She is gorgeous Taryl! I'm sorry that things were so rough for you and that your recovery has been difficult. Know that you are in my prayers.
So glad you found a minute to post. Callie is beautiful! You must be so proud. Sorry you are going through a rough time. I'm glad you DH is helping and hope you pull through quickly. God bless!
I'm so glad to see your post this morning! I am happy to hear that you and Callie are doing well. Take your time and heal up real nice! We'll still be here for your story later;)
(((hugs))) She's absolutely beautiful!! We're here for you!
Glad to hear that you & Callie are both doing OK . . . she's beautiful. It sounds like you had a very difficult time of things. Take all the time you need to recover, and know that we're here to support you when you're ready to share. :bighug:
Taryl, Callie is beautiful! Take your time to heal, sound like you have some good support in your DH. Come back and give us details soon - and more pics!
I am so glad to finally hear that you and Callie are ok! She is so beautiful and I am so impressed by how hard you tried to get her here. I can't imagine anyone enduring so many hours of induced labor after being so exhausted from your weeks on end of prodromal. You are amazing. I am so sorry you didn't get your home birth, but hopefully there are many others in your future. I am also sorry to hear about the PPD, but glad you are recognizing that you might be headed in that direction and sounds like you have good support from your DH. Please know that we are all here for you. Sending good thoughts your way and hoping you enjoy your babymoon.
silly me - I just looked at her birth date and Callie and I share a birthday! (and i am the oldest, born via c/s after a grueling labor and a fight for a NCB. so maybe we share more than just a birthday.) All my love to both of you.
It so good to hear from you, you and Callie are in my thoughts.
Congrats. Glad that you are both doing well. She looks so beautiful and peaceful. Wishing you a speedy recovery from your c-section.
Thanks for the update... :bighug: I hope you start feeling better soon.
Congratulations, Taryl on your beautiful daughter and on what sounds like a very challenging labour and birth. However different the birth was from your plans, you DID it and deserve huge hugs!
Glad to hear that you've got good support at home. We're here for you on the board.
Here are lyrics to a song that I like to listen to when depression looms. It's called "Cry If You Want To" written by Paul Brandt, performed by the Holly Cole Trio. You can hear a 30-second clip at the following website; looks like it costs 12 cents to download the song. Or maybe there's a free version out there somewhere...http://music.allofmp3.com/r2/Holly_Cole_Trio/Don%60t_Smoke_In_Bed/group_8664/album_1/albref_7/mcatalog.shtml
Cry if you want to
I won't tell you not to
I won’t try to cheer you up
I'll just be here if you want me.
It’s no use in keeping a stiff upper lip
You can weep, you can sleep, you can loosen your grip
You can frown, you can drown, and go down with the ship
You can cry if you want to.
Don’t ever apologize venting your pain
Its something to me you don’t need to explain
I don’t need to know why
I don’t think it’s insane
You can cry if you want to.
The windows are closed
And the neighbors aren’t home
If it’s better with me than to do it alone
I'll draw all the curtains and unplug the phone
You can cry if you want to.
You can stare at the ceiling and tear at your hair
Swallow your feelings and stagger and swear
Show things and throw things and I wouldn’t care
You can cry if you want to.
I won’t make fun of you
I won’t tell anyone
I won’t analyze what you do or you should have done
I won’t advise you to go and have fun
You can cry if you want to.
Well it’s empty and it's ugly and it's terribly sad
I can’t feel what you feel but I know it feels bad
I know that its real and it makes you so mad
You could cry.
Cry if you want to
I won’t tell you not to
I won’t try to cheer you up
I'll just be here if you want me
To be near you.
What a beautiful baby girl! Congrats! It gave me goose bumps to see your post and know that the two of you are safe and sound. I hope that you have a speedy recovery both physically and mentally! God bless your family!
Found a free version of the Holly Cole song at http://1heckofaguy.com/2006/09/06/ill-just-be-here-if-you-want-me-to-be-near-you/
The version on her live album is better, but this one might hit the spot too.
Oh Taryl I'm so glad to hear from you! What a gorgeous fat little girl.
sending you lots of gentle hugs and healing vibes. I know what that's like - don't try to do too much and remember to take the meds before it starts to hurt.
we're here for you.
