~~**~~Stacey's (Spacer) Birth Lodge~~**~~

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~~**~~Stacey's (Spacer) Birth Lodge~~**~~

I know technically I'm a day early, but I couldn't wait any longer. Biggrin I know how much you've prepared and planned for this birth in so many ways and I can't wait to share this last part of the journey with you. I only hope I can be as supportive and helpful to you as you have been to me.

Welcome to your lodge, dear friend!!!!!

:bigarmhug:

renee24's picture
Joined: 08/06/06
Posts: 1096

:woohool: welcome to your lodge!

cmljll's picture
Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 1409

Welcome to your lodge!

strawberryshortk86's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 126

Welcome to your lodge!!! :bigarmhug:

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

Yahoo Welcome to your lodge, Stacey! I'm excited to read about your home VBAC! Yahoo

I occasionally lurk on the VBAC board, and you and chevy are so great at informing all the ladies who ask questions about their options.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

OMG, you just made me start crying right here at work! At least this time they are good tears and not because I'm frustrated or angry or sad. Thank you, Jenn! I can't believe it's my turn already.

MySweetAGL's picture
Joined: 08/26/04
Posts: 81

Yay!!! Welcome to your lodge! Can't wait for your VBAC!

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

Oh man! I was watching your ticker to start your lodge! Jenn, you beat me to it!

Welcome to your lodge, Stacey! I'm so excited to be on this journey with you!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"tanismom" wrote:

Oh man! I was watching your ticker to start your lodge! Jenn, you beat me to it!

Heehee, that's one of the reasons I started it a day early. Wink

OperaDiva's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 396

Welcome to your lodge, can't wait to hear about your home VBAC!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I was reading Aurora's intro and it hit me that I could be her mom. So here's my intro: I'm Stacey and I'm old. Wink

The Story of Us :love10:

My DH (who insists on remaining anonymous online) & I have been together almost 25 years. We met in our first class our first day of college. It was an English Honors class, only 12 people and one of them was my younger sister. :roll: She met her husband in the same class, and DH & I met one of our oldest & bestest friends there, too. The other 7 people were just weird. DH says that I chased him like a dog, but it's not true. He had a film-making class and a lot of camera equipment to lug around, and I drove a truck. That's all there was to it. Blum 3 A year later, I was living with him in his dad's house, a year after that we got our own place. Eight years later we got married.

Neither of us was really interested in getting married, we were one of those couples who just didn't need "the piece of paper" to validate our relationship. And then one day DH got sick and ended up in the ER with chest pains, and I wasn't allowed in to see him and wasn't given any information about his condition. A nurse came out and asked me how to get hold of his mother, but she wouldn't tell me anything because I wasn't "family." Sad I sat in that waiting room for 12 hours not knowing what was going on, or even whether he was alive or dead, until he walked out and said he could go home. On our way home, I told him that we needed to get married so that neither of us would ever have to go through that again. But we didn't do it. And then a close friend of mine who was an artist died and, despite a will leaving everything to his same-sex partner, his parents sold off all his artwork and took everything else, leaving his partner with nothing but memories. Sad I told DH (who is also an artist & writer) that we needed to get married so that neither of us would ever have to go through something like that. I couldn't stand supporting him & his art for so long, just to see his parents rip it all away from me and sell it to strangers, or worse, just box it up and never do anything with it. One night in March or April of 1994, it was late and we were drinking and talking about the future, and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I thought he was joking with me and I started crying about what a nasty thing that was to do. He said he was serious, and I said if you're serious then go get the calendar and pick a date right now. He got a calendar and chose December 10th.

We were going to get married at a lovely little garden restaurant in San Francisco called Tuba Garden. It was a charming old Victorian with fireplaces in every room, and a heated garden patio out back with antique tubas hanging on ivy-covered walls. We're vegetarian, and they worked out a beautiful menu with us. We had about 85 people on our guest list, which ticked my mom off because she wanted to invite all kinds of extended family in addition to everyone else she knew, but only wanted to contribute $3000. :roll: DH's family offered to contribute some money since we weren't having a rehearsal dinner, but then his mom had to have surgery that wasn't covered by insurance. We told them to keep the money, and we scaled back our plans a bit. Then just a month before the ceremony, the big payment was due to the restaurant and my mom balked at handing over the money she'd promised us. She said, "Why should I have to pay for food that I'm not going to eat?" She wanted me to change the menu, change the color scheme because she doesn't look good in green or gold (even though I asked her to wear black), and to not serve alcohol because some of our relatives are bad drunks (even though I hadn't invited any of those relatives) and there's probably other stuff I'm repressing. Blum 3 Anyway, the end result is that we canceled the wedding about a month before the date. We still got married on our special day, we just did it in Golden Gate Park with only the minister who married us and DH's best friend who took some photos.

