's just gotten a weeee bit spoiled by everyone holding him so he's being fussy and just wants to be held. His wounds are nearly healed, there's a small spot left on his forehead, which i'm beginning to think might end up as a scar, and there's still some scraping/bruising on the crown of his head, but he's doing great otherwise. Physically, i'm healing well. I'm a lot further along than i thought i'd be by now. I'm not really in pain anymore, jsut very very sore from the yanking and pushing and pulling, and i'm getting around well.
I am glad to hear that you are both healing well!
Mommy to three gorgeous girls
at 6 weeks 22/10/09