Congrats and she is beautiful!
Congrats, your daughter is just gorgeous!
Oh I'm so glad you are okay and Callie is healthy! You are a superwoman....
I can't wait to hear details and see more pics of that sweet chubby angel. She's gorgeous!
Rest up and take care of YOU and Callie-- coming here needs to be the least of your worries....
Congrats to you and Peter!!!
Congratulations on your beautiful little girl Taryl. Thanks so much for the update. You've been in my thoughts, and you are still in my thoughts as you adjust to life. Rest up and enjoy your little daughter.
So glad to hear from you Taryl! Callie is absolutely gorgeous. Rest up and take care of yourself.
I am so glad that you and Callie are home. She is gorgeous!
I'm a little late, but you were in my thoughts and prayers, and will continue to be! She is darling:)
Congratulations, Taryl! Callie is beautiful!
So I've been avoiding it, but I need to post her full birth story, before I block out any more details.
After having three weeks of prodromal labor, on and off, I was feeling fairly exhausted and unhealthy. However, I was still confident that Callie would come on her own.
Friday, March 30: I was finally able to have my membranes swept by my midwife, and my contractions kicked back up. Despite fears about Callie's size, the obstetricians I had to see that day decided I would be better served by going into labor on my own, if possible, than by being induced or c-sectioned the next day.
Saturday, March 31: After much walking and contractions, I lost my plug in full bloody show rather than in little spots here and there. I was so excited! My strength felt like it was flagging a little, however, with all the continued contractions. But the show convinced me that the end would soon be near.
Sunday, April 1: Still having contractions, but not feeling any progress. The swelling in my legs and hands was getting painful and I was feeling exceptionally run down, like I had the flu.
Monday, April 2: The symptoms of Sunday continued, and the flu feeling increased as well as feeling faint. I called my midwife and she did a blood pressure check, which yielded 150/100 or so. She called the obstetrician right away to set up a consultation and discern a course of action. My body was no longer tolerating all this prolonged labor and it looked like Callie had run out of time to come on her own, with the midwives. We met with Dr. Welling right after that appt, at around 5:00 monday night, and he scheduled me to begin inductions at the hospital that evening. I was exhausted from the weekend as well as my hips hurting too badly to sleep, so I pushed th induction back a few hours to grab a quick nap at home. We checked into Bartlett Regional Hospital at around 8:30 that night.
Beginning at 9:00, my vitals were taken and the nurses started Pitocin. I was on that until 2:00 am, with horrid results. My midwives had estimated my cervix at 3 cm and 80% effacement, otherwise they wouldn't have been able to have the membrane sweep. But the nurses and Dr. Welling insisted that was maybe 3 cm on the outside and funneled closed on the inside, with maybe 20% effacement. They couldn't get a finger in. Consequently, they couldn't see HOW Kaye could have swept me. I am familiar with the phenomenon of a woman dilating for one attendant and clamping closed for another, and I am sure that the tension of the day and the unfamiliar hands caused me to lose progress, despite the fact that the nurses say it isn't possible.
My blood pressure was still high but they had decided the pitocin wasn't working, so they planned to let me rest that evening and start trying Cervadil, for a slower but more complete induction, at 7:00 in the morning. I was so tense, tired, and stressed from the day's events that I got no rest between the Pitocin and Cervadil.
Tuesday, April 3: Cervadil began at 7:00 am and by noon my contractions strong and around 3 minutes apart. I was encouraged. However a check at 4:00 by a nurse showed I had made NO PROGRESS, despite the 9 hours of Cervadil and 4 hours of Pitocin. They left me on the Cervadil for another 10 hours but still, no progress. In addition, Callie was moving so much that the external monitors they had me on kept constantly losing her, so I couldn't get up and move for fear that we'd have to yet again reposition the stupid EFM. It was probably more stressful than the labor, itself, having to move that sucker every five minutes. The nurses hovering constantly for vitals didn't help either, and the IV lines were driving me nuts. I was absolutely exhausted, moreso emotionally than physically, and the complete lack of any progress was so demoralizing it wasn't even funny. I got 3 cm ON MY OWN and yet with all the chemicals they had in their bags I somehow DIGRESSED?!