We had agreed to not have kids for at least three years, and when three years rolled around, I was back in college full time and didn't even want to think about it. I graduated with a degree in Accounting in 1999 and did some time with a CPA firm for a couple of years, then did some work with non-profits for a while, and then finally landed a job with the State toward the end of 2002. I love my job! I'm using my brain and my degree, and I don't come home smelling like a cheeseburger! (I was a restaurant manager before returning to school.) And with the agency and especially the department I work in, I really feel that I'm doing something good for the world. That's what drew me to non-profits, but I like having a solid dependable paycheck which is never a certainty with non-profits. (The current budget mess in California is so far not affecting me, and is quite unlikely to affect me unless the entire state government collapses or the state slides off into the ocean or some other dire event like that happens.)

I turned 37 in the summer of 2003, and my biological clock started bonging like a church bell. Blum 3 When I was 35, I'd gotten a renewal on my BCP prescription and mentioned something to my nurse practitioner about how I was almost 36, and she said, "Oh, we don't worry about your age until you're over 36." Well, suddenly I was over 36! I was older than my mom had been when she had her last child, who is 12 years younger than me! I was older than MIL had been when she had her last child, who is 14 years younger than DH! DH wasn't really interested in my biological clock and didn't want to feel rushed into making any decisions. I told him that we needed to start talking about when/if we were going to have children, because this was a deal-breaker for me. As much as I loved being his wife & partner, I wanted to be someone's mama even more. He was busy with some work project and said let's talk about this next month when I'm done, and I agreed. That conversation was some time in September 2003, and we found out on October 13th that Tiven was on her way.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

What! That's it?

There'd better be more. Wink

JJO_Mommy712's picture
Joined: 04/17/08
Posts: 101

Stacey, welcome to your lodge! I cannot wait to share in your VBAC journey. But, where is the rest of your intro?!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

Oh yeah, sorry! I forgot to mention that there will be much more, probably tomorrow.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Welcome to your lodge!! Hope you get a perfect home bith:) I really enjoyed your intro, and look forward to more. I've also always been curious how you pronounced Tiven's name?

perkyblue's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 109

Welcome to your lodge Stacey! Great intro so far!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

The Story of Tiven Blum 3

We found out on October 13th that I was pregnant with Tiven. My grand-dad (whom I called Papa but I've stopped since Tiven calls DH her Papa) died on October 13th many years ago, and I've had a series of sad events on that date over the years, so it was really great to have something positive happen on that date. As I said earlier, we weren't trying to get pregnant, and we weren't even talking about when to try, we had just agreed to have "the talk" and I guess Tiven heard. Blum 3 DH wasn't quite as excited with the news as I was, and we had a couple of really serious talks in those first few days. I told him that he was free to leave, no strings attached, but that if he stayed I expected him to "be there" for me & our baby 100%. He stayed, and he is honestly the best parent I've ever known. I'm so lucky that he's the father of my kids!

We didn't want to know the gender of our baby, and we didn't like the idea of naming a baby we hadn't met yet even if we did know, so we decided to come up with a nickname. Our baby was due in June 2004, which was the Year of the Monkey in the Asian zodiac calendar, so we started calling the baby Monkey. I *knew* she was a girl even though we didn't really know. I've felt since I was a young girl that my first child would be a girl, I can't explain it, I just knew. And it drove DH batty!

I had an absolutely dream pregnancy. I was tired, exhausted actually, for most of my first trimester, but that was it. No morning sickness, no heartburn, no hemmorhoids, no swelling, no acne, no nosebleeds, I had none of the normal pregnancy complaints. (I'll wait while you throw something at the computer! :oops: ) We planned a home birth, but between waiting too long to start looking for a midwife, and financial issues when DH stopped working midway through my pregnancy, it looked like it wasn't going to happen. I get free prenatal care at my HMO through my work insurance, so I was seeing a nurse practitioner regularly, but as time went on, I more & more did NOT want my baby born in that hospital. I threw out the idea of going unassisted and, to my surprise, DH was cool with it! Dirol He liked the idea of it being just the two of us, and in the event of an emergency we're less than 10 minutes from the HMO hospital and there's another hospital even closer, and the EMT response time in our neighborhood is ridiculously low since the firehouse is six blocks away, we couldn't have asked for a better situation for an unassisted birth. So that was our new plan for a few months and we educated ourselves about various complications and how to deal with them, and how to recognize an emergency. I bought an automatic blood pressure monitor and rented a Doppler. And then my dad, totally out of the blue, gave me $5000. :eek:

So there I was suddenly at about 35 weeks pregnant with enough money to afford a midwife. I called a bunch of them back and one, Maria, had an opening. We went to meet her and fell in love and we hired her on the spot. My NP had gone on vacation so my 37-week appointment was with an OB, who did an ultrasound to confirm baby was head down, which she was, and who also said baby was already nine pounds and we needed to induce immediately. I said thanks but no thanks, and didn't go back. Blum 3

Our Monkey was due on Thursday, June 17th, and that day came & went. A week came & went. Another week came & went. I had a few NSTs done at the HMO per Maria's request, and everything looked good. One time the amniotic fluid was low, but they had me drink some water & apple juice and go for a walk for an hour, and when I came back, it was fine. All of our efforts to stimulate labor naturally weren't working, and we tried everything -- sex, nipple stimulation, grapeseed oil capsules, acupuncture, acupressure, castor oil, even the homeopathic versions of black & blue cohosh. On Wednesday morning the 30th, Maria did an internal exam and my cervix was still high & only fingertip dilated. For those familiar with the Bishop's Score, mine was a 5 and that was before subtracting points for nulliparity & being overdue. :roll: On Thursday afternoon, July 1st, I had another NST and this time the amniotic fluid was low and it didn't bounce back, and the doctor told me to go across the street to L&D for monitoring.

