Hi V! I'm just catching up on your lodge now! You are looking great and Joseph is a handsome little boy! How is your DD with him?
I"m sorry that you didn't get your VBAC either. It is so hard to want and work for something for so long and get so close and it doesn't happen. You are so strong and I admire you for staying in the game for so long especially with all the prodromal labor you had!
I hope your feeling OK, and that your house gets healthy soon and stays healthy!
Thanks Megan- BTW I love you Siggy Picture. Looks like you are recovering well. Rachel adores her baby brother and loves to touch him all the time. The only problem is when he is sleeping and she wants to play with him its hard to get her to understand that he needs to rest. We're constantly telling her to leave him alone. Today, sadly she said "I don't like Joseph". I was so shocked and upset that she said that. I asked her why she felt that way and she said " He is always sleeping and doesnt want to play with me". I explained that he is small and needs to rest and then she said she doesn't like him because he sucks moms boobs. I think that was her way of saying she is not getting enough attention. I know it's hard to balance the attention but I hope she can understand that we love her just as much as we did before Joseph came around. We try to do special things with her daily but I can tell she is noticing he is the center of attention thins days.
I've been trying to find time to post updates on my lodge but I am usually so tired and exhausted most days. I have also been trying to find the courage to post about some things(not positive) going on in my life(our lives I shd say). I really want to post positve stuff but my days are enveloped in so much sadness and wheeping and some days I just feel like i can't make it. I want this to all end and for me to have a fresh start or to go back in time to see if I would have taken a diff fork in the road. I really want to enjoy the presence of my new son but I just find it so difficult to appreciate him and separate all the crap going on from him. I wish I had the courage to just put everything out in the open and get help but somehow I still feel so guarded and I can't speak in a public forum even though I know I will get so much help. .... I just pray that I can get strength to get thru this because right now I am hanging on a very thin thread.