To make matters worse, they were aiming for the contractions to get strong enough to drop her head and apply cervical pressure, or at least get her engaged enough for a fetal scalp electrode, which would cause my water to break AND make Callie easier to track. When the doctor checked me he said her head was indeed lower, but they could wiggle it back and forth which made no sense to any of them, but made them too nervous to do the amniotomy for fear of a cord prolapse. So after all that crap my very last option was one they were too scared to try. I was so fed up by midnight that I just sat in the bed cussing, crying, and generally cursing the medical profession.
Wednesday, April 4: More Pitocin, over 16 hours of 1-2 minutes apart contractions of around 1 minute long per piece, aan still no progress besides some slight additional effacement. I told Dr. Schneider, the attending physician, in no uncertain terms that the chance of a prolapse was so minimal it was laughable, and if my water broke on its own the same risk would apply, and that if they couldn't do the amniotomy I would end up with a c-section anyway, so what was the difference? A possible emergency c-section and my last chance at vaginal birth, or straight to a section without exhausting every single option? He claimed he wasn't comfortable trying to amniotomy without consulting some other doctors, so Peter and I waited out the night, still contracting like crazy, for the doctor to give us his answer at 8:00 the next morning. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep in little bits, and at this point was feeling so weak and exhausted I could hardly see straight, but I knew one way or the other it would end the next day.
Thursday, April 5: Dr. Schneider got the go-ahead from the surgeon to do the amniotomy, and the theatre was set up for the c-section just in case. Dr. Schneider expected me to gush fluid horribly, as my abdomen was SO distended and my fluid volume was unusually high. But when the electrode was fixed there was hardly a trickle. When I contracted more did gush out, but no much-feared prolapse, and no instant dropping of baby. I told Dr. Schneider that I would give the labor a solid go until noon and then, if I had still made little to no progress, I would have a c-section that afternoon.
Breaking my water definitely intensified my labor, and my contractions, sped up by Pitocin, were around 1 minutes apart and a minute and a half in length. It was the most awful experience of my life. The breaks were shorter than the labor itself, and I was having ALL BACK LABOR! It was burning, shooting pain down my back and thighs, hardly any sensation in my cervix. The pain was actually much worse of my right side, for reasons we didn't find out until later in the day. I had no pain relief through the four days of induced labor thus far and none for this, but man was I tempted! ZFinally, at noon I knew in my heart I had no progress. I wouldn't even let the nurses check me because I was terrified of having one of those brutal contractions while on my back. I breathed and moaned through them with all my might but still I felt like I was barely hanging on. And in between them I was in a half-conscious daze, exhausted and out of my head. It was what I had thought laborland to be, but with a tinge of despair I hadn't anticipated. By then, I had fully surrendered myself to the c-section. I really had tried my best.
The doctor agreed to it, but scheduled it for 3:00 pm. I was in so much pain I only partly heard him. I had asked for an epidural for those three hours in between so I could rest before the surgery, but apparently he and the anesthesiologist had decided I would just have a spinal right before the operation. Then the anesthesiologist was called away to an emergency and I was stranded with no pain relief and no reason left to endure the horrid contractions. To my horror, I finally started to panic. I had reached far beyond the limits of my mental and physical strength, and each contraction felt like I was dying. My legs were too weak to move, the flu-like symptoms I had made my throat close up and dry out and my head feel like lead. The nurses kept coming in and breaking my concentration for vital signs when Callie would move away from the monitors, and I was seriously contemplating murdering the nurses and doctors there. Through it all Peter was pushing on my back and whispering encouragements to me, and that really sustained me. Lorna, one of the midwives, was there too, but she kind of faded into the background.
Finally I asked the nurses for some Stadol to take the edge off, which it did, but barely. Each hour they gave me more, which was horrid in and of itself because the effects would wear off around 15 minutes before the new dose would come. To make matters worse the nurses forbid me from any food from Midnight the night before and no water from 9:00 that morning, which made me even weaker and my throat was so raw all I could do was whisper. At this point I was just crying like crazy, barely coherent and hardly able to breathe. It was the worst experience of my life.
