Welcome to your lodge!
Welcome to your lodge!
Welcome to your lodge! I can't believe it's already time for September mama lodges!!
Welcome to your lodge, fellow September Mama!!
Oh, wow! This is so exciting! Thanks for such a warm welcome! Well, I don't have time to write much today as I'm preparing for my home visit from the midwives. They're coming at 6 and we're having dinner together. It's going to be around a 3 hour visit. I still have lots of cleaning to do even though I've been doing a lot throughout the week. I'll let everyone know how it went tomorrow and perhaps get started on the background. Yay! This is so cool!
Hope your home visit was wonderful! Wow, 3 hours. Now that is a homevisit!
The home visit was wonderful. DF cooked an excellent dinner and the midwives scarfed it down! They got to meet DSD and they totally loved her. They really like our house and feel that it will be a wonderful place for a homebirth. They liked where we're planning to put the birth tub and our bedroom is nice and big, with a nice big shower in the master bath. They consider 37 weeks full term, so I'm cleared for a homebirth any time after next Thursday. They said I can start taking EPO orally and vaginally any time now, if I decide to go that route. I actually haven't decided. I really want a homebirth and if it helps prevent me from going over 42 weeks, I should really do it. I really don't like the idea of the vaginal method, though. What happens to the capsule? Does it totally dissolve? Does it come out later? That just seems weird to me. Although we pretty much have everything ready, I'm still in a bit of denial. I'm sure that when labor finally hits, I won't be able to deny it any longer! I've written up a bit of my history, but the 1st part is a little depressing, so I wanted to wait to post it until I've written the rest, which is much happier. It will be coming soon.
Wow, sounds like a fantastic visit!! I don't think I'm going to do anything other than maybe some nipple stimulation to get things going unless I get to about 41 weeks. I really don't feel strongly either way about it, so it's just my personal decision. I can't give you any answers on the EPO... I've never tried it. I can't wait to read your intro!!
Well, lessee… I’m not one of those women who has always wanted to be a mother. I didn’t have a horrible childhood or anything (although there were some really rough times), my mother just wasn’t really the nurturing type and didn’t have a good relationship with my father. They divorced when I was around 12 or 13, which was actually a relief, as they fought constantly. So, I didn’t have the best family model. Not that I’m alone in this in any way, but I think it contributes to my resistance to motherhood. I’ve decided to be brutally honest here, so if you’re sensitive to reading about loss/terminations don’t read on. Anyway, I actually got pregnant when I was 15 and had absolutely no desire to keep the baby. My mom and dad said that they’d totally support me if I had the baby and the BF at the time was actually supportive too, but I knew that there was no way I was bringing a baby into my screwed up life, especially at age 15. My mom made the appointment for me and the BF paid for it and the pregnancy ended very early in the 1st tri. I immediately went on BC after that and stayed on them for the next 10 years. At age 25 I was with a guy that I really loved, but there was something definitely missing in our relationship. I had gone off BC at that time because I was dealing with depression and taking meds and then decided that I wanted to detox my body and stop taking all meds. We were using timing as BC, but apparently one night I was too caught up in the moment to pay attention to where I was in my cycle and bam, preggo again. I was actually considering keeping it, but I knew that he’d leave me and I didn’t want to be a single mother. That sounds sooooo selfish when I look back, but at the time it was really important. At that age, many of my friends had children and my best friend really, really urged me to have the baby. I really considered it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. My BF and I talked about it and I was just met with negativity and lack of support on his part. We got in a really bad fight one day and I left and went to my mom’s and made an appointment to have the pregnancy terminated. I told him I was leaving him and getting rid of his baby. (Oh, I’m practically crying as I write this. Ok, I am crying now.) We went through with the termination. It really sucks that he was so supportive during that time, instead of being supportive of having a baby. I don’t want to blame anyone else for my choices, but with that one, I knew that if he had been on board, I most likely would have kept it. I knew that there were other options besides termination, such as adoption, but that was something that I wasn’t willing to do. Again, it seems really selfish when I look back. I remember when they were just starting the procedure, I started crying and they asked me if I really wanted to go through with it. I told them yes, but I had a much harder time with that one than I did at age 15. Physically an easier time, but mentally a much harder time. The relationship with that guy only lasted another 6 months. We lived together, but if we hadn’t I suspect that I wouldn’t have really even seen him again after the pregnancy ended.
Anyway, if you made it through all of that, I commend you. I barely made it through myself. I really think I needed to get that out before I have this baby. I was so worried early in this pregnancy that somehow, now that I actually wanted the baby, I wouldn’t be able to carry it because of the terminations. Like I’d finally pay for my sins by not being able to have a baby when I really wanted one. I have thought of the two lives that I ended throughout the past 22 years, and while I may have regrets, I have accepted my decisions and moved on.
So, fast forward about 10 years (and a couple more long-term relationships that didn’t end up working out). I’m working at a grocery store (apparently that’s what a degree in wildlife biology gets you these days) and had just ended yet another lame relationship with I guy who I had thought “was the one.” I’m now 34 at this point and losing my youth and good looks at a rapid pace. I figured that I needed to sow my last wild oats before I didn’t have any left, so I went on a dating rampage. I wan’t being particularly picky, either and was sort of involved with one of supervisors at my store. It was casual, though and when it fizzled out, we still stayed friends. We were discussing my relationship woes one evening in the front office and I told him that my type seemed to be divorced fathers who lack ambition (which is pretty much what he was). He laughed and said, well then, there’s your perfect guy right there, and pointed to one of the other cashiers who had recently left his wife and had a kid. I was like, “ew, no way, he is the last guy on earth I’d ever want to be with!” Can you guess where this is heading? So, this other cashier, Erik, was loud, obnoxious and totally annoying. He would sometimes try to talk to me and I would just ask him if he had some work to do or something. Finally, one day he came up to me and said, “you know, you’re a real b***h.” I said, “yeah, so?” He scratched his head and walked away, but after that he wouldn’t leave me alone. He propositioned me and I politely declined, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He didn’t harass me or anything, he just flirted like mad. He later confessed to me that it was when he called me a b***h and I didn’t get all whiney and defensive, he decided that we would be together. I guess he liked my sass and my confidence. Anyway, I started sort of hanging out with him when we’d go out with co-workers for drinks. We’d end up sitting next to eachother and talk and I decided that he was fun and funny. Once I decided that I liked him, he sort of started playing hard to get. We eventually got together on his 25th birthday, actually. Yes, 25th, that’s not a type-o. Part of my resitance to dating him was that I’m 9 years older than him. All of the other men I’ve dated in my life have been 3 to 5 years older than me. I really didn’t take him seriously at first, but as things progressed and I saw how totally loving and caring he was, I started falling in love. Things moved really fast at that point. I was renting a room in a house and the owner of the house ended up getting his ex-girlfriend pregnant and decided to move her in and all of the tenants out, so I had to find a new place to live. I wanted to get my own place, but just couldn’t find anything. I decided to temporarily take over a room in a co-worker’s apartment. The lease was due to expire at the end of July, so I thought I’d just live there temporarily and save up to get my own place. But, then I decided that I liked the apartment and would get a roommate when the new lease started. Then I decided that Erik would be the perfect roommate. It was 2 bedroom with a loft, and he was really into art, so I thought that the loft could be his studio and the other bedroom could be for his daughter. So, we signed the one-year lease together that went into effect August 1st 2008, which was only 3 months after we started dating. I knew it was crazy, but I’d been through so much in my life I knew that if it didn’t work out, I’d be fine.
Anyway, Part III coming soon!