WARNING: I have a personal policy of not sharing my birth story with pregnant mamas. But seeing as how this is my lodge and I'm the one working through things, I'm going to tell it here. Those of you in your Bubble of Peace may choose to not read this, and I totally understand. It does have a happy ending, it's just not a happy story to get there, kwim?

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I didn't want to go to the hospital! Sad We went home instead and had a snack, fed the cat, talked with Maria, and I sat quietly in my rocking chair and talked to our Monkey. I told her (I should mention here that we had finally peeked in the envelope and knew for a fact that she was a girl) that I would do whatever she needed to get here safely, so please let me know that she was doing OK in there. She didn't make any movement at all for many minutes, not until after I told DH we were going in.

So we headed to the hospital and got there about 6pm, and things still weren't looking good. The AF was still low, and the baby's cord was looped up in one large pocket of fluid, which was also under her arm. I mentioned my Bishop's Score from the prior morning and said I wasn't comfortable inducing with Pitocin on an unripe cervix. The doctor, a resident, asked me to get out of my pants and said she would be back in a few minutes to see what my cervix was doing now, but she didn't come back. DH & I said to ourselves that we were going to leave at 8:45pm because that would have been an hour since she left. I went to the restroom at about 8:35pm, and as I'd done a few times since I'd been there, I unplugged the wires and punched the "offline" button on the monitor. When I plugged the wires back in and punched the "online" button, I noticed that the heartrate was in the 70s and I thought it was picking up my pulse instead of the baby's. A nurse came in and moved the sensors around and asked me to roll over onto my left side. When I did that, the monitor went to zero and started beeping wildly, I looked at the clock and it was 8:45pm. I rolled back over and it went up to 50. More people started running in, a man introduced himself as the anesthesiologist and a woman introduced herself as the Chief of Obstetrics, and I was so glad to be in the hands of "real doctors" and not just a resident.

I was moved all around and given an oxygen mask and a shot of terbutaline to relax my uterus, and a bunch of other stuff was being done to me. DH said, "Is this an emergency or do we have time to talk?" and those words were music to my ears! I can't express how happy I was that he remembered the Informed Consent, even though the answer was a resounding, "Yes!" I told DH to call Maria, and it was so comforting to hear him say, "She says they should be doing this.... they should be trying that.... did they do the other thing...." and they were!

In the midst of all this chaos, I was calm. Dirol My Bradley Method training really kicked in, I focused on deep breathing, making sure that Monkey didn't know that anything was going wrong on the outside. I just surrounded her with love & oxygen and only came out of my bubble to answer the really important questions. Monkey's heartrate was wavering between zero and 50, and only occasionally coming up to 70. My water broke, and was full of meconium, and an internal scalp monitor confirmed the low heartrate (but I was fully effaced & dilated to 4cm!) so we were off to the OR. They were prepping me for a c-section and doing an amnio-infusion and putting an IV line in and all kinds of other things all at the same time. I asked if there was time for a spinal and the anesthesiologist said, "We're doing everything we can to make that happen," but when I heard the heartrate monitor zero out again, I knew it wouldn't. I heard a nurse saying, "Baby's back up to fifty," as I was put to sleep and I just kept focusing on that as I went out.

Monkey was born at 9:01pm, just 16 minutes after the first alarm went off! :eek: She'd inhaled meconium, which was confirmed with a chest x-ray. The ICN team was unable to intubate her for deep suctioning, so she was in the ICN for three days for IV antibiotics and oxygen therapy, and she was on a heart monitor as well. DH had been left in the hallway since they'd had to put me under general anesthetic, and they called him in about 5 or 6 minutes after she was born. DH accompanied Monkey to the ICN and was involved in her care and didn't let them give her any nipples or formula. Maria, our midwife, got to the hospital about 5 minutes after DH had been called in to the OR, and she stayed with him & Monkey until after I'd been brought back to a room, and then she gave him a ride home to pick up some things & get our car. When he got back, he came in and kissed me and then spent the rest of the night in the ICN holding our Monkey. The nurses in the ICN didn't like that she didn't have a name yet, and refused to call her Monkey. On Saturday morning, we had a little naming ceremony, just the three of us, and we told her what her name was and why we chose it. Tiven (pronounced TIV-un, not TIVE-un) is a name that DH heard when we were planning our wedding, he was working as a reservationist at a restaurant and a woman had that name. He asked about it and she said she was named after a musician named Jon Tiven that her parents either knew or liked. He came home that night and said, "If we ever have a little girl, I want to name her Tiven." 10 years later, I was pregnant and he still remembered that name and I couldn't come up with anything better. Blum 3 Her middle name is Olivia, which means peace and seemed appropriate given the circumstances of her birth.

