Anxiety
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Anxiety

  1. #1
    Posting Addict Lots-o-Tots's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    SoCal, USA
    Posts
    7,004

    Default Anxiety

    Feeling anxious about a number of things.

    Some of you might remember when I reintroduced myself here a few weeks back, I mentioned that my husband was diagnosed with cancer back in 2009. He went through a hellish year of cancer treatment, and his two subsequent scans showed "no evidence of disease," which is the best news you can get post-cancer. Well, he had his annual CT/PET scan yesterday morning. Neither of us were feeling especially anxious about it - he goes in for regular checkups with his surgeon and oncologist, and everything has been fine. We didn't expect to hear from his oncologist with the results of the scan until today or maybe even Monday, but surprisingly he called yesterday afternoon. He said that everything looks okay for the most part, but the scan did show an area of concern in Michael's liver. Could be nothing, but impossible to say at this point. His doc isn't treating it as urgent, but wants to do some follow-up before the end of the year. So suddenly the reality that his cancer could be back and metastasized is hitting us full force.

    Then there's the pregnancy. I've been pretty scared ever since I found out I was pregnant. There is a part of me that feels like I have no business being pregnant at my age. I think I'm about 12 weeks now, and although everything seems to be progressing fine, and there have been no signs of anything amiss, I can't seem to stop worrying. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week to date the pregnancy, and I'm terrified it's going to reveal something terrible - that the baby has died or isn't viable or something. I've been thinking that once I get the ultrasound behind me, once I see that the baby is really there and everything appears to be okay, I can rest easy. But then I read about Michelle Duggar's baby last night and it threw me for a loop. I'm only a year younger than her. I don't know what it is about older pregnant women that puts them more at risk - is it that there is something structurally or physiologically about their bodies that is compromised, making it more difficult to carry a pregnancy? Or is it that their eggs are old and defective and they're just more likely to produce unviable babies? Whichever it is, it scares the crap out me. In any case, I feel like I'm never going to be able to rest easy with this one, and I can't let myself get excited or attached. Which makes me feel very guilty.

    I keep telling myself that worrying isn't going to change anything - whatever will be will be, and some things are just out of my control. It's been really hard, though.
    Lisa - Mom to:
    Kevin 1.10.97
    Joey 7.2.02
    Annabelle & Daisy 9.22.04
    Lilah 10.3.06
    Finn 7.7.08
    Scarlett 6.23.12

    My blogs:
    Life As I Know It
    Turn the Page


  2. #2
    Posting Addict jolly11sd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    8,581

    Default

    That is rough having anxiety about so many big unknows. So hard to have things out of your control and just have the faith that everything will work out the way it is ment. I hope that your scan next week goes really well and that it helps to lift some of the anxiety over the baby. Also that your husband's liver isn't a big issue and that the cancer hasn't returned. Just focus on surrounding yourself with the love of your family to help keep those anxious thoughts toward the back. Sending you loads of positive thoughts!
    ~Joy~ DS1-8/5/05, DS2-10/18/10 (VBAC#1), DS3- 4/11/12 (VBAC#2!)


  3. #3
    Posting Addict ourfirstblessing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    5,631

    Default

    {{{big hugs}}} i know you aren't religious but it's what i know so sincerely I'm praying for you and Michael, that his cancer has not returned and for the little babe you are carrying. I hope this week goes quickly and you can rest easy after that. I think the news on the duggars hits every preg. lady in some way b/c it's a very, very sad reminder that things can go wrong at any point along the way :*(. Do you have someone you can talk through, do you think any of your anxieties and coming from what you went through ofter finn's arrival? I thought I had read you are really close with your mw, maybe just a good long talk/cry will give you some relief?
    ~Kristen~
    <3 Dh Jason 3/22/03
    ~Connor~ 7/26/07
    ~Isaac~ 11/20/08
    ~Colin~ 2/8/12
    Baby #4 11/24/13

  4. #4
    Mega Poster zookeeper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    By the big Pelican...
    Posts
    3,998

    Default

    Thinking of you Lisa!!!! You really deserve some easier times...
    Erica, Mommy to: Nathan-17, Tara-15, Alyssa-11, Brandon-10, Sinjin-9, Zoe-8, Calvin-7, Owen-5, Martin-4, Kamie-2, and Griffin Isaac


  5. #5
    Posting Addict Lots-o-Tots's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    SoCal, USA
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    Kristen, yes, I definitely think at least some of this anxiety comes from what we went through when Finn was born. Although I wouldn't change anything about him, and I'm so thankful to be his mom, it was definitely a difficult time that's probably left me jaded on some level. It just drives home the reality that anything can happen, and nobody is immune.

