~^*~^*Ayelet's (tanismom) Birth Lodge*^~*^~

**Spacers** · 08-15-2009, 02:56 AM

I also think you probably just overdid things. I'm going through the same thing myself. I was down to just pink spotting on Wednesday & Thursday, and then today I did way waaaaayyy too much and I'm back to lots of red bleeding. Hopefully both of us will be able to take it easier over the weekend and it'll lighten up.

**tanismom** · 08-16-2009, 09:14 AM

Katherine - the wrap I made is the same concept as the moby, wraps have been around for waaay longer than the moby, so I wouldn't call it a knock-off, per se! I love them - in fact, LO is in it right now!

ugh, I keep going back and forth w/ the bleeding and it's driving me batty! Esp since I have to wait for it to clear up completely before hubby and I can touch again - so stinky!

in other news, the diaper rash is getting better, I think it's the detergent we're using, though... Shana, you were the one that showed me soapberries - anyone have experience using them on dipes? I'm gonna xp to the cd board too. I haven't seen 7th generatiion here or any of the other natural soaps, but I do know where I can get soapberries...

Wed is his next appt! I can't wait to see how big he is, I think he's growing really fast - but maybe it's just my perception... we'll find out on Wed!

**tanismom** · 08-16-2009, 04:54 PM

(xp from the thread w/ the letter to the MW - I want to have this here too, so I can remember my process...)

Originally Posted by Spacers

When we transferred during Weston's birth, I felt nothing but love & support the whole time. My midwives hit the "reload" button on my epidural every 10 minutes like clockwork because I just wasn't physically or emotionally able to do it. One of them suited up & waited outside the OR just in case DH had to go with Weston to the ICN, she could come in & stay with me for the rest of the surgery. And they were both there in my recovery room to make sure I got settled & to help with breastfeeding, and they didn't leave until I told them to. THAT is what a midwife is supposed to do, provide support and continuity of care no matter where the birth happens. I'm so sorry you didn't get that service from your midwife, and I think you're right to withhold payment because of it. I had to pay my midwife up front, but if I'd gotten that shoddy service, I'd be suing for my money back!

When I read your birth story in your lodge, I was so happy for you, and I was also so jealous, I know that sounds awful, but I was. Obviously I wasn't going to write that in your lodge! And I'm over it on a personal level (meaning I don't resent you for having the support in a similar circumstance that I lacked) but on a general level it still hurts so much to know that I could have, should have had a positive birth - even with a transfer, even in the ambulance, even in the hospital - but I didn't. It just hurts.

I still find myself imagining in my mind of how it could have gone. And I can see the whole thing as if it were real, I can feel the calm and the love and the peace, but I can't change the story. If they had stopped the ambulance, then Yoram could have come around and supported me and there would have been no clamps and no pulling of placentas. I would have arrived at the hospital cuddling and nursing my newborn under my shirt, with his placenta wrapped up and still attached to him.

Or if I had allowed myself to keep pushing after she called the ambulance, if I'd made them just wait to take me until he was born, then he would have been born in my living room and my mother and Yoram and my wonderful mother-like neighbor would have boxed out the MW to help me.

Or if I hadn't called her until I was pushing, which I had seriously considered the previous night. That when it would start again, I wouldn't call her until it was too late for her to get here for the birth. But I didn't trust myself...

I just want to heal...