It was 11 hours before I was able to get out of bed and make the wheelchair trip to see Tiven, and I made that trip back & forth many times over the next two days. They called me whenever she needed to nurse, and she never got a pacifier or formula. They took the heart monitor off after two days, and we went home on the third day after she'd completed her antibiotics and a second chest x-ray showed that the blobs in her lungs were breaking up. Breastfeeding was very challenging at first because my huge breasts had absolutely flat nipples, she had nothing to latch on. After multiple consultations with the stupidist lactation consultant ever, using nipple shields, and pumping, a nurse finally suggested I try nipple shells. Just an hour later, my nipples were drawn out enough for Tiven to latch, and we never looked back.

Physically, I had a pretty decent recovery, I healed quickly and I healed well, my scar is barely visible. Emotionally is another story. I thought I was suffering from post-partum depression, and I went on Prozac but when it kicked in, I realized I was actually dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. I learned some different anxiety & panic control techniques, and I did a lot of grief recovery work. It took a few months to get back to a good emotional balance, and it was over a year before I could even think about Tiven's birth without crying. When she was about 3yo, DH told me that he knew I was doing good when Tiven asked about her birth, and I smiled.

Since I've been pregnant again, I've been dealing with an overwhelming sense of sadness and loss. I've been unable to even think about Tiven's birth without crying. I've been seeing a hypnotherapist who specializes in healing birth trauma, and it's really helping.

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

aaah! it's the "to be continued..." line at the end of your fave TV show! I won't get to read the rest till the morning! I guess it's just as well since I'm a pregnant momma in my "bubble of peace"!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm on pins and needles.

Despite all our time together on the VBAC board, I still don't know the details of T's birth.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

Sorry, I actually had to get some work done before I could get back to editing the birth story in. It's up now, enjoy! Biggrin

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

Tiven's birth story made me cry--especially when your DH said "Is this an emergency or do we have time to talk?" I'm sure it was scary, but you handled it very well at the time. It sounds like you were in good hands and they moved quickly to get Tiven here safely. I'm glad they supported your BFing. I think I would have difficulty recovering from that kind of experience, as well. I hope you can continue to heal from it as you plan for the Ginger Baby's birth.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I'm doing dual care with my home birth midwives, Sue and her apprentice Rebecca, and my OB, Dr. F who is actually the Chief of Obstetrics who delivered Tiven. After Tiven's birth, I got a copy of my & Tiven's records and had a lot of questions, and she spent literally an hour on the phone with me one day going over them. About a year later, my nurse practitioner retired and I needed to choose a new care provider, so I asked if Dr. F was available, and she was! She's awesome, she has a great "bedside manner," and she's chock-full of up-to-date information. And although she's not terribly home birth friendly, she recognizes that I'm very educated & informed about my options & alternatives and that I've made a very thoughtful decision with safety in mind first & foremost.

I had an appointment with Dr. F yesterday morning and everything was great. Blood pressure was 115/74, which is a little high for me but I had just helped DH move a door up the stairs right before leaving and then was stressing because we were running late and he chose to take the longest route possible. :roll: Pulse was 89. Weight was 163.8 (although my scale at home this morning said 161.5) which is a total of 15 pounds gained by their scale, and 13 by my scale. Belly measured 38, and she did the GBS swab. I declined her offer for a cervix check, I'm of the opinion that the information you get from them really doesn't mean anything unless you're in labor or overdue.

We took a quick peek at the baby and confirmed that he is head down with his back to my right. Last week with the midwives, he was a perfect LOA but I suspected over the weekend that he'd flipped because all the wiggles are now on my left side instead of my right side. Oh well, at least he's head down. We talked a bit about what my plans are to encourage baby to not go overdue, and what I might want to do if he does. I said I was going to give baby every chance I can for him to come out the right way, and she's on board with that but she would want me to have NST/BPPs regularly, which I'm fine with. She's willing to consider induction over a repeat c-section if my body is favorable. In fact, she said she's seen a recent study that showed the safety of a "light" induction is better than a repeat c-section. I forgot to ask her for the details, I was just so excited that I wasn't going to have to fight that fight! Blum 3 I told her that we would talk about all that if I happen to make it past 41 weeks.

strawberryshortk86's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 126

I barely got around to read your story.

I was also planning my wedding, and it was hard. The money was going to come out of our pockets with no help from anyone, yet our family wanted to invite everyone they knew. At the we ended up having a small chapel ceremony with around 15 guest. Our mothers where so upset that they didn't attend. We got more support from other people than our own family. Until this day my mother still dreams of seeing me in this dream wedding. In my mind, I have what I wanted, to be with my DH. I also got married because I got tired of being treated like a stranger in important matters.

Tiven story made me tear up. Hope you have a much better birth story with this Ginger baby. I am glad your appointment went so well. Everything seems to be looking great.:D

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Yay for a rockin' good appt.

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

wow, Stacey, Tiven's birth was a whirlwind! But it really does sound like you handled the situation with grace and knowledge.