The nurses finally came in for pre-surgery prep with the anesthesiologist, and about time too! It was 2:30, and they wheeled me into the theatre. The spinal anesthesia, which I had dreaded for so many years, was the EASIEST anesthesia I ever had. No pain going in, good and solid short term effects, and no lingering catheter like an epidural, so less chance of infection. Soon my legs wouldn't lift, I couldn't feel my abs, and since the anesthesiologist applied the shot a little high my arms were partially numbed as well. The catheter went in and I felt so weird abdominal sensations. I asked them to pinch my skin to make sure I could feel nothing and my husband then informed me that the point was a little moot as her head was coming out!
They went about the whole thing so fast I didn't even know they were doing it!
At 4:18 she was out, and I heard one shrill cry. The rest was kind of a blur. After ten minutes my husband told them to let me see her... I think they forgot about me! They popped her around the drapes for a moment and then whisked her back. She was perfectly healthy despite the HOURS and DAYS of labor, weighed in at 8 pounds 15 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long. Dr. Schneider checked me while I was numb and announced that I was only 5 cm or so and no more effaced than I was over a day before, after being in what was equivalent to transition for HALF A DAY! He further concluded that only a small portion of the right side of her head was molded, she had been coming down at an angle. And that if they hadn't done the c-section then I would have gone through 30 hours or so of more labor only to end in a section anyway, there was no WAY she was coming down on her own.
As for the high weight estimates, the could only conclude her weird position and high fluid volume skewed the measurements.
Callie was perfect, I was exhausted, couldn't talk, and had been sliced open. But I have NO regrets about the c-section, I can truly say I did my very best and fought as hard as I could for every damn cm. The worst part, emotionally, was AFTER labor. At that point I had been in the hospital for so many days already I was beginning to get depressed.
But that part of the saga shall be continued in another post. For now, that is the birth story!
Wow Taryl sounds like you went through a hell of a lot. I hope your recovery is swift and trouble free. Your beautiful baby girl is gorgeous. You did great! Congratulations again.
You are amazing Taryl. I can't even imagine doing so well through all of that trauma and I am so glad your DH was there to support you in the midst of all the medical chaos. I hope you heal quickly from the c/s and enjoy your babymoon.
Has your DH started his job and are you moving soon? I hope life settles down for you soon.
Taryl, you are an amazing and strong woman. Congratulations on enduring such a long and difficult labor. Your daughter is so beautiful.
Omigoodness, you are a birthing Warrior! I can't believe how much you endured and how much you advocated for yourself during that entire process!
Congrats on Callie and the absolute heroics you went through.
Wow - you are amazing to have endured thaat. As much as I'm a fighter and want a natural home-birth, I don't know if I could have lasted nad advocated for myself through all that. You are Amazing.
I wish you a speedy recovery, both physically and mentally, and congratulate you on a beautiful baby girl!
Ditto to what Sarah said! Truly an amazing story! Rest up and enjoy your beautiful little girl!
Callie is gorgeous, you've really endured quite a lot! I hope you are feeling well. Congratulations on your beautiful girl!
Oh Taryl-- what an experience. I'm so sorry that it wasn't as you imagined or planned or expected. Thank you for sharing with us. I've had pitocin contrax-- and they are AWFUL-- nothing like normal labor, b/c you don't get the rest you do in natural labor.
Please take care of YOU-- I can't imagine entering motherhood so exhausted, so tired, for so many days. Girl, you need a break! No wonder these first few days/weeks have been hard.
((HUGS)) Hang in there and lean on us when you need support.
Wow hon, you are truly amazing. what a story. Sending you great big gentle hugs! You done good mama.
OMG, what a story. I'm amazed at how much you were able to go through before finally submitting to the section. You are one strong mama. Thanks for sharing your story.
Wow. Just. WOW.
Taryl, you are absolutely AMAZING. You and your hubby both deserve some kid of reward for staying strong through so much. Callie is very lucky to have parents like you.
Please, make sure you take the time to rest and recover properly, you have certainly earned it.
