Welcome to your lodge!!
I'll be lurking!
Leo (3 1/2) with Malcolm the cat
Oh my goodness...I thought about this two days ago and then didn't get a chance to get back on here until today. I can't believe I am 36 weeks 1 day. Finally almost done. This pregnancy seemed to go a lot quicker though because I didn't even find out how far along I was until I was 16 weeks 5 days.
This is my fifth pregnancy and was an unexpected and unplanned surprise. My oldest is 9, then 6, then 4, then my youngest is almost 16 months old. So these last two are really close together...never had two this close before so it will definitely be a challenge.
DH wanted to be done after the last 4 and I wanted 2 more, but at least 1 more if I couldn't have 2. I was literally about to get my IUD put in after not having it for the past 9 months...ever since my baby was born we weren't using any protection cause I was breastfeeding and I honestly didn't think it would happen to me. I know that its possible but I never got any periods or anything.
So I was scheduled to get an IUD in the very next week and that Sunday morning I felt nauseated and didn't know why. So I had a thought and took a test not thinking it would be anything but negative. When the word PREGNANT showed up on the digital test I was absolutely shocked. My first thought was fear because I was so worried that DH would be angry...I mean I know it takes two, but he was serious about not having anymore. My second thought was that I was not ready physically yet. I hadn't been able to lose all the pregnancy weight from my last one yet so I was scared that I would be starting out unprepared in that area. I was in tears with cautious happiness cause I was truly happy to be getting at least one more baby, but so nervous about DH's reaction.
I didn't know how to tell him and was so nervous. I paced around for a bit, then finally went out to the kitchen where he was. I said "You will always love me, right? No matter what?" He said..."Of course." So I pulled him into the laundry room and pulled the test out of my bathrobe pocket and showed him. I was blown away by his response. He said "Really?!!" Then he said..."This is good news!" I immediately started crying and he hugged me. I told him I was so worried about what he would say. He said "This is obviously a blessing from God and meant to be." So thankfully all was well and he accepted it immediately.
I didn't get a chance to get my first doctor appointment in until two months later. I found out the day before Memorial day the end of May, and my appointment was July 31st. When I went in, we had to do an ultrasound also because I hadn't had any periods and there was no way to determine how far along I was without one. So at my ultrasound I got to see the baby and they told me I was 16 weeks 5 days already. So the fact that I didn't even know how far along I was until almost halfway made it go a lot faster. And I didn't tell anyone until I was around 22-23 weeks along...so people have only known for the past 13-14 weeks...and here I am almost done already.
I have done all my previous child births completely natural with no interventions except for the help of pitocin twice because once we needed to move things along, and once we had to induce because of everything going on at the time...but as far as pain meds go, nothing.
The first three were fairly manageable even though they were very painful, but I did it. This last one was the worst of them all. My baby had flipped to breech a few weeks before my due date and they told me that if he didn't flip back over we would have to do a c section. That stressed me out so much and the last month was torture for me to handle. Luckily my cousin is a midwife and she helped me do a manual version very low key and calmly one week before my appt. to have an actual manual version that was scheduled in the labor and delivery room. We were successful and he stayed head down the rest of the time. At my next appt. my midwife confirmed that he was now head down and we cancelled the manual version in the hospital. I went into labor on my own the next night.
He stayed head down but he was sunny side up and because of it it caused excruciating back labor and I had never had back labor before. It was pure hell for me. I actually asked for an epidural and I never thought I would do that. I was just giving up because the pain was so bad and we had been there for 3 1/2 hours (came in at an 8 and was still an 8 three hours later) and I was losing my will and steam to continue with no progress. Luckily my midwife came back in after leaving me to assist in a c section and stopped the anesthesiologist who was about to have me sign the papers, and she sent him away and brought me back down to reality. She told me to get on my hands and knees and that it would help get him to turn the right way and come down the rest of the and fully dilate me so I could start pushing. So about 20 minutes of that I was finally ready, and pushed him out in 9 minutes.
I was so happy after the fact that I didn't get the epidural but man that was tough while in the middle of it. I am so nervous about the possibility of having back labor again and praying that it is just regular front labor this time. I feel like front labor will be a walk in the park after dealing with back labor last time. I know it will still be hard but definitely more manageable for me.
This is getting long...I will finish up in another post.
DH and I had our 10 year wedding anniversary this past summer and we have had a lot of hard times with him finishing his masters while I was raising our first two kids on my own basically cause he was gone so much and so busy. But we got through it and life is pretty good now. We bought our first real house 4 years ago and have enough room and are happy in our neighborhood. DH has a good job and I get to be a stay at home mother which is what I always wanted to do, so I am very blessed that his job allows me to do that.