I think it's a bit scary how pregnancy brings back so many issues that we thought we'd healed from. I'm glad you are taking the initiative to heal yourself through hypnotherapy - and I am hoping that Ginger baby's birth will also be a healing experience for you.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

The Story of Ginger Baby :sleepyboy:
When I was pregnant with Tiven, I figured she was going to be an only child and I was totally cool with that idea. Between my age, our finances, our lifestyle, and all that, it just seemed that one child was going to be it for us. Well, pretty much as soon as the drugs wore off after Tiven was born, I wanted to do it again. Blum 3 Pregnancy was so easy for me, Tiven was such a great baby, and I wanted another chance at giving birth. Not right away, of course, but sooner than later. I have two sisters whom I adore and I wanted that experience for my own little girl. Also, both of my parents are only children and had both loudly expressed how much they hated it. I went on the mini-pill and told DH that I would stay on it for a year or until I got my first post-partum period, whichever was longer, and then it was up to him.

Tiven was seventeen months old when I finally got AF, and I went off the mini-pill. While I was ready & eager for another child, DH wasn't, and since he's our SAH parent I figured we had to do it on his timeframe, so I waited. And waited. The summer of 2006 Tiven turned 2 and we both turned 40, and I told DH that we either needed to start actively TTCing, or he needed to get snipped because I was getting sick & tired of the combination of condoms & abstaining. We decided to TTC Yahoo and he wanted to try for a boy, so I bought some ovulation predictors and we had well-timed sex (along with doing some of the Shettles Method things to encourage boy sperm) for six months with no success. My OB did a round of hormone testing and everything looked good so we tossed the idea of trying for a boy and just had lots of sex for another six months. I was also using OPKs and charting to make sure that I was ovulating. In August of 2007, I got a BFP on DH's birthday but started bleeding the next day. Sad

At this point my OB referred me to the fertility clinic, which did some more extensive hormone testing, did an HSG to make sure my tubes weren't blocked, and did a sperm analysis on DH. Everything came out fine, and I was diagnosed with old eggs. The fertility doctor encouraged us to go straight to IVF with donor eggs, but that wasn't an option for us for a few different reasons. I asked for Femara, which anecdotally works better than Clomid in women over 40, but he wouldn't prescribe it because it's not an approved fertility treatment. He offered injectables ($1200/month) or Clomid ($50/month) and I took the Clomid. He said to take 50mg for three months and then we'd bump up to 100mg if I wasn't pregnant, but I went straight to 100mg. Four months of that (which was an absolutely miserable experience, horrible physical & emotional side effects, and ovulation pain like I couldn't believe) and in April 2008 I got another BFP that didn't stick around. Took a break cycle, and then tried the Clomid for another three months without success.

A friend who was doing IVF had a month's worth of injectables left over (she skipped a cycle because her DH was out of the country, but he came home for an unexpected visit and she got pregnant!) and offered them to me. I asked DH about trying them and he didn't like the idea. I did it anyway, shhhhh.... my friend teased me about telling my future baby how he was the result of me shooting up in the bathroom at work! :oops: As much as people say how horrible injectables are, I actually didn't find them any worse than my experience with Clomid, but they didn't work.

We then had a couple of months of half-hearted sex, not really paying much attention to anything, and we even talked about whether we wanted to quit TTCing altogether. I told DH that I wanted him to do something permanent. I'd been on BCP for 20+ years, carried our child and had major abdominal surgery to give birth to her, and done all kinds of things for 2+ years to try to have another child, and that was enough for me. Around this time, we found a suspicious lump in my belly and were trying to get a diagnosis for that, so TTC was really no longer on our radar. We were far more concerned about what this other thing was that was growing in my belly!

I've never been an early tester, in fact I have never ever tested before CD 29 has come & gone. In November 2008 I had a routine annual appointment with my OB and asked her for BCP since DH had still not made an appointment for a vasectomy. :roll: She asked when my last period was and I told her, and she got out her little wheel and said, "Oh, it's been 28 days, do you want me to go get a pregnancy test?" I said no, that I'd take one the next day if AF didn't show. She entered the BCP prescription in the computer and wished me luck. I didn't test the next day, or the next, or the next, or the next. Finally on CD 33 I picked up a test on my way to work (I walk right past a drug store) and was going to take it home but couldn't resist the urge to pee on it that afternoon. It was purple before I'd finished wiping. :oops: I was going to pick up another one while I was out grocery shopping that night and just pretend the first one didn't exist, but when I got home we decided I didn't have to go shopping after all. So I showed DH the test I'd been carrying around in my pocket all day. His wonderful response? "Oh F---, Oh S---, you have to be kidding me, is this some sick joke?" :roll:

Figures that the month that I didn't pay any attention at all to when we had sex, the month I drank pretty much a bottle of wine every night, the month I had a mammogram AND a cat scan, the month I ran out of prenatal vitamins and didn't go get any more, the month I finally bought myself some new clothes, and the month I asked my OB for a prescription for birth control pills, is when I'd get a sticky bean. The lump in my belly was officially diagnosed a couple of months later as an endometrial implant, which is when a piece of the lining of the uterus escapes the pelvis and implants elsewhere in the body. It's collateral damage from my c-section, but it's not going to affect my pregnancy or birth plans. I didn't start planning a home birth until I'd made sure of that.

