But *I* want a homebirth!

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But *I* want a homebirth!

I just have to vent. I am so jealous of all of you who are having homebirths with awesome midwives. I really want to have a homebirth, but there are only 3 midwives who do homebirths anywhere near where I live, and the two good ones are already all booked up and can't take any more clients around my due date Sad And the other one is kind of a nutball and just getting back into delivering babies after a break and we would be her first birth in 8 years. She also didn't come across as totally confident. No, thank you. I need to feel like I can trust my team! I actually love my MW practice and the hospital is totally NCB-friendly (not just pretend "friendly" in the way a lot of hospitals are, like "yes we support natural birth, but we actually have no clue how to manage it and the nurses will still try to talk you into an epidural"). Most of the women who choose to deliver there do so because they want a natural birth and know this hospital is the place to go for that. So I feel like I will be totally supported in my natural birth, but it is still a hospital environment and I would so love to just stay home! The closer I get to delivery the more I want a homebirth. Oh, well, not in the cards this time. I did tell DH that if we ever have a 3rd, we're having a homebirth!

boilermaker's picture
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((HUGS)) I hope you can find peace with your options. You've hit the nail on the head for me, in that I wish every woman had REAL choices about where and how she gives birth. In so many areas, women don't have this choice.

Our first two babies were born in Indiana, where HB is illegal. So I had hospital births. I just had to make do with the options available, but feel like it is far from ideal (I labored at home as long as possible.....but much of my hospital experience really really sucked.)

I'm glad you have a NCB friendly hospital. More ((HUGS)). I hope you get the birth you desire!

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"boilermaker" wrote:

I labored at home as long as possible.....but much of my hospital experience really really sucked.

This was my experience too...my labor with DS was really amazingly easy at home, and as soon as I got to the hospital it started to suck. Part of that was definitely that I was in transition as soon as we arrived at the hospital, which was the most intense part of labor and I had a hard time managing it, but some of it was the chaotic, unfamiliar, clinical environment. Unfortunately, I CAN'T stay home for long because DS came so quickly and we have a 40 minute ride to the hospital now (it was 10 with DS, we moved to another state) and we barely made it to the hospital last time. I want a homebirth, but a carbirth doesn't sound so great. Plus being in the car during transition was awful. I'm hoping if we can get there when I'm still in the "easy" stage I'll feel more settled and at peace with my surroundings by the time the baby comes. My midwives are telling me to go to the hospital as soon as I even think I might be in labor, and worst case scenario it's a false alarm and they send me home (not likely if it is anything like the first birth). Anyway, it is what it is!

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Keep looking! If you PM me your location, I can see who I have in my resources. And keep calling back the two that you liked. Other moms can get risked out of homebirth along the way so they might have an opening in the next few weeks. It's not too late until baby's already out. Wink I found my midwife with Tiven when I was about 35 weeks! I'd called her at least 3 or 4 times earlier in pregnancy & she was always booked full, but I called again & she had an opening. I had to pay her entire fee up front, but she gave me a discount because I wasn't getting most of the prenatals.

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"Spacers" wrote:

Keep looking! If you PM me your location, I can see who I have in my resources. And keep calling back the two that you liked. Other moms can get risked out of homebirth along the way so they might have an opening in the next few weeks. It's not too late until baby's already out. Wink I found my midwife with Tiven when I was about 35 weeks! I'd called her at least 3 or 4 times earlier in pregnancy & she was always booked full, but I called again & she had an opening. I had to pay her entire fee up front, but she gave me a discount because I wasn't getting most of the prenatals.

That's a really good point! I actually didn't get in to my birth center the first time I called either because I was transferring from an OB and they were booked for my birth month. I totally panicked...but I was only 14 weeks, and sure enough within just a few days they called me back with an opening.

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Aw, Maggie... I know how you feel! I felt that way with my first... I REALLY wanted a home birth, but my DH just wasn't comfortable with it, and he insisted that if we don't birth at the hospital that we be within 5 minutes of the hospital- which would have meant birthing in a hotel or something. So, we ended up going with the hospital birth and I mostly came to peace with it... but it killed me to read all the home birth stories on here and be so jealous! Sad Ah well.

Spacers makes a good point though about checking in with those midwives- you never know! They might have an opening!