I teach my kids school at home and it is so rewarding to be able to teach them their education and also extra awesome that we can excel at their own levels/pace...they are very intelligent kids and because they learn so quickly I feel that learning in a public school classroom would hold them back, so this has been the best decision for us so far.
This past summer my mother moved in with us so she can recover better from her stroke that she had almost 2 years ago. The family dynamic with my parents and family is very tense and problematic and lots of drama right now. Dealing with all of that and taking care of my kids and my mother all throughout this pregnancy has been very hard on me, and I think because of that I have been blessed with a fairly easy pregnancy. I haven't had any complaints until very recently I have been feeling some aches and pains. I am very grateful that I haven't had much else to complain about.
Now I am trying to finish cleaning/organizing, getting ready to squeeze two babies into one room, getting the house ready for Christmas, getting Christmas presents ready, etc. Plus DH's brother is most likely coming to visit the week I am due which is awful for me and horrible timing. I wish he would not come but I can't very well tell him not to come, especially since one of Dh's brothers died this summer and he hasn't seen any of his family in years, so I know he misses his only other brother living in the states. I am praying he doesn't come or that at least it isn't so hard that I can't manage it, and also praying that I don't go into labor until after he leaves. Either that or have the baby a few weeks early so I am home and have dealt with the engorgment, etc. before he gets here. The topic of him coming that week has caused many an argument with DH and I am doing the best I can to just deal with it all. DH is from Africa and the cultural difference is huge and we just don't see eye to eye on visitors coming when I am due and recovering from a baby. Its very stressful and frustrating.
I have the bassinet set up at least, have the baby's clothes all washed and ready, have the blankets, bibs, and burp cloths clean and ready, and started packing the hospital bag last night. So I am slowly getting ready...have a lot to do still and want to have it all done by Christmas so I am not stressed the last week or two that I am pregnant. So we will see how much I can get done. Technically, I wanted to be ready by 37 weeks, so that gives me 6 more days. Then I can take the last 4 days before Christmas to get ready for Christmas and then hopefully just relax and enjoy the Christmas break with my kids before #5 arrives.
So that is a lot to read and thanks if you read it all. I could add so much more and go into greater detail about how DH and I met, all my previous births, etc. but I am sure no one has time to read all that. I am looking forward to sharing this last little bit of my journey with you and am so excited that I am finally almost able to meet my little one. Thanks for following my lodge.
Welcome to your lodge!
Do you know if this is a boy or girl? If not, do you have any guesses? Do you live in an area where preparing for a "winter baby" is a lot different than for a "summer baby"?
I'm sorry you're feeling stressed about your BIL coming right when you're due. That wouldn't be OK with me at all, unless he was the kind of person who would be helpful, play with the kids, make some dinners, do his own laundry, etc. I didn't want anyone around at all -- we had a two-week babymoon after each child was born -- but I also didn't have four other kids to manage! I hope you & DH figure out a way to make it work without it making too much work for you!
David Letterman is retiring. Such great memories of watching him over the past thirty-two years!
belated welcome to your lodge!!!
sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Are you planning on slowing down on the home school when baby arrives for a bit? Do you do year round school? I'd find your BIL coming then very difficult. Hopefully it goes smoother than you are thinking.
back labor does suck!!! I couldn't believe how much easier regular labor is when I had DD after DS being back labor the entire time. I hope you have #5 easily!
Thanks ladies for the welcome. Things are really tough right now...I will elaborate cause I really need some advice and support:
DH and I are not getting along right now. I don't really feel like calling him DH...that's how bad it is.
He is from Africa and because of that we have some big cultural differences...one of which is our apparent difference of opinion when it comes to family affairs/issues. He seems to think there is absolutely nothing wrong with his brother coming to visit the week I am due. I am not ok with it.
I don't normally have an issue with his brother coming to visit, although in the past it has caused arguments and things because of how his brother is and how long he would stay and be lazy and not do anything but sit around, not make an effort to get to know his nieces/nephews, expect us to wait on him, etc.
Well, this time around he has already requested off of work from December 30th-January 7th. I am due January 10th and all my kids have been 5-8 days early. I told hubby that its not about WHO is coming, but about when and the bad timing. I told him that I would feel the same way if it was one of my family members or friends. I would tell them that it is not ok and we can't have company during this time. I asked hubby how he would feel if he had a surgery or something big happen and then come home to heal and deal with changes, pain, etc...would he want one of my siblings visiting during that time or one of my friends?
I don't want my husband to have to split his precious little time off with hosting his brother and being there for me, spending time with me and our kids and our new baby. I don't want to have to be engorged and uncomfortable and tired and bleeding with a house guest that I don't really know that well. I don't want to feel obligated to have to cook fresh meals just cause he is here. I don't want to have to feel like I have to hide in my room because my engorged breasts are so big and swollen that I can't put on a bra and can't even walk around my own house because another man is here.