So far everything has been great. I'm having another dream pregnancy. We had a CVS test done early and baby has the correct number of chromosomes, and he's a boy despite our lack of trying for one. Wink That actually made me kind of sad, though, because I wanted a girl. I have sisters and I wanted Tiven to have a sister. And another girl would mean they could share a room for longer and I wouldn't have to buy a whole new wardrobe for new baby. But DH is over-the-moon happy and I've come around. We're Taoist and we're all about balance, and a boy is good balance for our family. We haven't told Tiven or any other family that he's a boy, they all think we don't know. They all gave us so much crap about not finding out with Tiven, I'm just feeling like I want to keep this private, kwim? I'm doing dual care with my home birth midwives and my OB, because all prenatal care at my HMO is free under my particular plan so why not do it, and because I want them to have full & complete records if I need to transfer. I just don't like the idea of showing up and being a "stranger" especially if my midwife doesn't make it in time, like what happened with Tiven.

A lot of people have asked about the nickname Ginger Baby. DH & I don't like the idea of naming a baby we haven't met yet, plus we haven't settled on a name anyway. We do like the idea of a nickname, something personal for our baby that isn't "the name." We had a hard time coming up with something. He liked Ox Boy but that gives away the gender, Tiven called it Fishy Baby after we told her that it lived in water. We were brainstorming one night and after hearing a couple of his ridiculous ideas like Toe Jam and Bug Spray, I said he needed to get serious and come up with something nice because this is what we're going to be calling our sweet baby for the next many months. He said ginger is sweet, and it's natural, and it grows like a weed just like a baby does. And I said, and it has a little kick to it! Dirol And that's how Ginger Baby got his name.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

Yesterday was Tiven's 5th birthday. She was born at 9:01pm and every year on July 1st, whenever I notice the time, I think about what I was doing on her birth day. On the way to acupuncture, having lunch with DH, going home instead of going to L&D, being ignored by the doctor in L&D, etc. I don't know why I do this to myself. The day always starts off good, kind of eager anticipation, an I know now what I didn't know then kind of thing. But then when it starts to get around 6pm and I know we were headed to the hospital, I start getting sad. And then when it gets to be 8:45pm, 8:50pm, 8:55pm, I can't keep my eyes off the clock. It's like I need to witness the passage of that time, because I couldn't on the real birth day. It's a bizarre ritual that I have to do even though I don't really want to. I'll come back to that in a bit....

Tiven took cupcakes to school yesterday, and when she got home we let her open her gifts. We had asked for no gifts at her party over the weekend; a couple of friends brought a little something anyway, but we didn't open them. The grandparents also brought things, which we let her open after all the friends had left and it was just family sitting around. My dad gave her a "Moon in My Room," which is totally cool, and we gave her a scooter, among other things. Yesterday evening, we took her up to a local pizzeria that has a "kids happy hour" on Wednesday nights, kids get to make their own pizza. Tiven loves it but we don't do it very often so it's a real treat.

When we got home, Tiven had a meltdown. Grandpa called and she barely talked to him and then dropped the phone on purpose instead of handing it to me so it hung up on him, and then Grammie called and she refused to talk to her at all. :roll: She started crying & screaming & refusing to go potty or brush her teeth, so I just tucked her into bed, and she was asleep within minutes. I did a bit of tidying up, a few dishes, noticed it was 8:30pm and I was still feeling good. I thought, maybe this is the year I finally get over this emotional hurdle!

Then DH & I sat down in the living room and were talking. I was eating some ice cream and relating a conversation I'd had with my sister a few years ago about how she came to realize that her own poor decisions caused her c-section. I said that I'd said something, "not very nice, I wasn't in a good mood that day," and DH said I haven't been very nice or in a good mood for a very very long time, not just one particular day. Sad He might have well just slapped my face, that's how it felt. I started crying, picked up my bowl of ice cream & took it to the sink, and then walked back past him into the front room for some dark & quiet. I noticed the time was 8:53pm. I sat there crying for about 5 minutes, and then walked back past DH to Tiven's room and stroked her hair and watched her sleeping for a few minutes. She is just so precious, and so worth everything I had to go through to bring her into the world, and it just makes no sense to cry on her birthday. I almost made it through her birthday this year without watching the clock and without crying, and probably would have if DH hadn't been such a jerk. Sad Maybe next year.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Why are men so clueless? I'm sorry he was a dork about that.

I hope you kept those clothes. You'll need them soon enough.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

Oh, I kept all the gender neutral stuff! I'm only getting rid of the really girly stuff -- dresses & pink & ruffles. I'm very fluid in my gender thinking, I'm a San Franciscan after all, but I still wouldn't put a pink ruffly dress on a baby boy. I'd let a teenaged boy wear that if he really wanted to and understood the ramifications, but I wouldn't do it to an innocent baby. Biggrin

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"Spacers" wrote:

Oh, I kept all the gender neutral stuff! I'm only getting rid of the really girly stuff -- dresses & pink & ruffles. I'm very fluid in my gender thinking, I'm a San Franciscan after all, but I still wouldn't put a pink ruffly dress on a baby boy. I'd let a teenaged boy wear that if he really wanted to and understood the ramifications, but I wouldn't do it to an innocent baby. Biggrin