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That is a good point to keep checking.
I feel you on this. I really wanted to have another HB with #3 but it just didn't work out. I would keep on calling those other 2 though. Space might just open up at the end.

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"acqualin21" wrote:

I want a homebirth, but a carbirth doesn't sound so great.

My friend's sister had her second baby in their minivan on the way to the hospital about a year ago! Her first baby was super fast, second baby super SUPER fast! Her husband refused to pull the car over while she delivered in the backseat! Apparently he was hellbent on getting to the hospital, but just couldn't drive fast enough. Wink All was well, though! She delivered a healthy baby girl on her own in the backseat! Amazing.

I really hope you can get the birth you want!! I agree, keep checking with the other two midwives! At the very least, it sounds like you have an awesome NCB hospital that you can fall back on to!

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I think a homebirth sounds amazing also. But DH is just not comfortable with it. I know a lot of it is my decision but I feel strongly that my husband needs to be comfortable with it also as he is very much involved also and his main concern is the safety of our baby as well as me if something were to go wrong. I have a cousin who is a certified home birth midwife, so I could probably go through her and get a family discount but I don't think DH wants to take that route. But the idea of delivering at home in my own comfortable setting is so cool. Wish I could do that also. My midwife at the hospital is great though and she is completely supportive of my NCB plans. She delivered DD2 for me and I was all natural then, and the hospital staff was supportive of me also and no one forced anything on me. So I do have a great hospital to deliver at. Just wish I had a home setting instead of hospital. Oh well...considering I am at a hospital, I have a pretty low key comfortable setting. I am allowed music for relaxation, the lights are low, not many people in and out when I am laboring, and I also get a room with a jacuzzi so that helps. But I can sympathize with you as I feel very similar to what you are feeling right now.

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I also wish I was having a homebirth. I had a med-free hospital birth with DS2, and it was ok. Like some of you said, labor was easy to manage until we transferred to the hospital. Just getting settled and all that took a lot out of me. My contractions slowed down so much once we got to pushing because I was suddenly aware of the 5 extra people in the room, and the OB that waltzed in at the last second.
I opted for the hospital birth again for insurance reasons, but I got a really bad first impression on our tour. All they talked about was C-sections, and then hurried us out. When I vocalized that I plan to go natural, they offered no information or reassurance that they support that and instead, talked more about c-sections. Turns out they have a 30% c-section rate. At this point I wish I had explored my options further.
If I'm negative for GBS, I'm laboring at home as long as possible, and hopefully will get into the hospital just in time to push baby out.

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"lexirunner" wrote:

I got a really bad first impression on our tour. All they talked about was C-sections, and then hurried us out. When I vocalized that I plan to go natural, they offered no information or reassurance that they support that and instead, talked more about c-sections. Turns out they have a 30% c-section rate. At this point I wish I had explored my options further.
If I'm negative for GBS, I'm laboring at home as long as possible, and hopefully will get into the hospital just in time to push baby out.

Oh, suck! Yeah, if I were you I'd be staying home until the last possible minute too. Maybe it is even worth changing practices at the last minute if there is a more NCB-friendly hospital around? I know that can feel too crazy toward the end though.

I've checked in with the 2 midwives recently actually (I suddenly had this realization that I wanted a homebirth a few weeks ago and decided to try again just in case) and both are still booked. I did my research and I know that there are only 3 in my area (there are a few more several hours away, but I know my labor is likely to go too fast for a midwife who is that far away). At this point, I feel like I need to just stick to the plan, it's too much ruckus to try and change now, and DH isn't totally on board with the homebirth thing anyway. I think he was secretly relieved when I couldn't find a midwife.

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I'm right there with you, completely! If you don't have the resources available it might as well not even be an option. I have friends 2 hours away that get to have homebirths, not legally granted but they still at least have mw's to choose from. I have 1 midwife in the entire area that does underground hb's and she recently had a baby and isn't doing births right now Sad I was heartbroken when I heard it. not that I even had a chance to "interview" her and had I not liked her it would've been the end of the line anyway but still..... When you only have 1 midwife, there's no choice, there's no options, it makes me sick and very sad. This baby is our last and I just can't picture having him/her in the hospital, every time I think about my birth I'm at home because I don't want to leave!