I really don't post much in here (I mainly hang out in the Dec boards), but I thought this topic was much more appropriate here than in there.
People have really been making me mad with their discouraging (and even insulting) comments when I tell them I plan on a natural childbirth. A couple weeks ago a friend of mine said she saw some show where the women was giving natural birth and shared her opinion that, "Women these days aren't strong enough for natural childbirth. They're just much weaker than they used to be."
My aunt told me, "Don't be stupid. Epidurals make it much easier on you, why would you put yourself through that?"
Then yesterday I was out with my cousin and told her about my intentions for a natural birth (after she ASKED), her response was, "Haha! Good luck with that, I'll call you a month later and see if you got the epidural. You will."
Excuse me? Since when is it OKAY to be so rude?? Just because I'm a FTM doesn't mean I am incapable of giving natural childbirth.
Of course, I return the rude comments when they are out of line, and I just tell people why I'm choosing natural childbirth when I don't think they're trying to be rude. But I'm so SICK of hearing it. I feel like screaming, "GET OFF MY BACK, IT'S NONE OF YOU D@MN BUSINESS!!"
Any other FTMs getting this ALL that time??
I got some of the same crap when I was a FTM. It really stinks that so many people are so rude and unsupportive.
I was lucky though in that my mother delivered the three of us without pain meds. I told all the nay sayers that I was from the same stock and that shut most of them up. I also explained that I'm not trying to be a "hero" just doing what I feel is best for me and my babies.
Unfortunately it's just an early example of how all these people with opinions are just going to keep shoving them at you. Hang in there.
It doesn't end with your first. I still get comments like that and I'm on my 4th. lol
McKenna Lyn 6/01
Amelia Loren 8/03
Delaney Anne 4/09
Benjamin Jeffrey 12/10
People have very negative attitudes about childbirth these days. I think it is because most people have no idea what natural childbirth is anymore. If someone tells you their birth story, you will most likely hear the words "induction" and/or "pitocin" (and then all the other medical interventions that go with those) in there somewhere, and of course statistically 1/3 of them are also going to involve a c-section. And if you watch overdramatisized shows like "A Baby Story" it's even worse. It's sad, but that has been my observation. Most women just don't know what childbirth can be, only what it has become in this country (over managed and overmedicated for the majority of women, IMO).
It sucks. And the reason it makes me so mad is that it seems anyone thinks they can say anything to me, but the minute I open my mouth and give answers that have reasoning behind it, somehow I offend the person (you know, the one who offended me to begin with)
One friend of mine came to the house to visit after DS was born and was *still* skeptical. She said, "You really didn't have an epidural?" ugh....
Yeah, it sucks as a FTM. Not that I'm not getting any crap for it this time around, but at least now I can say "actually, Ive' been there and done that and an epidural never crossed my mind." You too can one day say this While their comments are annoying, don't let them get you down or doubt your ability to do it.
I think a lot of it is that people are projecting their fears and experiences on to you. Some women sadly feel that if you can "handle" a natural birth and they had a medicated birth, that that makes them somehow inferior. Honestly, though, I think a lot more women could "handle" natural childbirth if they simply educated themselves and lost the inherit fear and distrust of the whole process. Pain tolerance is actually a very small part of it, in my opinion. A lot of having a successful, "handleable" childbirth is simply making the right decisions leading up to it- good care provider, letting baby choose their own birthdate, being informed about procedures that may come up that would make the process harder...
Women these days are NOT weaker, they just believe it when they are told that they are.
Oh big hugs to you. I hated that so much. I felt like I was constantly defending myself and I'm not a fighter! So I just started answering "I don't know" when people asked me ANYthing about the birth - epidural, circumcision, vaccinations, etc.
Try to stay sane!
I'm very fortunate in that I don't get many negative comments. My mother had all three kiddos pain med free and all my other family members and friends are very supportive of my decision to go au naturale (it helps to be surrounded by hippies). I have however gotten comments from complete/near strangers (surprisingly a lot of them are men). It usually starts when I say I'm giving birth at a birth center and spirals out from there. I take it as an opportunity to educate people. I don't care if it offends them as it clearly doesn't bother them to attack my personal decisions. I'm extremely stubborn and such comments just fuel my fire. Oh, so you think I'm weak and I'll be begging for an epidural, do ya? Well then, I'm just going to go out in the woods and pop out my baby all by myself. That's actually what my MIL did with all 5 of her kids.
If you're not the "I'll show you" type, try and avoid such people if you can and try a program like Hypnobabies or Hypnobirthing, which both concentrate heavily on empowerment through affirmations and education. Read uplifting birth stories such as those posted here. The best thing you can do is have faith that your body and your baby know exactly what to do. Immerse yourself in positivity and when you do run into negative Nancys, practice tuning out the outside world and concentrating on your baby.
I got it all the time with my second. Everyone kept telling me that once I was in labor I would change my mind especially sense I had an Epi with my first. I just told them that I had no reason to get an epi because they don't work for me. If I would have ended up with a c-section they would have had to knock me out cold because I was just not numbing up. People are rude and just don't get it. I wish people would just be respectful of OUR decisions with OUR baby and let us make the choice we feel is right. Honestly IMO labor isn't painful unless you expect it to be and let it be. My natural birth was far less "painful" than my induced epidural birth. Infact it was never painful.
DS1-7/18/08, DS2-2/23/10, DS3 1/18/12
TTC in fall/winter of 2014
Yeah, the funny thing is, if I say that I won't get an epidural because of my low blood pressure problems (which is true), women immediately accept that and back off. But if I tell them I won't get one because I don't want one (which is more the truth), then women start whipping out the negativity. Funny what that says.