My husband says "I will handle the house and meals." But I know he won't be able to do that, host his brother, help me, help with the baby, handle our other 4 kids, etc. It is going to be extremely stressful and not ideal at all. I will feel obligated to step in and do things when I shouldn't have to. Plus my mother lives with us and she is not in shape or healthy after recovering from a stroke, so I have to try and help her also...even though she has it in her head that she is somehow going to help me...but I don't know how she can.
To make matters worse, his brother has been talking about his plans to come here after Christmas since this past summer and you would think that if that has been his plan he would be better prepared. He hasn't even bought his ticket yet. Are you kidding me? His visit is in like 10 days. He has been holding off trying to get a good deal and nothing is any cheaper this close to Christmas. He then asked my husband last night for some help getting his ticket saying he doesn't have enough and needs a loan to get out here. I am sorry but if you didn't plan accordingly and save your money, then that's too bad. But of course DH can't say no to any of his family members so he just wire transferred some money today. I just hope his brother is good for his word and pays him back like he says he will. So not only did he not have the money, but he doesn't even know what his plan is for sure on dates to be here...so DH just had to take time off on a whim not even knowing what days to go for.
It's all a big mess and extremely rude and inconsiderate of his brother to leave us hanging this close to the dates and not telling us what his plan is. DH is not thinking of me and my needs at all. He thinks there is no problem and that I am being SELFISH for putting up a fuss. I normally wouldn't mind his brother coming but the timing and my condition is the problem here and yet I am still being selfish for voicing how I feel. Am I wrong in my feelings or justified? Any time I try to explain to DH why I feel this way and why I am not thrilled about this, it caused a big fight and then we don't talk or get along for a while. Today was no exception. He sent the money today...money we don't have...and since I asked him about everything and tried to express myself he got all mad and now we aren't really talking. It is to the point where I just want to go deliver this baby without him when the time comes and tell him that he can stay home and hang out with his brother.
I have cried about this, stressed, lost sleep over it, etc. It is really upsetting me but I have no control and can't do anything because when he gets an idea in his head regarding his family, nothing will budge him. I feel like he is putting me, his pregnant wife, on the back burner and only caring about his brothers feeling. Never mine.
If you actually read all of this, thank you for letting me vent. Please give me some support, words of comfort or advice. I really need a good friend right now to talk to and feel like I can talk to no one. Help please...
Summers and winters are very different. Summers are hot, winters very cold...so I am pretty nervous about it all. I hope that I am prepared enough for the difference in season with this baby.
Yes we know what we are having...we kept it a secret for a while but just decided to share the news...we are having another girl! I am so excited. This will be our third girl...2 boys, and 3 girls.
I had my 37 week appointment today. My midwife checked the position of baby with their basic office ultrasound and confirmed that baby is still head down, thank goodness. I was nervous since my last baby flipped breech at 36 weeks and only turned after we did the manual version. So I am very grateful that baby is head down still.
My midwife said the baby's back indicates that baby is sunny side up though so she said to do daily hands and knees to get baby to turn to optimal position. Heartbeat was good and strong. My midwife also checked me and said that I am 1 centimeter dilated with a little extra and she even felt the baby's head through the membranes. That was exciting! So weird to think that she felt my baby already.
DH didn't ask about my appointment or the baby, most likely due to our "disagreement"...and that made me sad that he doesn't seem to care. I hope he does, but he doesn't act like it sometimes.
Other than the issues with him, I am doing ok...although this stress and last couple weeks of pregnancy is finally affecting my nights. I am getting numb legs when trying to sleep so I have to switch sides all night long and don't get a lot of sleep and having more aches and pains, but luckily that is just barely starting in the last week and hasn't been this way for a very long time.
Just have to take this next week to finish getting ready for Christmas/baby as much as I can and try not to let our marital issues affect me or the baby too much as I want to be at peace and be calm and let the baby feel those things and not feel anxiety or stress. Wish me luck!
awww hon, huge hugs!!! IMHO you are very justified in wanting it to just be your family, no extended family at all right around the baby's birth. I'm sorry you are dealing with this on top of having a baby. it sucks!!
Couple pieces of advice if you want them! If you don't just ignore!!!!
1. put together some simple meals that you can freeze now and just heat up later so you don't have to cook much later
2. listen to music that soothes you and take some time for yourself each day to calm your self and focus on you and the baby
3. work on coming to terms with his brother's visit. Since the plane ticket is already purchased he's coming and you'll have to figure out how to deal with it.
4. explain to your DH exactly how/what you expect him to do. ie: he's in charge of the older kids and doing the dishes if you deal with meals and your mom. etc...
5. relax, breathe deeply and know that in the end it will all be okay even if it's not ideal for your family.