Ok so you have an amazing experienced midwife as a doula! I would imagine that in light of everything that has happened this can only be the next best thing to giving birth at home. (ok so maybe having a midwife as a doula and giving birth in a birth center might be the next best thing but you understand where I'm coming from right?)
Easier said than done but I guess the only thing you can do at this point is reconcile with yourself and own your birth regardless of surrounding circumstances. (and be thankful you have this awesome midwife by your side) At least she can check you!!
I'm one of those "let go and let God" types. I'm sure the Universe is working in all sorts of mysterious and wonderful ways to make sure you get the birth you need and deserve. You're an intelligent woman and you know to speak up for yourself. That alone is a wonderful thing and your baby is lucky to have you for a mother.
I think it's great that the MW is willing to doula for you. Not all hospital births are horrible. Not all home births are magical. I just hope that whatever birth you have is healing and perfect for you and LO.
I'm so sorry you're on this rollercoaster, and that your HB seems to be fading away. I agree that it's fantastic that you can have this MW as your doula, and I'm certain you can make your birth as perfect as you want it, even in a hospital. Hang in there. Every day that passes you are one day closer to your baby.
I am so sorry about the rollercoaster of emotions you have been dealing with. I am so glad you are having the best possible hospital scenario though. Being comfortable with your new MW as a doula will make things go so much easier for you. I just wanted to add that my hospital birth really was great. Laboring at home and transferring when you are ready to go is a perfect plan and you are going to have an awesome birth to meet your little girl!
A friend I met in June, who lives across town, just let me know she had her baby yesterday and is sending me the details in an email. She's the only person I know locally who has been pregnant, so that makes me feel like I am getting closer.....
It was interesting. all day yesterday I had cx and was miserable. Then I had the appt with Veronica last night, and all the symptoms of labor disappeared. Until I signed the papers today and paid her to be my doula. Since then, cramping and cx resumed. As if my body said, "no midwife?! Freak out! Don't have the baby! Possible doula? Calm down, but don't have the baby. Doula on board? Okay, now where were we....."
That makes sense. I was just re-reading Ina May and there's that fight or flight part of your body that doesn't allow for rational thought. I'm assuming resuming symptoms means your body is relaxing back into the flow of things. I'll be happy to see your pregnancy over and for you to get a relief from your misery. It will happen soon!!!
Yeah...and my friend who just had her baby had it at home--we had had the same midwife, so part of me is grieving and a little jealous, but there's nothing I can do about it except let the feelings pass.
The hospital bag is ready.........
I am also feeling like I have been less relevant to this experience the more time that passes. Everything is for baby. All the things I wanted during this pregnancy didn't happen due to illness or circumstance.
I'm so sorry your dealing with all of this on top of just being so pregnant. I'm sure you will have the birth that is best for your baby. I had my second naturally in a hospital and it was a wonderfull experience. As long as you make sure to stick up for your self and ask for the things that really matter to you then you'll do fine. Just remember that they are there to help you and they can't know what you need unless you ask! (((HUGS))) Be good to your self, and rest peacefully knowing that your going to be where your supposed to be to have this baby.