WoW!!!! I can't even imagine. I am so very sorry!!! No wonder you stayed away for so long. I would have too!!!!!!
I am really very very sorry.
Congratulations on your beautiful little girl however.
Wow! You are amazing! I really admire you for doing EVERYTHING and going so LONG to have a natural birth that really shows strength.
Well brief good news. Callie had some gaining and feeding problems post partum as a result of her being a little too impatient to wait for the colostrum, and thus lost around 12% of her birth weight (which freaked those damn nurses out to no end). Fortunately, after a nightmarish evening of trying to supplement her feedings my milk came in, and very well. At the midwife's appt. yesterday she had gained back all her birth weight and then some, weighing in at 9 pounds 3 oz... and she wasn't quite two weeks old.
Her umbilical stump also came off a day before.
So she is doing much better now than she was before and I can safely say that aside from a moment of frustration here or there, things have gotten MUCH better around here and we are both much happier and healthier. It looks like my fears of postpartum depression were thankfully unfounded.
My mother-in-law just flew out of town this morning, she had been here in Juneau six days helping us start packing up for the move. She was a *great* help and wonderful with the baby, but I am glad to see her go. Having a houseguest, especially one as active and high-energy as her, was exhausting! I just felt like I couldn't relax and let my hair down. My husband was ready for her to go home as well, thankfully. Our house went on the market today at a higher value than we had anticipated, which was GREAT news, and the agent seems confident it will sell very quickly.
Many of our boxes are packed and we're gonna continue to add more, most of the things that needing fixing around the house, like paint touchups, insulation additions and some replaced drywall and seaming are now done, and this evening my husband will hopefully be completing the parking pad out front which will complete our list of major upgrades.
For now, every day is better than the last and Callie is really doing much better, acting like more of a little person than just a baby blob, and our schedule has evened out nicely. I think having to move so soon after the birth has actually HELPED me move past the event, it has given me something else to look forward to and focus on which is exactly what I needed.
So the moving agenda seems to be as follows:
Saturday, May 12: my 21st birrthday
Sunday, May 13: we pack up the last of our boxes into the shipping crate (to go on the barge to Anchorage) and leave our house for good.
Monday, May 14: We step onto the ferry to leave Juneau forever at 7:30 am. YAY!!!!
It's less than a month away and I am SO glad! I won't be online too frequently in the next six weeks because of all these events, but I will try to update as frequently as possible!
Holy cow I can't believe you're MOVING right now - all my fingers and toes crossed that your house sells quickly and all the packing goes smoothly.
Yay Callie for getting onto the weight upswing! Nurses - OK medical folk in general - seem to get freaked out so easily... I think it really sucks for them when they can't fit us (or our babes) into the right little box. :roll:
How are you feeling hon? You must be tired, with all of this going on and recovery too. Check in as you can but know even if you're not "here", we're thinking about you.
Wow. Your birth story was amazing.. You definitely are the woman and I can't say I would have survived the same events as well as you did mama. Kudo's to you, you endured A LOT.
I too can't believe you are moving now. Holy cow, I hate moving and it is a lot of work.. Having a new baby is a lot of work. Are you making this stuff up? (sarcastic) You must be a superhero. Take time for yourself too.. do some deep breathing every day, make time for nice baths and good music.. dance/sing and get a facial, lol.. We will be watching for your updates but you're going to be a busy mama so we'll be more than understanding if we don't see much of you for a while.
I hope all goes smoothly and please try to enjoy your babymoon
Yay Taryl! I am so glad to hear your milk is in and you are all doing so well. Sounds like such a busy household! Try not to work too hard, enjoy your little one as much as you can.
YAY, I'm so glad to hear things are going well now. Go, Callie, what a champ! And of course I'm not all that surprised by how things are going b/c of what a strong woman you are! You rock!
Im so glad things are looking up for you!! And that Callie has got it together and is gaining great weight! Dont wover do it too much! Take it easy when you can and i hope your move goes smoothly!!
thinking of you, hon. xo R
Sounds like everything is going really well. It is so great to hear from you!!
I'll be doing the same thing you are doing around the birth of our little one: moving! So I'll keep checking in to see how you handle it.
You take care!!!