    I did have an appointment with my midwife this morning, and you're right, she's someone I can talk to about pretty much anything under the sun. She was such a support during the aftermath of Finn's birth, and then again all through Michael's cancer treatment - she's more than a midwife, she's a really good friend. So I went in this morning, kind of a wreck, and she pulled out her doppler and said, "Let's see if we can find the baby's heartbeat." I was really surprised, as she has a lot of reservations about ultrasound (and doppler) and tries to steer clear of them unless there's a really good reason, so I didn't expect her to try and find the heartbeat until much later when it would be detectable by fetoscope. Anyway, she used the doppler, and found the baby's heartbeat, very clear and strong, with no trouble at all, and I just burst into tears. I know it doesn't guarantee anything, but it was such a relief to hear that sound. I really needed it.

    As for Michael's status . . . we're both worried, it goes without saying, but trying to think positive and stay busy until we can find out more.

    Appreciate all the positive thoughts.
    Lisa - Mom to:
    Kevin 1.10.97
    Joey 7.2.02
    Annabelle & Daisy 9.22.04
    Lilah 10.3.06
    Finn 7.7.08
    Scarlett 6.23.12

    My blogs:
    Life As I Know It
    Turn the Page


  6. #6
    Posting Addict ourfirstblessing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    5,631

    Default

    so glad you had a good appt and talk with your mw. how sweet of her to check for a hb ! You guys went through so much with Finn, not just surrounding his diagnosis but his hospitalization and procedures that he had to go through when they were all unexpected. I am sure there are some very emotional points that you will be working through for a long time, and pregnancy is just so wonderful and helping us keep our emotions under control...

    Kup on Michael if you are up for it and let us know how your u/s goes next week.
    ~Kristen~
    <3 Dh Jason 3/22/03
    ~Connor~ 7/26/07
    ~Isaac~ 11/20/08
    ~Colin~ 2/8/12
    Baby #4 11/24/13

  7. #7
    Super Poster waitingimpatiently614's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    977

    Default

    I just wanted to say I am sorry you are experiencing so many stressors in your life right now. I can relate somewhat to the emotions surrounding those cancer checkups, although it is a totally different thing when it is your spouse's health at risk. For me, it's my sister who battled an aggressive sarcoma for a year, and now has scans every 3 months. Her most recent scan showed an area of concern near her lung, but further testing eventually showed that it was not cancerous tissue. Those scans and follow up tests are always so stressful for all of us! I hope you get good news very soon regarding your husband's health and your pregnancy! How wonderful that you got to hear the heartbeat...such a beautiful, reassuring sound.
    ~Amanda

    DS Asher born 11/29/09
    DD Clara born 3/9/12


  8. #8
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    My avatar is the tai chi -- a symbol of the eternal cycle of life
    Posts
    16,468

    Default

    (((Hugs))) I'm so sorry that you're feeling anxious, Lisa! I wish I could reach through the monitor & give you a real hug! Here are three things to remember about how you're different from Michelle Duggar:
    First, she was on her 18th pregnancy, you're on your 5th. Most women in their 5th pregnancy do just fine! But with back-to-back pregnancies year after year, it seems quite likely that a woman's body might simply get worn down & not function as well. There's a reason why most women who exclusively nurse & sleep close to their babies don't get their cycle back, it's so they have time to heal & recover before doing it all again!
    Second, she's had four c-sections, you've had none. Each c-section raises her risk of placental issues.
    Third, her last baby was born only about 19 months before she got pregnant again. Your last baby was born 3+ years before you got pregnant. Your body had nearly twice as long to recover from the prior pregnancy, which gives you better odds no matter which number pregnancy either of you are on.

    As for Michael, remember that a CAT scan isn't a diagnostic tool, it's a screening tool. It might be picking up scar tissue from his septic infection earlier this year or something like that. I'll be keeping you guys in my thoughts & keeping fingers crossed that the diagnostic tests show nothing!
    David Letterman is retiring. Such great memories of watching him over the past thirty-two years!

  9. #9
    Posting Addict Starryblue702's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Las Vegas, NV
    Posts
    6,217

    Default

    You've already had your US, but I just wanted to say again congrats to you! Everything did turn out OK!!
    Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
    Reagan - 10/2/02
    Maximus - 3/10/05
    Liberty - 12/11/08
    Trystan- 11/22/11
    My angel in Heaven 1/7/13

  10. #10
    Posting Addict Lots-o-Tots's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    SoCal, USA
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    A belated thank you for all the support and kind words. I do feel somewhat reassured since my u/s a couple days ago.

    We have an appointment with my husband's oncologist on Monday morning. I don't expect we'll get any answers that day, but I imagine his doc will start with blood work, followed by a contrast scan which can tell us a lot more than the CT/PET scan. This big unknown is a dark cloud over everything right now. Hoping for good news in the near future.
    Lisa - Mom to:
    Kevin 1.10.97
    Joey 7.2.02
    Annabelle & Daisy 9.22.04
    Lilah 10.3.06
    Finn 7.7.08
    Scarlett 6.23.12

    My blogs:
    Life As I Know It
    Turn the Page


+ Reply to Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
v -->

About Us | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Terms & Conditions