Your clothes, you goof. Biggrin

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

:doh: Oh yeah, I saved those too.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm not usually actually upset by birth stories, but Tiven's made me cry. I can see how that was hard to heal from and my prayers will be with you and Ginger Baby for a healthy and peacefull home birth. Before you know it you'll be wearing your new clothes again:)

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

Our car isn't working. I started it up on Friday morning and it did this horrible shuddering thing. I turned it off, waited a bit, tried again, and it still did it. I know it needs a tune-up so I"m hoping it's just a bad spark plug misfiring. Yesterday Tiven & I walked up to Kragen to get some spark plugs, and a socket since DH's tools are all metric. After making sure the plug & socket fit together properly, I couldn't get the plug out so I yanked harder -- and when it came out it pounded right into my belly! Ouch!!! My belly tightened all up and it was actually rather painful. I thought about going straight home instead of to the grocery store, but I could feel Ginger Baby moving around normally, and it felt better to walk, so I called DH to tell him what happened and kept going. We got about halfway to the store and I saw that a bus was coming, so I sat down to wait. After about 10 minutes, my belly softened back up but it was still sore most of the night. What an idiotic thing to do. :roll: Fingers crossed is this is all the car needs to get back up & running and I can drive it to the mechanic on Monday morning for whatever else is wrong.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Can I say how much I love that you not only aren't afraid to pop the hood, but have no qualms about doing it while pregnant. Reminds me of me: I was helping DH resto the 89 GT we bought in Feb. In fact, I was on the garage floor helping him remove the gas tank and rear suspension parts at 39wks. (I was secretly hoping for a new "natural" induction method. Wink )

Mel02's picture
Joined: 01/22/07
Posts: 163

Welcome to your lodge! You are such a strong woman to handle such a birth. I'm looking forward to hearing about your homebirth VBAC!!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

Well, the spark plugs worked! The car started up fine and is running soooooo smoothly. Yahoo I'm still taking it in to the mechanic this week, but at least my/our efforts were worth the effort. I'm definitely the mechanical one in the family, DH used to work on his motorcycle a bit but cars seem to scare him for some reason. I know enough to feel confident about whatever I'm doing, but I also know when to get a professional. Biggrin

And on the baby front: On Friday I got home from work and DH had cleared off the top of the dresser/changing table, which he's been using as an office work space for the last couple of months. He even set up the changing pad! Of course, the cat has been sleeping there since then, but at least it's ready to go after a wash or a good lint-rolling. Wink And DH brought up all the baby clothes from the storage room, and I went through them and sorted out the bigger ones to go back down, and the littler ones I've started putting away. I almost started crying knowing that in just a few weeks we're going to have a real baby who is going to fit into all those things! OMG, it's starting to feel real! The only things left are the pre-birth diaper delivery, which will come on the morning of the 13th, and to find someone who can take Tiven during the birth if necessary. I've been telling Ginger Baby to please not come until after the 20th so I can make it to my nephew's wedding, but the wedding got bumped up a week so it's now on Sunday the 12th, and if I don't have anything pressing at work, I'm going to start my natural induction things on Monday the 13th.

renee24's picture
Joined: 08/06/06
Posts: 1096

haha, you sound like me, I'm the handiman at home too. I remember when I was preggo with DS and I was looking under the car for a leak and pushing it out of snow. I don't know why but DH sucks at car pushing Biggrin Well it sounds like things are almost ready to settle down for baby.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I had another birth dream the other night and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.... :confused:

I dreamt that Ginger Baby was born this coming Friday night. I was at work and started having an odd pain which got progressively worse. I called my midwife and she said to go get checked, so DH picked me up from work and Sue met us at the hospital. It was discovered that I had a uterine rupture. The bad news was that it was a huge UR that would require an immediate c-section, but the good news was that it wasn't affecting Ginger Baby at all, and my OB, Dr. F, happened to be at the hospital and would be performing the surgery. So we talked again about my birth plan and she said I couldn't pull the baby out, but that she'd let DH scrub up his arms and cut the cord, but he got squeamish and said no. Wimp. Wink As soon as Ginger Baby was born, she said, "Hand him to Daddy," and DH tucked him under his sweatshirt and they did the Apgars & everything while DH was holding him skin to skin. I was able to reach out and touch my new baby and kiss him while he was still all wet & slippery, and it was so beautiful. And then I sent DH & Tiven to my nephew's wedding on Sunday without me, and when they got back, we all went home. Biggrin

So part of me is glad that I'm finally able to visualize a birth that is somewhere between the traumatic experience I had with Tiven and the idealistic experience that I'm planning for this time. But part of me is sad that this "middle ground" is still a surgical birth. Sad I've been doing the HypnoBabies "visualize your dream birth" thing with the beautiful peaceful home birth (and I'm even being realistic about the time & energy and all that, too!) but I have to admit that it's a bit unnerving that this is the vision that my dreams are giving me in return.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

OK, so here's my first official "I'm done being pregnant," complaint. Last night while I was doing laundry (which involves lugging a bag full of dirties down the stairs and four houses down the street to the coin-op at the corner, going back to move them to the dryer, and lugging them back up the stairs into the house) I started getting this pain in my butt. It felt like my butt was coming apart at my tail bone. Ugh, it was miserable and it felt worse every time Ginger Baby moved. It actually felt better walking up the stairs back into the house than going down, walking on flat surfaces, or sitting. I could NOT get comfortable at all, and I found myself thinking how I could easily be done with being pregnant right now. I slept with a pillow between my legs (haven't needed to do that for months!) and felt tons better this morning. I think baby dropped, because my belly seems lower and more "out there" this morning, and my flattened-out belly button now seems to be more of an outie.

Oh, and we're doing my belly cast tonight! Yahoo

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

I can so relate to how your feeling, Stacey. But remember, dreams are how our brains process information that we don't let our conscious mind dwell on. It might just be that your mind had to go to that place of "what if..." What if you don't have the home birth, what if you do need to have a c/s - could there be a way to relish that and have satisfaction in that experience too? And maybe your mind letting you know that even in that case, you would still be able to have a beautiful birth is your way of letting go of the fear of that outcome. And then, hopefully, once you can release that fear, you can settle right into having your perfect, peaceful, beautiful home birth.

I haven't let myself do dream interpretations in a long time, but when I read your dream, this is what came up for me and I felt I had to share it with you and it felt like it was coming from a higher source - not from me. So I hope I'm a channel here for some information that you are needing right now! :bigarmhug:

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

My family is making bets on Ginger Baby.... :roll: They've each put in $10.

Mom: Girl, 9 pounds, July 14th
Sister T: Girl, 8.5 pounds, July 20th
Sister D: Boy, 8 pounds, July 17th
Niece: Girl, 7 pounds, July 18th
My sister's soon-to-be-DIL: Girl, 7.5 pounds, July 12th (her wedding day, she thinks that would be cool because she'd be sure to remember it!)
My 7yo nephew: Boy, July 27th, and how is he supposed to know how much a baby weighs? Wink When pressed for a more definite answer, my sister says he figured he weighs 48 pounds, so a baby probably weighs half that. :eek:

And my MIL, who isn't part of the above betting pool, told me today that she thinks it's going to be a girl, just shy of 9 pounds, born on July 21st since that's the full moon. OK, so what I want to know is why isn't anyone wishing me a nice little six-pounder???? Biggrin

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
Joined: 11/27/04
Posts: 399

"Spacers" wrote:

And my MIL, who isn't part of the above betting pool, told me today that she thinks it's going to be a girl, just shy of 9 pounds, born on July 21st since that's the full moon. OK, so what I want to know is why isn't anyone wishing me a nice little six-pounder???? Biggrin

LOL Welcome to your lodge stacey. I look forward to watching this last leg of your journey and cant wait to meet Ginger baby.

OperaDiva's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 396

Psh, everyone knows the little 6 pounders are worse. My best friend is still recovering from her 3rd degree tear from her 6 pound 10 ounce baby boy shooting out so fast. LOL on the 7 year old thinking you'll have a 24 pound baby! Umm, ouch?

jessi faye's picture
Joined: 12/07/08
Posts: 73

I feel you on the big baby predictions. Even strangers walk up to me and tell me how big my baby is gonna be :rolleyes:

strawberryshortk86's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 126

"Spacers" wrote:

My 7yo nephew: Boy, July 27th, and how is he supposed to know how much a baby weighs? Wink ....he figured he weighs 48 pounds, so a baby probably weighs half that. :eek:...

OK, so what I want to know is why isn't anyone wishing me a nice little six-pounder???? Biggrin

ROFL That is so funny. Everyone thinks my baby will be bigger than 7.5 lbs too. Good news is that I have a big head. Dr said that there is research that says that woman with big heads are likely to open up wider while delivering....:eek: finally something good about my big head.

Joined: 05/15/03
Posts: 12

Wow Stacey, welcome to your lodge, I am looking forward to reading about Ginger baby's journey, I am so happy and excited for you

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

hey, don't stress! Mine were both 6lb2oz - we'll see what this one is, but with the other two everyone asked me if I'm having twins!

Here's to little babies!!!

How are you feeling today?

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I'm not feeling too great today, but it's only because I ate too much last night. :oops: Yesterday was my birthday and DH & Tiven took me out to dinner and I had a huge plate of grilled veggies and mashed potatoes, and then we came home for strawberry boston cream pie, of which I had two pieces. :oops: So I had a pretty miserable night -- warning TMI ahead -- I was up about every hour with gas pains and having to poop but it's all slowly working its way through my system and I will NOT be doing that again. :eek:

My boss told me yesterday that my polite decline for a baby shower has been overruled. He said they'll just do something small but everyone wants to do something and I don't want to be the one to deny the whole office the opportunity for some cake. Wink So I guess I'm getting a little shower next week.

MrsMangoBabe's picture
Joined: 04/09/07
Posts: 2276

Sorry to hear about the stomach troubles from eating too much. I hope that the people at work enjoy throwing you a baby shower, even though you didn't want them to.

tanismom's picture
Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 717

uug, I hope you feel better soon!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I'm feeling better now, enough to have a slice of cake after lunch! Blum 3

And my GBS test was negative!!! Yahoo

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